18 Month Old Check up and Mother in Law

You need to tell your mother-in-law to mind her own business. As a physician I can tell you that reaching developmental milestones has ABSOLUTELY NOTHINIG TO DO WITH PARENTING!!! Short of putting a child in a dark closet for the first three years, there is nothing that a parent can do to delay the aquisition of developmental milestones - it is a central nervous system maturation thing. On the other hand, if there is a problem you may be able to help it along but occupational or physical therapy as a way to exercise or train the brain but this has nothing to do with whether or not you work outside the home! Good luck. You should tell your husband how her attack (that's what this is) is making you feel and he should stick up for you with her.

T.-
Hate to be blunt but tell your monster in law to get over herself! Don't even think about doing anything to just please her. You are a big girl- this is YOUR family. I'm sure your daughter is very well loved and will be just fine whatever comes her way. Do not let you Mother in law make you 2nd quess your role as a mother. I would ask your husband to step into your corner a little and for him to put her in her place- a place as a grandmother, that's it. This is his job to do. It is always easier for the in-law to give trouble to the spouse. The fact that you are a working woman is a decision your family has made together and he needs to let her know that. Good luck!

Children develop at different rates and unless there is a drastic difference...which obvoiusly there isn't...I believe you are right.
Does your mother-in-law live nearby? It may be time to "cut some strings". What does your husband say about all of this? Is he an only child or perhaps a "momma's boy"? Maybe his mom needs to get a life of her own......find a hobby other than the one she has--putting her down. Don't know for sure, but I imagine this didn't start all of a sudden since this check-up.
You have to do what is right for you and for your baby. If you quit your job just to make her happy, it won't. There will always be something else and then where are you going to draw the line. It only gets worse and makes life really miserable....speaking from experience. Stick to your guns, believe in yourself and enjoy your child.

I think you are going to have to let this one go. It sounds like no matter what you do she is going to have an opinion on it and I don't think if you stay home it would help with her. It would probably just make it worse because she would know she could call you anytime and she knows that, just like a child testing you, if she makes a big enough deal out of something you will listen. I think she is preying on your feelings of not staying home anyway and of your daughter's increased therapy. You are right to not be that worried about a developmental assesment. All toddlers learn differently. Sometimes I wish we didn't have these "guidlines." I am sure you are a good mommy. Especially if you are on this board for advice and to help others! We can all only do the best with the cards we are dealt. Maybe with her you'll have to filter what she does and doesn't know.

I am sorry that you are having to deal with this situation.
Have an honest conversation with your husband. Ask him if he feels the same way his mother does. If he does, this could be bigger. If not, ask him what he thinks the relationship between you and his mother should be, and what his role is in that. Let him figure out (with guidance from you) that he needs to back you up in this.
My husband is a full-time student studying to become a pastor, and many people in the family and outside the family think I am doing something horrible by not staying at home. What they fail to realize is that by my working, I enable him to study full-time. You need to decide what is right for you. You and your husband need to be on the same page. And when those two criteria are met, you need to let the rest of the world think what they will, because ultimately, you are the mommy.

Hi T., Your mother in law need to BUTT OUT OF YOUR BUSINESS!! Not to be rude, i'm sure that she means well and all, but now days you almost HAVE to be a two income family just to survive. YOu don't have to justify your car to her. You may have to take her aside and tell her that you do appreciate her ideas but this is the decision that YOUR AND YOUR HUSBAND have made and leave it at that. You should not have to leave your job just to keep her happy. You do what ever is best for your family. Does SHE want to be come the full time babysitter?? OR does she want to help support your family?? Most likely not. Be firm and direct with her. I'm sure she means well, but this is NOT her place. Good luck!!!

First of all - I'm sorry that you have to deal with your Mother-in-law's attitude towards you and your child. I certainly hope that your husband is sticking up for you when she is saying these things. He should be the one to tell her to lay off of you - and/or just not tell you when she says something - it doesn't make you feel any better. I don't know that I would confront her unless you have a good relationship with her. You are doing the best that you can - and most likely if you were a SAHM mom she would have the same things that she is lacking in. DO NOT quit your job just because your mother-in-law is giving you hell - you do what's best for you, your child and family! Good luck!!

Hello T.,

You are doing the best you can for your baby, and she will be fine. Babies develop at different rate, and every kid is different. If there is something about your little girl, do not worry too much, just follow her pediatrician instructions and things will be OK. I am a stay-home-mom, but I do not think at all, that this is your fault because you are working out of the house; these things happen to many moms working or not, so do not feel guilty about it. Kids go through so many things in their life and it is normal, just be there in the way you can, and keep being positive to help your child.Love her and keep the quality time you can share with her, if you have to work,you have to work that is.
Even when it is very difficult to deal with a mother in law like this, just ignore her when she blames you or say something annoying that won't help anyway, you don't have to be disrespectful, just listen and say nothing. Then, talk to your husband if you can talk to him and tell him about this situation. I don't know your husband, but if he does not understand you and stick to his mother instead, just don't say anymore, you already will know that you have to follow the doctor's instructions and suggestions and do what you can do for your little girl. I say this because I do know how hard is to have a mother in law who criticizes everything I do, and she is always after me looking for mistakes, that is most of my in-laws..it is sad and hard to deal with that, so I made the decision to listen and ignore and do not argue anything with them because I don't need to add more stress to my life and give them the chance to win and putting me down. They are the family of my husband, so I cannot change that. Happily, he understands me and is very supportive because he knows his family.
I wish you the best, and take care of yourself and your little precious..Keep your smile and your diplomacy..Kindness is power, you'll see.
Alejandra

It is really none of her business. The first thing that you need to do is have a very long talk about all this with your husband. He needs to understand how much she is upsetting you. My husband has a very friendly relationship with his mother - one where they talk daily about all the little things in life, in short, he tells her everything that goes on in our house (outside the bedroom ;)! And yet, when I mention certain things to my mother, he gets upset with me?! I have had to learn to remind him about specific issues that I don't want him to share with his mom AND I have also had to learn to completely ignore her when she talks about how she did this or that "the right way" 35 years ago with her sons. And finally, maybe if she is so concerned, she could volunteer to be your free babysitter for the child while you are at work and spend all the quality time she needs to to fix what you have made "wrong" by working. Good luck!

It is not her business. T., this is a perfect time to get early intervention for your little girl. If you live in MO, there is a free program called First Steps for children from birth to 3 years old. Contact your school district to get in touch with Parents as First Teachers. The developmental check is a good idea, but if it kcost you, look into First Steps. If your daughter needs help in any deveopmental area, services will be provided free, from Physical Therapy - Developmental teacher, Occupational Therapy and Speech Therapy. Illinois also has this type of Program. Maybe this is where you are being referred. Contact me personally if you have more questions. ____@____.com. I am a Speech therapist myself, and have worked in the First Steps Program. Sincerely, G.