21 Year Old Need Life/career Help

I agree - he needs to take responsiblity for his own life. If he isn't depressed (and in which case get him some help) then his parents need to give him a deadline (and some time to get a job - 6 mos?) and he needs to move out. OR he can stay home until he gets his GED - then he needs to move out. Sounds simple, but if his whole life has been this way - and he hasn't learned to be responsible, the lesson will be tougher now. However, not much choice left for the parents unless they want to keep supporting him.

I am from chicago and if I didn't finish school my mother would not even ask. I would leave to go somewhere one day and then come back and the locks would be changed. I had a no nonsense parent and not going to school or not working wasn't an option. Tell the parents to kick him out, they have to show him some tough love if he's not willing to do anything with his life. Sitting around and running up electric bill or eating food all day is unacceptable. They need to enroll him in some sort of military branch or ROTC. Especially if he's unwilling to listen to anyone's advice. That says to me he is willingly doing what he's doing (laying around) and he is quite aware of his state of being. He would need to leave my house asap and have that attitude on the street somewhere. I hope it doesn't sound mean but he's a grown man now and he needs to make grown man decisions instead of living off of his parents and saying what he is and isn't going to listen to.

Have to agree with the first poster. Time for jr to go deal with his life, particularly if he's not willing to talk about it or get help.
I'm sure he's keen to blame everyone else for his problems, and as long as his parents are tolerating it, he'll keep doing it.
My parents would have me out on my a** if that happened. Welcome to the real world. Get a job, get an apartment and take care of yourself. You're an adult.

try encouraging him to go to the lds employment center. it is a religious center, but they don't push the religion and over 40% of the people they help are not in the religon at all.

My husband went there and they first give a personality test that helps you figure out your interests, what kind of career or educationw ould be good. They have classes on learning how to write resumes, how nto interview, how to find you work ethic and how to network.

They can give great advice and it's totally free. Here is their info:

LDS Employment Resource Services‎5200 South University Avenue, Chicago, IL 60615-4406###-###-####‎

1801 North Mill, Suite F
Naperville, IL 60563
Contacts: Liahni Chandler Hamrick, Manager; Sally Morrison, Placement Specialist
###-###-####
Career Counseling and on-site resource area
Monday through Friday from 8:30am until 5:00 pm.
First time visitors need to call for an appointment consisting of a 25 minute consultation to LDS services and to sign up for the two-day workshop.

---------------------

Really though, the parents are enabling him and it will only get worse if they don't toughen up. They need to give him a deadline to find a job and start paying rent., and contributing toward groceries, making dinners, cleaning...

They can help him come up with a plan as well. Dr. Phil has some great advice on this, since it's a pretty common and difficult issue.

Here are a few of his articles that help:

http://drphil.com/articles/article/285

and his episodes you can watch that gives great advice as well:
http://drphil.com/shows/show/29/ (part 1)
http://drphil.com/shows/show/128 (part 2)
http://drphil.com/shows/show/298 (how to kick them out)

---

and ps, this same thing happened with my friend. He was tired of living on friends' couches and mooching and getting into trouble and he joined the military because he recognized he needed help and discipline. it has turned his life around. just a thought!

Hi Malini,

Has he seen a doctor lately? I am concerned he is possibly depressed. Failing high school tends to have this effect. He may feel no purpose or meaning in life. Is there anything he wants to do? Does he want to get his GED or diploma? Maybe we need to hear from him on hopes/dreams and go from there. If school is an option, check into local adult education for class info. He may want to work but, with the economy, he may assume he won't be able to find out (again, maybe some of this could be related to his mood). It might not be a bad idea to take just a career class at a local junior college or through the local city / community center. This may help him get a feel of what he would like to do. Good luck! S. A. K., MFT

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Chino-CA/S.-A-K.-Marriage-a...

Someone suggested he go in the military. To the best of my knowledge, its been years that any of the services will take any one with out a GED or a diploma.

His parents are allowing him to become a bum. If he isn't willing to work, or get his GED, then he should be put out to survive on his own. Allowing him to stay at home, do nothing and not get a job is not showing love or helping him.

His parents need to establish rules and if he doesn't follow the rules he should go someplace where he can follow the rules or be on his own where he makes up his own rules. What rules? Get a GED and get a job. 25% of his net wage should be paid to his parents. When he gets married they should give it to him as a wedding present. After the GED he should go to college. He should do the dishes, carry out the garbage, etc. in other words "become a man" not a boy in a man's body.

Tell her parents about mamapedia. They could get some real good ideas. A friend of my parents started out the same as what you described above. He's now in his 50's and still lives at home and spends more time on the couch in front of the TV than I ever spent at work. So far as I, know he's never had a job for more than 6 or 8 months at a time. His parents ruined his life, by not forcing him to grow up and get on with life.

Good luck.