I have a 3 1/2 year old boy who cannot keep his hands to himself. We are working really hard with him on 'using his words', but we are losing our patience. Everytime he gets frustrated or upset he scratches and/or bites. We thought we had the biting taken care of for awhile - he has stopped doing it with my husband and I, but still does it to his brother and the other boy I watch. Most of his actions are aimed at his 18 month old brother. We have tried time outs and taking away priveleges, but he just seems to react before he thinks (or he thinks, but he reacts faster). I feel like I constantly have to watch when the 18 month old is anywhere near his brother. I know my 3 1/2 year old gets frustrated. He will be going to preschool next year where he can have more interaction with peers, but I am worried that this behavior might carry on to preschool. We try to make sure he gets enough sleep because the behavior seems even worse when he is tired. I would appreciate any other advice or suggestions.
Thanks.
I received a lot of great advice. I will be putting some new things into place and hopefully something will click. It was great to have all the support.
Hi,
I have six children, the youngest is now 11. What I did with them if they started biting (which it seems most kids go through) I would bite them so they could see how it felt and then give them a hug and tell them I loved them, but not their actions. It always worked right away, never had to do it more than a few times.
D.
Hi K., this is sort of funny since you also asked about the rough housing question, right? i guess you can't have it both ways, letting them be rough with each other, then getting mad when they get hurt. that was my whole point in my prior response. hope you figure it out. good luck!
I'm not sure if you believe in spanking, but that's what we do w/both of our kids. If you just swat his behind, I'm sure it will startle him enough to say 'hey, maybe i shouldn't do that'
I have a 3 1/2 year old and a 9 month old. My son started to push her down or push her away or get really frustrated with her. I too was at wits end and didn't know what to do.I also put a request for advice on mamasource. There was a few things that REALLY helped.
First I made one on one time with my Son at least 4 times a week. I believe he was getting more frustated with her becuase she was crawling and getting into his toys. Also my son saw all the attention his sister gets when she does something new and gets a little jealous. Second the rules were very clear when harming another one, warning, then automatic time out(3 min), then spanking. Also, when I saw the signs of getting frustated I would ask him to "say his words" to me about how he felt before he started lashing out (this helped so much). Then I would plaining tell him that he had to share his toys, just like other children share with him. Also, that she wanted to play with him becuase she loved him so much and wanted to be next to him. Doing all of these things combined has tremendously helped and we hardly ever have to even put into time out for pushing or not sharing. He gets the warning and knows what's next.
I really hope this helps you and I hope you continue to recieve great advice. You are doing a great job!!
N.
Sometimes my 1YO hits or kicks one of our dogs. I eventually told her it was ok to kick the couch or a pillow if she feels like hitting or kicking. Every once in a while a friendly reminder was necessary, but she got to a point where she would remind herself. She has also had a tendancy to hurt other children, and constant watching was absolutely necessary, but being in her face ready to move her hands away from someone else's face seemed to escelate the bad behavior.
I have used lots of patient kind words, like "it's ok to share" while smling. If she gets mad and hits or kicks, it is an automatic time out. No warnings. I have learned that people remember consequences better when they come suddenly and unexpectedly.
I would also suggest you model friendly playing by getting down on the floor with all the kids. And sometimes get mad and hit a pillow.
At first, I thought it would be weird to have a kid who hits and kicks objects, but I would rather her hit pillows than kids.
My 2 year old son can become agressive and start to bite. But - there are warning signs that he gives BEFORE he gets to this point. You can see in his face "extra energy" that he needs to get out. When I see this, I remind him to stop and calm down. I let my kids tickle each other (and sometimes they sit on each other to tickle) - but never to hurt or wrestle. Keep in mind that kids can't tell where the line is between play wrestling and hurting someone else.
I know that my oldest son was like that for a while. He was diagnosed with sensory issues and was reacting that way a lot of the time. I would try swinging him on his tummy on a regular swing if you have a swing set or at the park. This helped my boy a whole lot only he had the problem from an earlier age and I got him into the Early Intervention Program and they gave him O.T. She did this and she played with shaving cream on a mirror with the hands and with play dough and with silly putty with marbles stuck into it. Try to get all the marbles out. I'm not sure if these things will help. He may just be jealous of his brother and how much time you spend with him right now as well. Might try to take some 1-on-1 time with him and do some things he likes to do for a certain amount of time each day.
Sorry I can't help with your problem at hand, but I saw that you are looking for work. I am also a SAHM and I work part-time from home and I LOVE my company. You actually work independently so the hours are very flexible and you can work full or part-time. If you are interested let me know!
A.
I just asked this question about my daughter on here not too long ago and I received some advice that has really worked wonders for us. My daughter was starting to scratch and hit the daycare children that I watch and I couldn't keep sending them home with marks all over them because of MY daughter. This is what the advice was:
Give the child who gets hurt all of the attention. Comfort the child and tell them you are sorry that they got hurt. Give the child lots of hugs and kisses and when you are done quietly go over to your son and say, "Please use nice hands and please use your words." Walk away. Oh my goodness!!!! This worked! My daughter has hardly been hitting and scratching this past week and I feel that she is now seeking more positive attention. I, too, am learning to recognize when she is needing more attention and I give her lots of hugs and kisses and try to sit and play with just her at least twice a day. When I see that she is getting out of control, I have her come help me with something that I am doing to redirect her. I would have never thought of this tactic, but I loved the advice and it ended up working. Good luck.
As for your other post, try setting a timer for the amount of time you feel that your younger son can withstand the rough housing. When the timer goes off, have another 'active' game ready for them to play since they will still have plenty of energy to burn off. We will play follow the leader, simon says, build with the couch cushions, play red light green light, etc. when things are getting pretty wild:)
I highly recommend reading "The Wonder of Boys" by Michael Gurian. He does a great job covering all the basis from how boys think (they normally act before thinking) to what is the best discipline for boys.
