Experiences Regarding Getting Baby to Drift to Sleep on His Own

E.,
I read a wonderful book called: Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child by Dr. Weisbluthe (think that's the spelling). I have a 23 month old daughter and 4 month old son, they both sleep through the night and nap regularly with out any issues. I believe having a well rested baby is as important as giving them a healthy diet. This book helped me to learn the tired signs, so that I would know before my baby got overtired and be able to put them down so they could drift of on their own. I'm very serious about their sleep schedules, they're in bed at the same time every night and they never nap out on the street, we're always home for naps. I hope this helps. Good luck!

Does the baby take a pacifier,,,,maybe you can slip it in....I read a great book, the one by Weisbluth, Happy Baby....something? You may have to try many things...
good luck.

try the book, "Babywise." it worked wonders for us, and we now have a 2 1/2 year old who sleeps beautifully, and has since about 2-3 months of age (with obvious exceptions for occasional illness and teething : ))

I loved the "No Cry Sleep Solution" book by Elizabeth Pantley. She was a breastfeeding mom herself, so all her suggestions are really breastfeeding-friendly.

On a more personal note, my first baby was a nurse-to-sleep baby. She has always had a hard time self-soothing and sleeping (still does, at age 2). My second baby sometimes nurses to sleep, sometimes doesn't, and she sleeps amazing. I didn't do anything differently with her. All babies are wired differently. Respond to your baby's needs and the rest will follow. Don't feel like you need to change anything now, if it ain't broke don't fix it. I can't imagine night weaning my baby (she's also 5 months) or letting her cry herself to sleep, the idea of that makes me want to throw up. Seriously. She's just so sweet and trusting and loving, I cannot imagine betraying her like that. It's just me though.

Check out that No Cry book, I think it's wonderful and gentle.

just some info, there is no such thing as training your child to sleep. sleep is a biological event. when a child is "trained" in essence they cry till they fall alseep from exhaustion. then each night as they cry and no one comes to answer their cries they give up. now thats not to say that they are having the same feelings as when crying, they just realize no one is going to come. keep in mind, babies that cry it out actually cry more in general as they never know if their cry will be answered so they cry more. also children at this age are in no way manipulative so keep in mind they dont know.
now to your issue. my daughter falls asleep while nursing. we cosleep so when she stirs i give her a pacifier before she ever wakes up. if i allow her to fully wake, then i will have to nurse her or rock her. sometimes you have to try different pacifiers but i found around 5 months was the first time she took one.
try to find ways to keep him asleep, like pacifiers, white noise, swaddling(i know he is older but my kids get just thier hands swaddled in a miracle blanket or else they rub thier eyes in thier sleep and wake up). cosleeping always allowed my children to sleep wonderfully. from 3 weeks old, my daughter slept only waking once. my first daughter the same at 6 weeks. but all that is with cosleeping, white noise, swaddling. my daughter now sleeps better now that she is on her side. if she wakes, i nurse her. if she happens to wake again, which is rare, i know she shouldnt be hungry so i pick her up on my shoulder and sway in the bathroom with the fan on. she is out in like 3 minutes. i cannot hold her in the cradle position at all. she must be held upright. if i do put her in the cradle position, she thinks she will eat.
the only thing i would suggest, is instead of trying to do this in the middle of the night, maybe give him his last feeding, wake him up a little, then rock him. i understand you want to just put him down, but it may be more important to try and come up with other soothing ways beside the nursing. really look into pacifiers though(also some prefer latex to silicone so try both, mine only take the mam), if he isnt swallowing, he probaly needs to suck. i sometimes end up walking around with my daughter screaming for 10 minutes,m then give her a pacifier and she is out in a second. this is after i initially try the pacifier and she refuses.
all that aside, dont worry about him being 3 and needing to nurse to sleep. remember he is still so young, and most BF babies like to nurse to sleep. if it doesnt truly bother you, dont worry. focus more on not getting him to wake. also, part of the nursing is the point of being with mommy, he smells you, feels you, hears your heartbeat. its not just about eating, its the overall package. good luck

I agree with previous posters that you don't need to "train" your baby to fall asleep on his own. First off he's only 5 months old--he was in your womb being rocked to sleep for 9 months. IMO it's completely illogical to expect an infant this young to be expected to fall asleep with no physical contact. Secondly, it's easy to forget, but nursing is not only for nutrition, there's the comfort aspect and the regulation of internal organs and sleep rhythms for the baby and beyond that there's the endorphins that are released to help mothers relax and feel more rested.

