What to Do About a 20 Month Old Who Bites Her Brother?!

Updated on September 26, 2006
A.E. asks from Sioux Falls, SD
12 answers

We have a daughter, who is 1.5 years old, and a son who is 2.5 years old. Over the past two months or so, our daughter has bit our son maybe 4 times. Our kids to not go to daycare, so I am not sure where she picked this up or if it is just something new that she does. She is usually angry about something when she does it. For example, our son knows how to climb over baby gates and she does not. Today, as he was climbing over, she was upset that she couldn't, so she bit his hand. Whoever catches it first (me or my husband) always touch her mouth light with our finger and say "NO BITING!" But...that doesn't seem to do the trick!! Any advice??

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T.M.

answers from Salt Lake City on

My son has been a biter too..=( I noticed he will bite if he is frustrated or upset and also when he is teething! He has been in daycre now for almost a yr and has had a few biting episodes there as well...=(. Oh and my son is 2 1/2. He was biting everyone including the animals too! So What I did wa ssit him down and have a talk with him about biting and hiting and kicking...UGH! It seemed to have worked though...He has only bitten a few times in the last few months! But then we were out playing at an indoor play area yesterday and my son got bit...Pretty good too...By a younger boy and I again talked to him about biting and now he knows how it really feels!

I think as well as the talk his back molars have all broken through and so that is a BIG help too with the biting! I hope this novel helps out...LOL Good Luck!!! =)

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M.B.

answers from Omaha on

My parents went through the same thing with me. I was a horrible biter...I used to draw blood. My parents tried everything...taking toys away, saying no, smacking my hand, lightly biting me back...nothing worked. Until they broke out the Tabasco sauce. A drop on the tongue immediately after I bit someone. It took them exactly 2 times of using the stuff and I stopped biting. (After giving me the sauce, they would wait a minute and give me some milk to cool my mouth.) I was a very difficult child to discipline since I was so head strong and not much seemed to bother me, so they were forced to get creative! Good luck!

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T.C.

answers from Pocatello on

i work with children what we do is talk to child about bitting and also show that child to show her feelings by maybe tearing a paper or drawing or from mother to mother i suggest that maybe she can bite a pillow or scream in a pillow to let out the anger.

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K.O.

answers from Portland on

Have you tried giving her a time out? That's the first thing I would do. Immediately pick her up, tell her no biting, and tell her she's going to timeout. I put my son (2.5 yrs) in his crib. I make sure the crib is empty, no security objects, then I turn off the ligh and shut the door. I've only had to do it a few times, and it's been pretty effective so far. I wonder what sort of message you would be sending if you decided to start biting her back?

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L.B.

answers from Sioux Falls on

I agree that you should give a flick on the mouth when you catch her biting, however along with the flick, you have to explain why you flick her. Along with saying NO Biting, explain why, like biting hurts, or you would not like it your brother bite you, or so on. She may seem too young, but I find that they have amazing understanding. My 2 yr old like to bite me for no reason, this is how I took care of it. I hope this helps!

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K.H.

answers from Eugene on

Hi My name is K., and my daughter is 5, and when she was younger she would do the same to us. This may sound mean, but it shows you mean business. Instead of touching her mouth, pop it gently but firmly with your fingers or flick her mouth. I know it sounds mean, but to this day, my daughter knows what that means, and doesn't do it. When my daughter was younger and I'd ask for advice, people whould tell me to gently bite her back so she knows it doesn't tickle. I found that this sometimes made it worse. Let me know if this helps. :-)

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T.T.

answers from Salt Lake City on

A.,
It is hard but all children actually go through this stage. I have most often found that by biting them back it usually helps. I don't hurt them, I just let them know how it feels. An adult can tell when it hurts a little and not enough to leave a red mark. I have seen children go really agressive if this is not put in check and they bite the other children to the point that they even will draw blood. So if anything don't touch her lightly but smartly and be very stern. If she keeps it up, then remove her from playing.

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M.W.

answers from Bismarck on

My oldest child did this. The last time he did it (of course after every thing else, and now it is the last straw) I grabed his little mouth shook his little face and set him down on the floor facing away from us and walked away. never again did he bite.

my youngest and probably the older, thought we were playing. kissing and wrestling like fun. He interpreted as biting. we just showed what kissing was and not biting. he was a quick learner in this area.
good luck
M.

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D.A.

answers from Portland on

Biting at this age is very common and generally has to do with frustration and inability to comunicate everything verbally.
My twins went through this phase as have many of my clients toddlers.
what seems to work best is this; when your daughter bites your son do NOT give her any attention positive or negative (remember attention is attention, positive or negative to a toddler)pick up your son and take him somewhere, such as the other side of the gate, and shower him with affection and attention where she can see you but cannot get to you. Tell him how brave he is, how much you love him, thank him for not hurting his sister in response, give him a small treat such as a jelly bean or fruit snacks all the while completely ignoring her. If you are consistent with this routine you should see her start to stop herself as she goes to bite and eventually stop biting all togeher. When you do catch her stopping herself as she starts to bite acknowledge it with praise, kisses and hugs. Please let us know how it goes.

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A.K.

answers from Las Vegas on

My first son didnt bite, so when my second one did, I was so freaked out.. I finaly figured out that he was doing it because he couldnt communicate what he wanted from the other children. He talked late, and would want something and try to tell them and when they couldn't understand, he would bite. Usually when he would bite, I noticed he would make an angry sound, kind of like a warning sound (LOL) and then he would bite. I started listening for that sound and would grab him and talk to him before he would bite. That acutually ended up working better than the time outs, spankings, soap in the mouth etc. But don't worry, they eventually grow out of it...

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H.W.

answers from Eugene on

Try biting her back and that way she knows how it feels.....That is what we did and it worked.

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N.H.

answers from Omaha on

I have a very good friend who has the same issue with her son. She just gives him a good flick in the mouth/nose region. Says very plain and clear, no biting. He gets it. It's in no way mean, and I have found it to be very affective!

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