Hi again! Just wondering if anyone else has been through this and if you have any suggestions to make it easier right now for us. My nineteen month old son just started in a Mom's Day Out program last week. He goes twice a week for 3.5 hours each time, and this is the first time I have ever left him anywhere as I stay at home with him. The first day he was very eager to go and ran in the classroom with no issues. The second time we went I am guessing he remembered that I dropped him off and left, and was hesitant to go in the classroom. A few other kids started crying while leaving their moms, and mine immediately followed, crying as he was taken in the room. Well, today I dropped him off and it was worse. I had him excited to go to his 'school' all morning, and he ran in the building excited to be there. However, as soon as he caught sight of the classroom door, it was all downhill from there. He was crying and saying "no, mommy, no, please no" and when the teacher came to take him, it only escalated to loud crying and screaming. It broke my heart to leave. I'm wondering if it's going to get better if I stick it out? When do you decide to say enough's enough and just try again next year? I feel like I am being selfish making him go when he doesn't want to, as I don't have to leave him anywhere for childcare since I stay home with him. I just thought it would be a great program for him to be involved in, and a great way to learn to interact with other children without my being there all the time. What else can I do to make the transition easier? Anyone else's child been through this at this age? Last week most of the other kids were crying, too....to be expected the first week. Today mine was the only one upset at the time of drop-off....and boy was he upset. Help, my heart is breaking for my little guy! Thanks :)
this is completely normal. I would not stop doing it, it is important to know that mommy always comes back. Both of my kids did this and both of them are just fine. I bet he doesnt cry for that long. Its harder on you than him.
Try working him up to the 3.5hr span. Talk to his teacher and get her opinion, but I know with some kids it has helped. Essentially, he goes for 45 min. one day, 1-1.5 the next, and then you continue to extend the time until he is there for the full time. Sometimes it just takes a little patience. Remember this is the first time he has really been away from you in this type of setting. Over time he (and you0 will adjust.
My daughter is the same age. It took her about 2 weeks to adjust to fulltime daycare she started 2 months ago. Now she loves it. She is waiting by the door each morning to leave. It may take a little longer for your son since he only goes twice a week. I think you should stick it out because in a couple years he will be in school, and he will have to go to school each day. He will get used to it and I am sure he stops crying as soon as you leave. I know how it is to be a SAHM and need a little time to myself. Enjoy the time you have out.
I think that if you stick it out, he'll do better each week. It's just separation anxiety. My daughter does that every time she's moved to a new classroom at daycare (twice now) and it lasts for at least a week. It is hard to leave while they are crying and upset-it breaks my heart, too! I hate it! But in the long run, it's probably good for him to interact with the other children and learn from them. good luck!
Leaving your child for the first time can be tramatic for both of you but usually is a lot easier when they are younger than 19 months. Children want to feel comfortable and because he has never been away from mommy, he probably doesn't feel comfortable. I would continue to stick this out but if you have another one I would consider leaving them a little here and there when they are younger. It is usually not as tramatic.
K.
Been there...done that. The best way for your son, hardest for you, is to give him a quick kiss, say love you and I will be back, don't linger or look sad.
Maybe leave a favorite toy there to redirect his attention as you leave. Give it time. My son use to throw up as I left, but thank goodness the preschool teacher just cleaned it up and he went on his merry way about about 6 drop offs. Good luck...W. M. (mother and g.mother)
He'll get over it after just a little while. It's very normal for his age. Just continue to be positive about how much fun he'll have and make sure to tell him that you'll see him soon, when you drop him off. Stick it out, and you'll both be happier in the long run (now you get a few hours of downtime, which is SO vital to your own well-being). Good luck!
We've definitely been there and done that ... and still are sometimes. It's hard, but it gets better. We found that sometimes it helps for my son to know that I'm going to leave. Once I get in the car, I talk about how fun it will be at school and that he is going to stay and I am going to leave but I will be back later to pick him up. I also talk about specific things he likes to do while at school ... he likes to paint, play with the balls, pretend to drink out of the cups at the pretend kitchen, etc. He gets excited to go do those things, then. Also, one big thing that helped me ... I would stand outside of the classroom (out of sight) and listen to make sure he stopped crying. Often, if the teacher/assistant started talking/playing with him, he would stop immediately once I was out of sight.