I WISH my daughter could've nursed to sleep at 5 months--she has allergies which caused her to associate nursing with discomfort for a long time. I had to rock and carry her to sleep physically and just recently (at 19 months) she has started to "boob off" as it were ;-) giving me a chance to rest and relax while she nurses.

I'd say give up on trying to train your baby to sleep on his own and just nurse him to sleep or until he's drowsy and releases on his own, then cuddle until he's fully out. Enjoy your time together, because before you know it he won't want all the affection because it'll "ruin his image" :D

Times when you need a break, nurse your son and then see if you can trade him off to your husband to rock to sleep in a carrier and leave the room--if the baby can smell the boob he'll want it back ;-) But the important thing is to make sure the baby has nursed fully before passing him on or he may really be hungry.

Here's an excellent article on the benefits of feeding your baby to sleep:
http://tribalbaby.org/Feedingtosleep.html

He will outgrow it before you know it--enjoy your nursing relationship for as long as you can.

R.

hi E.;

my kids are 3 yrs, boy, and 16 months, girl, and they STILL nurse to sleep. sure it's a pain because most of the time i have to be the one to put them down, but it works and i'm ok with it.

DO NOT let anyone tell you it's any kind of health, dental, or develomental problem. that's total BS. it's perfectly fine and healthy. my son is just now getting ready to wean. he can go to sleep fine with a baby sitter or for my husband if i go out. my daughter can go to sleep for my husband if she's very tired, so if i need to go out we give her a big exercise and a long fun bath, a snack, and she goes down fine. my daughter wakes up 2xs per night to nurse, usually, sometime's 1x, once in a while she will sleep through. my son started sleeping through the night about 8 months ago.

all of this, while annoying, is really normal. i found that the struggle of trying to "teach them to go to sleep by themselves" was far more time consuming, stressful, and depressing though. it was too painful esp. because i believe that crying it out is tantamount to torture.

i really am seeing in my children's lives that the kids will either do things when they are ready or they give me clear clues that they are ready to make these changes with them and direct them. have faith that this will happen for you too.

also i would strongly caution you against trying to eliminate night feedings; many breastfed babies show a markedly higher intelligence than non-nursers, which means that they are more active and curious during the day, which then in turns means that they are too busy to nurse during the day sometimes and must make up the calories at night. so if they wake up for that feeding, it means that they need it, and you should give it to them.

i APPLAUD YOU for nursing, it's such a huge health benefit to you and your child. stick with it!

J.

I recommend that you nurse Asa to sleep and consider it a gift that she goes to sleep without crying. It is such a pleasant way to fall asleep and makes her feel so loved and safe. She will learn to fall asleep on her own later when she is older. I do not think you should rush through this precious time. The safer and happier she is now the sooner she will learn that night time is not scary and lonely and will learn to feel secure with herself and fall asleep alone.

You are doing everything right....just listen to her and you will know what she needs. Crying is how she tells you about how she feels! Go with your instinct and do not try to make her grow up too fast.

Good luck!

pacifier, works wonders and easy to take away later

M

Hey there!
My second daughter is 5 months old as well, and I just in the last week and a half managed to get her to be able to fall asleep on her own in her crib. (It was suprisingly easy, my 1st was not the same). All I started to do was wait until she was clearly tired, then I will lay with her and nurse her. When she stops nursing or starts to fall asleep I'll carry her to here crib and she usually wakes up and fusses a bit, so i turn on her mobile and give her her sucky. I'll rub her head till she stops fussing and her eyes are getting heavy again, and then leave. If she spits out the sucky and starts fussing I'll go back in and give it to her (usually it will be about 2 times) and then she manages to fall asleep.
I did that for about a week, and now she usually falls asleep even if she's not super super dozey. (I will still go in and give her her sucky 2 times if she loses it. But every time let her fuss a little bit longer before rushing to the rescue!)
Since I started doing this her naps have been awesome, she goes down between 10 and 10:30 AM, and wakes up 1 1/2 to 2 hours later every day. Usually she has one more nap that's about half an hour at around 2 or 3. It seems to be working and i manage to have her in bed at about 8 thirty. (If she is still waking in the night, i've found that even though it is just easier to let her in your bed and nurse her to sleep and keep her there, if you move her the same as for her naps it works too...and then you get your bed to yourself for the rest of the night.)

