I love my son... don't get me wrong... but I am at a breaking point with him! He is TERRIBLE at school- hitting kids, talking back to the teacher, jumping on tables, throwing food on the floor etc. Anything you can think of he has done since moving to the 3 year old class. I have had conferences with both the teacher and day care director. We have been trying to work together for a solution. Some things we've tried:
1) Being the teachers helper. He loves helping out at home i.e folding clothes and helping with the dishes. So I thought that feeling important at school would inspire him. I was wrong!
2) Giving him more challenging projects. He is very intelligent. He works right along side his 5 year old brother when doing homework. He knows his ABC's and can write most of them. He can spell his name and count to 40. So we thought that maybe he was getting bored at school. Now he is just intelligent AND destructive!
3) A rewards system. For every good note he received at school he would get a star on a chart that we created together. After so many stars he would get a reward (both biys are doing this) Rewards ranged from a small toy from the store to going to a theme park depending on how many weeks they were good.
i just don't know what else to do. I have tried taking normal things away from him when he gets bad notes such as not allowing him to watch a movie at night with his brother and me. i've taken away favorite toys on truly terrible days.
Everyone asks me whether something significant has happened and honestly, other than turning 3,nothing has. His dad hasn't been in the picture since he was 6mos old. We moved away from my parents a year ago but it has been a year and he was fine when he was put into the 2 yr old class at daycare. It wasn't really until he went to the 3 year old class that things are going bad. What do I do? I'm at a loss- everytime I see one of these bad notes I just want to cry.
On a side note, I should mention that his dad has aggression issues. He was in juvie as a child for battering a teacher. He threw desks when he was 7. And even now he can't control himself sometimes. I just don't know.
Nothing has happened yet! I have talked to his teacher and we are both going to try keeping track of what happens at home and school... i.e. what does he do on days where he is sick, went to bed a little late etc and see if we can find a pattern. I asked the director about putting him in another class but they are all full- the 2 y/o class is full and the pre-k class is full of pre-k kids. There is only one 3 y/o class... other than that he would have to be in the 1 and under class... I don't think that's a good thing! I have decided to talk to his pediatrician about all of this. Unfortunately, we had a lapse in medical coverage and have to wait until it kicks in again. In the meantime, we will try to see if there is a pattern. I also talked to the school about a program called Project Challenge. Basically a trained psychologist will come to the school and observe him. He/she will then have a conference with the teacher, director and myself. If there are any behavioral issues, the service would provide us with the help that we need. Here's keeping fingers crossed! And thanks for all the great responses!
Try another teacher, maybe the chemistry is just not there. Children change but not that much. My Granddaughter had a problem when she was moved into another class, bad behavior not listening knocking whole books off the shelves, etc. When I spoke with the director of the school she
found space in another class and the problem was solved. Something is not right and he tring to tell you the only way he knows how.
have you talked to his two yr old teacher? ask her what she thinks. was he really that well behaved in her classroom or did she have techniques to deal with him? is there such a discrepency between the expectations in one class and another? talk to the director, could he be moved back for a few months?
Is this only happening at school? Are there any different chemicals in the room with the 3 year old class? Toxins (even some cleaners) can affect kids and their behavior. If it is only at school consider making a change. He may be too immature for this class.
Especially because you are concerned with heredity you might consider having your child evaluated by a neurologist if you cannot find a rhyme or reason for this behavior. There is always the possibility of a disorder that therapy or medication could help. On the other hand, Is he on any medication? Some medications can cause aggressive behavior.
One more thing. I don't believe in punishing a kid at home for something that happened at school. That is the teachers job. Home is a safe haven where he should get love and a bit of sympathy for a hard day. When he misbehaves at home then a natural consequence at home is appropriate, but I feel like you are punishing him twice otherwise. The school should be the bad guy for school stuff. It bothers me he is only 3 and this is sudden. I wouldn't be too hard on him, just help him figure out how to feel better.