One other thing that I found was that one day a week was enough for him at the beginning. He started getting very clingy during the week if I left him more than one day a week.
Good luck! I know it's hard. I left the school with tears in my eyes many days. It'll get better, though.
Hello!! I am in a very simliar boat as you. I have a 21 month old and another one on it's way in April!!! I just put my son in school about 1 month ago. It was horrible. I cried everyday and so did he. But I stuck it out, there were a few days that I picked him up early and a one or 2 that I did not make him go. But thankfuilly last week towards the end of the week, he stopped crying. And he was crying like 45 mins out of every hour until last week.
ANyway, I stuck it out and as soon as I thought I would pull him out for good, he made me see that I was wrong. He actually asked to go to school today!!! I was so excited. Just follow your instincs as a mother and remember this, would you rather him cry now or in kindergarden when kids can make fun of him. And you are a good mother for sending him! Kids need their space to!!! Good luck!
Christy - I feel your pain! My daughter often does this and she is almost 20 months old - I think it is a difficult age for seperation anxiety. Have you tried playgroups? I take my daughter to playgroups and I stay there with her - it allows her the chance to learn some social skills and play without the anxiety of mom leaving.
I am in the MOMS Club in Clayton - but there are MOMS Clubs all over - you should look into it - it might be a good transition for this year. You can look up the locations on http://www.momsclub.org/
Good Luck!
H.
I have been watching a litle girls since she was 4wks old she is 27months now. I watch her about 5hrs 3day a week. when she was about 17 or 18months she started acting the way your son is. after about 2 month or so it tapered off. She still has her day where she doesn't want her parents to leave and cries and other day she tells them to go. I am sure in a few more weeks he will be fine. I do know usually the faster you leave the faster he should calm down.
Christy
My opinion is that you should tough it out. As a daycare provider, I can assure you that your son probably only cries a few minutes after your departure. Ask the lead teacher how he does after you are gone. I will often encourage my parents not to respond to the "show". Hug your son, kiss your son and tell him you will be back later. Then leave him in the care of the teacher. The longer you respond to his crying, the longer it will take for him to adjust.
Enjoy your time out. It will make you a better mommy.
C. L
try to get get play dates to start then next year he is going to be ready or exchange with a friend for a few hours a day he is going to feel safe and you going to need more help next year with the baby i have 3 kids and is was hard for with the first child good luck M.
I know it's heart breaking, but you don't want to keep putting it off until kindergarten and having a bigger dilemna then. It gets better. He will probably love his teacher after awhile. It took my child almost a month before she stopped crying when I left her. I tried staying a little while which made it worse. I just kept telling her that I loved her and I would be back soon. My daughter is three and still isn't thrilled although I can tell she loves her teacher. Your son is at an age where they have separation anxiety anyway and to top it off this is so new to him. But we all have to learn to adapt to change. Try to stand firm as hard as it is because if you wait until next year, it will be just as hard, if not harder (and you'll have another baby to top it off).
The big question is, "how is he when you pick him up?" If OK, then, I wouldn't worry. This is a hard time as far as separation anxiety. You probably need a little break, and this is really not hurting him. It is giving you a couple of hours, and kind of preparing for another little in the household. You might also try going places with him more, he sounds like maybe a little sheltered.
As long as you are feeling so guilty, that is what your note sounds to me, he will also pick up on that.
K.- mom who raised 3, and gma to 6.- GOOD LUCK!
Based on my previous experience with my own child my first instinct would be to observe from a distance or to return earlier than expected to see if there is any conflict which bothers your son. My daughter had a similar experience at the second center I placed her at. The first one was a terrific place. The second center had more rules and children who where more domineering. In addition my child was taller and assumed to be older than she was. I made the decision to take her to another place and she was much happier. I took her to the second place because of so many high recommendations. I was glad I found an alternative source that fit her personality.
Just one more thought...my child cried constantly in the classroom in the second center. She begged me not to go back.
Which is why I felt so heavily toward making a change. I understand many children cry when they are first left in a new a strange place, but you need to follow your instincts. Most centers don't want you to stay but you should be able to show up at an unscheduled time to pick up your son and see his behavior. From this visit you can make your judgement call on what to do. Good Luck!
