Have you tried doing things differently so that she feels that you understand her frustration or to prevent the frustration in the first place? For example; Instead of saying no you can't have a piece of candy say you can have a piece of candy after lunch. I know you really, really want that candy. You can have it after lunch.
Instead of saying no, you can't go to the zoo say, it would be so fun to go to the zoo. I want to go to the zoo too. We'll go another time. And then perhaps swing your arm as if it's an elephant's trunk and squeal before saying we have our own zoo here.
By doing this you're acknowledging her feelings and distracting her into thinking of something else.
It's so normal for a 3 yo to have tantrums especially when parents haven't figured out how to manage them up to then. I sounds like you haven't tried just ignoring the tantrum She is only 3 and is expressing her frustration/anger the only way she knows how to do so. When she starts to yell, hit, etc. walk away (she won't be close enough to kick your feet) or take her to her room and leave. Give her time to get control of herself.
When she come out of her room, calmly put her back into her room. Do not shut the door. Her emotions feel out of control for her too and shutting her in by herself is really scary and adds to her emotions.
Spraying her with water is so disrespectful. How would you react if someone sprayed you? Taking away things does not teach her how to manage her feelings. Doing so only makes her more angry. And you're right. Spanking only makes her more angry and is teaching her that hitting is a way to express that anger.
One of the reasons you're having so much difficulty is because you're not feeling in control. Repeat over and over to yourself that you are a strong woman and can handle this little child who is still so new to the world and needs to learn how to manage her feelings. By saying this you will eventually feel this way.
I suggest that you teach her to see her room as a safe place to be. Fix up a cozy place for her to sit, listen to music, watch a cartoon, look at books, etc. and have her spend time there when all is going well. Spend some time with her having a good time so that she sees the space as a safe space. Never yell at her or express anger to her while she's in that space.
I recommend that you talk with her about how going to her room is a way to start over with good behavior. Make going to her room something that she does when she first starts to act out or when she misbehaves. Send her there, while you're calm in in control. At first you'll have to take her there.
My daughter's children now put themselves in their room when they need to calm down. It's taken a few years for them to mature and be able to recognize when they need to go there but teaching them was well worth it.
Please find a parenting book with which you can agree and read it. Dr. Sears has many good suggestions. You can google him to get ideas. Super Nanny is helpful. Love and Logic and 1-2-3 Magic are very helpful.
I believe that when you change your focus in the direction of understanding how your daughter is feeling and why she is frustrated and develop ways to give her choices you will see the tantrums decrease. She is in the midst of a very important developmental task; that of knowing that she's separate from you, finding ways of expressing herself and needing some independence.