My son is 4 and we had almost the same experience with him at school (and sometimes at home) up until a month or so ago. We took him to a behavioral psychologist and with his help and a lot of team work between myself and the teachers we were able to help him get back on track. I would suggest going to see someone with him if you can, it not only helped my son but helped me also. I was always wondering, "what am I doing wrong".
A few things that we did were:
Started a chart system at school. Every day the teacher would make a chart with the five different activities they did at school. Flag, Circle time, Bathroom, Snack and then the activity of the day (music, library, sports etc) He would then get to draw a happy face next to whichever activity he was good for. (they drew pictures for him so he would understand) Even one happy face in the beginning got him A LOT of praise from the teachers and myself. We would talk about how many happy faces he was going to get at school that day and then at the end of the day we would talk about what he did "right" to get the happy faces and what he could do better during the other times to earn him a happy face. When we finally were at 3 happy faces (took a long time!) we talked about the reward he would get for bringing home 5. (a new sticker, a toy from the dollar store etc.) When he finally reached 5 happy faces he would get a reward every day he brought home 5. When he was consistently getting 5 happy faces, we made a chart at home. When he collected 5 happy faces for three days, he would then get his reward. When that started to happen consistently, we made a chart for 5 days of happy faces and then slowly started to faze out the reward system. I was a little concerned that we were bribing him to be good but the psychologist said that it was fine and that eventually the bribes would go away but the behavior would stay. I know that some people (including his teacher) did not like the "bribing" but I have to say, it really worked.
Also, we started giving him choices. Worded very carefully. Always lead with the positive. At school they would say, If you sit with the class at circle time, you can have a fun time with your friends. But if you (get up, throw things, hit, whatever) then you have to sit at the table and can't have fun. Which choice would you like. He really took to that. I feel like he felt in control and he could clearly see that it was his choice to have fun with the group or misbehave and not be able to have fun.
I know how difficult it must be for you to see your intelligent, beautiful little boy having such a difficult time. And I too understand what it's like to cringe every time you get a call from the school. I really hope it gets better for you and if you want anymore details on what we did to help our son, please let me know.
Good luck! Hugs!!!
PS. We also decided to hold him back one more year because partially we believe it's a maturity issue. Just a thought....
I think you should have him checked for adhd, oppulant defiance disorder, or something in that category. My son's really started showing when he moved into the twos and he was removed from the day care ... I could have written this same post two years ago. I would talk to your pedi and ask him to have this ruled out and I suggest that you have the school wright down what REALLY happens during the day. My issue was they always wrote the same generic blurb and I had no HONEST account of his day until they decided to bombard me with all that he does wrong.
Of course you love him-he sounds fun and challenging-I'm sure there is something wonderful about him-focus on that-play it up-he's smart and likes to help out at home? Awesome! A thousand moms are weeping right now and pea green with envy! He's bad at school? What did they do to him? When he acts up-they need to remain calm and redirect him-that's their job and they need to deal. Tell them you don't want to hear it anymore and they'll have to figure it out. I'm assuming they're paid professionals. Maybe he likes to be the oldest in the class?
i agree with dot b. if it just started in the 3yo class and he was fine last year and is fine at home. could definitely be the teacher.
First thing is have him evaluated by a pediatric occupational therapist who is very experienced with Sensory Processing Disorder and self regulation/sensory modulation. This is a physiological dysfunction where children cannot experience all their SEVEN senses at once and that information make sense to them so they become disorganized, aggressive, and hyper or underresponsive as well. Please take him at 3 and not wait another day. With a proper sensory diet of activities, you will be saving your son academic, social, medical, and tons of money down the road! Stop trying to appeal to his cognitve thought process by taking things away and talking to him. HIs body is out of sorts and if kids don't experience and learn things through their bodies 1st, then they are quite a mess. Good luck.
Move him back to 2 yr old class.
See YokaRedder.com, she handled problems for which we could see no solution.
Best, k
Please never compare to father, pls.
Kids who are bored and have a lack of structure in their environments tend to act out. I say try positive reinforcement for home and school, most kids will follow suit when another child is told " oh Bobby I like how you are sitting at at circle" , great job. I have one particular child this works like a charm with whenever I praise another child he immediatly follows suit.
