19 Month Old Already in the Terrible Two's?

Hi S.! I am a nursery director, and I can tell you that this is very normal behavior for a child around the age of two. This is the age where most children decide exactly what is acceptable behavior and what is not. Be very careful as to how you handle situations with older siblings. Younger sibs are watching and will mimic their behavior, especially if the behavior seems to have the desired effect for the child. Reward bad behavior with consequences so both children will see that it is unacceptable. Toddlers close to turning 2 still seem very innocent and baby-like, but they are very bright and capable of understanding cause and effect. It is frustrating for them when we don't understand what they are saying sometimes, but we also need to reinforce that yelling and throwing a tantrum is unacceptable and will only produce the undesirable result of a time-out or other consequence. Maybe the next time your daughter is frustrated, you can say, "Take a walk with Mommy and show me what it is that you need." Pointing to different objects and saying, "Do you need a chair . . . a refrigerator . . . a stuffed monkey?", may lighten her mood and show her that Mommy is really interested in what she is saying and also give her a way to show you what she wants. Sometimes acting silly or playing a game will diffuse a bad tantrum. If that doesn't work, and as long as the child is in a safe environment, you can simply walk away and say, "We can talk when you quiet down, honey." Hope these suggestions help!

It sounds very normal. Like you, I don't remember my oldest having the "terrible 2's" (although the 3s were a bit trying ;-) ). However, my younger two both started in around this age with the increasing tantrums and frustration. (My children are now 6, 4 1/2, and almost 2.)

I definitely think the increasing signing can help, but you're also reaching a point where you probably won't be able to teach signs as fast as she wants to use new words. My youngest used about 15-20 signs consistently until he was around 18 months old and then suddenly quit using them in favor of trying to speak more. He ended up training us to understand his mispronunciations. ;-P

It is also possible that your daughter is developing her own signs -- my oldest is very intelligent, and she had at least 10 of her own signs when she was that age. (We had only taught her "more" and "all done," and she came up with the rest.)

As for your husband spoiling her, he probably isn't. It is normal for the child to throw more tantrums and feel more free to express emotions with the adult she sees most. Since he's a SAHD, it would make sense that he'd bear the brunt of it.

Your son is almost certainly having an impact on her, and it may help his behavior for him to understand that. I know that my girls sometimes behave better when they understand how their bad behaviors negatively impact their brother.

I wish I could offer you some concrete advice to make this phase pass more quickly, but I think it will just pass on its own. In the meantime, try very hard to "listen" to what your daughter is saying, and try not to respond to tantrums. Hug her, ignore her, talk her through them (whatever works), but don't give her what she's demanding until she asks nicely.

My youngest will be 2 next month, and he's finally getting better. The tantrums are decreasing, and his speech has improved by leaps and bounds, so he can say more of what he wants. Like everything else, this, too, shall pass. :-)

I was so glad when you posted this question, because my son is doing the same thing! He just turned 19 months and has changed from a sweet little angel into a terror! He also does sign language, and he has invented a few signs we don't understand. Signing makes our life easier, but he still throws a tantrum if he "asks" for something and we don't give it to him. I would suggest that your husband try to go somewhere a few times a week where your daughter can do whatever she wants. My son is always easier to get along with & better behaved after we spend 45 minutes at the park. Good luck to you both! I'd love to hear what works for you, so I can try it too.

I certainly feel your pain! My 19 month old is going through the same thing! She speaks very clearly for a 19 month old, and we are usually able to determine what she wants. It really seems like she is just trying to test the boundaries and figure out what she can get away with (and how far she has to go to get what she wants)! Her screams can make your skin crawl! We have figured out that putting her in her high chair (where she can kick and scream all she wants without hurting herself) until she calms down seems to work. We do this consisently, our daycare provider takes the same approach. By doing this, it seems that she is taking less time to calm down. We then let her down and she resumes playing. Good luck! I know how awful that can be!

First thing I'd do is to sit down with the older son and talk about appropriate and inappropriate behavior. THEN, you need to also talk about modeling that behavior for his sister. She needs a good role model to look up to.

When other situations arise, TV, in a store, etc. TALK ABOUT THEM. What is/was appropriate or inappropriate and how could they have been handled better in order to show respect and common courtesy and resolve the issue? Kids have to be TAUGHT respect. If you let them get away w/ being the boss and have their way.......they will. They do NOT respect and/or honor parents to allow this type of behavior. Best to determine NOW how to handle it. The longer it goes on, the worse it will get.

There is a book called RAISING RESPECTFUL CHILDREN. Might look into getting a copy. THere is a group at my church who is doing this as a couple's Bible study and have raved about it and how it's effected their families. If you don't have a Bible study group, you could start one and/or even just a parent or moms or dads group (best if BOTH parents are on the same page) group in your area or neighborhood. Good Luck!

Okay, I don't want to offend you at all but I tend to be a lot blunt and a lot not tactful so here it goes.
I think you are enabling your daughter to not speak American English by using sign language with her. While it is great to learn to communicate in different ways and I am really impressed with this you are letting her get away with not speaking.
By not refusing to respond to her wants and desires when she yells at someone about what she wants and putting her in a time out situation with nothing she is wanting until she can "ask" whether in words or by signing what she wants you are not helping her learn to communicate in an acceptable manner.
Your son is learning and quickly she gets a much better response by her techniques so naturally he is going to use the same to get attention and what he wants.
As I said, this is not meant to offend, but it is the way I see what is happening.

We have had the same issues with our kids, and our girls were much worse about this than the boy. The girls have much more "spirit" or something! The suggestions given have been great, and I would just add one thing. Make sure that you overload her on praise and positive reinforcement for every single thing that she does right. My oldest daughter had a lot of behavior issues just with me for about two years. it all started around the time that her youngest sibling was born and intensified when I got a job and was gone more. I felt like she was always angry at me and not her dad. Over the course, of time, we realized that when I spent more time with her doing positive activities she stopped those behaviors, but when I was gone more and didn'tsee her as much they intensified. When she was old enough to really express her feelings well, she started saying things like, "When the babies are born, the oldest one just gets pushed farther and farther away," and "I'd rather have mad Mommy than no Mommy."

Anyway, I started taking her out once a week or so for a girls' night, and I started really focusing on the positives (even though to me at that time it seemed there were very few of them!). Plus we were very consistent with the discipline. That did the trick. We have amuch better relationship, and she is much happier. She's seven now, but this went on from about the age of three to six.

Good luck! This is a hard time!

Hi S.. I have 2 kids myself. A boy and girl(9 and 11). From what you said it sounds like she may be just imitating her brother, because they will copy what they see and hear. That's why we have to make sure we're doing what's right and saying the right things around our children at all times. I really wouldn't worry about it. Also, girls tend to be more mouthy and have attitudes more than boys anyway. I'm dealing with that now with my daughter. However, I would correct her every time she gets disrespectful and tends to be going to far with it. I don't know how you guys feel about spankings, but even at that age just a light tap on the hand when they're not doing right will let them know when they're doing something wrong. I hope this helps you and God Bless you and your family.