HELP With the In-laws!

W.,
First of all Kudo's to you for finishing your schooling, while being a wife & mother. I know it can't be easy.
Stick to your guns about your college ed. You have your husbands approval and support. He's the one you are married to, not your in-laws. I wouldn't worry too much about the tension. This could become a control issue. If you and your husband give in now to their pressure, you will only have to deal with it again over some other issue.
While in theory it would be great if you could be a stay home mom, everyone needs a safety net. Education is a great one, especially for a woman. If for some reason (God forbid) you were to lose your husband, how would you support your child. A woman with only a h/s ed. does not have that many options open to her.
God bless you and your family. You will be in my prayers.
Sheilea T.

Tell you in-laws to back off. It's not their decision and you're not going to change your mind. Why would they think that they have anything to do with it? If your husband and you agree on it then they should just accept it. I'm sorry but your mother-in-law sounds like a controlling &*#)$. I don't think I can say what I'm thinking on here. It really ticks me off when women think that other women shouldn't be educated. That's absolutely idiotic, what century does she think we live in? Stand up for yourself and the next time they try to say anything to you tell them to shut their mouths. I think that you're an amazing person to have h 7 month old child at 18, and be married and be going back to school! Don't they realize how amazing that is?! At this point in time when I was 18 the biggest decision I had to make was what I was going to wear to prom. You are amazing.

W.:
First off I commend you!!! You may be 18 but you sound wise beyond your years and you also sound like a fantastic mother trying to do the best thing for your son and continue your education. This will set a great example for him when he is older. I am a stay-at-home mom getting my master's and it is MUCH harder to get an education now with 3 kids (ages 10, 7, and 3) than it would have been if I did it at your age with one. You keep it up and don't let anyone change your mind.
If it were me...I would politely tell them that you appreciate their concern but this is your decision and you have made it and you wish they would respect it. The sooner you put your foot down - the sooner they will get off your back. You can do it in a polite way and get your point across. You are not doing anything wrong by asking them to stop and support you. If they cannot do that then they are doing something wrong.
Being a stay-at-home mom is not for everyone and you know what is best for your family. Be proud of yourself.
Best wishes!!

An education is so important -- as others have said, there is no guarantee that your husband will always be there to support you and your son. Every woman needs to skills/education to make it on her own if she needs to. You can spread it out a little, not take as many classes at once, but you definitely should go to college! I would suggest your husband tell his mother that this is how it is going to be! I am wondering, who is going to take care of your baby while you are in class? Is it your MIL? If so, that may be the problem, she may feel "put upon". All the best to you! It is so refreshing to hear of a young woman like yourself who wishes to better herself and make sure she can support her baby.

Hi W.,
I just wanted to offer you some encouragement. First, I would like to congratulate you on your marriage and new baby. I know it must be difficult to hear the messages you are receiving from your in-laws. As a university professor, I believe pursuing a higher education degree is very positive regardless of whether you choose to be a stay at home mom or a working mom (I admire both stay at home moms as well as working moms. I believe deciding to stay home or work is really a decision a couple must make together). You mentioned that your husband is supportive of your college plans and that you are determined to fulfill your goals. I don't know your in-laws or enough about your situation to offer solid advice. However, perhaps there is a way to explain that you appreciate their concern, but that you and your husband need to make your own decisions regarding what's best for the two of you and your child. If they are not receptive, then that's really their problem to deal with! I would just encourage you to not give up!
J.

I am not sure how to deal with the in-laws, other than to say that they should respect your decisions and keep their noses out of your business. Don't let them get to you, just concentrate on taking care of yourself, your son and your husband...that is all that matters. What I really wanted to say is, go to school. You will never regret it. You will make things better for your family in the long run by getting your education now. I did not go to school until I was 42, and the one thing I regretted was that I had not done it twenty years earlier. I could have had a much easier life if I had had an education at an earlier age. I love my job now! Do what is best for you, get the education you desire and enjoy your family. Maybe when all the in-laws see how important it is to you, they will stop bugging you about it. Good luck.

Go to school. Don't let anything or anyone change your mind. Ever women should be able to better her education or anything else they would like to do. I was a stay at home mom until my children reached middle school and now I am happily working as a 3rd grade teacher because I did finish college. There will come a time that you would regret not doing what you wanted to do. follow your heart and do the smart thing and get in as much schooling as you can. You never know what the future will bring.

I have similar in-laws. It can be difficult to stomach having someone differ in viewpoints that is so close to you. Especially when you are making such a huge decision! (And the best one in my opinion!) If they balk about it, I would tell them that you respect their opinion, but you are doing what is right for your son and family. If they continue to comment on it, just politely tell them that you have made up your mind, and that you really need their support, but you can do it without their approval. IF your husband is encouraging you, there is nothing to worry about. HE will stand beside you, and they will see that you made thr right decision. BE prepared for it to take a while to sink n with them, but don't waiver.

You don't want to be stuck in a minimum wage position for the rest of your life, and college opens up SO many options! If you do consider staying home though, I would say still pursue a degree, any degree! I completed my bachelor's degree completely online, and still got to stay home with my two boys. However, while their opinion is valuable, it is not their family, it is yours. You make the decisions about what is right for you, your husband, and that precious boy. Good luck, girl. In-laws....geez. :)

W. - it sounds to me that you KNOW what you want to do. If anyone has opinions counter to yours, just do the "smile and nod" move. Go "Uh-huh!" or some other neutral little sound to let them know you have heard what they said, but you don't have to justify what you do to ANYBODY. It's none of their business.

I know that probably right now it is hard because everyone probably sees y'all still as "kids". And you may still feel like one a little (I just turned 38 and still feel like one sometimes, LOL), but trust me you are a grown woman with a family and you sound like you know the best and smartest thing to do.

