2-Year-old Aggression Toward Little Brother

I believe what you are going through is a quest for attention, negative or positive. Sure, she ends up in timeout, but then you spend individual time with her trying to talk about feelings, etc. Behaviors happen for a reason. Something is achieved by her action. Timeout is not unpleasant. She sings and enjoys her timeout. She knows what she is doing is working. It is not that she hates her brother, but she likes something she gets out of it, individual attention from you more than likely. Maybe you could try doing the opposite of what you're doing. Ignore her actions. Do not let her hurt her brother, but don't give her the attention she is looking for. Also, try something positive. If she is sitting nicely and playing near her brother, praise her for being good, for keeping her hands to herself and treating her brother nicely. If she is being mean to her brother, remove the baby from her area, but don't react to her and give her attention.

Catch her being good. She could be having a fit on the floor, kicking and screaming, but she is not kicking her brother or the wall, find something, and praise her for something. It will stop the tantrum and change her mood. I know this sounds kind of crazy, but you've got to get her to start doing positive things for attention. Right now, she figures negative is better than none. She doesn't care if you punish her, because then you will feel kind of guilty and spend some time with her talking about feelings, etc.

If she is starting to be good, tell her that when her brother takes a nap, you will sit and play a game, read a book, something with her, just for her, as a reward for being such a good girl.

I hope this makes sense. Good luck.

Are you a christain.? I am a christain and therefore i will give you a Godly advise.

My opinion towards your daughter aggressive behavior towards her little brother is because She is jealous of her brother. it seems he has taken her place. and you are not giving her attention anymore, which means you are more focus on the baby than her. LOve,Attention, time No More for her.
What do you do.
Spend some time with both your daughter and the baby together while letting her hold the baby and reassure her that mummy love you in as much as she love the baby.
Lastly, Is your neighborhood a voilence neighborhood? Some times the kids watch other kids hitting or parentings fighting in their presence, will likely grow up with such a behavior. Therefore watch who your kids stays with.If not eventually if you start spending more time with both of your kids and show them love they will grow up loving themselves and will love others too.
Find a church and bring the kids with you to church. Let both start attending sunday school, they will be taught the ten commandtmens and they will eventually grow up to be lovely and Godly kids.
The lord will continue to watch over your kids. okay. As a good parent we know our children are gift from God that comes with a responsibility, our job is to raise them with righteous standard. Do your best for them. Also, If you do not have a church inform me.
Read: Psalm 127 :3. Deutoronomy 6-6-7 and Proverbs 22 : 6.

Thanks,
Sister P

Hi J., there are some great books out there. Your daughter is behaving normally, and I know it makes you a nervous reck! The Indigo Children, Food for the Indigo Children. They explain things differently, try to keep an open mind. Try making time outs a positive thing for her, not as a punishment. You can divide the day up into 3's. Morning, Afternoon, and Night. Tell her if she can behave at each of these time periods without hurting she baby, then she will be rewarded. (in 3 year old language!) Let me know how this works :)

Hi J.,

You've already gotten some good advice of things to try. My suggestion would be to try to include her in the care of her baby brother (if you haven't already). Tell her as the big sister, it's her job to help take care of her baby. Let her help feed him, help change his diaper, read to him. Ask her for her opinion on what she thinks he might like to play with or what he needs when he cries. That will help create empathy and might give them a chance to bond. Does she have a favorite baby? You can have her imitate you with her baby. When you go for a walk, have her take her baby in her carriage, etc, etc. I really think that's what helped with my daughter accept her brother (they're 16 months apart). She's now very protective of him still (although it is okay for her to occassionally fight with him, no on else can).

And just as a side note...the little one will probably not remember this and they will probably grow up to be best of friends. When I was a baby, my sister would rub my head and say "nice baby, nice baby" when my mom was around but as soon as she thought she left the room, she'd start to hit me and say "bad baby, bad baby"! We laugh at the story now and we've been best friends all of our lives (with the exception of my first year ;)

My 2 1/2 year old acts very much the same toward her 1 year old sister. I have noticed that not all of it is malicious. She loves to drag her sister around by her feet!!! To my surprise both girls are laughing. Now of course I don't let her continue to do this to her but Laney just doesn't understand that her sister is a real person. She treats her more like a doll. I will catch her pushing her down or hitting her and it is more of a trial and error type behavior. "What will happen if I shove her?" For these instances I tell her no and make her appologize. Explaining that it hurts her sister. If she does act out in aggression then she ends up in time out. The more attention I give her bad behavior, the more she does it. I don't talk to her about her feelings because she doesn't understand them. A 3 year old can't verbalize that she is feeling left out and unloved. I would try to include your daughter in activities her brother can't be involved it. Like cleaning or cooking dinner. My daughter loves to help and it is special mommy time. Good luck. It's not an easy age and certainly isn't easy have two so close together!

Hi J.,
My two children are 2yrs. 8mos. apart in age. When my son was three and I had my young daughter sitting forward on my lap, he bit her finger. I didn't know until she let out a piercing scream. When I asked him if he bit her, he said he was pretending to be a monster! I realized that my son was jealous of his baby sister and I didn't want all my attention to him to be negative, so I tried to include him in some of the activities with her; get the powder for mommy and rub gently on her tummy( help guide their hand), get a toy to help entertain their sibling while mommy changes the baby's diaper, choose a book for mommy to read to him & the baby,etc. Be creative! Include your older child and always praise her for her help as the "Big Sister" with any activities she participates in with you and her baby brother. Talk about what a great helper she is to your husband ,friends and other family members. Make sure she hears you say these things to others as well. Maybe you can find a book about sibling rivalry and being the "Big Sister". Also, make sure you set aside a little one-on-one time with just you and her. She may not be able to voice herself yet, but what she wants is your attention. Granted, the baby has to have most of it and so do other things in the house, but have her help you make cookies when the baby is down for a nap or have a "tickle time" together. Again, be creative! If you're doing laundry, show her how to fold a wash cloth or if you're dusting, give her a cloth and have her "wipe" a low, safe shelf to "help" you.
If she still is hurting the baby, time out by herself ( a minute for each year old she is) and when she is ready to come out, explain briefly that hitting is not acceptable behavior, she needs to say sorry to the baby, hug her and tell her you love her! :)
Whatever ways of correction and encouragement you give her, be consistent. Remember,you always love your children but as a parent you are there to correct their behavior.
Enjoy them- my two are 13 and almost 16! They have their occasional argument, but they have each other's back & they love each other!
Best wishes!
H. Y.

About me: Part-time working mom at our local high school(Teenagers!)with 2 GREAT kids!