16 Year Old Step Daughter? - Springfield,IL

It was very important to my older daughter that she pick the doctor. She took our insurance card, went online to see which doctors were available, researched the doctors, picked one, and made her own appointment. She drove herself, my contribution, the copay.

I think it is important that she be part of the process. It is serious and she needs to be comfortable. To me it was important that she knew she could discuss anything with the doctor and I not know.
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Did want to add said daughter did not have sex until she was 19. I think that is due in part to her making and owning her own decisions.

She's 16, just say she needs to start seeing a woman's doctor and get checked annually like all women do.

I know, I say that so easily. I'm already freaking out because my daughter is 9 and people were talking about training bras the other week.

Parents, just have to quit worrying about embarrassing their children or them being embarrassed about talking about sex with each other.

You must be honest about what you are hoping your children will or will not do.
In this day and age it is life and death.

HPV.. is a terrible way to die. It is a cancer.
It is so easy to have shots.

Condoms are way cheaper and easier to deal with than ending up with herpes for the rest of your life. Yes, Girls and guys should have condoms.. Do not depend on anyone for birth control except yourself.

And Birth control comes in so many forms.. if a young woman is not good at remembering to take pills, be honest and talk with a doctor about the best option..

My mom told me, she really hoped I did not have sex before I was married. This was when I was a young teen. She told me it was a very emotional thing to deal with.. and at such a young age, I would probably have some regrets.

BUT, if I was going to become sexually active to please get birth control. She would be willing to take me to the doctor. Or I could go on my own.

She also asked me what were my goals..

I had these same conversations with our daughter.
She said she wanted to go to college up east.

She wanted to be able to travel. I asked her, where would you like to travel?

She wanted to have a apartment. I asked her, how would you decorate it? What colors would the walls be?

She had all of these plans. Then I asked her. And what would you do with a baby if you got pregnant before you got to do all of this?
She just stopped and looked at me. She said I would be heartbroken. It would mess all of my plans up/ I said what are you going to do to make sure you do not get pregnant. She said she was going to make good choices.

I told her no matter what were to happen we would always be there to help.. But if she wanted to meet her goals and dreams, to keep all of this in mind.

In this day and age it is life and death.

HPV.. is a terrible way to die. It is a cancer.
It is so easy to have shots.

Condoms are way cheaper and easier to deal with than ending up with herpes for the rest of your life. Yes, Girls and guys should have condoms.. Do not depend on anyone for birth control except yourself.

And Birth control comes in so many forms.. if a young woman is not good at remembering to take pills, be honest and talk with a doctor about the best option..

Just have these conversations over time. The more you make it normal the easier it will become. SEX is not shameful. It is just as important as anything else in our lives. If we act like it is matter of fact, your children will be able to speak with you..

http://www.cnn.com/2013/04/26/opinion/bolan-sexual-health...

If you have a close relationship, ask her! But I would recommend in a letter or something. I was VERY shy and would not have wanted to have a face-to-face discussion with my mom about this.

If she is (even if she says she is not), it is VERY important for her to understand that there are serious DISEASES that she can get. So birth control pills don't stop everything. Talk about HPV and some other common ones. Or send her to a good quality website since, again, she may not want to talk to you directly but you DO want her to get correct info and there is too much misinformation on the web.

Don't assume she is having sex though. Trust your instincts, but also look at the child. When I was young I made a commitment to myself to not have sex and stuck to it. I was very upfront with boys about it is things got serous (not that there were too many, I WAS very shy, but there were some very respectful boys!). Talk with her about this too. About respecting herself and not doing anything to jeopardize plans she has for the future.

She probably is having sex and been lucky so far. I'd make sure and tell her if she wants to go on birth control the doc can't even ask you if it's okay, all she has to do is say she wants it and he will supply it to her.

But if you have an open relationship she may need to learn how to take it correctly, make sure she understands if she misses even one day she could still end up pregnant plus birth control can fail.

If you don't really want to talk to her about this and open that "can of worms" then let the doc do it. Their visit is completely confidential and he cannot talk to you about it. So she needs to feel completely comfortable in visiting with them about everything.

What's your intent with the appointment? To get her on birth control? The doc will NOT be able to tell you if she's sexually active - doctor/patient confidentiality.

Not sure how she develops a relationship with the doc before "the time comes." Is this going to be like a meet & greet?

I guess just tell her what you've told us - you want to get her in to meet the doc so she is more comfortable "when the time comes."

Consider birth control. I hate to rely on them using condoms.

Flaming turnip has a good idea. That she needs her own doc so she is not afraid you will hear anything.

That's the only problem you see with a 16 yr old having sex?

Clearly you need to have a frank discussion about sex NOW. I don't know about a "relationship" with a gynecologist...I never had one until I had a baby. I believe that a woman usually has an annual pap after she becomes sexually active. Hence, the conversation. But, has she had the HPV vaccination? Is she having annual physical exams with a pediatrician? Some of this will be covered by that doctor. At my daughter's last exam (she's 14) the doctor met with her, without me, for part of the exam. So before you rush to the gynecologist I'd take her to a pediatrician for an exam and talk that doctor for guidance. Your step daughter needs a woman to talk to regardless of how shy she is and you're that person. My daughters' get squeamish about sex talk but I push through it and give them the information regardless. They will remember it.

I would suggest treating it as a milestone, just like learning to drive, going to prom, etc. Don't make the situation a big deal and it won't be weird for anyone. Just tell the truth that going to the OB/GYN every year is something women need to do to maintain their health and that anything she chooses to discuss with the doctor is confidential. Let her know that you respect her as a young almost adult and will work with her to make sure she is comfortable with the doctor (meaning you may go in to meet the doctor with her, but then step out when it's time for her exam or to discuss personal issues). I would stress that it is important that she be 100% honest with the doctor. Good luck!