Follow your heart and what you know to be right for you!

Hi! I am 21 with a 9 month old. My mother-in-law has changed since I had him but in a way I understand what you're going through. I suggest you keep and open mind about what they are telling but without letting them convince you of doing something you know your heart is not telling you to do. If college is what your family needs you to do-do it. If not-then don't. No one knows but you.

W.,

Go to SCHOOL. It's your responsibility to make your life all it can be. Just change the subject with the in-laws, etc. If that doesn't work, let it go in one ear and out the others. Two years is a short time. It will pass quickly. If the in-laws, etc cannot understand that, well it's their problem not yours. I know it is hand to tune people out and overlook them, but it can be done. I speak from personal experience. Sometimes you have to do what you have to do to be able to make the future what you want it to be. MY BEST ADVICE: Find a child care giver (not the in-laws) that you can above all TRUST and be comfortable knowing your son is getting the best care. Good Luck and God Bless!

Good for you!!! I wish you luck throughout school! As far as your in-laws go. Just keep telling them that there is nothing they can do. You are going to school to make a better life for your family. As long as you have the suport from your husband, tell his family to stay out of it. well, as nicely as possible. hehe. It's not their life. It makes you feel REALLY good when you get something like school accomplished when you have a famliy. Just stick to your guns and they will come around sometime. Good Luck!!

Hi W., I also went christian school and am an x-ray tech. I am the mother of three and have worked all the while. I know that being home with the children is the best, however that is not always possible. You are right when you say if you don't go on to college now, you never will. I wanted to continue my education but was unable to once I started working and got used to the second income. Your husband should handle this situation with his family. My husband & I have made this a priority in our family. If his family trys to force their views on us, he loving tells his family to "mind their own business". It is our turn to raise our family to the best of our ability. You might also let his family know that you are planning for the future (i.e. private school, college, ect) and that if you don't learn a trade, you will not be able to support your child should something happen(God forbide) to your husband. If he is the sole provider and you can't earn a decent living alone, you and your child will be in trouble. Let your husband handle this if he will. If he won't, try to talk to the in-laws in a loving way. In the end the decision is yours and your husbands.
Good LucK!!

Bravo!!! You keep going with YOUR dreams. As long as your husband has your back...you keep going and never look back. It's for the future of your family not theirs. You do as you see fit. Stand your ground and don't worry if you step on their toes. I'm not saying that you have to be disrespectful to his family but you can let them know tactfully to back off.

Hi W.,

I was a young mother once upon a time also. I put away my hopes and dreams of going to college because we simply could not afford it. After 2 children and a divorce later, I was still working in a low paying job going no where. After meeting up with my high school sweetheart again, we got married, had a baby together, and started a beautiful life together. He gave me the confidence boost I needed to quit my job and begin Radiology school. It was 2 years in a hospital based program. My youngest was 7 months old when I started. It was the best thing I have ever done. Now I have a great CAREER (not just a job) that pays well. There are a vast amount of opportunities as an R.T. (CT, MRI, Nuclear Medicine, Cath Lab, Angiography, Radiation Therapy etc...). My job as an R.T. has also allowed me the opportunity to follow another dream of opening my own beautiful consignment boutique. I guess I said all of that to say this...Don't let any one crush your dreams. You can do anything or be anything that you want! If certain people are not encouraging of your dreams, then you must distance yourself from their negativity. Don't put your dreams on hold for others. If you do, you may never find your way back to them (it took me nearly 10 years). Go for it! Good luck in Radiology! Maybe I'll see you around.

W.-
Hi, I've been where you are! I was married at 18 and had my 1st son right after I turned 19. I, too, was determined to go to college, but also wanted to stay at home with my son (plus we couldn't afford childcare).My husband, thank God, is older than I am and was able to financially support us and I stayed at home with my son during the day and went to school in the evening when my husband got home. I took classed from about 5-9pm 3 nights a week and didn't have to put my son anywhere until he was about 19 months when I started nursing school and then, he was at the school my husband worked at. I didn't put him in a daycare until he was 3 and only for 3 days a week. I graduated with my RN at 22 (a 2 yr degree, but it took me 4 yrs) and was 4 months pregnant with my daughter at graduation. I am now 26 with 3 children, 7, 3, and 14 months and have my RN and although I am choosing to still stay home, I have the option to work nights or weekends and CAN make a decent income. I hope this helps you and know that you can do whatever you put your mind on! I hope that your husband supports you like mine did and knows that even though it will be really hard and busy it will provide a better future for all of you. The time will pass either way and at the end you will either have your degree or not have it. Good luck!!

Hello W.,

I just wanted to applaud you for your determination in finishing school in the midst of getting married and having a baby. Those are some of the most stressful situations that anyone can encounter and it seems like you are tackling them all at one time. It is a shame that your inlaws are adding to that stress. My basic opinion is that if you and your husband agree on your continuing your education then to heck with what anyone else thinks. If they are not supporting you financially, then they do not get a vote!!! I actually have a bachelor's degree in Radiologic Technology (Nuclear Medicine). When my son was born I went part-time so that I could spend more time with him. I feel that this is a really good career field for people that want to work and have a family. The schedules are very flexible and the pay is good. Some hospitals even have insurance benefits for part-time employees. Best of luck in whatever you decide to do, it seems like you have a great head on your shoulders.

As long as you and your husband are ok with you going to school it is none of your in laws business. You should sit your mother in law down and just let her know you have no intention of neglecting your family and you have to give school a try or you may regret it later. Let her know you love her and hope she will support your decision enough to sit back and help babysit if you need her. Good luck.

