My 3 year old's behavior has gotten worse lately. She slapped another child in daycare that took a toy she was playing with. She is also being very defiant at home. Saying no when told to do something, and sticking her tongue out at me. My wife is concerned that there may be psychological problem with her, but I believe she is going through a phase.
Any recommendations?
Thank you all for replying. The comments are very helpful, and I will share with my wife, so we can enforce some of your suggestions.
It's normal. Nothing is psychologically wrong with her. 3 is very young. Kids test, so that they can find out what the boundaries are.
Other people can suggest possible responses, it's been too long since my kids were 3.
If she slaps at you or someone in front of you, take her firmly by the hands and say "Hands are for helping, not hurting." And then put her in a playpen and walk away from her. Time outs in a chair will not work at this age. She will just run out of it.
Showing her that she gets NO attention and she loses her toys and has to stop doing what she likes for several minutes is what she needs. You will need to do this hundreds of times consistently (EVERY SINGLE TIME) to get her to stop these behaviors. You will get tired of it. Her behavior will get worse before it gets better because she wants to break you! It's her job to fight you and win. But Dad, it's YOUR job as an adult and her father to not let her win. Instead, you plop her down in that playpen and leave the room. She will not like it. She will cry to high heaven. No matter! You act like you don't care.
It will take time for her to get out of this phase. But just because it's a phase doesn't mean that you ignore it. The phase will turn into a habit and the next thing you will face is preschool telling you that they will no longer have her in their school.
At home when you tell her to do something, if she says no, ignore it and make her do whatever it is anyway. If it's time to change her diaper, you don't ask. You just change it and ignore her kicks. If she tries to take food off the table and run away with it, take the food out of her hand and take her out of the kitchen. Ignore her no, but don't let her do what she wants. If she is throwing food in the high chair, tell her "You must be finished" and take her out of the highchair. Don't let her eat until she is willing to sit in the chair and eat her food without throwing it. Don't have a feeding battle with her. If she realizes that you don't care if she eats or not, she will stop fighting with you and she will eat. ESPECIALLY if she ends up having to eat her warm food cold, because you DO NOT JUMP THROUGH HOOPS for a child who behaves badly at the table. She will not starve. She will test you. Don't fall for it.
If you are 100% consistent, you'll come through these terrible 3's with a much nicer child. And you need a nicer child. Nothing is worse than a 5 or 6 year old who acts like a 3 year old beastie.
Our kids were great when age 2 but went through the "terrible threes". It's pretty normal. You stay calm and be consistent. Give consequences when needed. Make sure she gets enough sleep. Expect tantrums and anger when she doesn't get her way. This age wants to assert their independence. I tired to ignore as much as I could and pick my battles. They outgrow it when their brains get more mature. Some kids are more stubborn than others! My son was especially bad/impossible at age 3! I was really worried at the time. But he's an amazing, smart and really good 13 year old now...he impresses me every day.
Totally normal 3 year old behavior. My oldest son was very, very difficult at age 3. I had concerns about my parenting and his behavior, so we did meet with a psychologist a few times who observed him and us, reassured me that he was just a normal (albeit difficult) 3 year old and gave me some suggestions as to how to cope with the most difficult behavior. Sure enough, just as she said, he turned a corner just after his 4th birthday and was suddenly a fairly reasonable child who could better control himself and respond to discipline.
Three is honestly the worst year...hang in there and know that it gets better.
Three was the absolute worst age for my daughter. She skipped the terrible twos and the threes were just awful. Everything you described sounds totally normal.
They get better as they get a little older and mature a bit. Hang in there. Don't give in to tantrums and be swift and consistent with discipline.
sounds like a phase. stay consistent with discipline and expectations. this too shall pass. and the teachers should be keeping a closer eye on her to make sure shes not hurting other children, they know shes having a terrible 3's time and should know a few tricks to keep the classroom running safely
Mine never slapped another child (thankfully - I always thought it would be worse to have the kid who bit or hit the others, rather than be hit .. so I feel for you) but certainly the 3's were harder than the 2's (at our house anyhow).
They just are testing you left and right. That's totally typical. I don't even know if I'd call it a phase because it's such a predictable part of their development - if you talk to daycare teachers.
You just keep dealing with it immediately - and redirecting when necessary, and ignoring when appropriate (sometimes they want an audience). I found ignoring mine and they could join the family in our 'fun' stuff when they were respectful and kind to us worked best.
I often would pull out a really fun toy when one of mine was like this - just for this purpose. They could join us when they were being kind. So as long as they were being nasty - nope. I didn't give them time outs, so much as you are over in kitchen - we're all in living room playing with this really cool toy everyone loves. You want to play? Oh well - then I guess you'd better make sure (sally) feels better and you can be kind to her in future and don't do that again - kind of thing. We did the same if they were yelling, etc.
Welcome to the Terrible Threes.
Our son skipped Terrible Twos but made up for it with Terrible Threes.
It's normal and very common.
Things really do get a lot better when they turn 4.
Be consistent with discipline - when she's having a tantrum she can have it in her room.
Don't even try going anywhere with her if she's hungry or tired.
