My Kid Bites!

I had this problem with one of my sons when he was younger. I started biting him back and he stopped it.

My son, who is 6 now tried to bite as a baby, this might sound bad, but my ex-husband hit him in the mouth and never again to this day has ever tryed to bite again. It worked for me.

My son was a biter too. I tried everything. Nothing work. Everyone kept telling me to bite him back and I thought it was cruel and couldn't bring myself to do it. Then he bit me really hard on my breast on a very bad day and I lost it and bit him back. He never bit again. I should have just bit him back sooner...

My daughter was a biter, too. It was very upsetting to me. She did get kicked out of preschool when she was two and I was devastated. The director was very kind, but the other parent was very angry (understandably). What does the preschool teacher do when your son bites? It's very important to be consistent. A short time out (2 min) and tell him "No biting", "Biting hurts". Keep it simple, because a 2 yr old can't understand reasoning. Unfortunately, from everything I read, they have to grow out of it. The reason they bite is they don't have the reasoning and words to express their anger. Also let them know the appropriate response to the situation: for example, if the struggle is over a toy, "No - I was playing with that!" or more simply, "that's mine". Things that don't work: Yelling at him, spanking, or biting him back. (read the research from experts). There are also some age-appropriate books I've seen at the bookstore. We struggled with this problem, too for over a year. My daughter would bite someone at every play group we went to. She just didn't like other children in her space. I also noticed it was worse when she was tired or over-stimulated. I learned that she could only be with other children about 1 hour before she'd had enough. I just watched her closely and as soon as she went to bite, I picked her up, took her to a separate room, sat her down and told her "there's no biting." Then after her time out, we would leave immediately, so she knew there was a consequence. Hope this helps.

My 4-yr-old was a biter when he was 2 and it lasted a long time. He finally got bit by the little girl he LOVED and stopped. He had been bitten by 5 other kids on numerous occasions each, but this one finally did it.

One other suggestion though. We had the daycare put him in a high chair during all diaper changing times. This is when the caretaker can't get to all the children b/c she can't leave one on the changing table. This meant he had several 15-20 minute sessions a day there, but at least the other kids were safer from him. If his teacher had time to watch him, she was able to stop him before he bit or before he chomped down hard enough to cause a bruise or draw blood. When she couldn't do this (diaper time for other kids) was when we had to go pick him up early b/c it was a bad enough bite to warrant it.

Ask the daycare about their policy. Ours said they would never kick him out, but we had to pick him up if he broke skin or if he bit 2x in one day. It might give you peace of mind.

My child is a biter too. The biting comes and goes in phases. He just turned three last month and started biting again.
Try these two books which worked for me last week.
1) Teeth are not for Biting
2) No Biting!

I would only bite back if nothing else works. If you leave a bite mark on your child, the daycare may be required to report it to Child Protective Services. Be careful!

fortunately, my 4 kids are past the biting stage, (my youngest is 13) but i remember it well. some people suggested that i bite the biter, but that never made sense to me. Finally i started making the biter bite himself (or herself). then he could feel that it really hurt.

Not to be mean, but bite him back - hard - so he feels it. He should stop, very quickly.

Good luck!

I agree that biting back isn't a good option. I think the only times that works (assuming I agreed with it philosopically) is when Mom does it the VERY first time and the child is sensitive enough to be shocked into not doing it again. Decide on a consequence, be very firm, and be consistent. [This is an edit - guess I was wrong after reading lots of responses that biting back worked!]
At 2, your son might be old enough to understand some role-playing. Try to find out (if you don't already know) what situations sparked the bites. Then, with another adult, or better yet, a five- or six- year old, play-act some similar situations, once or twice each day for several days, maybe before daycare in the morning and again in the evening. Ask your son questions (yes or no questions if he isn't very verbal yet) about what the child should or shouldn't do along the way. Emphasize the good options, and then try to bring him into the role-playing to practice handling things in a different way. Be sure to keep these times fun and non-accusatory of what your son has already done or he will shy away from them and not learn what you want him to. Blessings!

