3-Year Old Having Preschool/behavior Problems

Updated on July 27, 2010
L.P. asks from Orlando, FL
4 answers

My son is going to be three in a few weeks. He is sweet and smart but also very agressive and strong-minded. We recognize that he can be difficult and know he is not the perfect child. We have been working on different strategies at home and asking advice of his preschool teachers, reading on here, reading books, etc. I have been told that his behavior is fairly normal for his age and that it will pass.

He switched classes in June to the next level. The previous class had two very experienced teachers that he adores and respects. He did great in their class and never had any issues. The class he has moved into has a few more children and two teachers that seem kind but are very inexperienced and don't seem to know what to do with my son. I have spoken at length with them and the school director about strategies and I felt like we were working together until yesterday.

My son told me that he didn't get to play anything at school - that he sat separately and the boys and girls got to play. I asked the teacher about it yesterday and she told me that he was being separated at carpet time but the rest of the time he wasn't being separated. I was watching yesterday on the cameras that they have from home and saw that after nap he was sitting at the small table by himself that they use for time out. My mom and I were both monitoring - my mom had the sense to time it and he was sitting there for 30 minutes. I raced over to the school and demanded to know why he was put there and for that length of time. They told me he was getting attention and given toys (the last few minutes he was sitting there) and he was just being separated - anticipating that he would have an incident with another child if he was at the tables with them. I asked him why he was sitting at the table - he told me that he didn't know and he didn't do anything bad. He is very good about telling me when he is bad and it matches up to what they tell me he has done. And on top of this they had told me an hour before that he was having a great day.

This is the second "white lie" to me by the teacher and I am also unhappy that my son is not being given the opportunity to try to behave better but rather being isolated. I also feel that it may be what he actually wants - individual attention and to be on display; therefore, not promoting the good behavior. I brought this to their attention and told them that I don't think the strategy or the teachers are a good fit for Aiden. I told them I was open to suggestions but I don't feel comfortable putting my son back into that class. He gets upset going there and told us he doesn't like the teachers.

I overall like the school but i feel that the quality of teachers and ratios are not what they were when we started. I am torn on what to do - i always think of the devil you know is better than the devil you don't...and maybe we can switch classes...on the other hand i am so upset i never want to go back...

Open to any advice and have already talked to pediatrician to review if he needs to be tested for any behavioral or medical issues...

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So What Happened?

We have decided to start looking at some other schools for our son.

Regarding the two stay-at-home moms that responded to my post...I am really sick and tired of many SAHM's using these discussions as an avenue to get on your soap box and criticize us who may make other choices or some that have no choice at all. I was raised by a mother that stayed home for our first years and worked part-time later on - i hardly remember much of my early years - and I don't really think it made any impact on my life overall.

I made the choice to go back to work for the following reason...when I thought back through my upbringing I tried to remember some of my best memories and also what had the largest long-term effect on me. I remember our awesome family vacations and weekends at the beach. Secondly, I also am grateful that my parents moved us to a nice neighborhood and worked hard to pay for my college and give us money for a down payment on our first house.

I am an educated woman who has a high earning potential and I came to the conclusion that the best things i can do for my kids is to raise them in a good safe environment with the best schools. And also work hard to make sure that I can put them through college and help them out to get started on their feet - this to me was the most difficult part of my entire upbringing and I hope i can be there for my children as my parents were for me.

I respect your opinions and decisions to stay at home. I wish you all the best -- but your judgmental and critical behavior is not setting a good example for your kids. And you never know - your children may grow up to be working parents. And please remember there are many parents out there who do not choose to work or stay home but do it b/c they have no choice - I know plenty of moms who's husbands up and left them and even a few fathers who's wives passed away prematurely.

Please think before you lash out - you never know someone's situation.

More Answers

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A.G.

answers from Orlando on

I had a similar experience, the overall school quality does not matter if the teacher your son is with is ineperienced. If they cannot change him to another teacher, I would change his school. Be sure to meet the teacher your son will be with when interviewing schools. You know it's the teachers because he was fine last year. Plus the fact that he does not want to go means he does not feel comfortable there. You know your son and you are his only and best advocate. Follow your mama bear instincts!

2 moms found this helpful

K.C.

answers from Orlando on

Normally I hate hate hate when people blame the teacher. Even "inexperienced" as a first year teacher, I promise you I was awesome! :)

Anyway in this case I feel you are completely justified in feeling he is not being treated fairly. You can not seperate a child (especially a just turned 3 year old!!) becuase he might misbehave. All children have the potential to misbehave, just let them get bored and see what they come up with. I would look up state laws and check on the ratios, some places will try to get away with whatever they can, when they don't think parents are educated. You are paying a lot of money (I'm sure) that you work hard for to make sure you are doing what you think is best for your child.
At 3-years-old I would assume one of the main goals of his school would be socialization. I don't understand what he is being taught by spending the day in isolation, at three a child can not comprehend the fact that they are still in time out a half hour later.
I would have a serious heart to heart with the director and/or teachers. If things don't change like now I would start the interview process.

By the way I fully support your decision to go back to work. I spent the last year working and now am taking one school year off to spend with my daughter. It is your CHOICE to do what you feel is best for your family, don't let anyone tell you differently!

1 mom found this helpful
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J.G.

answers from Orlando on

Stay home with him. He NEEDS you. The best thing for him is to be home with his Mama. That's what will mean the most. He will only be small for such a short time, and you will have missed this opportunity.

Lots of people say, "I wish I could stay home, but I just can't afford it." Do whatever it takes to make it happen. My husband only makes $35,000 per year, and we have 4 kids 4 and under. Last year, I watched one extra child to make some money when we needed it, but this year we've been okay. I didn't think it was possible to make it on only his income, but we have been doing it for 3 years now. I don't even miss the cable anymore, and it's much more special to go out to eat only occasionally than all the time.

Make your son and his needs a top priority and be there for him. NO ONE can love your son like you do. Not even the teachers he had that were experienced. Check out the website: http://www.daycaresdontcare.org/index.htm. I worked in preschool for 6 years before I got my teaching degree. I KNOW what goes on in daycares and preschools; there are good things, of course, but nothing that can compare to a Mama's love and attention. Like you said, your son is looking for attention. He DESERVES yours!

This is probably not the advice you were looking for, but you did say, "Open to any advice..." I hope you'll truly consider this.

1 mom found this helpful
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V.G.

answers from Orlando on

First off, your child is not in school, it is daycare. I hate getting into the whole stay at home vs. daycare thing...I won't argue it with anyone because, like Jenny G. says: there is no substitute for you! We made it on even less than they did, although we only had 2 children. You can never replace those years when YOU would have done a billion times better job teaching him! And you'll be able to look back and say, "Wow! I was a great Mom and they had the very best childhood possible! What fun those years were!!!" You even have a Mom around to help you. I think you would all be so much happier if he's at home with you, and a p.s.: I highly doubt there is anything medically wrong with him! Once you bring him home, you'll find what a wonderfully inquisitive and intelligent boy he is...I feel you won't want or need anyone else's opinion on that!!! Good luck L., he sounds like one fantastic boy!

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