2 Yr Old, Need to Change Sleeping Habits

Just simply a bad habit hon... My husband and i made the same mistake and i went to my parents and they said you have to let them cry it out.Night after night and down the road it will work.Its just heart breaking thru that time till you get there.But put her in bed make her feel comfortable as possible and maybe a night light then leave her if she gets out of bed you put her back and you keep doing it.Yes it might be a few long nights. But after i believe it was 4 or 5 nights it finally worked for us and we kept telling what a big boy he was and we tried to give him special blankets and animals to help also. We would also say if his favorite animal didn't get to sleep in his bed he would be upset. But not matter what its time engery and crying. But it will work you just CANT GIVE IN!!!!!!!.Thats the hardest part but from my own life trail. When you want a child to do something you have to stick to the pattern,AND NOT GIVEN IN...hate to say this but its just like training a dog to pee outside. You just have to keep working at it. Good luck!!! AND DON'T GIVE UP AND DON'T GIVE IN!!!!!
Mom of a 22 and 20 old boys... p.s i still have to stick to my guns even at this age that something you will always have to do , Put that foot down and keep it there or they will get what they want and not what you want. BEST OF LUCK

Hi, I also have a two-year-old, and we transferred him to his own bed in October when he was 21 months. We did it really slowly.

First we just made sure he always fell asleep in his own bed - which we found out was really important. That way he knew where he was when he woke up and didn't totally freak out. We also read to him a lot in his bed before he fell asleep, which he really liked. I think it made his bed a cozier place. Plus we tried to get him to fall asleep holding onto a stuffed animal - even though he'd never been into that before. Just so he had "someone" there when he woke.

Anyway, at the beginning, when he cried in the night, I would just take him to our bed. A few weeks later, I made sure he fell back to sleep in his bed a couple of times, and then gave up and brought him to our bed at about 2 or 3am. Now his father goes in to him (which made a HUGE difference - somehow it's less interesting to wake up if Daddy's the one to go in.) The end result is that he stays in his bed until morning, with a couple of wakeups. He even seems to like it. If I try to put him down for a nap in our bed, he takes my hand and leads me to his own...

I have some other friends who made the tansition even more slowly because their toddler really didn't want to be alone in a separate room. They put a mattress on the floor next to their bed, so they were right there when he woke up in the night. Now, when he wakes up (he's almost 3), he says, "Hand" and one of them leans over and holds his hand until he falls back to sleep, which only takes a minute or so. The plan is that when he's ready, the mattress will be moved to his own room.

If there's space on your bedroom floor, the mattress thing might be a good idea. It sounds like she just misses you, and feels less safe without a warm body next to her in the night.

Hope some part of this helps.

Who is in charge? Your 2 year old really knows how to push-your-buttons! If she visits other homes (ie grandparents) - where does she sleep? At home - IS SHE REALLY EXHAUSTED when she goes to bed? Or does she go to bed when you've set a bedtime. Perhaps if you can be sure she's REALLY TIRED at bed time, she'll fall asleep in her bed. After a few days, perhaps the cycle will be broken. Signed: Oma

Though our daughter hasn't slept with us since she was an infant, she is 18 months, and a pretty good sleeper. I am convinced that we've given her enough tools to get herself to sleep, and then to calm herself back to sleep when she wakes up. At this age (I think it's true for 2 as well) she wants to feel secure, but at the same time, it is important for her to learn that she has the ability to "take care of herself." She can't do everything, but she is able to comfort herself, if you give her the opportunity to practice that skill.
I've heard this from all my friends, and the "experts" in books and tv, and have tried to do this myself. I recommend starting with a regular bedtime routine that feels good for her. Make sure it is clear when it is time for what (Now it's time for books, now it's time for brushing your teeth, now it's time for singing a song) and finally Now it's time for bed, in her bed. If she gets up, tell her once it's time to sleep, and put her back. Next time just put her back, and don't give her conversation. If she cries, maybe you can stay by her side, so she can see you, but keep the other senses to a minimal, like don't talk to her, or cuddle her. And then it is a matter of taking her to bed, every time she gets out, or comes to your bed. Maybe a special toy or blanket would help, thoug if she doesn't have one now, I don't know that she will take to one. Maybe if there is a book she can read when she wakes up, or something she can touch, she can use that to calm down and go to sleep. I don't know if you can get around all crying, though. Anyway, I wish you the best, and you will obviously have to figure out what works for you and your daughter, but I believe if you make your expectations clear, and give her the tools she needs to put herself back down, she will be able to sleep by herself sooner. Good Luck!

Does your daughter have a favorite teddy bear? My daughter has one that I make "talk" to her about issues that she won't listen to me about. If he "agrees" with me, she accepts it.
Perhaps a little chat and a reminder that the bear will be with her if she wakes up. I find it also helps to talk to my daughter more like an adult. Instead of saying "because I said so" I try to explain the reasoning behind my decisions in simple terms that she can understand. I also give her choices. If I was having your problem with her I might say something like "If you sleep in your own bed tonight we will get a special movie tomorrow" or "If you sleep in your bed this week we will go to Chuck E Cheese" If she refuses, I would tell her no TV the next day. She has quickly come to understand cause and effect and I always give her choices.

S.

I would suggest getting the book How to Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems by Richard Ferber. It is an excellent book and if you follow his technique, your child will definitely sleep throught the night. Although it is difficult to hear your child cry, his method really works.

Maybe she just misses you close by. Try putting one of your nightgowns that you've worn but not washed on her bed under her, near her head. She'll "smell" you close and may not wake up as much. It takes consistent effort if you want her to stay in her room, you'll just need to keep putting her to bed in her bed and gradually she'll get used to it. My own 2.5 yr old is the same but he falls asleep in his bed and wakes around 4AM to come to our bed. He finally starting to sleep through the night but I had to be consistent about not caving in and letting him back in our bed. Good luck!

