20 Month Daughter with Sleep Issues...

Buy the book "The No Cry Sleep Solution for Babies" It is worth every single solitary penny!!!!! Good luck!

Sleep with your daughter and ideally she should still breastfeed, but if since your are pregnant, I guess that is over with. Both children are best off sleeping with you. They should NEVER need to cry for you. That's trauma. The child needs constant body contact day and night, specially night.

Never in history did babies and children sleep away from parents. On recently in the west this strange phenomenon started. It created insecure people with depression and addictions. Trust your child. No need to fight against her needs. What she wants is what is best for her. It is nature's design.

I am a parenting psychologist, public speaker, author and internationally published parenting advice columnist. I therefore know thousands of families. Those who sleep with their babies and children raise not only healthy, problem free sleepers, but also much more confident, secure, independent and intelligent children. The culture pushes you to ignore your child's crying. Your heart wants to respond as nature designed it to do. Follow your heart.
Here are a couple of answers to similar questions on the Mothering magazine site:
http://mothering.com/does-babychild-needs-be-thought-be-a...
And something to think about the next baby:
http://www.mothering.com/sleep-issues

Sounds like my daughter... exactly.
When she was younger. And she was still nursing.

Does your daughter have a lovey? If not, let her have one or several, to sleep with.
My daughter, has to... have lots of loveys in her bed, to sleep with. She arranges everything in her bed before bedtime,and calls it her "nest." Its a nightly thing she does.
Get your daughter, into a routine. 'Let' her, have a part in the getting ready... for my daughter, that is arranging her bed and putting all her loveys in bed with her where she wants. It comforts her.

Per her age, my daughter grew out of that... meaning, the 'need' to have me there, as she was sleeping. Even when I was pregnant with my 2nd child. So I know what you mean.

Or, instead of laying with her... put a chair in her room, that you sit in... as she falls asleep. And she in her bed. Maybe start trying that "routine."

My daughter, even liked having one of my t-shirts to sleep with... one that smells like me and is not washed. It comforts her.

Again, my daughter was just like that... she grew out of it.

all the best,
Susan

do u give her a bath in baby lavender??? My son was that way for awhile and i started giving him a bath in baby lavender it works wonders it helps calm fussy babies.. Try giving her oat meal or something to make sure her belly is full
I hope this works good luck
S.

Listen, you do what you have to in the beginning to get some sleep, so don't worry that you did anything wrong! We had a heck of a time with my first son, too. Same thing - he had to have me rock him at first, then I had to sit and hold his hand, then we graduated to me sitting in his room reading a book with a flashlight until he fell asleep (which sometimes took an hour and a half!) and then I got pregnant with twins just before he was two and realized that I would never have the time to sit with him after the twins were born so had to do something and something fast. I started at nap time, telling him if he fell asleep alone that I would give him a sticker and after 10 stickers he would get a toy of his choosing. We took him to the store the first time he got 10 stickers and made a huge deal of getting him a toy. After four toys he was fine with going down on his own. It took just a few weeks. We've had a few relapses, as to be expected, but all in all, this worked for us. Anyway, just one option. I hope you find your sleep magic! :-)

Keep in mind that children's sleep habits change a lot in their first three years, and some of the difficulties your daughter is experiencing now, she may have outgrown in the next 6, or 9, or 12 months. It will be almost another third of her life before a sibling is born, even if you were to conceive today. My grandson's irregular sleep began to settle into a good, long nighttime stretch when he was around 2.5.

Since every child is different in the specifics, it's hard to do more than make suggestions that have worked with some kids. But here are some of the gems that have been effective for parents of some of the many babies I've known over a few decades:

Overtired children sleep less well. Anything you can do to enhance your daughter's naps or nighttime sleep now will probably work in her favor and in yours. If that means spending more time snuggling before sleep now, it may be worth the time you invest, and if you can see that time as precious to both you and your little girl, the bonding will be to both your benefits. These are often some of the most precious memories after your children grown past that need.

Putting a child down drowsy often results in the child waking again, and when they wake in that state, they are much more vulnerable to distress. It might help to put her into a bed pre-warmed by a heating pad or hot water bottle, so she doesn't lose so much of that cuddly feeling. With my grandson, he'd also wake if we laid him down shortly after he fell asleep. But if we rocked him for just a few more minutes, when he started making little sleep-twitches, he'd usually stay asleep. I'd also keep him in my arms when I first started settling him in his crib, and gently, slowly, remove my arms one at a time. He'd usually stay asleep.