Hope that helps.
Good luck!!
D.

I would not introduce the pacifier, as some people have said. Because every time it falls out of his mouth, he will probably wake up, and you will have to put it back in to get him back to sleep, which is no better than bf to sleep. I bf my son until he falls asleep too and then let him fall off naturally. I don't try to pull him off because I find that he wakes up looking for it. If he comes off himself, then he won't expect it when he wakes up. Sometimes he will stay asleep if I move him to the crib and sometimes he doesn't. If he wakes up before I can get him in the crib, then my husband takes him and rocks him before putting him down. Sometimes he wakes up right after, in which case we leave him for 10-15 minutes to see if he will settle. He might whimper a little but we don't let him cry if he is really upset. If he wakes at night we also do this. But if he doesn't seem to be going back to sleep and it has been at least 3 hours since he ate then I will feed him. If not, my husband tries to get him back to sleep so he doesn't smell mommy and the milk. He generally will only wake up once or twice and goes right back down quickly after feeding so it's not a big deal. Right before bed we make sure not to talk and to keep the lights off for feedings and use a little night light for changing so he is not wakened further by stimulation. I also read Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child by Dr. Weisbluth, but it basically calls for you to let them cry it out at night for as long as it takes without going in to check on them at all, so it's harsher than the Ferber Method. We could not stomach his method, but the book does have some good insight into sleep and what time you should put your child to sleep and tips so that they fall asleep easier. That part of the book was really good. But we figure at 5 months my son is still too young to "train" anyway.

Here is what I shared a few months ago with another mom with a similar situation....I hope it helps or gives you some ideas!....

Well, I'll share what I have done and you can take it or leave it....I have 6 kids and they have all pretty much slept through the night at 4 months with this method:

I allow my infants to stay up as long as I do so that when I sleep, they sleep too! When they get older and older, I gradually put them to bed a half hour earlier...then another half hour earlier.

Usually I put them on a 4 hour feeding schedule....6pm until 10 pm is rough, they are tired and I'm tired, but I stretch it out so that they are good and hungry and good and sleepy so that they can survive the night. After the 10pm feeding, I put the baby in her crib with a pacifier. During the night if she cries, I get up put the pacifier in her mouth, but DO NOT pick the baby up....baby learns that it is not time for all that, it's time for sleep which means staying in bed. I will rub her back for a few minutes to calm the baby down, but make sure the pacifier is in and the baby is comfortable. I leave and go back to bed. If she cries again, I will let her cry for about 5 minutes and then get up and repeat with pacifier and calming her down. Each time she gets up crying, let her cry longer...10 minutes, 20 minutes, etc.

I know, this is an agonizing process, but it should take a few nights for her to learn the process and for her to realize that it is time for sleep and quiet. If you have ever watch Super Nanny, she uses a similiar technique even with older children. You are the one who has to be consistant...if you relent, it WILL NOT WORK!!!You have to stand your ground on this and if you do it seriously should only take a few nights for the behavior to be learned and followed by your baby.

I think it is great that you are starting early...I have friends whose 10 yr. olds STILL don't sleep through the night because the parents never established routines and rules for bedtime, falling asleep on their own, and staying in their own bed!!! I would have died if I didn't start early with mine....can you imagine 6 kids in bed with me and my husband at various times of the night!!! No thanks!

Anyway, good luck! It is not easy, but soooooooo worth it!! Be Tough!

Try a pacifier. He's old enough now where nipple confusion is not a problem. Both my kids were breastfed and binkies always helped them fall asleep on their own. Also, I would stop the whole falling asleep while nursing thing. He's old enough now to teach him that eat time is eat time and sleep time is sleep time. So if he starts falling asleep while nursing stop him, wake him back up, and start over. Then for nap time and so use a binky for soothing. I always started off the self sleep thing by putting them to bed slightly awake but mostly asleep. Then over a few days put him to bed more and more awake. It works. It worked for both my kids. And they are both easy to put to bed. We have a set routine of PJ's book and bed. I also play soothing music to set the mood and even if they don't go right to sleep they play in their beds quietly until they are out. Then once their sleeping through the night if they wake up all I have to do is give them back the binky (not my son anymore he's 4 today) and turn on the music and bam, right back to sleep.

