3 Year Old Drama

Updated on November 27, 2012
M.J. asks from Riverside, CA
5 answers

I currently watch a lil girl who is 3 years old....I never had any issues with her until about two weeks ago...not sure what changed things or if maybe its me that changed....but it seems as the lil girl could care less what I say or do...she seems to do everything negative just to get my attention may it be good or negative....it has gotten so bad that I would have to hold her just for her safety...cuase she will throw herself regardless if she hurts herself....she will hit, kick and even spit on my other children even hit or kick me...that is where I draw the line....disrupting other children....Ive tried time out or not playing certain games or outside playtime....Ive talked to her mom....I feel she is really tired but fights her sleeep until naptime....But I am praying that come Monday things have changed and that shes the same lil sweet girl she was before...she only acts up with me or when Its just me around...my 18 year old daughter can be here and she is the sweet angel or will just obey what ever my daughter says....need as much help on how I can change this or at lease tolerate it...any and all suggestions....

What can I do next?

  • Add yourAnswer own comment
  • Ask your own question Add Question
  • Join the Mamapedia community Mamapedia
  • as inappropriate
  • this with your friends

More Answers

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

T.W.

answers from Syracuse on

I would have an area in the house where you bring her to when she behaves like this, a place where she's away from the other kids. I think a place where she could lie down with a blanket would be good, because to me it sounds like she is tired. Has she been waking up extra early, perhaps from daylight savings? Ask her mom.

My soon to be 3 year old had been having a really TOUGH time throughout the day, he would throw things, run into me, push, scream and cry when he didn't get his way. It was as if he was "out of his mind" for a few weeks. He was overtired (from the time change w/ daylight savings recently) and would not take a nap until recently. When he gets this way, I can't get him to nap in his room but he'll lie down on the couch with his blanket...he then falls asleep. It's like night and day with his behavior when he naps vs. doesn't.

3 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

L.R.

answers from Washington DC on

This is all stuff you need to talk about with her parents, not us. Have you sat down with them and told them exactly what you say here? You say you've talked to her mom -- but was it a quick chat at pickup or dropoff, or a phone conversation? You and she need a long sit-down without any kids around so you both will not be distracted.

A few things to think about:

This change seems very sudden. That's not good and usually means the child has had some sudden change in his or her life. What's going on? Problems between mom and dad? New job for a parent, so she's angry at less time with that parent? New sibling or a sibling who has issues and therefore gets lots of attention for acting out (so sister is acting out too)? Could the girl be ill? Or starting to show reactions to allergies? Has her diet changed? (Some food dyes can actually make young children behave differently, so if she began eating foods that she had not had previously and they had dyes -- especially certain red or yellow dyes-- that actually could be part of the behavior change.)

Are there changes at the day care you run? I'm assuming you do run one since you refer to "my other children" here and it seems you're watching other folks' kids. Have new kids come in over these past few weeks, so she is trying to get more attention? Has the food changed, or is the whole routine being shifted around because of the holidays? Examine everything both at home and at day care. Kids can be very sensitive to things that adults brush off as no big deal. As for her adoring your daughter, I bet your teen is never the one to discipline her, so the girl sees your teen as an angel. Kids tend to take those of us who must say "No" for granted and adore those who are mostly just fun with them.

Yes, as you note, this also could be a change to her body's nap schedule that is making her over-tired and very fussy. Around two to three years old, MANY kids give up their daytime nap and go to no naps at all, even if their bodies really could use the rest. Does she actually nap at naptime or does she fuss and thrash around? Do you give her quiet activities to do if she won't sleep so she's not frustrated by feeling she's "forced" to nap when she can't? Or does she fight sleep and then just collapse into sleep?

Talk to the parents -- has her nighttime sleep changed? Is she sleeping less, going to bed later because something's diffferent at home, getting up earlier on her own? That needs to be accounted for somehow in her napping, or lack of it.

Find one consistent discipline. As another person who posted noted, you are trying lots of different things and she needs to know what's coming. If it's time out, can you really enforce it well if you are watching other kids, or is it too easy for her to slip out of her time out spot?

