My son just turned 3 a month ago and we are doing a nanny share and he just keeps hitting. The boy who is part of the nanny share is almost a year older than him and much much bigger than him. He doesn't usually hit him but does do a lot of tattling. I know all of this because I work from home and so I hear it all day. We try to put him in timeout, he doesn't really understand that, he just says, I'm in timeout and isn't even phased by it. We have tried a corner, that doesn't work. We are trying be gentle, or gentle touch after the don't hit and that doesn't seem to help. He loves to wrestle and often times that is when he will hit, when he is excited and having fun and playing rough. But the little boy obviously doesn't really like to play rough and doesn't like the hitting and neither do I. I just don't know what to do with him. He doesn't seem to be phased by any consequences. Any ideas would be appreciated.
Todlers hit because they don't have the words yet to say what they feel. So find out what happened and tell him instead of hitting, he needs to say "Don't take my toy" or "Im not happy", whatever the age appropriate response would be to what is happening. Tell him to "use his words and no hitting". Good luck.
You say "He doesn't seem phased by any consequences", but you only list, time outs, corner, "be gentle", and "gentle touch".
There are no firm consequences in that list. You need to be swift and firm after the FIRST time you warn him not to hit.
He's a male, and he's 3. Saying "gentle touch" is for babies. I've seen boys become downright violent toward their moms as they get older when they take the gentle, talking approach to things. I was at the park, and two 5 year old boys were fighting and being bad, and their moms were super, "Oh, sweetie, I know how you feel and blah blah say sorry blah blah." They were both like wild bulls, lying about who did what, yelling at their moms, and one kid blew up and smashed the park sign with his fist while his mom just prattled on all gentle style, like "OK, sweetie, let's go get your nap..." :-0 My best friend talks her son's ear off constantly about feelings-he literally beats on her at 6 years old, and has been since he was 4.
Get the book Back to Basics Discipline by Janet Campbell Matson. I have 3 non hitters from 2-5 years old. A little firmness goes a LOOOOONG way. Especially with boys. My son is 3, and would NOT try this. At three, if you don't get tough with him, he'll hit the wrong kid one day who will. He absolutely can communicate, this is nothing more than him "wanting to hit". You don't need to ban him from wrestling. He needs some nice manly rough housing. He can wrestle and not hit, you just need to be firm with him and make sure he does what you say. Get the book, at 3 years old, you're gonna need it! The fun is just starting.
Some expert discipline advise here:
http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/discipline-behavior
Here is the direct link to helping stop hitting:
http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/discipline-behavior/both...
Also, prevent it. He is wrestling and that's when he hits. So, be on top of him when he starts to wrestle, and so you can be alert the moment he starts to get out of hand. Nip it in the bud and be proactive before it can happen.
He also needs to apologize for hitting and full explanations on why it is wrong. It is rude, it hurts, it is disrespectful, it doesn't help you make friends... these are all concepts he is old enough to understand. He can stand in the corner with his hands on his head... my 3 year old hates that but it gets his attention. Lose privileges of his toys. Separate the boys from playing.
You also need to be very firm with him, none of your consequences are firm but a little too soft and geared towards a younger child. He is a little old to be reminded to 'gentle touch'..
Try putting him in a time out where he cannot hear or see people or kids. Don't leave him there for more than 5 minutes.
My three year old son has busy feet, but if they cause harm or are inappropriate, he gets removed from the situation. He may either go in his room (you can take out all the toys) until he is ready to change his behavior or is not included in the present activity. Time outs do not work for all children, but there does need to be a consequence. Try different things and see what works with your child. I would also recommend reading "How to Talk to Your Children So They Listen, and How to Listen So Your Children Will Talk" by Adele Faber. Good luck!
