My 13 month old DD is so uninterested in nursing these days. I only feed moring and at bedtime, but she takes very little, and always seems like less and less. Im not ready to stop! She is my last baby, I wanted to BF till she was 18 months :( She drinks goats milk in the day, and after she nurses in the am and pm. Is there something I can do? My milk supply is way down, I feel empty though she still guzzles when it lets down, at least most of the time. Any suggestions, or should I just let her give it up? she's also losing interest in the pacifier, which is good, but I hear of women struggling to get baby to give these things up, how come my baby is so opposite?
Im not sure if its a true self weaning, she always takes the breast, but I think she expects them to be "full" which sometimes especially in the a.m., they are. She started biting months ago, and lately has finally stopped that. She doesnt look for the breast & I never force it... but still would like to her have the nutrients & immune boost from my milk. Of course when I bottle feed, I hold and cuddle her just the same, even tilt her in towards the breast & we have wonderful snuggles. I just have this "18 months is best for her" in my head, and really wanted to meet that goal. Maybe there is a way to increase my milk?
My daughter self-weaned at 11 months and there was no changing her mind! I felt a little sad, too, because she was my one and only and I had enjoyed breastfeeding so much. But each new age and phase they go through gives us something new to enjoy!
Self-weaning is self-weaning.
My son, self-weaned from breast at about 1 year old.
When I put him to breast, he would literally, scream and slap my boobs away and try to get off me.
He was done.
But I did have ample milk still.
He was just done.
He was my last child too.
My youngest.
Your child is trying to wean. Sadly, it's HER choice. She has decided she is done. Why deter her from a milestone of her choosing, because you don't want to give it up? It will become a battle and frustrate her. That's not fair.
My son self weaned before I thought I'd quit also. But really, it was a blessing in many ways. It was so easy. Of course, since it was baby driven, my son was not traumatized at all by the experience. And I had no painful symptoms whatsoever due to the gradual nature of his self-weaning. It was all just really natural and easy. I think that you can feel good about the time you've had breastfeeding, and then move on to feeling good about the natural progression toward weaning that your daughter is leading. Let it happen.
Best wishes.
Aw - I am sorry - back in Oct. I was posting similar messages. I got a lot of conflicting messages - people telling me it was "time" and others telling me "certainly babies don't self-wean until at lease 20 months." So, I tried everything I could think of: different positions, different locations (to forget about distractions), wearing her, skin-to-skin, etc. etc. The very last time she nursed was when she turned 10 months and I cried a number of times and was very sad. I still miss nursing - but there was a grief period! Best of luck to you.
I know it's so hard emotionally to be done breastfeeding, even if it isn't your last baby. She is giving you signs that she's done, so I wouldn't force it. Enjoy the last few sessions and be proud of what you did for 13 months! As many breastfeeding moms say, you know it's time to stop when either you or the child is ready. As hard as it is, your daughter is ready.
I am truely sorry that you are not ready. I totally feel your pain. (I had to stop nursing due to a broken shoulder, and wasn't ready either) I know you feel cheated that you may not be able to meet your predetermined date, but try to look at it this way. You are raising a strong, independent child that is making a milestone decision on her own. How awesome is that!! Good job mama!!!
I feel for you. This must be a tough and bitter sweet time. Just be careful not to create an unhealthy relationship. I don't want to sound harsh but nursing is not about you, it's about them. I understand where you are coming from and though it would be lovely for your child to nurse longer you really need to take her cue. Definitely keep offering, at least until 18 mo for immune and nutritional benefits but ultimately, it's not healthy to put your emotional needs on your child. Chances are she'll remain a light nurser for a while yet. And things like rocking before bed, reading stories and singing lullabies all snuggled up together will remain for a long time yet. If you're still unsure and feel it might be due to some issue, try a La Leche League meeting. Those women are very sweet and supportive with a lot of experience and insight. Hope it all works out.
All you can really do is offer. She may not be TRYING to wean. She may just be full or distracted at the times you are trying to feed her. Maybe nurse before dinner, or feed dinner earlier. Maybe nurse midmorning instead of first thing? Change up her schedule and see what happens. I think it is unusual to self-wean at that age. I nursed for 13 and 18 months respectively. With my older daughter, she did essentially stop asking, but I also stopped offering. When she didn't ask one night I didn't think much of it, but she never asked again. I wish I had offered, but thought I was doing what was best for her. I think I should have tried to keep it going a bit. You can't force it, but you can definately encourage it.
The milestones with the "last one" are hard to deal with sometimes! I burst into tears when my husband took our large aquarium cradle swing to Goodwill -after cursing it being in my way for months after the youngest quit using it! I know it can hurt, but so often our children don't make a bad choice -they just don't make the one that we want them to make. If she's ready -then she's ready.
Just continue to offer. But if she is ready to wean, then she's ready to wean and you can force her. Substitute that nursing time with lots of cuddles.
My son pretty much self-weaned at 14 months. I tried to look at it as a positive. It was no struggle at all which made it easy for the both of us. Now, I was ready to stop, but still sad when I realized it was really over. Its ok to be sad about it, but it might be easier on both of you to stop now when she's ready.
keep offering. Make it something she looks forward to, something fun which (obviously) only you and she get to do. They get busy and wrapped up in their playtime, but if she's still nursing morning and night, it sounds pretty good to me!
My daughter began to self wean around 16 months, and I too was convinced to make it to 18 months for some reason. I also had lots of people telling me babies never self-wean before 18-20 months. I continued to try and nurse her (although only once a day at that point), and made it to 18 months. However - in retrospect it really wasn't worth it. By the time she stopped it had become a negative thing. At 18 months I would offer her every evening like normal, but let her decide instead, and she always said no (very emphatically too I might add!)
I should have listened to her from the beginning instead of fighting her for 2 months. I know it probably isn't what you want, but as I learned - it definitely isn't all about what we want after all! Good luck!
Please don't get so worried - this age its natural for them to put breastfeeding on the back burner - you would too if you could suddenly walk by yourself, explore things you couldn't before, and are learning so many things. This is a phase and as long as you continue to offer the breast at times when they are sleepy and calmer - you will weather this stage just fine. They pick back up nursing 2-3 times a day (from 1-2 mainly overnight and first thing in morning) around 18-22 months - if allowed.
You aren't empty - so don't worry about that, your milk will be on the lower end of demand - but definitely still there. When she starts back to nursing more your supply will quickly follow her lead. Isn't a woman's body amazing??!!
If she is done, she is done - I really don't see the point of trying to keep encouraging it. She will be fine. Just let nature take it's course. Sometimes kids have their own ideas of how they want things that don't always jive with our expectations as parents. Letting her wean now will not harm her in any way.
I had one baby who self-weaned early and I felt utterly rejected by her and then felt extra guilty later on that I was so immature and couldn't accept her decision.
So, J., it can be a sad but thankfully short process when you're not ready. But you are obviously a loving and nuturing mommy for her to show signs of independence already. It's definitely time to let it go and move on to books and music and cuddling and baths. Good luck.
