3 Year Old Battle of Wills

123 Magic is an amazing tool to help control a little one. My son was very aggressive and wouldn't respond to anything including spanking, but he listens to this program. And the nice thing is, it takes stress off of you as long as you can keep up with it. Basically it is this...
"Son, please do this/don't do this". If he doesn't, all you do is raise one finger and say, "1, please do/don't do this." It is the only warning he gets. If he still doesn't just raise another finger and say "2", but don't repeat the order; you have already told him twice. Then do "3" and respond with an action. They have videos out with this program. They're boring, but they work.

It sounds like he may be looking for extra attention from you since sister was born. And any attention is not bad attention. Or a doctor may say that he's ODD. Either way, good luck.

Hang in there! My 3 year old went thru the same phase. The thing that worked for us was picking 1 way to disapline (we did time out) and do it every time she did something wrong or didn't listen, etc. We found consistnecy with the punishment was the key. When time out was over, we also would ask her what it was that she did wrong so she woudl tell us and really realize what she had done wrong. It was a tough time, but it paid off. She listens better now and the time outs are less and less these days! Good luck.

Oh, my heart breaks for you....we have a 3.5 year old, and it sounds like your son is completely normal. His sister is older (just turned 2) and definitely the more dominant personality, so we don't have the same safety concerns with an infant around the house.

What we've found most effective with our son lately (and he's been quite a stinker at times - my husband jokingly said he wanted to put an ad for both of them on Craig's List the other day) is to focus more on reinforcing the good behavior than the bad.

So, while our instincts are to react and correct negative behavior, we realized we weren't spending enough time praising him when he was doing what we desired. We have been making more of a concerted effort to say, "Wow, you're really doing a good job of playing nicely", "Thanks for helping me put all the toys away", "You've been such a good boy, I think we should do something special".

It's human nature to want adoration and praise, and the logic is that the more of that you give, the more they'll do it - kind of like Pavlov's dog!

At bedtime, we also try to talk about the day and talk about what he did that was great and what he can do better the next day.

We're not perfect parents (by any means), and our kids are Captain Cranky Pants and Princess Cranky Pants more often than we'd like, but we're trying, and so far, this seems to be helping somewhat.

Good luck!

You might be amazed at how much more responsive your son becomes when you try to hear his version of what's going on. All incidents will not stop, but there will be far fewer. Check out the book How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk. It gives really practical advice that I use with my 4yo grandson. Amazingly, children can often resolve their own unhappiness once they believe you have really listened to them.

You can read part of this practical guide to communicating with your kids here: http://www.amazon.com/How-Talk-Kids-Will-Listen/dp/038081....

hmmm... sounds like he is misbehaving because it works to get your attention.

you need to find time to say "what do you want to play with mommy right now?" and spend some quality time together. i have three kids, and after our baby was born we had a hard time with discipline too. the best thing to counteract the bad behavior was to spend time with them playing a game or reading books or something to help them know that they don't have to misbehave to get my attention.

it may sound like i didn't understand your question-- i know you asked about discipline--- but seriously just a little more love and patience will go a long way to help with behavior so that he won't feel so desperate.

one thing i've been doing with my oldest lately are bedtime chats. i go in after he's in bed and we just talk about whatever he wants to talk about. it helps us stay connected and it's fun!

hang in there!