2.5 Son Acting Out at School and Home......

Updated on April 13, 2009
K.G. asks from Fort Lauderdale, FL
9 answers

Hi Moms,

My son is exactly 2.5 and I've been having problems with him lately.. I'm really hoping this is just a "phase" but I want to nip this in the bud before it becomes a long term problem but don't know how to do it.....

He's been really bad at school( he goes 2x's per week to socialize and interact with other children his age, plus learn of course) the past 2 weeks ( NOT like him).. Not listening, laughing when they put him in timeouts, ASKING to be put in timeouts, pulling down his pants and underwear in class and thinking it's funny, he purposely peed on his mat last week because he thought it was funny,climbing on things he's not supposed to, etc. He even went down to the office today and didn't mind at all...

He's been going through something at home as well.. He doesn't want my husband AT ALL... Only when it comes to playing with my husband; will he. Anything else, he wants me.. He won't let my husband give him food, put him on the potty, change his clothes, put him to bed, etc....

He's been crying hysterically when I put him in the kids club at the gym and when I drop him off at school.... BUT when we do play dates he's TOTALLY fine and doesn't act out..

I give him warnings at home, then he goes into a time out. He NEVER asks to be put in one like he did at school today and he normally doesn't laugh at me when I tell him something.. He has been testing his boundaries a lot but I was just thinking it's because he's trying to become more independent and expressive.

I don't want that "problem child" that you hear about. I NEVER thought he would be like this because he's been a sweet boy with just hints of fits (normal age fits).

The teacher told me to start doing sticker charts with him but how exactly does that work?

Any suggestions are much appreciated.... :0)

PS he has ALWAYS been on a schedule... IE: naps at 2, eats dinner around 5:30, bath at 7ish, bed at 730.

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So What Happened?

Thanks Everyone!!!

We are having a parent/teacher meeting this week to discuss why he could be acting out...

More Answers

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L.W.

answers from Miami on

I can't tell you exactly what to do, only offer what I've done. I have 4 kids, 2.5 - 9. When my oldest was in preschool, he went through an awful phase like that. And he asked for time out and the office too! One teacher had the nerve to tell me that he would behave if I simply made him. I was in tears. It's not that simple. In the end, I figured out that he was bored. I started homeschooling. Now he's fine. Our schedule is flexible and we incorporate subjects he's interested in. If he decides to go back to regular school, he can. He does spend some time at a local school and always behaves and gets along great with the kids. My husband is also in the military and we move, so homeschooling is likely to continue. But obviously, not everyone has the time, patience, or ability to homeschool because of work or finances. My point is just that, maybe he is trying to get more of your attention. Is it possible to have more time together? Does he have to be in preschool every day? Does he need to be in a gym at 2? When you are together, maybe try to find things to do together that are fun and relaxing. Simple things even, like watching a cartoon together or coloring, or going for a walk. Kids need a lot of attention and we are frequently too busy to give it to them. (I also worked in a daycare for 5 years and swear never to do it again!) A teachers hands are tied as far as discipline, there isn't much she can do. At home you just have to keep up the consistency, your schedule is good. You'll find soon though that naptime is phasing out. I started putting them front of veggietales with a pillow and blanket when that happened, so they would at least rest. Your warnings and time out are exactly what I do. And if they laugh or talk in time out, I start the time over but other then that, I don't give them any response. They get 1 minute for each year they are old. If they are throwing a tantrum- I tell them it's uncalled for and then ignore them. After a few minutes they stop because I'm not affected by it. My oldest three do have charts. One for chores, one for schoolwork. For each two chores they get a star and for each completed day of school they get a star. Each schoolday star gets them 1/2 hour of video games and 5 chore stars get them 1 hour of video game time. They don't often earn the hour. My youngest son cares nothing about the charts and would rather just play with stickers. His incentives are things like coloring pages and craft projects with mommy, picking what we are eating for dinner (from choices I give of course), "playing" PBS kids online with his sister, My kids also rotate one on one time with a parent who has errands to run, although you only have one anyway. Something I do for my one on one time (this sounds funny but it's cheap) is go over to Publix when I need a few things and pick one thing from the bakery. Often it's chicken fingers or empanadas. Then we walk around and talk and munch. Then they pick out one box of cereal that they would like. It isn't much, but it's personal attention. Attention goes a long way in making them behave.

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C.R.

answers from Miami on

Hi Kristy,

I'm sorry to hear your stresses with your little boy. I was a teacher and had my share of children that wanted extra attention... which is what I seem to understand from your description.