W.,
just go on about your business and don't pay any attention to your in-laws...you are not married to them, you are married to their son...you do not have to have their permission to go to college.i wouldn't share my plans with them...they don't get it..it is fine for a mother to stay at home with her children, if she wants to do that, but you will be so glad that you had the opportunity to make the decision for yourself.....i have a daughter that is 33 and she is back in college, works a full time job,has a husband and three children.....she does great...and i am so proud of her...good luck....i wish you all the best...

You must be a beautiful person. You can't please everyone. When you marry--you and your spouse become one. If he supports your decision that is all that matters. Be kind to you inlaws. Try to avoid bringing up the subject. Perhaps that would be difficult if they are providing babysitting. But stay the course. Your prize is at the endof school. Believe that they mean well and think they are right. It may be tough to go to school and take care of a family, but believe me--it comes out good for all your sacrifices.
Signed a 57 year old, married 37 years, two children and a lovely home and at peace with inlaws--even though they bugged me sometime. I have never tried to get them to see my point of view. Didn;t think it was necessary. I made my hubby my king.

Ignore the in-laws if you want to go to school then go.

I also applaude you on your career choice. I am a mother of 2 and a full time X-ray tech.

I will tell you if you can get a job in a hospital many of them will help pay for school. The American Society of Radiolgic Technologist also offers Scholarships. Their website is www.asrt.org

Good luck, and I hope this helps.

I was a stay at home Mom and I don't regret a minute of it. After I got my children through school I went back to school and became a nail technician, doing what I have always wanted to do. YOu didn't Marry your in laws, so go with how your husband feels and that he can handle with you. That's all that matters.

Just be blunt and tell them this is what you have decided and this is what you will do and if they do not like it then someone should volunteer to keep the child for you so you wont have to pay daycare..LOL!!I feel the same way about my in laws,,always trying to bring me down,,I would rather be hated for the person I am ,than to be loved for the person I am NOT!!If they care they WILL get over it.Its your life honey!!You make your bed You lay in it .Thay dont have to!!!good luck and keep me posted!!!

You go!! I am a stay at home mom who works part-time at night. I know it is tough. Luckly I have a great husband who loves me and our kids so he is willing to help me out so I can keep my sanity and stay at home during the day with all 6 of our wonderful children. I say stick to your guns and you do what you feel you must to make a better life for you and your family. The in-laws can say whatever they wish. It is up to you and you husband to make it work. We live in such a different time period then our parents did. To make it work these days, sometimes both parents must work. And your willing to do go to college and make a better life for your family should say alot to his family about what kind of a person you are. That no matter what family comes first. That should show them you are a strong and motivated person who loves your son and husband to the ends of the earth. And will do what it takes to make a better life for all of you. If they can't see that, I am sorry. Some people are stuck "back in the day". When it was ok for mom to not work and dad to make all the money. But times have changed so much since then. They need to wake up and pay attention. Reach for your goals and hit your mark. And when you can send your son to the best school and give him the best of everything just remember how much you worked to do and feel good about it. No matter what anyone says- you are doing a great job. Keep it up!!

I can understand what you are going through. The fact is you have to put aside what your in-laws think, and listen to yourself. You have to stop worrying about them, because this is your life no theirs.You are correct it is much harder to make yourself go further in life. Just make the right decision for you. Also, I commend you for getting your diploma, and wanting to continue your education.

those programs are usually more like 3-4 years. you should know. 2 years for prerequisites, 1-2 years for the actual program depending where you go. i went back to school when my son was a year old, and passed him back and forth with my hubs. if you're only going to school and he's going towork and you're passing the baby back in forth it's like you're both stay at home parents, only part time. i still consider myself a sahm even though i'm in school.

Do what you got to do.Make your life what you want it girl you are young do it honey.

W., LOADS of encouragement from this end! Being 18 and a mom, and finishing high school tends to derail your plans a bit, doesn't it?

Part of being a grown-up is that you will do some things differently from your parents and in laws. It isn't a slam on them but your life, and children are different.

My advice is to smile and nod, and say thoughtfully, "You know, you MAY be right." All they want is to know they are heard. So, listen, be nice, and then do what you want.

I run a homeschooling program if I can help you.

Best to you,
A.

Dear W., first and foremost (1) you sleep with your husband not you MIL (2) think of the respect your son will have for you and how they both will be for you trying to better yourself (3) what will you have when your son leaves the nest - what are you going to fall back on in your later years (being a stay at home mom is wonderful, but in todays market it does not pay retirement, insurance, groceries, dr. bills, etc (4) you owe it to yourself to better the situation now while your young (i waited until i was in my late 30's to go back to school. therefore i worked full time and had to go to school and finish raising my family - i wouldn't change it for the world because i love what i do now, LPN, but it was tough) (5) your husband and son (as well as the inlaws) will have a great opportunity to bond with your son (you will always have a bond with him and trying to better yourself will prove to your son how much you truely care for him).(6) your husband will respect you more and more everyday when he knows that you are interested in making things easier for him also, additional income comes in handy. Two years will fly by in no time at all (especially since your childs personality never really begins to evolve until until 3 years of age. age 1 and 2 are test the waters and still learning to manipulate himself. Go for it you may regret it in later years. love, M.

W., why can't you do both? There are so many people to go to school and are at home with their families as well. My opinion is that kids need their mother at home but if you feel that strongly that you need to go to school then just do both and if your in laws are concerned for the child then they will offer to watch him while you are at school. You are a mother first but you can also better yourself through school. Lots of people do it. Good Luck.