The more physically active a child is during the day, the more avid their little bodies will be for getting rest at night. (And exception might be when they are learning a new skill, which can be very stimulating for a week or three.)

A good dose of natural daylight during the day, ideally a couple of hours or more, contains the "blue" light wavelengths that helps normalize day/night cycles. Similarly, the blue light radiated by TV and computer screens should be avoided within a couple of hours of going to bed, because it disturbs the brain's ability to produce natural melatonin, which brings on sleep. (You might ask your pedi about using melatonin with your daughter – it helps some kids with neurological dysfunction to sleep better.)

Good bonding, happiness, and relaxed, cuddly family time during the day helps kids relax toward sleep. Particularly in the evening, snuggling helps kids unwind and feel safe. This is not just on the conscious level, it goes deep into the child's whole take on how happy and safe the world is, and is why so many kids adopted from orphanages seem so tense, watchful or detached, uncomfortable, and at odds with the world.

It's also why older siblings tend to regress, in sleep, eating and/or potty habits, when a new baby arrives or is imminent – something to keep in mind if your little girls is suddenly less able to sleep when your due date approaches.

Some very recent research suggests that "the routine" is not uniformly helpful to every child on every night. Kids have different moods/needs on different days, just like adults do. So it may help to stay flexible and respond to whatever needs become apparent. This might result in skipping a bath and putting the child down 20 minutes early if she's showing clear signs of drowsiness early, or taking an extra 20 minutes some nights comforting your baby.

Brief crying is okay if it's just a fussy or crabby or exhausted sound. If it turns into a roar, or gets the child heated up, hiccuping or gasping or gagging/choking, then the stress hormones cortisol and adrenalin are circulating and making things worse. Babies will eventually exhaust themselves to sleep when this happens, but that's a less than optimal physical state, and many children will wake again fairly quickly, and start the pattern over again. Even so, many children will eventually give up and stop asking for comfort. Science shows that this patten actually changes the size and function of some nerves and brain structures, which has implications for the child's future development. (Google "cortisol and brain development" or similar key phrases to see the research. Here's one excellent summary: http://www.drmomma.org/2009/12/excessive-crying-harmful-t...)

My best to you and your growing family.

I agree that it takes patience and all kids are so different. I have two that fight sleep but crash hard, and one that fought sleep and woke up a lot. We have co-slept with all three girls, but they still had an earlier bedtime than we did so we would lay with them until they were totally "out" then get back up and have some alone time. I am pro-co-sleeping but realize it is not for everyone. Still I think it is normal for little ones to want you nearby. My older girls now sleep together.

My 20 month old usually takes about a half an hour on average before she is good and "out" so I can sneak away. My husband doesn't have the patience it takes - he will fall asleep before the baby! My oldest daughter took even longer, and woke up way more frequently. She and I are still the "light sleepers" of the family. The 20 month old right now nurses awhile, but not to sleep. Sometimes I 'dance' her to sleep in a sling to some repetitious rhythmic music. Sometimes she just needs to lay in the dark and flop around for a while in the dark until she conks out. I just lay with her and be very silent aside from preventing her from getting up or the occasional "shh" if I don't interact with her she will fall asleep eventually without fussing. Right now she is in a very "wound up" phase, harder to get to sleep - I attribute it to learning a lot of new language and skills lately. She will sing her a-b-c's and such right up until she finally goes out. I try to be patient and flexible with our routine. Just some more ideas that could possibly help. Good luck!

I would be very afraid to let her cry like that. It could set her up for asthma. She does it because she has deep anxiety. Take her to a homeopath. Very likely you will have to go to Bend to find a really competent one. Ask around.
The cry it out school so popular with idiot doctors of the 40's and 50's has given us a generation of asthmatics and diabetics. Diabetes is a disease whose foundation is in abandonment issues. Asthma is an anxiety disease with opportunistic parasites taking hold. You notice allopathic medicine has not cure for either disease. Homeopathy does.

Hi L.,

Have you thought about getting her a big girl bed and making that really exciting for her? At 20 months she can definintely be in one and it will also free up the crib for baby #2... :) A suggestion I found useful from the baby whisperer was, when they get out of bed the first time - take them back and only say "good night", kiss, out... The second time, kiss, out...the third (and hundreth time) put them back to bed and go out without saying a word. The first night will be the longest but after that it will get better. By third night you will be surprised at the transition. Good luck :)