Have there been any changes at home or at school that may have thrown him off? Really take the time to reflect, analyze... any little thing may do it.

As far as helping him get through this funk... I truly believe this is a phase; this too shall pass. This will be difficult when you begin, because you need to catch him in the act. Use POSITIVE reinforcement as much as possible. He's doing all the negative things because he knows he's getting the attention (children want attention and they don't care if it's negative or positive, as long as they're getting it, hence the asking to be put in time out). If you see that he's eating nicely, compliment him and make a HUGE deal out of it, ie: WOW, You have GREAT manners! I'm so proud of you!" Or when he's with your husband, let him know how happy it makes you feel to see them together or how nicely he plays with daddy... two year olds are people pleasers. As far as the sticker chart is concerned. Find 3 things that he needs to work on... saying please and thank you, washing his hands, whatever you can find that is positive. It's a start and you can move on to other things. He has to know that POSITIVE behavior will get more attention than the NEGATIVE behavior. You need to have the teachers at school on board with this or it will be a wash.

Let me know if you need anything! I'm here to help!

C.

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S.W.

answers from Boca Raton on

He's a toddler and learning the ropes...What we don't do is to have ourselves checked for hormonal imbalances at every stage of the game. I learned this now that I'm going through menopause. What do we think the "terrible two's"; puberty and "change of life" are all about?, not to forget what happens to women when pregnant!!!
Sticker games are fun. My oldest went right for the reward system. My second couldn't care less.
Good behavior gets praise and also a sticker. This works towards a goal: potty training, being nice to another child at the gym, no time outs...
Meanwhile, he's very young and very smart...figuring out life pretty quickly. Enough to make you lose your mind. But hang in there; and do your best to "stay ahead of the game". And give him love and lots of it. It's great to receive it back...You'll get through this. Wait 'til the teenage years, get them hormonally balanced then, too.
Blessings

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V.G.

answers from Orlando on

Kristy, I must agree with Angela. May I respectfully ask why you have him in daycare. It doesn't seem to be his "thing" right now. You said you are a sahm. You're only a little way into childhood. He needs you and ALL of your attention right now. Motherhood is a full time position, exhausting, yes, but your investment into it is priceless and cannot be replaced by any other influence. And also, you will never get this time back! Bring him home and enjoy!

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A.S.

answers from Boca Raton on

Maybe he's not ready for child-care settings.

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D.P.

answers from Miami on

Kristy,

Please try pediatrics.com

D. P.

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C.O.

answers from Miami on

Hi Kristy,
We sound a lot alike, I have a 2.5 year old son who is very active as well. I am a 30 year old WFHM,with a set schedule the same as yours. And I am committed to raise my children to be obedient, loving, and respectful. I highly recommend the book, To Train up a Child by the Pearlman's. It is a Christian book on love and training children- I wouldn't have read it if it didn't come recommended by friends with awesome kids! And I must tell you, whether we are picking up the kids from Sunday school or going to a restaurant- people comment on how happy and well behaved my kids are. (I also have an 11 month old daughter)
We believe in calmly and lovingly telling your child what he/she did wrong and explaining that because they disobey they must they have a spanking. The FIRST time they disobey you need to do this and give them a spanking with a ruler or wooden spoon or such, then ask them to apologize to you, hug and tell him you love him and them move forward. Don't give warnings and don't yell.Don't hold a grudge. Tell your child clearly what you expect him to do and expect that he'll do it, or he must get a spanking; simply as that. It is better your child get a spanking (not with your hand) and know it was simply a result of disobedience, then for him to think you are mad at him or don't love him because you are upset and angry. One other thing is consistency, make sure he understands you are his mother and he will respect you. And he will love you.
I wish you well,
C.

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H.R.

answers from Boca Raton on

Hi...Let me start out by saying this sounds like such a normal phase. Children love to test and see what boundries they can push. At 2 1/2 independence is starting to show. My best advice would be to be consistent and follow through. Sometimes when our little ones act up we give them lots of chances to the point where they expect lots of chances before they will obey. Warning, and then consequence works well. Just remember its a phase and he will move on to another one.=)

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A.N.

answers from Jacksonville on

Sounds like he wants more time with his mommy. What kind of school is he going to at 2.5 years old? Maybe he is bad there because he'd rather be with you? I would think that keeping him home more might help him return to his sweet self. Good luck!

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