Okay, so I watch a 20 month old boy 2 to 4 days a week. My own son is 22 months old. As toddlers, they get "grab-happy" about toys - my son is a "howler" and screeches in protest, but doesn't bite or hit. The little boy I watched has started biting my son. I try to get to my son as fast as I can before he can get bitten, but this little boy is fast. And he bites out of anger (always over a toy or he wants to get something away from my son) but my issue is, he bites HARD. As in trying to break the skin. By the end of the day, my son had 2 black and blue bite marks on his body and a scratched face. This little boy is also perfecting a hard pinch, which I got as well. He even tried to bite me while I was sitting on the floor reading a book. I realized I was about to get bitten and managed to get away.
I have never had to deal with such an angry toddler. His parents act surprised, even though he used to bite THEM when he was about 12 months old. Any ideas about curbing this dangerous behavior would be really appreciated!!! His parents do not give this little guy any schedule, so I know that plays into the anger issue, but how do I stop the biting?? I have removed him immediately from my son and done the "No! No Bites!" - any other ideas since these do not seem to work.
Thanks so much for all the info! I am slated to watch him 2 days this week - we will see which of these tactics FINALLY gets through to him.
2 things that work amazingly and he will remember it well. One is to whisper to him. That gets his attention more than raising one's voice. Two is to say to him please, will you not do that. Make it more of a question than an order.
What is your relationship to this child and their parents? If they are close friends, I'd talk to them about the "biting back" option. I have 2 boys...it works, and if it isn't happening at home, well, somebody has to nip it in the bud!
If you are a sitter or daycare provider, biting back is not an option. You'll have to use other methods. I agree with the previous poster who said that removing the child from the situation is required. It has to happen quickly and with purpose.
As soon as an infraction occurs (bite, pinch or otherwise), crouch down to his level and take him by the shoulders. Look him square in the eye and say firmly "NO! We do NOT bite/pinch/slap." Then immediately remove him from the area to a crib or pack and play in a separate room (no toys or comfort should be available). Leave him in that room for about 3-5 minutes, or he stops crying...whichever occurs LAST.
When you take him out, don't bother explaining anything. Just wait for it to happen again. Respond consistently each and every time.
If THAT doesn't work, I have a secret (and unorthodox) weapon for you. A secret "tantrum fixer" that has been in my family for 4 generations of kids. It works for biting/pinching/slapping too. You will DEFINITELY want to discuss this one with the parents, since it's not exactly a well-known technique.
This method also requires that you catch him in the act, preferably while he's still biting or pinching.
You'll need: A couple of little "Dixie" sized cups. Water. A fridge. A clean towel.
Put water in your small Dixie sized cups. Put them in the fridge and let it get niiiiice and cold. When Billy Biter makes his move, or you suspect it will happen, go get a cup out of the fridge. Don't let him see it....ever. Never warn or even imply that something bad might happen if he bites/pinches/slaps.
When he bites or pinches, dash that cold water into his face and IMMEDIATELY hide the cup behind your back so he never sees where the water comes from. He will, without a doubt, immediately stop what he is doing. He might, as my oldest did, scream like someone is biting HIM. He might cry and be frightened...that's okay. You want that. That fear is going to keep him from biting again.
Don't explain what happened, like with the time-out method, he won't understand. Just clean him up and let him self soothe. Don't mention the bite/pinch/slap at all, and don't ever mention the water. The most you need to say is "uh-oh...let's get you cleaned up!"
If he does it again, respond in exactly the same way. While it usually only takes one time using this method for tantrums, it might take a couple of times for physical aggression. The whole idea is that he gets an EXTREMELY negative (but not hurtful) reaction every time he bites/pinches/slaps. You won't have to explain it to him because his little brain will put cause and effect together all on it's own.
Important things to know about using this method:
Never talk about it in front of the kids.
Do not make threats.
Show no emotion (you might be angry that he's hurting your son...show none).
Immediate response only. Do not use this if you cannot respond right when the infraction occurs.
Good luck! I hope this helps!
C.
I would stop watching him rather than allow him to continue to hurt my son. I would let the parents know that once they have gotten the issue under control he can return to your care.
Holy cow! Sorry to offend anyone, but some of these responses are really disturbing!!
There are all kinds of reasons that children of this age bite. It doesn't necessarily mean that he's an angry kid, and there are ways to deal with this without isolating and using really punitive methods.
