How to Deal with 15 Mo Old Biting

Updated on March 04, 2008
L.K. asks from Round Rock, TX
11 answers

Basically yesterday at school/daycare I got a report that said my daughter bit two children. The first incident was over a toy, apparently, but not enough information to indicate what the other kid had done or did do. So I don't know if it was just a blatant act or if something provoked it. The second incident happened almost exactly 2 hours later and there is NO information just, "bit a second child." She has bitten us at home, but usually only when we have our fingers in her mouth (like for teeth brushing) or she might try to bite down on us when she's clearly teething. The way I address this is I look at her firmly in the eye and say in a mean voice, "do NOT bite me." I have seen her one time try to retaliate against a child who took a toy away, and I hollered at her for it. My daughter is a very happy, happy baby and our home is peaceful. But this situation has me really anxious because I don't know how to deal with it nor do I know how they addressed it at school (other than giving her a teething toy - whoopty do, she doesn't give a flip about teething toys). I am waiting on a call from the preschool manager to try and dig in a little, but again, I am not sure how to address this since she doesn't act this way at home. Can't discipline something that isn't happening. Any thoughts?

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D.L.

answers from Longview on

I have a 12 month old that bites he bit my husband who taught him to bite food but never suspected that he would start biting the family. The only thing that we really do is catch him before and say "NO BITE" or @ time I have put my teeth on him to pretend to bite him back. It is working but slowly. I have been told the only thing to really help is that the baby learns how it feels. But I cant bring my self to bite him. But it may come to that.

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V.N.

answers from San Antonio on

I would ask the daycare how they are dealing with it and let them know what has worked for you at home. You can't do anything about it after the fact, she is not going to know why or what you are talking about. Kids go through those stages. My first child-now 18 yrs old-was always the one that got bitten and my second child- 17 yrs old now- was the biter. I like you corrected it when he bit with a firm look in the face and a "No, you don't bite, that hurts" and a little time out. The victim had to be taught to avoid being to close to biters and to pull away fast. I would just suggest they deal with it the same way you do and hope that it stops. Maybe, if it is with the same child they need not be in the same play group for a while. Good luck and don't worry about it too much, she will grow out of that with some steady re-enforcement of rules. V. N

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P.F.

answers from San Antonio on

From my experience both in childcare and with a child who was a biter I was taught that children bite out of frustration when they don't have the language skills to express themselves. Once I helped my son increase his language by just having "teachable moments" and going over certian words for him to use when in those moments at home it helped. I also taught him to put his hand up stretched out and say "NO" when someone was in his space trying to take a toy away or something else. It even caught on and other children started to do it. It's worth a shot and if the teachers at the center would encourage the use of language over physically lashing out or biteing it would help more because it should be reinforced there as well as home. Hope that helps.

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A.K.

answers from Austin on

i would really look at her being in day care as part of the problem...maybe. at this age they have so many emotions and daycares are just not equipped to give kids constructive ways to let them work it out. plus kids need their parents for that. i would check out the daycare to see how they handle it and possibly consider a more one on one type setting with a sitter/nanny if it isn't an option for you not to work. just a thought. my daughter wasn't a biter so i don't have much more advice than that.

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K.W.

answers from Corpus Christi on

Some folks probably don't agree, but it worked. My best friend was a biter like that, her mom tried everything then finally got fed up (after she bit me on the butt and drew blood) and bit her back one day. I guess it showed her that it hurt to be bit and it cured her of it....

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D.B.

answers from Houston on

Hi L. :)

The one thing that is so important for all kids and in all situations is consistancy, consistancy consistancy. Biting is no diffrent.

The first flaw some people make IMHO is to threaten.
The second major flaw is to not follow thouugh.
(example) if you do that again I'm going to _________.
and even worse is saying that then not following through.

I know she is only a baby, but babies can and do learn from repeatedly getting the same response for both good and bad behavior.

What I was taught as a child and what I in turn did with my babies was, If they did something wrong, like biting someone, I would deal with it in that very moment.

(example) your baby is at a play group, she reaches over and bites someone. You walk immediatly over to her and pick her up and remove her telling her biting is not allowed and put her in time out, only then can you take time to explain exactly why this or that is wrong. The shock effect is powerful. And this if you do that one more time thing.. it just teaches them that they can get away with something, anything once, just not a second time.

Secondly you are the mommy! you tell your daycare how you want your child handled sweety, dont let them tell you, you know your baby better than anyone, and it a tap on the hand or leg works best so be it, if its time out so be it. Just always always give her the same response for a negative thing as well as giving her swift praise for good things.

She will learn fast what mommy and daddy expect. You dont have to be mean just dilligent and firm. Being a mom is hard work as you already know, but after a while the patterns will be set, the expectations understood, and soon enough you will not have to work so hard at it, just tell her what you expect, she will know instictively after that if she disobeys there WILL be a consequence, and noone wants that :)

My daughter went through a hitting thing for about a week, it took exactly 2 times that she hit someone she was playing with, and I walked straight over to her, picked her up, told her friend we had to go because kylie hit and its not allowed, I walked her to the car and put her in and told her, "we have to go home, no more fun today you hit someone" and close the door. or at home she hit her brother with a toy a few days later. I went straight to her, took the toy out of her hand and placed it up high on a shelf and put her in the corner (time out) and told her you are punished for hitting it is not allowed. You get the idea :)

It works for everything! and good luck!

D.

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A.L.

answers from Houston on

My son was 15-18 mon old in nursery a few times a week. He bit now & then. I was so grateful to Alexa who bit him back and he stopped that behavior !

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B.H.

answers from San Antonio on

my son used to bite as well.. until i bit him and he realized it really hurts.. now he is 9 and doesnt bite anymore he stopped when i bit him.. he was around 18 months when it started and stopped quickly.. ocassionally my 12 year old will bite my son and now i just take her cell phone away and she stops.. that is just how siblings love/hate each other.

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S.R.

answers from Houston on

I have two sons (11 & 6). Both were "daycare kids". I never had a problem with my oldest biting at daycare wehen he was younger but my youngest was always biting other children. Since I never had any problems with my oldest I did not know what to do. My pediatrician said that it was perfectly normal behavior. It depends on each child's frustration tolerance. Some kids are more tolerant than others. At that age they have such a hard time communicating their feelings and frustration and biting is a natural defense. Most of the time with my youngest he didn't even realize he had bitten someone until he got in trouble by the teacher.

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K.C.

answers from Austin on

I had the same problem with my daughter biting her brothers and us . We got tired of her biting so what we did was when she bites someone we would bite her back or let them bite her back to see if she liked that and to show her how that felt when she bites someone . It worked ! She didn't like that feeling ! We would also try time out . Good Luck !

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G.V.

answers from Odessa on

All three of my kids were biters. We bite back and they decided real fast that it didn't feel good. As bad as it might sound, just give it a try. I promise the next time she opens her mouth to bite she will think about how it feels to be bitten.
Good luck!

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