I have 4 kids and 2 of them were biters. My 3 year old daughter just started biting her brothers when she doesn't get her own way. Bite your son back (not to hard, just hard enough to show him what it feels like!) My 19 year old bit me twice when he was 19 months old which drew blood - I bit him back - he never bit again. So I tried it with my daughter 3 weeks ago and she hasn't tried biting anyone since.

Good Luck
L.

Hi, T.,
First of all, don't worry-this is VERY common. Many young children bite when frustrated. It's a basic instinct and when their verbal skills are not great yet, they can resort to biting.
I taught pre-school for many years and have an 11 year old son and 21 year old daughter.
They are both wonderful people, but when my daughter was about 2, she bit her best friend several times. I was mortified and so embarassed!
Always comfort the one who was bitten first-ignore the biter. Then show him how sad and hurt the other child is. Say, "we bite food, not people." I separate that child (the biter) from the other kids for a short time, also.
Be sure the daycare providers are handling it gently, also. Believe me, they have seen it before. It also helps to take the biter to get ice and help put it on where they bit, so they can be part of the process of soothing the child who they bit.
Good luck-hope this helps!
D.

Hi T., 2 year olds bite so your son is totally normal. Most of the time they grow out of it. When mine was 2 all the kids in the daycare seemed to go through the same phases at about the same time... biting, scratching, hitting, etc. So chances are he will just stop as quickly as it started. My son however held on to those habits a little longer than the other kids. I was very concerned and took him to my doctor. Try taking him off of anything that contains corn syrup. Corn syrup is a man made sweetener that increases agression in kids, especially little ones that don't have the capacity to use their words to express themselves. This simple step changed my son from a scratching biting little monster at school to a sweet little angel. I'm NOT exaggerating! The teachers couldn't believe it. He no longer bit or scratched, he waited his turn, he shared better, everything changed for the the better. It's a simple option that doesn't require you punishing him or biting him back, which may work for some but not all. And it's especially hard to punish a child at home for what they've done in school. Their little minds can't quite comprehend that. Good luck to you and your angel!

Ok, I don't have any children of my own but, I know what my mom did when my sister (2 when I was 9) started biting me. She had tried everything to include biting her (lightly) each time she bit me...........nothing worked until my mom allowed ME to bite her back. She never bit again!

I have a 3 yr old & a 2 yr old (really 22 months). I got a call from day care letting me know that both of my kids had bitten someone that day. My 2 yr old was my biter and I had wrned them when I started there that he did that and to keep an eye out for it. I did the time out for it at that time. My 3 yr old had never bitten anyone before. I was mortified. So, called hubby and told him we needed a big shocker for the kids so they knew it was not acceptable behavior and would not be tolerated. day care gave time out. When I picked kids up I got on eye level and asked them if they had something to tell me. They both dropped their heads in shame. I knew they knew what they had done was wrong. I then told them that until it stopped they were not allowed to have big kid drinks, which in our house is juice, and flavored milk or tea. Ths left them with plain milk or water. I then told them that both would be going to bed early and so they would not get to watch a video. So, everytime they wanted a drink I reminded them of what they had done because I told them they had to have milk or water I do this for a week. So all week they hear it over and over the consequence for biting. I don't lecture or nag, but I just say, "I'm sorry baby, but you bit so&so and so you can't have whatever they want, but I can get you milk or water. which would you like?" So they hear it, but it comes across as you did this so you get this and not like I'm the bad guy. Every night before they go to bed my husband asks, "what is the rule?" and my kids laugh and say, "No biting." They are both learning with this method and have mastered several rules, no biting, no hitting, no fighting, no pushing, etc... it works well and they are not being physically hurt or demeaned, or lectured, but are being shown that in this world, your need to follow the rules to reap the rewards and that is how our society works. Once they get their reward back, they are thrilled that they "earned" the priviledge back and are really careful not to loose it again. Also, the next day when I took the kids back to school, my 3 yr old actually went to the little girl she bit and told her that she was sorry and asked if she was ok. I was so proud of her for feeling remorse. I stood firm though and she still had to do her week, but I was very pleased that she was learning that her actions can hurt or help. Hope this helps you with your little one.

