28 Month Old Daughter Driving Mommy Nuts

My daughter will be three in two weeks and this sounds a lot like her last fall! Fortunately, she has grown out the majority of it. I think a lot of it is just the terrible twos and you forget between baby #1 (who you were able to pay LOTS of attention to) and baby #2. Maybe you should put her in a mother's day out or preschool? I think that helped us quite a bit with the clinging, whining, and given us both a much-needed break from each other. She cried and didn't want to go at first but now we both can't wait for Tuesday (school day)!

Hi Tammy,
If you can find a good occupational therapist, she may be able to help your daughter. There is a brushing technique that can help with the issues you have described. It helps with sensory integration.
In my former career, I was an early intervention specialist. A therapist taught me that technique and it worked right away and had fantastic results for so many of the children I worked with, including my own son.
Early intervention programs are free for children under three-years-old who qualify.

I agree a lot with KC. I have a son that is now 3 and a half and he fits your description well. It was at about 2 and a half that all of this felt like it started. We've really had to crack down, but things are getting better. You must be consistent. It will almost seem cruel to what I call your "mommy brain," but it works. If he is whining for something the answer is "NO," or just general fussiness then the toy he's goes put away. We have a toy time out space. They stay in until he can ask nicely and go back at the first whine or tantrum. Also he has to put away each toy before he gets out another. We would have the whole toy box out in 2 minutes, and he'd claim to be playing with each one. He hated the effort of putting them away so now he spends more time with each one.

Read up on ADHD/hyperactivity. The short attention span and general attitude is classic for this condition. However a diagnosis and medicine are most times unnecessary. The strategies for dealing with an ADHD child may help here. Most children who show the symptoms will grow out of it by 6-8 years old. It still seems like a long way away for me, but we're seeing progress here. We've also put him on the Feingold diet. I was on it when I was his age through early elementary. It has fallen out of style since the 80's, but info is still around. Start at http://www.feingold.org/. We've seen the edge fall off his attitude in the last three months since he was on the diet. He's been better able to handle disappointment and easier to reason with.

Good Luck

I'll just pick a couple of things. Meals: they are available for a limited period of time. If she doesn't eat when it's time, she will have to wait until the next meal. Very hard to enforce (as a mommy), but it will work.

Evenings: have a stash of some of her favored playthings pulled out of the general population. Each evening when you get to that witching hour and she becomes impossible, pull out one thing from the stash. Since she doesn't have free access to it anymore, it will hold her attention better.

Hi T.,

This sounded just like me a few months ago. I hated going anywhere with her, because my 2.5 year old would just suck the energy out of me! She didn't like people speaking to me, complimenting her..nothing. If one invaded her space, she would just flip out and I would have to leave the store. Shopping for anything was a quite a chore. She didn't want to stay in the cart, she would want me to carry her, I would have to pick her up before we got to the checkout or she would fall on the floor, climb out of the cart because the cashiers invaded her personal space. I thought I was going to loose my mind!

She was like this for an entire year or more...then one day, we went to the store and she didn't cry at the checkout. The next day she stayed in the cart. We are now able to go out and have dinner as a family again.

Just be very consistent about everything. Don't let up. I know it gets tiring, but you will be jumping for joy like I am now. I would tell her my expectations before we got to our destination. It will take time....trust me! I thought I would never see the light again. The change just took place a month or so ago.

Good Luck!

Be consistent. Say what you mean and mean what you say!

She did more things...just too many to mention, but hopefully you know, you are not alone! I thought it was me, but just a stage.

Have you tried reward chart of some sort? If consistent punishment is not helping with the negative actions, you can use this to get her to just about anyting: sleeping in her bed, taking naps, potty training, behaving in public... You have to choose a reward that she will love and then you have her work for it :) She has to get a certain number of stickers or stamps on her chart before she can get the special prize. Obviously she needs to be punished though if she does not obey you and make good choices. Hopefully this will help curb the difficult behavior and teach her that making good choices, though sometimes hard, is fun and has good repricusions!

Hi Tammie, I have a fiesty 27 mnth old that sounds a lot like yours. Colic first 6 mnths, ear tubes, reflux. Finally, at 18 mnths, after that long of fitfull sleeping, grumpy attitude, finicky eating and random up-chucks, we scheduled an esophagus scope and found that she does have a condition resulting in ulcers on her esophagus. The symptoms mimic reflux. She was perscribed an oral steroid and has changed our lives!
Wondering if your daughter might be suffering w/something like what we've experienced? Just a thought.
I hope that you're able to figure it out! take care, B.