Both of my boys were breastfed babies who also took a pacifier. It worked wonders. When I could see that they were drifting off to sleep I would slowly remove them from the breast and give them a binkie. Seemed to work great! Also, we have a wonderful mobile that you can get at babies r us called the Dreams-In-Sight Projection Mobile (http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2266791) I love this product! It's great because it has the mobile which lights and is extremely calming in a dark room but it also has 4 music options you can play...It plays for 10-15 minutes at a time. Great thing about this mobile though is that the mobile part clips off once your baby is too old to have something hanging in her crib. But the music part stays attached to your crib. My now almost 15 month old loves turning on the music himself now. It is certainly worth the $40.
Good luck!

I went with the nurse to sleep method until she was10 or 11 months. I did stop the middle of the night feedings at nine months. There was crying for long periods but it only took a few times for her to get the point. I would rock her and not feed her at first then went to not picking her up at all just laying her back down. Five months seems really early for a baby to have to give up the breast at night but lots of people do it. I bet someone here will have an experience similar to yours. Best wishes.

I agree that, if it's not really bothering you, let him nurse to sleep. He will grow out of it--mine did, and they all do. It gets easier.

E.,

This is just my opinion, but I think you shouldn't even begin worrying about this at 5 months old. Of course you are tired, but we push our babies to grow up way too fast in this country. Five months...that's hardly anything...it took him twice as long as that to even be ready to come out of the womb! He needs you...that is the way it is with babies, and the way it should be. If you are basing your desire to have him self soothing at this age on books or the opinions of other people, stop reading and stop listening! Let your baby be in charge of this particular thing at this age. Again...my opinion. I have 5 children and all of them took the lead on sleeping issues and nursing. Now my youngest is 18 months, just weaned last month...goes to bed without a pacifier or bottle or any other soothing item, and sleeps all night. The entire time she was nursing she would nurse in the middle of the night. I let her. She needed me, and now she is over it and very well adjusted. As mothers we have to be willing to sacrifice sleep for the sake of our children, and we do so all the time. Now take some good vitamins and enjoy your nursing moments. All too soon they will be just a fading memory and you will be wistfully remembering this precious time.

All the best,

D.

Your experience was my experience until recently. My little man is just now 13mons and has started to nurse for a little while at bed time and then I rock him to sleep. For awhile I was waiting until he was asleep before laying him down, but recently I've started to lay him down when he's barely awake. I also hum or sing as we rock and when I first lay him down. It's been a long process, but it's working for us. If you're not in a rush to night wean him try that for a while. I've also just started not nursing him when he awakes in the middle of the night. He wasn't crazy about it at first, but I offer him his sippy, he takes a couple of sips and goes back to sleep. Something to keep in mind is that most doctors agree that it's possible for a child to awake in the night due to hunger until about 12mons. So your little guy may truely be hungry for at least one of his middle of the night feedings. Good luck

I did the same thing. everybody was telling me to stop nursing him to sleep but I didn't see the reason too. why? he was so happy to nurse himself to sleep... why make him cry? very soon your son will drop one nap, then another. and before you can blink, he'll wean himself from the breast. so why create more problems by forcing him to fall asleep without breast?

Hi. I nursed my son for 6 months and he would always fall asleep while nursing in the evening. As a result, he never really learned to self soothe. He is now 4 years old and he still will not go to sleep by himself. If I knew then what I know now I would definitely have pumped and given him a bottle for the last feeding, set up a definite sleep routine (bath, lotion, PJ's, story and place him in crib). My sister-in-law did this with my niece and nephew. They know that it is bedtime and go right down at 7pm- happy and with no struggle. It's a dream!! Kids crave a structured routine. It gives them cues about what they are supposed to be doing. I wish that I was more structured, but I didn't know at the time!!! He was my 1st. Everything that you do with your child now sets the stage for how they behave 2, 3, 4 years down the line. Good luck. I hope that I was helpful!!