Bite him back it won't take to many times to figure out it huurts to bite. It worked for my 3 kids.
Good luck!

Bite him back! I know this sounds cruel. But it worked for my three!

Good Luck,

ams

If I recall correctly, I think Dr. Brazelton says a good thing to do with committed biters is to find another biter and let them go! I don't know if he recommended that specifically for biters or just more generally for kids who play rough, but it was sort of an interesting idea to me -- a way for both kids to learn how unpleasant it is to be on the receiving end of rough behavior.

M.

my oldest son had that problem and i didnt know what to do until someone told me bite him back kinda hard to where it catches his attention not so much hurts him. i tried that with my son and it took a couple of days but he finally caught on that it hurt so then he stopped on his own and hasnt since then.

Hi T.! My name is J. and I work in Early Childhood. The center your child goes to should be working with you to see what is going on as to why your child is biting. There are many reasons why he may bite. Besides the normal teething reason, can your child get across his feelings? If he wants something can he show or tell you? If a child took away a toy he had, if he does not, encourage him to say "mine" and "I don't like that." It could be a bite out of frustration - he can't express how he feels. Encourage him to use words and if he doesn't know the words tell him what words to use in a simple 2 yr old language. Good luck!

Bite him back! It works!

The day care my twins attend (also two) has a neat policy of shadowing the biter durting peak times. My son has been bitten twice so far, and my daughter has bitten him at home (he must have victim tattooed on his forehead!). Talk to the director and check the policy and explain you want to work together to manage this problem.

My son would bite, me, the dog, his siblings, granny or who ever was around. We all decided (not the dog) to bite him back one day (small painless bites)after getting bit everytime he bit someone he stopped as he then knew the consequences. Time out did not work, and it does not work for all kids all the time. He was 2 and it was getting out of hand. He understood not to bite very well after that day

bite back it will stop!

T.,

I worked in daycare for 10 yrs until I recently decided to be a SAHM. Biting is just going to happen at that age. No way around it. Between the ages of 15mo and 3yrs, sometimes that is their only form of communication. They either don't know how to talk yet or they can't express what is wrong with them, so they lash out and bite. It is a normal age thing. As far as biting back, I would not suggest it. If your child sees you do it to him, it might register for a moment that it hurts but what the child will remember is mom bit me so it must be ok. A firm no sir and a sit in time out should do the trick but you must stay consistant.

As far as the daycare is concerned, alot of the responsibility should fall on the teacher. Thats why there are teachers in the room, and at that age there should be more than one. They should learn what triggers that reaction from him and learn how to watch for it and prevent it.

It is just a phase girl, he will grow out of it. Just have some patience and be consistant.

God Bless!!!

D. Mattern
The MOM Team
Raising your income and your rugrats at the same time!
www.formyrugrats.com
"The only thing that counts is faith, expressing itself through love." Galatians 5:6

Bite him back. 2 year olds are frustrated about lots of things but biting cannot be the way he shows it. It will only take a few times before he finds a better way to get through to those around him that he is frustrated

T.,

Like Stephanie, I also had a son that bit around that age. His problem was also frustration because he couldn't communicate. I learned to watch for signs of frustration and talk him through it, giving him questions he could answer yes or no to, until he could verbalize what he wanted.

This is going to require joining forces with his teachers, and both (all) of you consistently watching for frustration and heading it off at the pass.

Good luck to you! I know it's frustrating, but fortunately it will pass!

Did you asked to day care's personal why your kid started to bite because its not normal what are happening please take the acction to be more closer to the day care and take some time to be there early than you go all the time.