Hi T.,

I can understand what you are going through and I know it's exhausting. If it is at all possible maybe you can find a mother's day out or in home day care, something parttime, where someone else can help her to learn the "YOU'RE not in charge the grown up is" rule. Two's are like this alot, but now is when you teach them "the rule" so it doesn't come back to bite you in the years to come. I know it helped me and I've seen it help others. Good Luck and hang in there.
CS

I highly recommend Love and Logic parenting. www.loveandlogic.com It is a parenting style using natural consequences for actions, etc. It sounds similar to the Dobson response below. You can call L&L in Colorado and ask them where classes/seminars are in your area, or you can purchase materials (books, CDs). I know that the Keller Church of Christ teaches the parenting class every so often and it just pays for cost of materials, $30-40. We drove over 20 miles to attend it, so worth it! Also, because of her eating habits, you can make sure she is getting optimal nutrition by giving her a daily multivitamin, either in powder (in her juice or water) or gummy form. You can check them out at http://www.shaklee.net/recipeforhealth/product/ChildrensH...

Oh T., I am right there with you. I have a 2 1/2 year old little boy, and everything you said is my son to a "T". He is an absolute handful, and everyone around us knows it. I just had a baby in April, and that was pretty rough on me with him being so "high maintenance". I guess my advice, and what I have started doing with him, is cutting him off. The whining absolutely drives me nuts, but I've realized that I'm going to have to listen to it, or I end up giving in and it's a never ending battle. When it comes to food, the minute he gets in the car from me picking him up at daycare it starts; mommy I want ...... and it could be cereal, waffles, whatever. I say no mommy is making this for dinner, and of course here comes the whining, screaming, throwing stuff. We get home and he keeps trying mommy I want bla bla bla. Well what I've started to do, (because I was getting to the point of constantly yelling just to over talk him and it just made the situation much more stressful) I just tell him this is what I'm making, when he doesn't take his plate and sit down to eat, I go about my business and within 5 minutes the kid is sitting down at the table eating quiet as can be. I think at this age, they are REALLLY testing their boundaries, to see how far they can push us. Well he would push me and I would just give in because it's easier. Then on the days where I wouldn't give in, it was like WWIII, because he had a total melt down, he's in and out of time out. I've figured out that I have to be consistent with my rules, because he is not dumb by any means, and remembers if I gave in on something the day before. My child is like a well oiled machine, he does not like change, likes things to be the same every day.
The sleeping, we are still going through that with him. He's been in his big boy bed since January. This week is a good week for sleeping. He's in bed between 8 and 815, and I wake him up about 6 and he is a little grumpy at first, but then after I just walk away for a minute from him and let him wake up he's usually fine. Last week wasn't a good week. He was up every night around 2 or 3 and in my bed. Or he would wake up at 430 ready to go for the day. That's just an ongoing thing, and I just keep putting him back in his bed and try to keep his nighttime routine the same every night.
Yes, they definitely feel your energy, I was exhausted this weekend, and very short with the kids, and he was a total brat all weekend. I sincerely believe it was because of my mood, that he was being a brat.
I guess my advice is be CONSISTENT and realize that they are pushing every boundary they can. Don't think your alone, because I am right there with you. I have a 12 year old step-son that lives with us, my 2 year old son, a 4 1/2 month old baby girl, and my husband travels for a living and I work full time. So I completely understand your frustration with this. It is such a fun age, but boy they can push you to the end.
Sorry so long....
:)

T.,

I suggest a book by Dr. James Dobson, "Dare to Discipline."

Honestly, what you're describing sounds like your daughter is in charge instead of you and your husband. Remember that natural consequences can be a huge influence in her life. Not eating her food? Let her wait 'til the next meal to eat again, making sure it is only good foods. She's not going to starve, just be hungry enough to eat and not have her blood sugars all out of wack with the constant grazing. Whining? Tell her you won't give her what she's asking for until she can speak like a big girl without whining. When she wants to be held something may be wrong and understand that but don't hold her because she's too lazy to walk or is just demanding your constant absolute attention. Tell her you will hold her for 1 min then she needs to walk on her own or go play or whatever.
If she is allowed to control things with a manipulative attitude, she will have a very tough time when she is ready to be social at school and other activities. The other kids are going to treat her really bad because they don't have patience for whining, and kids that don't cooperate with others.
Also, remember consistency consistency consistency. Help her to know what to expect in her life.
Just something to think about...do you expect less from her than you did your oldest because she's "the baby". Talking with my friends, this is extremely common. You just tend to forget what they understand, what they can and can't do.

The book "Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood: Practical Parenting from Birth to Six Years" by Jim & Charlie Fay sounds perfect for you... It will help put you back in the driver's seat in a loving way. :)