There are lots of helpful articles about this online. Here's a link to one: http://www.ivillage.com/how-can-you-keep-your-toddler-bit...
Best of luck to you. Unfortunately, biting doesn't go away overnight. If you don't feel like it's something you (or your son) can tolerate until it gets better, I would not provide care for this little guy. Just let the parents know that the biting issue is too severe for you to feel comfortable.
Hi K.! From a medical standpoint, this child is endangering your son. I would immediately ask the parents to find a different sitter. They need to take responsibility for assisting their son in finding a different outlet for his anger.
I am the childcare coordinator for our church and just dealt with a family who's child had a vicious biting problem. We had to ask the parents to remove their son until they could get the behavior under control or face legal ramifications. They were so, so, SO angry but the problem was getting worse instead of better. It's not your responsibility or mine to deal with this.......it's the PARENTS responsibility to get to the root of the issue.
I am so sorry you have to deal with this! I can understand! It's a very frustrating issue and please don't feel bad for wanting to keep your son safe. This is a valid concern that you have and this little boy's parents need a wake up call.
Good luck!
I would also start with the time outs in a crib, pack and play or some other confined place (I sometimes used the high chair with a harness for my son since he was no longer using it for meals). 2 (first time) or 4 (2nd infraction or significant injury) minutes should be enough.
You may need to teach the boys how to share and take turns. Boys at that age probably don't have a lot of words to express themselves. Perhaps you can teach him to say 1 word like "turn" to get a turn or ask him to offer your son a different toy to trade and say "trade". My son is 4 and can be grabby and aggressive with his little sister (17 months). He has been taught to offer her a toy to trade but he doesn't always do it unless prompted. If they fight and get physical I put the toy in time out (which is not always fair to the little one). Sometimes my older one gets a time out for grabbing, depending on the situation but he is much more able to understand rules than a not quite 2 year old. Also if it is often the same toy or few toys they fight over you could put them away when you have this child over or get a duplicate if that is in your budget. I had this work very well with sand toys we took to the park. We have a bag with several inexpensive pails and shovels and similar stuff--plenty for several kids to play with. I used this to teach my son to share starting when he was about 2. I demonstrated several skills like asking for a toy back, offering to trade, inviting another child to play, etc. It required a lot of supervision at first and he didn't get it so much before he was 2 but the summer he was 2.5 he improved a lot (then he got a sister and it fell apart for a while, LOL). Anyway, good luck.
He must be brought to task. If he bites or tries to you say no. Biting is not allowed and then pick him up and put him in a crib or somewhere else and take all toys away. Remember punishments must fit the age so you cannot go and leave him there for like 15 min. Just a 2 minutes and then give him a second chance. If he tries to bite again again take all toys and your son away and put him in time out. By the end of the visit he will get the hint.
i know they say biting back isn't the answer but i say it is. i used to watch a girl who bite my son. i would bite her on the point of her elbow. she got the point very quickly-only 2 times of me biting her was enough!!
I would just keep the kids separated into 2 different areas of the house. Maybe put up a baby gate or split a room up and give each of them their own toys. As a daycare provider, you have to be careful how you treat this child as you can get in big trouble and even if the parents "tell" you that using unorthodox methods are ok, they could deny it later and that could cost you your daycare privileges. I don't think that throwing cold water on a 20 month old, biting back, confining to a crib etc. is the answer but you should document each and every instance of biting, including taking photos and you can show that to the parents. Let them know that if it continues, you may have to consider not babysitting for them any longer in order to protect your child. They have to be the primary disciplinarians for this problem. I do know that Dr. Phil had a show where they addressed this so you might go to his website and look up "child biting" and see what he says about it. Good luck to you!
I dealt with biting with my own childen and also at a daycare I worked at and ther can be several things that can cause it. Something as simple as being over tired or bored have been the usually issues. Also if he's having seperation issues and if he's used to geting his way all the time and can be difficult to break. With my kids I resulted to "biting back" method just enough to get a reaction so they understand that it hurts. My 22 month old sometimes bites but it is usually due to being tired and he hasn't started talking yet so I'm sure there is some frustration built up.
My advice would be that if the parents aren't being pro-active in helping you resolve this you might need to stop watching him if you are concerned about your childs welfare. I know it's tuff but you can only do so much not being the actully parent.
