2 1/2 Year Old Hitting - Fort Drum,NY

Don't hit him back -- that sends a very confusing message to a 2.5 year old. When you have hit him back he may not get the message you SAY to him, but instead got the message that hitting can be ok. The way to solve this is consistency, consistency, consistency. Tell him what the consequence for hitting is, and then stick with it. Dole out the consequense EVERY single time it happens. He may spend a lot of time in time outs at first, but he will get it.

My son did this same thing. My daughter (same age as your son) is in the middle of throwing temper tantrums to try to get her way. I use and used the same thing with both of them. They know the consequences. They get those consequences no matter where we are -- even if we are at the art museum in the middle of a crowded room when she starts with a tantrum. The consequence is the same. (this was today for me) I got some weird looks from strangers. She got some sympathetic looks from others who did not witness the start of it, but she got the message.

If you are consistent, you can nip bad behavior in the bud. But you have to be consistent, no matter how hard it is. Good luck! (I know I need it most days:)

It sounds like he's found a way to get attention.

Hitting to stop hitting simply doesn't make any sense for many kids. I'd pick a consequence that is non-violent and stick with it. Also, try talking to him about this when the behavior hasn't just happened, and let him know he'll get a (3-minute time out) every single time he hits, even if he's playing.

Tell him you like gentle behavior, and give examples of what you want him to do. Then look for those good behaviors during the day. Catch him being gentle. It often works to make a point of giving a child positive notice so they don't have to resort to negative activity for the attention they crave.

K.,

Kellymom.com

attachment parenting international . org

these are two sites you can ask this question and get answers from Moms with degrees.

spanking is hitting.

Don't hit him to get him to stop hitting you. not only is there no logic involved, it's not going to give him any incentive to want to stop. monkey see, monkey do.

Don't expect him to make adult decisions (stopping) until he is 7. Simply give him positive affirmations for good behavior, and ignore anything you don't want repeated. Safety issues are the sole reason for not ignoring any behavior. Redirect from safety issues as you would from any other behavior you don't want.

Don't get into lengthy explanations, don't ask him if he understands. And don't use the word 'don't' because he is not equipped to understand the meaning in the context of the words.

a child hears the LAST THREE WORDS YOU USE.

Don't hit your brother.
Don't spit on there.
Don't bang your head on the wall.

It's like suggesting new and inventive things to a child to 'don't' do something. You wouldn't want to hurt your brother now, would you? (oh well now that you suggest it, I think I might just do that...)

Time out is rarely, if ever, used as originally intended. If I could find the original instructions (ie: from the person who thought it up) you would see that it is NOT what is out there now. Time out does NOT work. It simply teaches the child, who still can't put 2 +2 together to get 4 instead of 5, 6 or 8, to either hide their behavior (don't want to be separated from parents) or dissociate from their behavior (I'm sorry I slapped you - as the child slaps the other person AGAIN as they are doing the apology!)

Demanding apologies from any child under 7 is pure hypocrisy. If you are in the habit of apologizing, they may IMITATE that, but they have no idea what sorrow is yet, at least not for an action they have done, nor do they have any clue that what they do is WRONG - in their eyes. They know that SOMETHING has transpired to make MOM/DAD angry, but rarely do they connect what THEY did with the ANGER from the parent.

My son does this random hit thing. It grew into a not so random hit thing.

you have to be awake and aware of your surroundings with your child.

You have to redirect his negative actions with positive attention to something else. I can't give you the medical/psychological mumbo jumbo that says what he is actually doing (I think it is testing boundaries but boy does it HURT when he smacks you right on your c-section scar! and you CAN"T hit him back, you are the adult here, right? You know better, right?)

Redirect.
Redirect.
Redirect.
and...
Redirect again.

you can't 'talk' to him like an adult. you need to redirect. He will not 'get' it.

I don't normally tell people not to have kids, but if you can't do the redirect, seriously think about not having any siblings for him. Because it ONLY GETS WORSE especially when someone in or out of the family insists on directing your child to do something by giving them a 'don't' instruction followed by negative attention (which, if the child has been missing out on attention at all, is ATTENTION they aren't normally getting. They'll take what they can get. And they'll reinforce with negative behavior BECAUSE IT GETS VERY QUICK RESULTS. And if they're lonely, or missing a parent (like in the military) it gets even worse because any attention is better than none, and nothing assuages that lonely hurt like attention.) My son, who is not neglected but does play by himself occasionally while I make food, wants all the attention his new brother gets. And when he reaches into that bucket seat that the newborn enjoys, and rakes his fingernails across his face, boy does he get ATTENTION. From everyone else. So it just FEEDS on itself, and I have a little lovely kind little boy who is very thoughtful most times, who will torture his little brother because he got not only ATTENTION, but that surprised quick gasp of shock from the next person - which he FEEDS off of because it is a funny look on a person's face. And gosh knows, my boy LOVES FUN!

Redirect. SAve your sanity, and save your future life with your child. Redirect.

Good luck, and if/when you want children, I'm all for it. I just suggested waiting/putting off/deciding not to for that one reason. Children are beautiful. they aren't meant to be hit. Violence starts small and gets big. Once you start, you can stop, but once you let it go, you have to go big or go home. the bigger you have to get, the more chance you have of not only physically hurting them. You have already psychologically hurt them, even though you can't see it (and they're fine, right? no, not so.)

If you have a pet problem (ie: mean or tortures pet) you have to be on guard for the safety of the pet (just as you would sibling) only it is more important that you catch it before or just as it happens, so you can help the child (the younger the better) turn the hit into a caress and show them how to lovingly give attention to the pet. This is how we pat our Pookie Bear! This is how we do it! (and AVOID saying :don't hit our Pookie Bear! You don't want to HURT Pookie Bear now? Wait, what did i say about hitting Pookie Bear?)

Good luck, <sigh> You CAN stop hitting. He's only a baby.
M.

mine does this when he is trying to provoke us into wrestling. mine is yours age too and when he does it and its inappropriate timing or we just dont feel like wrestling we sign no and give him a very firm no. he is hard of hearing so explaining is out of the question. when he hits cause you tell him no is out of fustration. time outs work well with mine. better than swats we have never had to swat over this. if you put him in time out and he does it again its nap time no ands if but or ors. period. i dont know how well yours communicates. but i say stick with the time outs be consistant and give a very firm no. since he is doing it more than just trying to provoke wrestling if he hits do not wrestle with him. let him instigate using an diffrent way.

if he is capable of following directions tell him this will not get you to wrestle with him after a firm no and put him in the corner every time. he is not discerning when its appropriate and when it is not. mine can. a firm no will stop mine.but we also sign no too. its like he can tell the volume of the sign. i know that doesnt make sense but he knows when to stop. all hitting in your house gets a time out period cause he is not using it to provoke wrestling only like mine is. so none is accepted at all.

Hitting him and then saying, "don't hit" isn't going to work, you are sending a very mixed message. If he hits, trot him right to the timeout chair, have him face the wall for 2-3 minutes. On the way to the chair, don't have a discussion or reason with him. Conditioned response - you hit and you're in a chair facing the wall.

Quit hitting him and spanking him. These methods are sure failures and bring up more hitting.
Children his age do hit. Have you never seen the nanny show on TV. She sits the child on a blanket and he or she has a time out. If he leaves the blanket you just take him back there and have him sit again. Five minutes at his age is an eternity.