W., my suggestion is go for schooling. It will take some time away from your son so know that's going to be rough on you and the baby at times but you will work your schedule out I'm sure. Don't ever let anyone discourage you from furthuring your education. Go for it and worry about what the inlaws have to say.

J. <---Blue Star Mom and Proud Army Mom

if your husband supports to then that is all that matters.thing happen in life and you have to make sure you have somthing to fall back on. i am 26 and was suppose to go back to college last year and then i found out i was going to have my daughter in oct. i put it off because i was very stick during my few months. know i am the provider for our family and wont be able to go back for a while. so if you are given the chance do it. you know in your heart why you are doing this and if they cant understand then just let it be. i have been going off and on since i was 18. believe in yourself and make that step.

W., I was pretty much raised to be a mother and a wife, to stay home and take care of my family. While I do not regret that I did stay at home for many years, I say go to school. We never know what the future will hold for us. My husband at the time when my children were babies made a "real fine" income. We didn't struggle to make ends meet like most families with only one spouse working. My husband isn't here any more and it has been very hard because I did not have a formal education to fall back on. I say go to college for you and your baby. There may come a day when you wish that you did. That day might not come until you're 40 or 50 and then it's really hard to find the time and motivation to go back to school. I say stand up for yourself and GO. Our inlaws don't run your life although many try to. You will be happy that you went back to school. Your husband will be very proud of you when you do graduate, so will the rest of the family! Good luck hitting the books.

W., you and your husband decision is that yall decision. Take it from me, whatever makes you and your immediately family (you, your husband and your son)happy do it. Eventually everyone will get the hint and things will be just fine. You and your husband have to stay strong in your relation.

Dont let your in laws persuade you not to go to school. You are doing this for YOUR family and your self. Who cares what they think,everyone has their opinions. You are living for you and not them. You need to ask them a hypothetical question..what would happen if your husband was injured at work or worse? Are they going to pay your bills? While he is recoperating? or will they expect you to collect welfare? you need to watch out for your family, I am VERY prould of you for standing your ground. Dont forget your dreams, keep pushing on. Once they realize they aren't going to run YOUR life/family, they will give up and let you do what you think is in the best interest for your family. You better yourself, its your life. Best wishes.

Hey W.,
i have a daughter who got married when she was sixteen and has two daughters 2 and a month and a hlf old!!i would never discourage her from trying to better her life and the lives of her children!! There are alot of young women who wouldnt have taken on the responsibility of raising their children your in-lws should be proud of you and support you in this!!! I think you should go for it and show them you can be a mother,wife and have a career too!! Good luck and god bless you!!!

Hi! I know that your in-laws do not understand why you would choose to go to college. My advice to you is follow your gut feelings. You might try talking to them on the prospect of what would happen for some reason an accident happened and you husband was not here. You would end up raising your family by your self and if you had a college education you would be able to support your family alot better. My daughter is 25 and has 4 kids and is working and going to college now. Her husband is on disablaty since there wreck and he can not work. I think that you are doing the right thing. You have to put you first and one day your in-laws will be glad you made the choose to go to college. You have to live with the chooses you make. I went to counciling for 2 years and I learned that your the one that has to be happy. I say go and get your education now while you have the chance to better yourself. Don't let anyone tell you that you can't. As long as your husband stands behind you you will make a great Mom no matter what anyone thinks. I know that you will make the right choice. Be Happy and go for it. C.

hi my name is M. , look if your husband don't have any problem with you going back to school. then do it. The marriage is between you and your husband and his family. Because if they keep on interefering in your marriage it will never last. talk to your husband an tell him to speak to his family. that he agrees with you going back to school and that it is both of your decision. Also tell him to tell his parents that he loved them for raising him and giving him everything but it is time for them to cut the string and let him be a man, husband and father on his own. Because he needs to learn his own mistakes with family without the family interfering.

Hello W.,

Staying at home is a hard decision to make. I got married at 16, and I had my first child shortly before I turned 18. I quit school when I got married, and I got my GED shortly after my second child was born. I think it is really, really important to stay home with your child because it has such an impact on their life. I now have five children and recently started college. I attended school in the evening, so my husband would be with them. I have also taken classes online which is challenging and rewarding at the same time. Considering the highest grade I completed was 9th, and didn't go back to school for 10 years, I'm doing amazingly well, on the Honor Roll each semester. I certainly don't regret staying home with the kids and we have a great relationship because of it. If you are set on going to school right now, maybe consider a schedule that will allow you to be at home with your son, and take as many classes as you can online. Honestly, I would wait until your child starts school, and you can always continue to educate yourself in the meantime.

W., you have a good plan. You have chosen a good profession that will last you forever. Many of us have trouble with our in-laws and sometimes what works best is to just smile and say "I understand" "I hear you" or "I know what you mean." Just try not to involve yourself in the battle because it will only create bad relationship issues. When my mother in law says inappropriate things (every time I see her) I just ignore it and act as if it was never said.
Good luck and stick to your plan.

hi i am 25 and just had my first son. I am not married but my boyfriend and i have been together so long everyone just assumes. I go to college online, it is very difficult. I also work full time. You should speak to your inlaws (if they enjoy keeping the baby) making a grandma day during the week, the day you go to school if it is in the afternoon, that way they get to see the baby and you get classes. You will also have to stand up and just tell them that this is what you are doing and you would love their support. I had to. It was so hard to do but enough is enough and it is amazing how easy it is. My mother in law drove me crazy with all the precautions (don't touch my face to my baby's?) you get the picture. She is a germaphobe. good luck and let us know how it goes! Whatever you do, do not drop your dreams because you have a baby!

