My 3 year old son has in the past few months stopped talking to people when they greet him. For example, when we see our neighbor he will go over to her but then duck his head and not respond when she says hi or when either of us ask him a question. When we go over to her pool, he won't say anything to her for the first 15 minutes or so we are there. After that he seems just fine. He does a similar thing when I drop him off at preschool. He won't talk to his teachers while I am there, but they say he is fine a couple minutes after I leave. He used to not have a problem saying hi to people he saw frequently, but it he is taking longer to warm up. It doesn't seem to matter who it is or how long or short it has been since he last saw them.
Is this normal behavior for his age? I would completely understand it around strangers or people he didn't know well. I am stuck between constantly telling him it is okay to talk to this person and he needs to be polite and telling myselft it is just a shy phase. Any ideas?
Definitely a shy phase, and absolutely OK if you just say that to the person and let him be. I can't imagine anyone would be offended if a 3yo didn't respond politely. You could try to talk to him in a calm moment at home, when he's comfortable and chatty to see what he says about it. You could give him suggestions of other things to do besides speak up. Wave hi, shake hands silently, etc. He'll come around, it'll be OK.
Sounds totally notmal. It also sounds smart. He is sizing up the situation and also trying to establish control over his own behavior. I wouldn't force him to talk to people. It is wiser and safer for him to know it is his choice who he talks to. Kids who feel they must always be nice and polite to other adults are kids who don't learn to protect themselves and say no to bad adults. I would stick up tfor him and his feelings and just say, "It takes Bobby a while to warm up." Anyone who ever has had a child should be able to understand that. Same with hugs and kisses. You should never force a child to hg and kiss anyone, even their own parent or grandparent. It's thier bodies and their choices.
I would also say to him, "It is okay for you to say hello" but don't force him to. In that way, you are guiding him to be polite and telling him that he is safe but it is still his choice. Just knowing a person does not make them a safe adult and he is showing smarts by being in control of who he talks to. Encourage that. He won't be a rude person becouase of it, just a cautious one. And any adult with any brians won't be offended by a shy or careful three year old.
It's normal for HIM. Let him deal with people the way he wants to.
Well, I am going to stand out from the crowd and say that you should begin gently reminding your son, in the moment it happens, that if an adult both you and he knows is speaking to him, he needs to be polite and look them in the eye and respond. I know all the other moms said this is just a phase and he is "just being 3", but it won't be any easier to start it at 4 or 5. I think your instincts are right on to notice this and start thinking of a way to model better behavior. While it is totally normal for a 3 year old to do this, it is abnormal for the adult and parent to do nothing about it and wait for him to grow out of it. How else will he learn if you don't guide him? It is also a good opportunity to begin talking to him about strangers by pointing out that your friend is not a stranger and is ok to say hello to. You aren't expecting him to hug and kiss your friend (or any other adult), just verbally respond to a hello. I fail to see the connection some other posters are drawing between teaching this and being a target for predators.
Normal. He's exploring his own boundaries, which will ultimately be a very healthy capacity. He's just a little socially clumsy about it, being a little kid and all.
Don't force him to talk to people out of a sense of obligation or politeness – for some kids, a requirement like that can make them more vulnerable to those who will take advantage of them. Just keep modeling good
"adult" manners, and he'll get it when he's ready.
It's very normal. About that age my son developed a mistrust of people in full character costumes. He loved Clifford, but when his preschool had someone in a Clifford costume at the book fair he wouldn't have anything to do with it. He out grew it, but it took awhile.
It's a phase. Leave him be, model polite behavior for him, and he will grow out of it.
When my son was learning how to speak he said hi to EVERYONE. I think mostly becasue he was so proud that he could talk. Then also around 3 he wouldn't say hi to anyone even people he knew, and took a while to warm up to those same people he said hi to when he was younger. It's just a phase. He got past it and is back to his normal social ways. I do agree it's about bounderies and being able to make the choice to say hi or not, another "grown up" thing to do.
i'd say it's a shy phase. my daughter did the same thing, lasted about a year. in fact i remember doing that as a kid. my dad grew up in a foster home and even though i knew them well, and ALWAYS went swimming and even remember being a huge part of their lives. when mom OR dad took us over there, one time i would do just that, the other time my brother would do that. my parents just let us be when we did..they would talk to us later about it, but wasn't a huge deal.
he's fine mom
