Under normal circimstances, my son is a sweet kid and friendly with people. But we noticed quite a few aggressive behavior in daycare. He pushed other kids, sometimes much smaller than he is, grabed their toys, and pulling little girls' hair. When others fought back and he got hit, he cried as if he was the victim. We kept a very short leash on him at playground, and constantly disipline him and tell him "no hitting" and "no pushing." At this age, I don't know how much really got into his head. Just wondering if other moms can share their experience. I know it's normal for todders to be aggressive, but what are the best ways to teach him? When will this get better?? Thank you!
Thanks ladys for your responses. It seemed that most of my son's aggression was toy-oriented. Also he's language delayed and has sensory issues. His therapist said these all contributed to his behavior. He seemed to have his own mood "cycle." Sometimes, he could be cranky, which could go easily out of control. I hope this stage will pass soon. Thanks again!!
This is normal for toddlers, especially boys - mine was the same way. Just keep on like you're doing with the no hitting and no pushing rules, maybe make him sit down for a short time out everytime he gets aggressive. I know it's exhausting to keep after him about it but that's all we can do is be persistent. Eventually he'll catch on as you keep reminding him to play nice with his friends. it will get better - hang in there!!
Have you taught him gentle touches? And explained why we don't hit or push? Does he understand boo-boos, and that hitting and pushing hurts his friends and gives them boo-boos? When my son was doing this a few months ago, that was my mantra (at home it was the cats or me, though), and I always had him show me soft touches, and he would kiss my boo-boos, or the cats (he did that on his own). When it showed up at daycare, and was told no hitting, the teachers asked me about his reaction to that, they didn't understand the soft touch and hugs he gave until I explained it.
You can also have him show you hard touches on a couch or pillow, and follow with soft touches, so he sees the difference.
Try telling him what you want him to do instead of what you want him to stop doing. It is much harder than it sounds, but at his developmental stage, he will be much more sucessful doing what you tell him instead of having to turn what you said into an apporpriateate, and sometimes not even oposite, behavior.
Instead of "No hit" say "Hands in pocket" or "queit hands" or what ever works for you. Think about how complicated "no hit" really is. He has to understand ALL the different nuances of no and that in English "no" can mean, from "I don't wan't to eat something" to "stop." Top that off with a verb, and what he hears is the verb, identifies the action, and has forgotton all about trying to take the "no" figure out what it means this time, and come up with an opposite behavior; that is a whole lot of steps for a 2 year old! At this age, he is not able to figure out what you mean and what you expect. Tell him what to do instead and he will probably very happly, and proudly, comply. You will find success will breed success, and you have more opportunity to explain why hitting is wrong when you are not in the moment.
Think about it, don't you still spend a good part of his day pointing to things and identifying them? "table...where is the table?" he says "table" and you still clap, right? How do you know that when you scold him and say the thing he did, that he is not confusing the same activty? You identified it and he is used to being praised by repeating your identification. I have even seen kids respond to Mom and say "hit" and she says again, "No Hit" The child is just confused, and Mom is angry.
Go ahead with your dicipline, and be consisitent with what ever you try along with trying this language use. If it were me, I would scoop him up when he hits and leave the playground and try time outs for times you cannot leave (you can do this in any corrner of a store or mall too! Just make sure that he understands why in langague that he can truly understand.
Give it a try. It is free and while not easy, it is effective!
I think he's old enough to start understanding the "Golden Rule." Tell him he needs to treat others as he would like them to treat him and then point out examples throughout the day.
Dear T.,
My friend's son had the same problem. The daycare he was attending solved it by moving him into an older group. Suddenly, this little boy was the youngest, smallest child there. He much too intimidated to hit, grab toys, etc., so he figured out more constructive ways of sharing space. He also benefited from observing how the older kids resolved conflicts. I know if that's a possibility in your daycare, but you might ask.
Good luck!
Mira
First of all 2 y/o dont understand the concept of sharing OR possession. Even in a play group you will notice they play independently together or side by side. You need to re-enforce positive behavior, but dont expect him to share. Make sure he has his own toys and then if he sees something another child has tell him he has to give the other child one of his toys to play with. They usually catch on to this quickly and will offer a toy instead of grabbing.
When he pushes, hits or pulls hair, tell him NO immediately and make him sit for 2 minutes, no exceptions. Then if he does it again make him sit for 4 minutes and increase the time each time. He WILL get the message. After he has been in time out tell him to play nice or he will got back in time out. He might not fully understand that hitting or hair pulling hurts, but he does know that he is doing it to get what he wants and he will soon learn that it is unacceptable behavior. There is no need to explain, he wont get it anyway. Just say NO and immediate time out. It might seem like he spends all his play time in time outs, but it wont take long for him to learn IF you are consistant.
At this age, he really doesn't understand that what he feels (pain!) when someone hits, bites, or pushes him is what they feel when he does it to them. What I'd suggest is to look for the signs that it's about to happen (you can often tell) and give him a warning, check out what the situation is and diffuse it in some way. I also believe in the two minute time out if he hits, bites, pulls hair. He doesn't actually have to have a big explanation, just the knowledge that if he does these things, there will be a consequence.
Mom have his vision checked. Sometimes we don't notice that children can't see until we get them into school.Aggression is not always based on cruelty sometimes when small children hit it is because by the time they see the people clearly they are right on top of them.
I strongly recommend this book, it is easy to follow and makes a lot of sense. It could really help you out a lot as a lot of discipline techniques require more follow through for the child to get it over time.
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0316779040/carroll...
In the meantime, here are some of his articles that can be helpful:
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/6/t060100.asp
