21 Month Old No Longer Sleeping Through the Night...

Updated on March 12, 2009
J.K. asks from Marblehead, MA
6 answers

My daughter has been sleeping through the night since she was two months. At around 7 months she went through something where she started waking up 1-3 times per night and we ended up letting her cry a little. It was always tired/fussy crying and after three days she was back to sleeping. The past two weeks she has gotten up at least once every night and is no longer able to put herself back to sleep. I decided to let her cry a little one night but I can't do it - the cying is not tired crying but screaming! She is not sick and acts like her regular happy self during the day, despite the fact that she is very tired.

Does anyone have any ideas of what might be going on and any advice? I am hoping someone can help!

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L.R.

answers from Washington DC on

The other responses below are excellent. She is not too young to be dreaming and it's typical at this age for kids to wake frightened and have no idea why -- she won't remember the next day that she had a nightmare or even that she woke up. Get to her side as quickly as possible if you want her to return to sleep; having her "cry it out" only would make her feel she was being inexplicably punished at the same time she's truly frightened, and that's not a message you want to send her. I agree that being there but being very quiet with her (rubbing her back and reassuring her but not picking her up out of bed) is the best thing to do and she should get back to sleep fast. One thought for the future - She may have many changes in her sleep pattern over time. We all want our kids to "sleep through the night" and feel we've crossed a real hurdle when they do it as infants, but their sleep patterns can change many times over the years, affected by dreams, school worries, dietary changes, development of allergies, and much more. My child is eight and her sleep patterns still vary, including periods when she's wakeful and calling me at night because some worry has turned into bad dreams. It passes, in time. Enjoy your lovely daughter!

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S.M.

answers from Washington DC on

Check for an ear infection or new teeth (two year old molars?).

Every time my daughter (now four) changed her sleep routine, it was due to an ear infaction. It was her only symptom - no fever, no ear pulling, fine during the day and even for naps. I always felt lousy because I missed it for a few days, I just assumed it was her being difficult, but it turned out that it was pain.

Kids do often go through periods where they are changing their routines or trying to see what they can get away with, but I think this is unlikely if you are getting her to go to bed with no issues and she is simply waking up from sleep. Your child is old enough to talk to a little - talk to her a bit about needing to stay in bed and sleep until the sun comes up, etc. Might help if it is just a sleep/temperment issue. But I am also a big believer in not letting her scream endlessly. Be responsive and make her feel secure until she gets over this hump.

Good luck. It will pass!

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D.Z.

answers from Washington DC on

I agree with the other responses. I wrote this before I noticed she was 21 months old. I still think it might hold some word of wisdom to help: Perhaps she's teething. The pain can start a week or more before the teeth are seen pushing through. Even if some teeth came in already without this behavior, not every tooth will come in the same way. Ice cold wash cloth or soft (cold) teether, helps some babies. Some go for the ear of a stuffed animal (usually without the parents realizing it until it's too late to introduce something more sanitary). Watch what she likes to chew on during the day and decide if it can go in the freezer for the night pain. You can try just helping her put it in her mouth while she's in bed, so being held is a last resort in the middle of the night. Sooth with music and/or telling a story about her previous day or "the three bears". If she's not calming, that's when I would pick her up; I believe if the child's cry is not tired & fussy, I would want her to know there might be something that can help, and I will work with her to figure it out. She's not on her own with it... Hope this is helpful.

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R.S.

answers from Denver on

She is 21 months? She is probably dreaming. Be very careful if she is watching TV something as benign as Author on PBS will give my 3 almost 4 year old bad dreams.

If I were you I would go to her when she cries, pat her back and say a few words, ex. "mommmy is here, love you, night night"...But only say those words. DO NOT Pick her up but pat her back and hug her until she relaxes and lays down then pat her back every few seconds, then every 20 seconds + till she is drowsy enough to fall asleep on her own. Oh and get her a night light if she does not have one already, but watch out for shadows (those scare many a kid).

Oh, and the ear infection thing is right too, my daughter would act fairly normal during the day and not sleep at night.

Hang in there, R.

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K.A.

answers from Washington DC on

My son started doing this around the same time. Does she immediately stop when you pick her up? All babies are different, but this is what worked for us. If he stopped crying once I picked him up, I would change his diaper. When doing that in a calm voice tell him that it's time to go back to sleep and mommy & daddy are sleeping... night night, sweet dreams etc... I was so surprised that it worked! Then there were a couple times where he was just screaming and wouldn't stop. It seemed like he was uncomfortable so we gave him some mylicon (anti-gas). Within 10 minutes he was fine. So, if he eats beans or veggies that cause gas, we'll give him some anti-gas medicine before he goes to sleep. He hasn't woken up in the past 4 months at all. Good Luck!

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A.F.

answers from Washington DC on

I would check for an ear infection. Every time one of my two has woken up screaming in the middle of the night, it ended up being an ear infection. They don't show many signs of it during the day (none of mine has pulled on their ears, or any of the other normal signs). My first inclination would be to check the ears, and if it's not that I would move on to the other suggestions re: dreaming (which it may very well be).

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