W.,

It's YOUR life! Your husband's family members were all afforded the opportunity to make their own decisions regarding their lives. As long as what you do is in the best interest of you and your family, you don't have to justify yourself to ANYONE. You should be commended for your ambition to succeed. Two years is not very long in the grand scheme of things, and even if things are tense for that time, you won't regret getting an education. Education is everything, and the life you will be able to help provide for your family will be well worth a little tension from out of line relatives. Good Luck!

You might need to have your husband talk to them. Let them know that you have nothing against their views, but it is not what you have in mind for your life. They cannot expect you to live one way just b/c they did. (I have had this problem with my in-laws and I have found that I really just have to distance myself from them because they tend to look down on others if they don't agree, even if it's none of their business.) Their only TRUE concern should be that you, your husband and child are happy and healthy. They don't want to pay for all of those extra expenses do they now?

I think your husband needs to tell his family that he supports your decision to attend school and enter the work force, and that that is final. He needs to tell them that this is a decision between the two of you and that what was right for them may not necessarily be right for y'all and your new family. If they should continue to bring it up he should repeat it and then change the subject. If your in-laws try to corner you without him around, smile sweetly and tell them that it is a personal decision between you and your husband and that it is not open for debate. If you let them bully you now on this, they'll continue to bully you on other subjects.

Since they're his parents, your husband really needs to be the one to tell them in no uncertain terms to back off.

If he won't, then you'll have to.

If they keep bringing it up after that, simply tell them that you have made your decision, it is not up for debate, and you are not having this conversation again, and walk away.

They are going to have to accept the fact that this is YOUR child, YOUR life, and YOUR decision, and the sooner they get used to the idea, the better off everyone will be. If you keep trying to explain/defend your decision to them every time they bring it up, it gives them the impression that they might convince you to change your mind.

you need to do what is best for you and your family. do not let tell you what is right for you, your husband and you son!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's so good that you have a goal. Do what you feel is right. There is maybe another option. Why can't you do both? Do you have to finish your degree in 2 years? Maybe you can stretch it out a little so you can be home with your son a lot and go to classes a few times a week and just have a baby sitter instead of day care. However,you shouldn't be doing anything for the wrong reasons. Tell your inlaws they can have their opinions but you should decide on what is best for YOUR FAMILY. Tell them it feels like the right thing in your life right now. They will eventually get used to the idea.
I also want to say that giving your son a "great life" is not just how much money you earn it's having his mom and dad's love and attention.
If it feels right and your husband supports you, go do what you need to do but make sure you give tons of extra attention to your son.

Look these people in the eyes and say, firmly and sweetly, that your mind is made up. Your husband supports your decision and this is the way it will be. There will be no more discussions. Smile and walk away. Do not get pulled into any more discussion battles on this subject and make sure that your husband backs you and lets his family know that it is a mutual decision for you to go to school. Then go to school and love your baby and husband. It won't be an easy road, but you can do it!

Hi W., I am also a young mommy. I got married and had my first child when I was 17. I am now 23 and we another child she is 10 months. My relationship with my in-laws, well my mother-in-law is not good. I was not what she wanted for her first born baby boy and I had a little girl and she always wanted a little girl and didn't. And believe me she was happy with us having a second child but was not happy with her being another girl. I am also going back to school this summer for a 2 year program to become a Physical Therapist Assistant. My husband and father-in-law (along with my family) are thrilled with me going back to school. They have wanted me to for years. My mother-in-law has said things to me and in not so many words that she does not really support me going to school, she does not think I can handle being a mommy, wife and going to school. The reason she is like this(and she does not know I know this) is because she fluncked out of college after 2 years and she was married to my father-in-law. They had my husband 4 years later. So if I go to school, graduate and become something, while being a mommy and wife then she will look really sad. So maybe your mother-in-law has some under lying reason for being unsupportive or then there is that she is just not nice.
I will tell you if your husbands family is giving you a hard time then he needs to explain to them that it is ya'lls life and what the two of you decide in your life and about your child is law. And remember that as long as you have the support of your husband than everyone else can go the hell. It is the two of you in the marriage and you have enough of an up hill battle with out trying to make your parent and your in-laws happy too. As long as you and your husband communicate and support each other then your marrige will be fine. Remember that! It's coming from someone that knows.
I know that being young makes it hard to know what is the right thing is but believe me it does not get any easier. And if you don't go to college you will regret it. I do, big time. My families life would have been easier if I had gone to college when I graduated from high school. I would have been done by now and I could have gotten my masters by now if I had gone to school years ago. I would love to have that now.
Life, has I have learned, is to short to regret, so make the most of the Life you have, except the results of your decisions and if you're not happy do what will make you happy because in the end you family is what matters and if you are not happy then they will suffer.
Okay I feel I have gone on long enough and I hope I have written something helpful. If not, sorry.
E.

Do consider doing both, as mentioned below. It's okay if you take a little longer to reach your goal and do a few classes at a time instead of a full load. It will cost less than day-care also, and you can still raise your son. You'll be ready to get a job about the time he's ready for school.

I agree with Shannon go girl. Get out there and go to college. If you don't try you will never know if you could have done it. Maybe after you get your degree you won't want to work but at least you accomplished that task for yourself and you will have the option to work if you want to. It might make things a little tense but they will get over it and if they don't who cares. This is about supporting you and your family and making sure that your child gets everything they need. If your husband supports you then that is all that matters.

Good for you! Don't let anyone stand in your way. It's YOUR life, not theirs. It's important to listen to their opinions and graciously thank them, but stand firm in your decisions. You have a long life ahead of you and you need to be prepared to support yourself and your child if something should ever happen to your spouse. It's even OK to get a good education and stay home, if that's what you like and can do. Rad. tech. is a great job that pays well for the short time you go to school. Your family may not always agree with your decisions, but if you are making good ones they will usually see your point sooner or (much) later. Maybe you could involve them in helping you with child care while you study?