Hi T.,

This advise was given to me when I had this problem. Very simple, bite him back, of course not very hard but enough for him to know how it feels. My child never did it again!

when my children started to biting I bit them back in the exact place at once, not real hard but to let them know where they could understand that it is wrong and it hurts, it only took one or two times till they caught on and quit. Something else you might try is keeping some teething biscuits as sometimes their gums hurt and they need something to chew on.

a Friend From
mamasource

My son began to break skin and causing bruises, it got so bad. I tried everything, including spanking. Nothing worked until I bit him back and hard. I know it's not the popular advice, it is the grandparents' advice though. And it worked almost immediately. I asked him if he liked it, and he of course said no. I told him no one else likes it either because it really hurts. He stopped. I would see him begin to get frustrated and want to bite, but I would remind him how it hurt and would back off. Again, I tried everything else I could think of first. But, when he was breaking skin and really hurting other kids I listened to the older crowd. And, your son will get kicked out of daycare if it is not controlled and starts to break skin. They can't have that going on there and I don't blame them. Your son probably doesn't understand how much it hurts. Make him understand, somehow that works for you.

My daughter went through a brief phase of biting with me. I took a clean washcloth, wet it and wrung it out, rolled it up and handed it to her, saying "Here, you can bite on this. We don't bite people." She just went after it for about 15 seconds and then put it down and was done. Had to repeat one time and that was it. Whether she was feeling aggressive, had itchy gums from teething, or what I don't know. Hope this works as well for you!

I worked in a daycare for 13 years. Much of that time was with the 2 year olds. I found that for a lot of 2 year olds, they use biting to express themselves if they aren't talking very much. If your son is able to express himself by using words. You need to encourage him to do just that. For example; if he wants a toy another child has, he needs to say,"I want that toy" instead of biting. That doesn't mean he'll necessisarily get what he wants but at least he has made a statement about it. Another method we used, was to have a designated toy or teething ring that we deemed the appropriate thing to bite ,if they just had to bite something.He won't be biting much at home because you aren't 2 years old so you won't be challenging him for things he wants. I hope this helps

I agree with Suzanna. Bite back. That is the only way my son understood how much it hurt others and never bite again.

OMG! NEVER NEVER BITE YOUR CHILD! I am in shock by the number of mothers advising you to do it. Small children don't develop the mental ability to feel empathy until they are older; they simply can not understand the cause and effect scenario or that they hurt someone else.

My daughter bit so much that I started looking for a nanny in the event she was kicked out of daycare. We read the "biting hurts" book every night. I had a bag of jelly bellies on hand and gave 2 beans immediately when I picked her up if she had been "well behaved" (never say 'bad'). And I asked the daycare to fill out the chart in the following article in order to figure out what was prompting the behavior: http://ohioline.osu.edu/uc/pdf/1529a.pdf

Other good discussions on toddler biting:
http://www.spdha.com/biting.pdf
http://extension.unh.edu/Family/Documents/hcdvs105.pdf
http://www.ces.ncsu.edu/depts/fcs/pdfs/fcs_504.pdf

She is no longer a biter. It was a 5-6 month phase. (DON'T BITE YOUR CHILD!)

This is terrible, I know. But, my friend had a biter too and bit her daughter back and she never bit another kid again. I never had a biter and am not sure if I could do it. She was frustrated and just did it, she says without thinking.

I hope you find something soon as I am sure it is frustrating for you and your son. Good luck!

I have to agree with the bite him back advice. As terrible as I felt doing it, it was the only thing that worked with my 2 year old. I think you need to make sure he's biting to be mean though and not because of lack of communication. My daughter was definitely doing it maliciously, so giving her a dose of her own medicine was justified. If it's a communication thing, maybe teaching him some sign language or other ways to communicate would help.

At home you could bite back, but at daycare they can't do that. We would put her in her playpen and let her scream out her frustration ( she was 11 mos-16 mos). But you have to use a timeout place that you won't be trying to use as a happy place later in the day (like their bed) You don't want them to be scared of it. I like the idea of giving them something else to bite like a toy when all else fails.