Do the parents see the same violent thrashing and hitting and kicking at home? That is the biggest red flag. Does she show remorse afterward? Does she get upset if she is told that "It hurts Billy when you kick him" because she understands what it means to feel hurt? If she is showing some empathy, and most kids this age can do that, that's a good sign, but if she is raging without any empathy afterward, she might benefit from some evaluation. But the anger is so sudden that I really wonder if there are changes that you aren't aware of at home, or changes at the day care that seem normal to you but aren't to her (especially the introduction of any new kids).

It is very typical for kids of three to start being more defiant, saying no a lot, not caring what their adult caregiver says, etc. This is the child developing a sense of self and asserting that. But the sudden addition of tantrums so violent you have to hold her is worrying. You and the mom need to work on it and talk daily -- are you reporting to her each day since this change?

Ultimately if the girl continues to kick, hit and spit, you may have to remove her from your day care because other parents are going to be upset and remove THEIR kids if they come home with bruises or say that the girl spit on them repeatedly. Let's hope that does not happen. It sounds like she is somehow very stressed all of a sudden. But you need much more work together with the parents to find out why, and more consistent discipline. And finally -- be certain you are never giving her "negative attention." If she gets more of your attention when she is behaving this way, she will learn that behaving this way gets your attention, so ensure that you remove your attention as much as possible.

3 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.P.

answers from Portland on

Has any thing changed with her home life? It's unusual for a child to go from being a sweet easily manged child to being so negative in a few days. You know if you've changed. Have you gone from letting her do whatever she wants to expecting her to mind?

Ask the mother if they're having difficulty at home not only with their daughter but in the family. It could be that the little girl is anxious and frightened. It could be that something has happened and the parents aren't spending much time with her and the time they spend is harsh.

You need to pick one form of discipline and stick with it, consistently using it with every behavior. I like Love and Logic because the discipline is the natural consequence created by the misbehavior. For example, when she hits, kicks, spits on children she is isolated from those children. Holding her is one way to help her calm down and keeps her away from the other children. If she's fighting sleep, lay her down in a quiet place. Give her her lovey and perhaps put on some music. You could have a large pillow in a corner away from the play area perhaps behind an upholstered chair.

Being tired is an indication that she's not getting enough sleep at night. I would talk with the parents about her sleep. It could also be an indication that the parents aren't paying attention to her or are harsh at bedtime. If she cries to put herself to sleep she's apt to be angry, for example.

You said she'll do anything to get attention. I would be careful to pay attention to her when she's being cooperative. Give her a hug or a pat on the arm when you walk by her and she's quietly playing for example. Do the same with the other children.

Watch the way your daughter interacts with her. You may be able to learn what she's doing or not doing that's making a difference.

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

P.G.

answers from Dallas on

Talk to the parents and ask what is going on in her/their lives, even if it's a minor change. The need to know she's acting out so they can handle it. They may be having the same issue at home and not consciously realized it. If this is sudden, something has changed or happened at home - it doesn't have to be negative, it just has to be a shift for her. She's not handling it well, of course, cause she's 3. And you get to feel the brunt of it because she trusts you.

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.W.

answers from Los Angeles on

I have never been in your situation and sounds like this is a first for you. Are you a daycare provider or do you just watch this child for the extra money? Either way, if you have other children that are being affected by her outburst or you are not able to tend to their needs because of the time taken up by this little girl, you may want to consider hiring additional help or letting mommy know that if this doesn't change that other options may be better for her little one. Not saying that your environment is not structured but I do know that in commercial type daycare/preschool such as Kindercare, they have outside therapy for children that may have either behavioral or learning disabilities. Often when a child is unable to express or understand they act out but this might just be a case of how she is able to act around her home with her parents. She may just be getting closer to you and testing you...

sorry I don't have any real input or insight, just felt like sharing my support. :)

For Updates and Special Promotions
Follow Us

Related Questions