Congratulations!! You are working so very hard to achieve some basic goals. I applaud you for your efforts and dedication. I realize you are in a difficult situation, but look at it this way..... Are your in-laws going to pay your bills, finance your children's education, provide life insurance, health insurance, etc, etc.? You and your husband have made a decision to stick this out and have your family and provide for that family. It would be great if he could speak to his family about your joint decision and tell them, politely, to "Back Off!!" One of the best fields to get into is the medical field, any part of it actually. I am an RN, now nationally certified in my field. I quit school in the middle of my junior year because I wanted to get married and have a family. I was married for 14.5 yrs, had 5 beautiful children, lost 2 sons at ages 3 mos and 6.5 yrs old, started college @ the age of 28 after getting a GED. Now 20 yrs later, I am an extremely
happy, satisfied, well respected, friend, nurse, mother, and grandmother of one beautiful/smart 35 mo. old grdtr. I am self sufficient, have life, health and dental insurance, a newer car and truck, groceries in my cabinet, my bills are paid on time, I have $$ in the bank, and can buy things I want, within reason. I am in the process of buying my 2nd new home on acreage after selling the first. I have now been divorced for 17.5 yrs, (it is a good thing!!) My kids are grown and productive in their lives too. It is OK to want more than the status quo!!, and to want to provide better for your family. Do NOT let anyone stand in your way on this, go with what you know is the right thing to do.
I wish you and your family the best in life and may God continue to bless you all!

I believe that you are thinking straight and I am proud of you that you want to better yourself. I recently had a friends husband go to Radiology school. His wife was there for him all the way. Have your husband explain to them that you both agree and want certain things in your life. And that you going to school is one of the things that will make you happy. And how it will make a better life for their grandchild, in the long run. What grandparent will turn away from helping their grandchild.
Stay srtong and don't let anyone take your dream from you.
S.

I applaud you that you have a good head on your shoulders. You are a married woman now with a baby, this is your life, not your in-laws, no one else. It wouldn't have made a difference if you were 28 or 38 and wanted to go to college. You do what YOU have to do, you are the only one living your life, not them. If they get tense or upset, that's their problem, they are going to have to deal with it and it's up to them if they want to stay upset or not. Don't let them talk you out of what to do or make you feel guilty because you made the decision to go to school after graduation. Do you know how many of us moms out here are proud of you? I'm one of them. You go girl and get on with your life, you're on the right path!

W.,
I really encourage you to continue with your decision. I feel your in-laws should not act this way. Everyone should encourage young people to do the best they can in the life today.Could your husband explain to them and maybe they would understand.I have family members I wish had the same idea as you. It breaks my heart to see young people not apply themselves while they are young. Do not let anyone discourage you!! This is the best time for you to do it,, then after you get your degree,, if you decide to have other children, you will have a good job to have support and go farther in life with success!!!
B.Sides Athens,Al

When I read your question, I couldn't help but flash back to when I was first married. I got married and had my first son when when I was 18 years old. I wanted to go to college so badly, I had done really well in high school and had always planned on it. Unfortunately, my in laws were very old fashioned and insisted on me staying at home with my son. They were so supportive and nice that I thought that they must be right. So I decided to stay home. Well, after two more years I decided thats it I am going to college! I tried so hard to get them to understand, and believe me these seemed so nice! But they would always want me to stay at home. I tried going to school, but because of all of the pressure I had to stop. I have managed to complete one full year of college, but I am now 25 years old with baby number 3 on the way, and I have no idea when I will ever be able to go back. My advice to go is this: GO! You don't have to make them understand, if they truly support you and love you then they will find a way to understand. If they trust your skills as a mother then they will know that you are making the best decision for your baby. Don't make the same mistake that I did, Don't worry at all about how your in laws feel, live your life! You can't please everyone, just do whats best for you and your family unit. If you ever need to chat, I am here.

I would sat down with them and explain why you when to go do school. I would then the plans you have to make sure your son is well care for. I would then let your husband explain why he agrees with you and that he is standing by you.

I am a stay at home mom of 3. I am 25 and had my first child my junior year in high school. I didn't go to college like I wanted to, I worked at wal-mart. Yes that paid what I needed it to pay because my son and I lived with my parents. Then his father left my senior year. So I continued to work so I could buy his things he needed. Then I meet someone and we are married and have 2 children together and since my third child I have stayed at home. I always wanted to go to nursing school and there is a nursing program here in town, I just never go because I feel like my kids are to use to me being home and wouldnt like it in daycare. My 1 year old cries when ever I am not around.

My advice to you is....I think you should go. Believe in yourself and whats in YOUR dreams for YOUR future. If thats what you and your husband feel is best for you and him and your child then go and ask the inlaws to have faith in you and your husband. You have to do what makes you happy and try not to let them hurt you by telling you what they think you should do. My dad always says you need to do....and if I dont do it his way he criticises me. I have lived my past by trying to make him happy when in the end it was hurting me and my marriage. So try not worry about them, I know its hard but follow your heart and your dreams!!!

Wow! You have a lot on your plate for 18. Good for you for wanting to go to college. I have been married for ten years now and just yesterday I had all my in-laws on my back about something that was none of their business. I just decided I know what is best for my family, and they can suggest all they want but ultimately the decision is between my husband and I. I suggest you pray about this and see what doors God opens for you. Explain to your in-laws that you have prayed about it and you feel this is the right decision for your family and you need their support. Hope this helps!