I tried the same thing with my daughter, around the same age. I wanted her to stop nursing to sleep so that she could learn to self soothe, but also so that my husband could share in putting her to bed sometimes. I started with naptimes. I would nurse her and if she fell asleep on the boob, I would get up and walk around with her - waking her up. We would do an activity for about 20 minutes and then when I was sure she was tired (cranky) I would lay her down in her crib awake. I tried different things - playing her lullaby CD, her Fisher Price aquarium, giving her a "lovey" (small baby doll blankie) and it was tough the first few days. Then I eventually tried all 3 together as part of a routine and she would snuggle/love on her baby doll and watch the bubbles and fishies until she drifted off to sleep. Like I said, it didn't happen immed. and the first few times were a little rough - but it's nice now that she can put herself to sleep, daddy (or grandmas)can do the routine, and now it works for nighttime too. (I now put three "loveys" in her crib so she can always find one in the middle of the night.)
My big thing also with waking her up if she falls asleep on the boob - was wanting to get a good burp out of her. I find that she sleeps longer - even for her naps - if I get good burps out of her and she has the 10-20 minutes to digest before laying down.
It takes some trial and error - but it's worth it - for both of you. Your little one might have different needs to help/soothe him while he tries to sleep - so just try different things.
Good luck!! Hope I helped!!

My daughter was the exact same way. I can sympathise with the situation. My daughter just gradually grew out of it. Our plan was to practice child-led weaning, but now, at 3 I'm weaning her gradually off of nursing at night onto a sippy cup. If you don't want to exclusively nurse you're going to have to get her to take a bottle. Pump milk if you have to, I guess. I was never good at negotiating this with my babies. The good news is they eventually grow out of it, LOL. My youngest daughter always screamed if I wasn't there to nurse her so I kept my trips away from her to a minimum because my husband was completely clueless about how to comfort a screaming baby. My theory always was that if you can't stop them from screaming you hold them and let them know they're not alone but my husband just couldn't deal with the screaming. I hope you get better advice.

I followed a routine from a book I read called Secrets of the Baby Whisperer. It's called the EASY routine. Eat, Activity, Sleep, Your time. Part of the theory is not feeding your child to sleep because of the very reason you're posting. The baby becomes dependent on it and then you're always having to nurse or suckle your child to sleep. Maybe you can switch the order around? She says the activity doesn't have to be much. In fact, for a newborn it's a diaper change, or a little eye contact and soft talk just enough that it's there. For your 5 month, you can play a little game, etc. He probably wont like the change much. But, for a baby his age, it only takes 3 days to change a habit. It might be a hard three days, but what is three days compared to endless days of you waking up in the middle of the night to let him suckle himself back to sleep. You'll be teaching him a much better lesson to do it on his own. As for night time. You might want your husband to go to him when it's not feeding time (if he is still actually feeding at night). I'd suggest not picking him up out the crib. Rather just put your hand on him, ssshhhh him, gently rock his body...whatever it is he likes that is NOT nursing. Soon enough, he'll get the message that he has other ways to soothe himself and feel comforted that is not your boob. In this way, you are still comforting him, just giving him other options. That is what we did, anyhow, DD was sleeping through the night at 3.5 months, and LOVES her crib and bedtime. When she wakes from a dream or whatever, which is rare, a little cuddle and she back off to sleep. Good luck!!!

I'll nurse my 4 mos old daughter and sometimes she falls asleep on the boob and other times she doesn't. When I put her down and she wakes up, I turn on a crib toy. Fisherprice makes a few: aquarium version & a rainforetst version, each about $30.

When I turn the crib toy on for my 4 mos daughter, she turns her head and watches it immediately. I can then walk out with any problem. SHe may squwack a bit at times, but by the time the toy shuts itself off, she's asleep. Just be patient and eventually your son will fall asleep on his own. When my 23 mos daughter wakes up at night now, she will hit the button and turn it on, watch the lights & all, and then fall back to sleep on her own. Unless she is crying in a distressed manner (which rarely happens), we leave her be.

Do you follow a bedtime or naptime routine? It doesn't have to be crazy. For bed: bath, lotion/massage, pj's, feeding, held to sleep and then put down. I use the same lotion for bed and nap so that she associates the smell with sleep time.

For nap, my daughter (now 23 mos) has a cup of milk snuggling on the couch, diaper change, then wave "naptime" (like saying goodbye) to the dog, other family members, etc., and then we pull the blinds and put her in her crib. She did cry initially, but now she barely squawks and will actually walk into her room on her own when I say its naptime.

Good luck!

My 10 month old daughter was like this too. Actually, she is just now getting better at 10 months and I think it's by her choice, not mine! We tried everything and the only thing that helped a little was to sleep train her with the Ferber method, which is the "cry it out" method. We did this at 5 months. It was hard but after a night or two she would get to sleep on her own and sleep for longer stretches. You might try it if you have the stomach for it. I always said I'd never do it but after five months of getting up every 3 hours on the dot, I decided it was worth a try!