She is going to continue screaming like that as long as she keeps getting what she wants mommy. She has learned that if she screams loud enough eventually mommy will come and lay down with her.

Unfortunatly the best way to stop this is the crying it out method. It is very hard on your part (and her) I made the same mistake you made with both my kids (a 5 yr old boy & a 2 y r old girl) I had to use this method on both of them .

when she wakes up crying go to her let her know you are there dont engage her just leave the room and dont go back for about 15 minutes (my daughter became a pro at getting herself to throw up) I know it is hard to do this in the middle of the night when you are tired and she is just screaming but eventually she will just go to sleep. If she wakes up again repeat the process. In about 3-4 nights she will realize that all the screaming isnt getting her what she wants so she will just go right to sleep.

she will eventually sleep through the night. Trust me 3or 4 nights of the screaming is worth the rest of her life sleeping on her own.

Good luck
L.

Why not try a toddler bed in your room with her next to your bed? She won't be in your bed and the transition may be smoother.

I have a two year old and have not done the cry it out method because I figured that anything that feels so wrong to me couldn't possibly be good for my baby. I also knew I would never be able to pull it off without caving in and the trauma (to me!) just never seemed worth it. Despite everyone's dire predictions, she now goes to sleep on her own. At night, if she wakes up, she knows that she can come into our bedroom and sleep in what we call her "nest," a special little bed we made together out of some folded blankets (a sleeping bag would do just fine). I have a 4 month old now whose in our bed at leat part of the night--so I'm walking into the same pattern with my eyes wide open.

I've recently felt particularly vindicated because recent news on the topic (Nightline, about a week ago, I think) reported that putting a baby or young child through the experience of sudden abandonment and then failing to respond to their distress floods their developing brains with cortisol--a neurochemical that actually changes brain structure and is linked to later problems. The argument that "they won't remember it" may be true, but the risk of longterm negative impact hardly seems worth it to me, whether she can complain about it later or not. Dr. Ferber appeared in the segment to reiterate his recent retractions--he now says that his method should be revised to regularly comfort the child (at three minutes, not 5) and to say that it was never intended for any but the most seriously sleep disordered children.

I will say that, compared to my friend's "cried-it-out" kids, my "slept-in-our bed" daughter is far less clingy and demanding and is an exceptionally happy kid who adjusts to change and accomodates absence from us without any upset. I suspect she'll be able to sleep on her own all the way through the night within the next year (but well before college for sure:). I'll miss my little birdie in her sweet little nest and will cherish this time all the more knowing that we are there for her every time she feels she needs us. Years from now, memories of extra sleep and privacy in the night would hardly be as sweet.

I have a similar situation I have 2 boys 18 months apart since birth they have both slept with my husband and I we bought them inflatable spiderman beds and that workred for a few nights and then they poped them so they wher back in our bed I had started sleeping on the sofa due to some medical issues I was dealing with. My boys slept on the other sofa together this was at age 4 & 5 yep! Then we bought a bunk bed finaly we could afford a real bed for them. The oldest wanted to sleep on top but I was scared he would fall so we put both of them together on the bottom they slept most nights in the bed but my youngest still woke up and crawled in bed with my husband I was still on the sofa he would even come down to me. Now my 7 year old is sleeping all night on the top bunk and my youngest is starting in his bed but he is affraid of the closet and the dark even a night light or the tv on is no help and I can not watch him cry if I try to force him to sleep in his room. When my husband and I need privacy we explain we need some mommy and daddy time and that they need to start in their room and when we are finished talking we will come check on them. most of the time they are both sleeping still the little one will crawl in with us. We have said from the start we have a family bed and Dr.s most any way will tell you a family bed is better for the kids any way it gives them a great sence of security. Eventualy they will want to sleep in their own bed. I would not worry just keep trying. If you can get a smaller bed then she will need more room to be comfortable and probly get in her bed just for that. Sorry I could not be of more help but maybe instead of looking at it as she wont sleep in her bed look at it as how great it is to wake up as a family. As long as she is letting you and daddy have private time. Good luck.

Hello,

When my 10 month old was going through a difficult sleeping phase, I read the book Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems by Richard Ferber (yes he's the cry it out guy). While parts of it are a bit too heavy and scientific for me, I skimmed the parts that were relevant to my situation and it does a good job of explaining why your child is waking up so shortly after she falls aleep (in a nutshell b/c when she wakes up her surroundings are not the "same" as when she fell asleep b/c neither mommy or daddy are with her so she can't soothe herself back to sleep and needs you to come help her again). By understanding why she would wake up, I was able to accept that the Ferber method just might work and gave it a try. I followed his recommended steps and the timing chart he provides to the tee and honestly it took about 2 tough nights but it worked!! She is now 18 months old and I have not had a problem since I tried the method--she goes down awake (no crying) and I walk out of her room, she falls aleep within 15 minutes herself and sleeps straight through the night for 11 hours!! Now I have heard that it doesn't work in some cases, but for me it did and it's worth at least reading the book:-) Good luck!

S., i would get Dr. Farber's book. she needs to learn to put herself back to sleep. and you should not let her fall asleep in 1 location and then moved her to another. this is very disruptive. good luck, A.

I totally understand your dilema. My two year old did not want to sleep in his bed neither oh boy what a trip that was. Try to give your child their nap in their bed. The night shift for your child may not change right away. You should try to let our child get use to their bed. Also during the day have some activity done in your childs bed. Reading, puzzles, blocks. Something to do to let them know hey this a place I can enjoy sleeing in. Good luck.