If you don't follow your dreams now, you will regret it forever! Do it while you are young enough and still have the ambition, desire, and drive to do it! It doesn't matter what your in-laws think, as you will learn later in life, most of the time, no one's opinion is ever going to completely agree with everything you do. What matters is that you are doing what you feel is best for your family. You are an adult now and have made adult choices to marry and have a child, and you have the right to decide what you want for a career and to pursue that! I went to college on scholarship and had 2 babies during that time without missing more than 3 days of school total--and graduating with a bachelor's degree in zoology in exactly 4 years! You can do it, but I will promise you it isn't going to be easy, and it's even harder without the support of those around you. But I promise, when it's all over, you will be so proud of yourself for overcoming ALL of the obstacles and still suceeding--no matter what anyone else was telling you! I strongly feel that women should have choices in life, and if you want to have a career, fine, if you want to be a stay-at-home mom, fine, but that is between you, your husband, and children, and as adults, it is no longer up to either of your parents, family, or friends! As long as you are taking responsibility for yourselves, you and your husband can choose to live how you want. You are trying to do what you think is best for your child and family in the long-run. I promise you that plenty of people do and will respect what you are doing, and you will respect YOURSELF for following your dream to better the lives of you and your family. If you wait and put off going to school, one day, you will find yourself 40 years old and wondering how you got there so quickly and why you didn't chose to do many things when you were younger, and the options were soo much easier! Time passes just as quickly whether you use it wisely or not. 2 years from now, you will either have your degree, or you will still be waiting to start. Which would you rather have? Your child's childhood is definitely important, but as long as you spend quality time and as much of it as you can with your child, he is going to be fine. In all honesty, just remember that children remember very little of the years before they are about 5 years old in the long run. Would you rather your baby not even remember Mommy being busy going to school and studying or for him to always remember how Mommy couldn't be there for the ball games later on because she put off going to school for many years? Take help if/when it is offered to you because you will need it, but if you don't have that kind of support, do what you have to do. Find a good, reliable sitter, make SURE your husband helps with this goal, and you will be fine. Just remember that sometimes, people are jealous for the choices they themselves made and don't really enjoy seeing other people succeed where they did not. If any of the naysayers could go back and do it all over, I'll bet they would have made other choices themselves. If I could go back 15 years, I would have waited until after college to have had children, but I did both instead. I am a mother of 6 with another on the way, and I currently am a stay-at-home mom, but I've done it all ways myself--going to college, working, and staying home. None of it is easy, and all women should respect that no one walks in anyone else's shoes--we all have our reasons for making the choices we do as women, and it's sad when we judge each other like we often do. You become the best you that you can be, and you will always be proud of that. Good luck! Stick in there, OK??

Strange how our stories parallel. I was married my senior year of high school after finding out we were pregnant, I was 17. I graduated high school with honors and had my son 7 days after graduation, had just turned 18. I never even quesitoned going to college and getting married. There were no options. Sometimes you just do what you know is right and dont look back.

My husband and I worked and went to school full time. At the beginning I worked part time and school full time- he took classes here and there while supporting our family. We never allowed ourselves to go on assistance, we fought our way through it and ate lots of ramen noodles. We had a deal with each other that we would never backtrack- only work hard and save until we could afford the next bigger apt or the next bigger car. My parents helped tremendously with daycare. My mom quit her job to reopen a home daycare she had when I was younger. 2 years later we had another son. 1 year after that I earned my first assoc. degree. Then scott earned his. A couple of years later, I went through an assoc level radiology program. We had kid #3 a girl! I have since been back to college to get my BS in Education. I am a professor in the same radiology program I attended. My husband is 1 year away form his bachelors; will finish in Dec 08.

I have my dream job- I work during the school year, I have the summers off. I get to work with the technology I love, and be there for my kids. What I am trying to say is 13 years later (it is hard to believe it has been that long) not everything ahs gone as planned, but everything has worked out perfectly. Noone would believe we would have lasted- we were too young and nieve. But we believed in ourselves, and we had people around us who believed in us.

Maybe if you present your long range goals to your inlaws they will get behind you more. The field of radiology is a great field for mothers. It is easy to get part time jobs with good pay. I think it is great for mothers to work and for their kids to see them go through college. My kids know college is not an option- and it is not easy. I had great pride last night as I watched my oldest son (now 12) and my husband both studying on the couch.

Fastforward your life 10 years write down what you want it to look like- show it to your inlaws, they may have a change of heart. Good Luck!

Number one: ask your husband to speak with them about backing off. This is a boundary issue that could get nasty if it continues. Family needs to realize that you and your husband are a family and unified in your position. Number two: Remind them that you all are wanting what's best for your son, and school is part of securing a stable upbringing for him. Be kind and firm, and don't engage in arguments with them. You don't have to defend yourself. Don't worry about being the "bad guy" - that's a big part of being a mom!

Hi W.,
I really don't have any advice but I just wanted to tell you that I am proud of you. You hang tough in want you believe and your dreams. If your husband supports you then thats all that matters. Have faith and good luck!!

Explain to your in laws and stick to it. You can have quality time with your son. GO TO COLLEGE!!!
You never know when you may have to support your son. Anything can happen and you life could be changed forever in one second..a fall, accident, circumstances, death, etc.

My daughter in law is having a baby in April/May. I am going to spend time with the baby while she goes to college,(babysitting.)

I had a job in a dental appliance as a lab technician, I wrecked my car and then three weeks later, I fell down icy steps, breaking my back. Four painful operations, two months in a nursing home and five years later, I am disabled. If I had a trade like the one you are after, I still could work. Life happens, take advantage while your young.

D.

