My 19 month old has always been independent. Even at a young age, he just wanted to lay alone when he was upset. At 12 mo he changed. I stopped nursing at 12 mo. He is perfectly happy and well behaved when I am not around. As soon as i walk in a room he starts crying. The past month I have been off work and he is attached to my leg and crying at home. I try to resist the urge to hold him all of the time. Sometimes I cave just so I can walk freely. He wants me all of the time. Now he has turned to tantrums. He has very few words so far. At dinner, he throws his plate across the room, throws silverware, refuses to eat. He won't eat until he isleft completely alone. I am at wits end. Any suggestions?
Thank you for all of the caring responses. He actually chose to stop nursing. We both got the stomach flu at the same time and he couldn't keep anything down, nor I. He just didn't want it anymore.
I started verballizing what I thought he was thinking as well as 3 words in ASL. I am reading "Happiest Toddler on the Block" and the author suggested verballzing what he is thinking during or before the tantrum. I tried it yesterday and at least 3 tantrums were avoided. Hard to remember to do this as my anxiety level goes up.
My husband pointed out that his behavior has gotten worse since by dh went back to school while also working the days. So we don't see him Mon- Th. That could be the trigger some of you mentioned.
I love my little man but he is introducing challenges I never had w/ my daughter who is now 4. She was talking stories at 18 months.
Thanks again to everyone
This sounds a lot like my 19 moth old son! From what I've read it sounds like it's a healthy sign that he is attaching to you. Also, I've read that the frustration of not being able to communicate verbally can impact other methods of communication (throwing food, etc.). Hang in there! I'm holding onto the hope that things will get easier once toddlers can communicate verbally.
read about "Attachment Parenting". your baby can benefit ftom it greatly. Breastfeeding is not the only element that creates the bond.
Good Luck
V.
Wow, I feel for you. Stay strong, do not tolerate throwing anything! Time out works at this age too. Also, don't respond when he throw a tantrum. Tell him that you will talk to him when he is done and ignore him. If he follows you, sit him in time out. You'll have to continually put him back at the beginning but he will figure it out eventually. He just be in a needy phase. Have you recently gone back to work? Did that happen at 12 months. If I were in your situation, I would give him cuddles and set him down. Try playing with him with a toy, get him interested, and a couple minutes later say I'll be right back and walk away for a few minutes. Increase the time a little bit every day. Also, I love this book called toddler 411. Has a lot of good info about everything. I actually bought it when my 1 yr old angel starting testing every single limit possible. I have a very strong willed little man who can, at times, have a pretty decent temper. He's almost 3 now and is very well behaved. Actually, I managed to get a hold of his behavior shortly after it started with the help of this book. It has a whole section on behavior and disapline. I find with my son that these phases last for about a week if I stay on top of him and don't tolerate bad behavior. You can do this! You can turn this around! It's going to take a little work but it's worth it :)
Now now, moms... All this sounds really normal for a 19 month old. I've had 5 kids and they were all different, except for one common denominator - the terrible twos! I think he's normal, you don't need an evaluation, you don't need to take him to a specialist, they go through these stages as they learn about and become more aware of their environment and the people around them. They also become extremely shy at this age (my 19 month old has started clinging to me and pushing other adults away, especially ones he doesn't know). We just take it all as his going through a normal stage and love him A LOT, we enjoy him even through his "temper tantrums", I just try to hug and kiss and don't take it personal if he pushes my face away. He's always ready with a kiss when he's done. You might just want to teach him that plates and silverware belong on the table, and do guide and discipline as you see fit, but don't worry, he sounds very normal to me. Also, I've nursed and weaned at all stages, from 6 weeks to 19 mos (I'm still nursing my 9 month old) and I don't believe that not having him self-wean is a problem, I don't think it adds to any "trauma" or stress he might be experiencing - I'm sure you weaned him over a period of time and that is fine. Lots of toddlers refuse to eat, it's just the way they are and it can be a bit of a challenge to find out what their favorites are but that might be the key to his eating right now (my son likes certain foods at certain times, it took me a bit to figure it out but that's what moms are for).
This might sound harsh, but I would have Child Find evaluate him. The tantrums could be developmental but there were a few other things you mentioned...wanting to be alone, few words...that to me, are possible concerns. Early intervention is the key.