Hi T.,

I had an in-home daycare while my son was an infant/toddler. The children I cared for were 2 years old. I found that reading books to the children with certain issues (ex. biting, potty training, sharing) helped very much. It gave me something to use as an example that I could relate to them w/out too much confusion. For instance, 'Remember Elmo learned that going to the potty right away was GREAT because...' It reminds them in a positive way instead of nagging. I remember joking to my husband that I wondered if my son's first words would be 'NO' because I felt like that's the only message they might hear all day long. It was nice to tackle some of these issues with a happy time reading instead of another 'No'. The book didn't clear it up all on it's own, though. I would have to follow up with them. Ex.If your son bit a child, I would kneel down to his eye level and express a concerded face while showing him that the child is crying and explain that it hurts very much. I would relate to him through the biting book. Then I would have him stay sitting in a 'think chair' that is a bit removed from the rest of the children (but still in eye's view)for 2 minutes to think about the book and how it made the child feel when he/she was bitten. For the days that biting did not occur, I would really let him know with a hug and a smile that I noticed his good behavior. My son recently had issues at his pre k with constant tattling. I found a great book (A Case of the Tattle Toungue) online through a homeschooling website. It was silly enough to keep his attention, but clearly outlined when it was important to tell the teacher and when it can wait. When I ask him to select a book to read, he picks the tattle book! Clearly he is relating to the subject and we have a very positive experience together addressing it. Just remember it is a stage, and he will grow out of it. Hopefully this will help it pass a little faster. Above all, remember that the real issue isn't your sweet little two year old boy's biting. It's normal! He IS only two after all. :-)(Forgive me, but sometimes I think childcare workers need to be reminded of who is more responsible and able to change the situation) The most important focus should be on how affective the daycare is at redirecting him, and letting them know what you are doing to follow up at home. Good luck!

My daughter was also 2 when she first started to bite. She only did it once and altough she was only 2 we spanked her and she never did it again. I know that sounds harsh and a lot of people are against the spanking idea, but sometimes you just have to lay down the law where there is no compromising. Believe me do not underestimate a 2 year old they are very smart and know exactly when, how, and who to do things around. My husband however, also started to let her bite him on his finger once a day. I never let her do it to me but he says that it helped her not to bite other people because she would get that anxious feeling out of her system. It must have worked because she never did it again.
I'm glad to hear that your are concerned about the situation with your son, because a little boy in my daughters day care was a consistant biter and his parents seemed to care less. After my daughter and her little friends were coming home with a note everday about him biting I had to put a stop to it. My daughter told me exactly who it was and although it was against the rules I gave his mom a piece of my mind and she didn't seem to care to much and suggested that it was in his nature to bite because he was a territorial person. My daughter had to be removed from that class because I would not stand for that kind of ignorance.

My first daughter bit at daycare and it is suh a serious problem...if they break the skin, human bites are worse than dog bites so I knew we had to address the issue hard and fast.

Lots of Moms bite back, I dont. I am not easy on my biters, or spitters, or "potty word" sayers, however. I give them tabasco sauce on their tongues. This worked immediately on my 1st daughter. She caughed, spluttered and cried and had snot dripping out of her nose...but she never bit again! My other two have gotten it once each but are now only threatened with it, but they are so scared of the idea that it hasn't been necessary to use it. Other MOms I have told about it have tried it and it works!

Hi T.,
My daughter was a biter at this age too. Don't worry between the daycare provider and you being firm with him, he will stop.

I realized (finally!) that my daughter was having a hard time communicating. Her vocabulary was limited, couldn't string a sentence together but in her mind she was quite advanced and she knew exactly what she wanted but just couldn't get her mouth to get it out. So she would get extremely frustrated and then just started biting.

When she couldn't communicate fast enough with the other kids in daycare she would sometimes bite too.

I got smart fast and started playing 20 questions with her when I could see she was frustrated. I would start out saying. I know you're trying to tell me somthing but I'm not understanding so well. So let me ask you some questions...Do you want something to eat or drink and we'd go on from there. That seemed to work with her at home.

She quit biting after she starting stringing sentences and at about the same time another boy bit her (hard) for a toy and she was now on the receiving end and didn't like it!

I know every kid responds differently, but one thing that works well with my 2 yr old, is offering an alternative to the behavior you want to change. If he's biting out of frustration, or anger, help him name the feeling first. An example might be calmly saying, "teeth are not for biting, they are for eating and smiling!" And you can make a bunch of goofy smiles after to release some tension.

put something in his mouth