22-Mo. Old Constantly Wants "UP"!

Walk away from the tantrums. They'll stop when she realizes she won't get what she wants from them. But still explain to her she doesn't have to be up all the time. She can play by herself, or walk like a big girl.

Good luck,
A.

It looks like you've gotten some great advice. I read your responses. Only one thing I want to add. Remember that you are the parent, the adult, the one in control. Whenever your toddler gets her way because of a tantrum or because you are attempting to avoid a tantrum, you place her in the control seat. That is not healthy for either of you. She wants and needs boundries not a parent that gives in to her demands for control. It may seem small now, but kids have an uncanny way of knowing very early how to manipulate us parents and what buttons to push to get what they want. I had a son that had frequent temper tantrums when he was your daughter's age. I didn't always respond well, but things went best when I just walked away and ignored his tantrum. The reasons for the tantrum are a response and attention...even negative attention is attention and reason to do it again. Good luck with your neck and your daughter. My prayers are with you today.

Did my daughter call your daughter! :) We are going through the same thing! It's not just up though, it's everything. Her new favorite phrase is "I NEED...." If she doesn't get it, it's temper tantrum city. I just let her throw her fit. If she whines, I'll tell her to stop and if she doesn't, she goes in time out. The temper tantrums usually start off with wailing, kicking and fake tears. Just keep doing whatever it is you were doing before she started the tantrum. If she's anything like my daughter, she'll stop in a couple of seconds. I'm not saying the tantrums will stop, but at least you won't be re-injuring yourself carrying around a child that is capable of walking herself. This is such a fun stage isn't it? *sigh*

Say something to the effect of "I'm sorry, honey, I can't pick you up" and then let it be. Let her throw her tantrum. She is tantruming because she thinks that if she screams enough you'll do something that will satisfy her and she'll get her way. My son used to do this with the tv. He gets to watch one Thomas show a day. Of course, he thinks he should get to watch tv all day long. I'm his mom, I know it isn't healthy for him, so it's just not going to happen. He gets upset, points and the tv and screams 'tv tv tv' over and over while reddening his face and streaming tears. He would then throw himself in a puddle of sorrow on the floor.

I ignored it. I would sit there and flip nonchalantly through a book, a magazine, the tv guide, whatever was around. He quickly learned that screaming and crying wasn't going to get my attention, and he diverted his attention to his toys or his crayons. Now when he says 'tv' I tell him "not right now honey, maybe later. Why don't you play with your toys?" he's disappointed that he doesn't get to watch tv but he quickly chooses another fun option.

Your daughter does not need 'ups' all day long, especially with your neck. Let her throw her fit (in a safe, open area of course) and the tantrums will subside.

You can try getting her high chair out and scooting in to where you are cooking, away from danger of course, that way she can watch what you're doing, which is what she wants. Brushing your teeth, sit her in the sink or on the toilet so she can watch, get her a toothbrush of her own and get her started at brushing. As for wanting to be carried down the stairs, I say long as you're home, let her pitch a fit. You don't need to hurt yourself, you'll be no good to her if you do. Firmly get her attention and tell her in a firm voice, "mommy said no." and walk away, she'll figure it out.

Good luck.

Hey C.!
This worked for me. For a few days, I would beat her at her own game. Literally, every moment of the day that I could think about it, I would come to her and say, "Hold me!" or "I want to hold you!". I would interrupt whatever she was doing, or if she came around the corner, before she could say, "hold me" I would beat her to it. It seemed to "fill up her cup" so to speak of that neediness. I had the same problems with my disks and even had to have surgery, so I couldn't pick the kids up. Just had to get down with them or have them go to the couch with me.
Hope this helps! It is SO hard to come home and think you are going to get so much done, but the little ones are a full-time job! That's why we used to pay someone a full-time salary to keep them while we worked! Bless you for all the wonderful things you are to them!

T.

While it's great to reaffirm her proper use of the word, it is also extremely important that she has boundaries and rules, even at a young age...(to set the stage for good behavior as she gets older) The child also needs to learn that there are times that are okay to be picked up and times that she can be close to you in other ways. In the kitchen, maybe put a small chair nearby that she can sit in while you cook, or give or small "jobs" to do while you are cooking. It doesn't have to be real, just use a bowl or pan and let her put something in it for example. Or ask her to "read" to you while you cook. Whatever the reason, if it is not a good time for you to pick her up, then just tell her to "wait", give her a hug or hold her hand, then make sure you sit down for a minute, where you can pick her up comfortably, and hold her for a few minutes. Her tantrums will only get worse when you give in, and she will begin to do it anytime she doesn't get what she wants. Beieve me, tantrums don't just go away when the child ages, I've seen many 5-6 year olds continuing the behavior, which then reflects on the parenting skills. Consistency is the best way, saying something and sticking to it.

A 22 mo old can understand when you stay: "Mommy cannot lift you up right now." I do it w/my son (I have back prbls sometimes). I just get down on his level, hug him and then tell him that my back is not strong enough right now to lift him. That seems to work for him.

My daughter did the same thing!!! It's something new and repetition is fun for toddlers. I explained to my daughter that she is a big girl and she can walk. When she would ask "up" I would give her the option, do you want mommy to carry you or do you want to walk like a big girl? At first she did want to be carried but she learned it was fun for her to walk herself. When she would choose to walk herself I would complimant her and tell her what a big girl she was. As for the wanting up when you are cooking, I get a step stool and set it a safe distance away from the stove and let her climb up and watch me. Explain to her it is hot and only mommy and daddy can touch so she doesn't get hurt. When I do things at the bathroom sink (like brush my teeth) I let my daughter sit on the kitchen sink and watch. I give her her own toothbrush to brush her teeth and be like mommy. Recently we had to get her play make-up so I could put on mine in peace!! Now she has her own she doensn't boter me as much, occasionally when she does I put a dab of litely colored eye shadow on her eyes to make her feel big.
Hope this helps....good luck!!!