Very common for kids who don't self-wean. He wants more attention it sounds like. Try to set aside a couple times a day to hold him and read books, rock w/a sippy of milk, puzzles, color... one on one activities. When he throws his tantrums, that's not the time to give him the attention, it just shows him that's what he has to do to get attention so he'll repeat it. Try to say, "You're hurting my ears, I can't play w/you now." THEN walk into another room and close the door, even just for 30sec. Good luck. Key is finding something consistent.
Good afternoon S.-
This sounds pretty normal to me. I have a 3 yr old who is pretty attached to him mama!! I will say it has been better the older he gets, but there are some days that all he wants is me. Daddy still cant put him down if Iam home. I got some good advise on here when he was younger. Others told me to play a game with him, pick a boo and hide behind a wall and at first only hide for 30 seconds then extend it accordingly (while talking to him and letting him know where you are). When you have to use the restroom, talk to him the whole time and let him know where you are. And let him know you will be right back, give him huggs when you are all done. When Im in the kitchen he still lays on the floor and watches me. Sometimes I give him things to do. Just to keep him busy and distracted.
Good Luck! I justed wanted to let you know, your not alone!!!
You may want to look into books on prodigy & advanced children on Amazon.com, also indigo & crystal children books. Sometimes children just act out because they are not communicating the way they want or you are not communicating with them effectively. Also, NAET.com for allergy eliminations. Most of the physical and mental problems we have are allergy related.
Be well.
N.
S.~
I am a practicing pediatric homeopath and would love to help you. Here is some information technical and personal:
Who can homeopathy help?
Children
Your child’s health is very important to you and as a parent you will face many decisions about your child’s care...from vaccinations to childhood illnesses and behavior problems. Homeopathic treatment works very well for children and used long term prevents chronic illness as they grow to adulthood. Many parents use teething tablets when their infant starts teething. Teething tablets are one of the most common forms of homeopathic treatment and many parents use them without realizing it is a homeopathic remedy. Many childhood ailments can be treated effectively with homeopathy – ear infections, coughs, skin rashes, allergies, and behavior problems are just some of the things I see in my homeopathic practice. In more serious cases homeopathy works very well as a complementary treatment with allopathic medicine to help your child retain his vital force and maintain it after treatment.
.... A LITTLE OF MY STORY:
When my first child Bodhi was small, I noticed that he wouldn’t sleep with my husband and me he pushed us away and liked being alone. He would head butt out of some impulse and bite at the breast. It was as if he was adverse to hugs and cuddles. He'd throw incredible tantrums. I didn’t know if this was just his personality or something that was like a heavy cloud that he was burdened. Homeopathy says that we inherit the suppression's of our ancestors (genetic predisposition) to some extent and that this inheritance can affect what we become sick with. In homeopathy this is called a “Miasm” a very long and interesting subject in and of itself. Given the little knowledge I had, I was convinced that homeopathy could help. He was given an individual prescription and his remedy worked right away. He has since become and open hearted, polite, inquisitive, loving little boy and that dark cloud is a thing of the past. It is like homeopathy came in and blew a gentle wind on the cloud and it just dispersed. I have used homeopathy for nightmares, temper tantrums, growing pains, pregnancy, teething, fevers, and everything else that we have needed in our health care lives. It seems that homeopathy uses in our lives are never ending and I am forever grateful for it, in face can’t imagine my life without it. I am a different person because of it.
By the way he sound very normal and in line with his development do not worry. Homeopathy isn't necessary in your situation it's just an aid, it can make things easier.
If you would like to talk call mail me and we'll chat...best wishes...
I would suggest you not resist the urge to hold him...he obviously needs some extra love from you right now. Maybe he is afraid you are going to go back to work. If you are planning to stay home from now on you should let him know. Ask him "are you afraid mommy is going back to work"? Kids are sooo much smarter than we think. If you are going back to work, maybe you should look into a different child care for him. It sounds like he is not being nurtured. I have been home with my 3 kids for 11 years and I know it is the best thing for them. They are all so well adjusted and secure. Frankly, I think they are happy to go off to school and have a break from me! Good luck!