I had my first daughter right before my last year of college. My mother in law and her side of the family kept telling me to quit school. I didn't listen and ended up finishing and getting my bachelor's. I would DEFINITELY recommend going to school! If something should heaven forbid, happen to your husband you need to be able to support your son. It is better to get the school done now and have help than be in an extreme circumstance and try going to school. That is why I finished. Also, it is A LOT of hard work having a baby and trying to finish up school! Sometimes you'll feel like a terrible mother, but you aren't! Be prepared for the challenge and you'll do fine!

Does the program that you are pursuing allow you to take any of the classes on-line? Things may still be tense and your husband should be helping with getting your in-laws to back off some. I think it is great that your husband is supportive and the in-laws will come around eventually. You and your husband need to do what you both feel is best for your family.

I wonder if your mother-in-law is worried that your time spent going to school will take time away from your child and your husband? This may be part of the concern and why she is fighting the idea. I think that while you are in school and she sees that this is not the case, she will come around. You may have to go out of your way to prove to her that you can have a career and still be a good wife and mother.

I am recently married and my husband will be going back to college to finish his degree. My mother, who has been critical of him in the past (starting mainly after we set the date for the wedding) has been encouraging him to get a student loan, which we know with proper budgeting, we can avoid this.

Hey W.. Babe, you gotta go to school. Not JUST for you kids, but for yourself. You are so young, and we never know what curve balls live is going to throw us. Now, while you can, you have GOT to do it. I guess I have my own reasons, being recently divorced, but girlfriend, it's good to be able to support yourself, God forbid, you ever have to. As far as the inlaws, I'm sure being a parent so young was not, quote - unquote, "approved of" either. Parents / grandparents get over it when they see how things improve EVERYONE'S lives. If you DONT go, and then you need finanical help from them, they will complain about that too. Some people are never happy!!! So, just buckle up, do what you KNOW you have (and need) to do, and make the best for your family!!

Hey W.....all i can say is YOU GO GIRL! I know i don't know you but i'm proud of you anyway.....yes, being a stay home mom is wonderful....looking back in some ways i wish i could have done that but my boys wouldn't have had many of the opportunities that they had if i hadn't worked.....you simply have to be sure when you are home that you spend quality time with your son AND your husband...it will spread you thin at times but it will all be worth it....hopefully your husband is supportive around the house and can help take off some of the "home" load.

as far as the in-laws are concerned....my thought is that you and your husband need to take a stand..i know you're young but you're trying to do the right thing. i don't know how old your in-laws are but the "older" generation was able to stay home and still support their families...what i think many of them don't understand is that in today's world, it's almost impossible to get a really good paying job without a degree of some type. i'm almost 50 and i think my generation were about the last ones that could go in and get on the job training....everyone wants a degree now days

all that said, you guys are going to have to sit the in-laws down-get their full attention-tell them you understand what they are saying-tell them AGAIN what your reasons are for doing things the way your doing them-let them know that you understand their position but that you have to handle your family the way you feel is best and that your son is your main objective.....after that when it's brought up just gently let them know that you have already had that discussion and that your feelings haven't changed about it. then change the subject

From a parents point of view, it's really hard to let go of your kids...you've had them for 18 years and now all of a sudden they are adults....you have to let them know that you value their opinion but still need to raise your family as you need to...let them know that you love them very much would really appreciate them supporting and helping....good luck....R.

W.,
The important thing is that you and your husband agree. You go girl!!! I admire you for having goals and plans for the future. You need to be true to yourself and feel good about what you are doing for you. Only then can you be the best for those you love. Hopefully once the in-laws see that you are going to go to school, they will back off. From my experience, I have found that when my in-laws needed me,and I became less defensive about what they thought, our relationship changed. Find ways to compliment them on any little thing. Compromise on anything that you can, but stay strong and do what you believe is right for you.
D.

W.,

Number one, I think it is GREAT that you are going on to college, and I admire you for that. This is YOUR life, and I don't see how anyone should try to discourage you from following your dreams. Yes, you are married and have a son to take care of, but what if, (heaven forbid) something happened to your husband and you had to raise your son alone, I am sure that you would rather have a college education to fall back on so you could support your son, instead of having to reli on someone to help you. I think that your in-laws need to mind there own business, this (your husband and son)is "your" family, and you have to do what you feel is best for your family. In my opinion they should not give you there opinion, unless you ask them for it. Good Luck!!!

A.

There is a time to explain your actions to people and there is a time where you do not have to. This would be one of those times that you do not and should not justify or explain this decision to ANYONE but your husband. Have your husband tell them if they cannot be supportive then do not say ANYTHING at all. Their opinions are not welcome. They do not need to understand, just you and your husband do. I 100% would love to stay at home with my daughter but at the same time I would like to work just a little. I have my doctorate degree and from the beginning I knew I was never going to be full time and maybe even quit altogether but I wanted to have the education so I could empower myself to make that decision when the time came. W/O any further education you do not have any choice. You get a low paying job that you do not want. I applaud you for recognizing the need to go now instead of waiting. You will thank yourself! Stay strong.

W.,

I also had my first child at a young age, and I chose not to go to school. I regret that decision almost daily. There have been times when my family has needed extra income, and I couldn't help much because basically all I would pay for would be daycare for the kids. However, my step mother proved that you are never to old for college and graduated valedictorian of her college class when she was 55.

As far as the family thinking that you should stay home, offer them the next best alternative. See if any of them would like to watch your child while you attend classes. Then, even though he's not with you, he's still with family. Surely they can't argue with that!

My in laws use to be a problem. They are not so much any more. I have been in the family for almost 14 years and they have finally realized I am not out to take their son away!

i think it is time for a sit down talk... just tell them that you want to give your child the very best life you can and you feel like you need to work to do that.... and you would appreciate if as your extended family they would support you in this endeavor