3 Year Old Obessions

Some kids are just quirky. Some kids have sensory issues.

(BTW, not saying it IS autism, but NO pediatrician can tell you "no way" at 3.5! My son has a friend that was dx'd with Aspergers at 7!)

I think kiddos can be quirky just like adults. My son has and continues to have some quirks but he also has Autism. I always call it is OCD. Irregardless of diagnosis or not, you have to choose your battles. Some of the things are things that will not happen in the real world, so the routine has to be broken. Such as my son would fall apart if he didn't get the blue thing ie blue chair. He had to learn at Preschool that he doesn't always get the blue chair. When we play games I don't always let him be the blue pawn b/c in school if he plays with a friend and they chose blue first it is rightfully theirs. He has and continues to have a quirky personality, so I focus on one thing at a time.

So for example, you could start with the tissue and coach him on what a tissue is intended for and using it for it's actual purpose. Breaking quirks can be so hard!!! Consistency is the key. I know from experience it's hard to deal with the melt down of when they don't get it, but it gets easier. The first time I took the blue pawn my son feel apart and we didn't even play the game. Now he accepts that sometimes he gets it and other times he doesn't even though he always wants it.

Good luck with your quirky little man!!!

edit:
I also agree with Denise P on the no Autism thing. I had a few Drs say my son couldn't have Autism and then he was diagnosed at 5. Autism requires more extensive testing and more than just a Ped in the diagnosis.

Hi,
I applaud you for trying to help your child be more flexible. I had (well still have but she's grown now) a child like that. I did and do not see this as manipulation but as a kid who has difficulty going with the flow. This is a life skill that can be worked on just like riding a bike. I am an OT who became a parent educator and holistic healer as a result of my experiences parenting my child who had inflexibility issues and the tendency to melt down easily.

Here are a few resources. One is a book called 'The Explosive Child' by Ross Green. Another is looking into whether your child has sensory issues, one book to check out is 'The Out of Sync Child'; you can also google 'sensory processing disorder'. Finally, you can look into Emotional Freedom Techniques or Quantum Techniques to help treat the high anxiety that is felt when things are out of place.

I have other behavioral resources, but to not want to overwhelm you. Feel free to contact me directly if you would like more suggestions.
Blessings to you and your family,
K.

Kimberly Smith Cavins, OTR, CPE, EFT-Cert
"From the Heart" Family Healing

Helping people with:
~Parenting or Family Struggles
~Unhealed Emotional Issues, Trauma, or Illness
Who need Peace, Love, and Connection

Remedy Center for Healing Arts; 4910 Burnet Rd Austin, Tx 78756; ____@____.com

"He is very smart with a large vocab."
"He has a few obsessions about routine. "
"I have learned either do it or suffer the consequences."

This may not be what you want to hear, but I'd HIGHLY recommend a second opinion from another ped., or (even better) a developmental ped. Thing is, what you are describing sounds very much like Aspergers. It's not "autism" in the classic sense. My own fabulous ped. didn't recognize the (now obvious) signs in my son at that age. He also said he didn't think it was autism. Part of it is that they are afraid to put that "label" on at such an early age.

There is absolutely NOTHING to be afraid of with it. Many of the most important people throughout history have been in the spectrum. You kind of have to be in order to have the hyper-focus it takes. (Look at Bill Gates, Steven Spielberg, Einstein, etc) These are folks who were called quirky, eccentric, obsessed. Routine is EVERYTHING!

I think you already know the answer. Your post spells it out pretty clearly. The fact that you asked if your son is autistic says it all. Fact is, he's not. He might be in the spectrum, but not autistic.

Once he's in Kinder, the school can evaluate him. They should have a PPCD program, but he might not qualify, seeing as he's very verbal. I don't know about the special education program in Sugar Land. (We're in Cy-Fair, and they have a wonderful program.) However, they can really provide a lot of support.

Don't let ANYONE tell you to be more firm with him. Each child has different needs. With some, being "firm" will completely backfire. Often, with an aspie child, explaining the reason for the request works better. Staying as calm as possible is crucial. (Hard to do sometimes.) Raised voices result in utter melt-downs. Changes in routine happen very slowly. (Maybe have him wipe his own nose after you do, then start trying to get him to do it himself first. Then, *maybe* he'll eventually stop having you wipe his nose every night.)

Kids that age, are like that.

Get the book "Your 3 Year Old", "Your 4 Year Old", etc.
Amazon has it.
It is an easy to read book simply about the characteristics about each age. Although written years ago, it is still very pertinent.

MANY kids that age, are like that.
Mine were.
They are TOTALLY NORMAL kids.

It is GOOD he is expressive.
Nurture that.
Teach him, about communication and feelings. Boys need that.

Your son is really normal.
3 years old is harder than 2 years old.
4 years old is also a hard age.
For the child.
They are on the cusps of SO many things... and at the end of so many 'expectations' from adults. Even if they are not ready for that developmentally or emotionally, yet.

Your son is normal.

I do NOT see him as being "naughty" or willful.
He is his age.
A child this age, is NOT an 'expert' at communication or feelings or self-expression. It has to be taught.
They also do NOT KNOW exactly how they feel... they are not adults.
They are learning.
So when your son expresses any grumpy feelings... know that he is still learning. No kid has emotions or communication 'mastered' yet at this age.
Emotions are NOT even fully-developed yet, at this age.
So keep that in mind.
He is 3.
He is being his age.

Even if your son is not autistic, perhaps some of the same resources could help. Like a sticker chart with rewards when he tries something new. For the music, maybe you could find a new cd player that will automatically loop the same CD over and over.
My son has Apergers, and two books that helped me were:
Parenting your Asperger Child by Sohn and Grayson, and
Quirky kids : understanding and helping your child who doesn't fit in-- when to worry and when not to worry by Klass and Costello.

Take your name off this post and put MINE. That's my son too.

I JOKINGLY call him "Rain Man" because he gets so obsessed with things and where they go. He's also my little safety monitor. If something, ANYTHING is out of place, opened, or missing I HEAR about it. Blah, blah, blah. "MOM! We HAVE to FIX it" is his usual cry. I think the more they learn, the more they develop their own little quirks.

He sounds perfectly normal to me. :)

Because is over the age of 3 you can have him evaluated thru you local school district. There is such a large spectrum of things and maybe it is just a behavior modification issue. Don't be afraid and don't take to heart what others tell you, just have him evaluated.

Good luck,
DH

Normal 3 1/2 yr old! The ocd with the pillow is annoying for us and we try to get our son to realize that its perfectly fine if its a little off. We even ask him whats going to happen if its not perfectly centered or if its a little dirty we can just wipe it off. "No big deal" is a quote we often say. As far as the music we had a white noise with night light and one day our son decided that he did not want it any more!

Our son also has been saying to people I dont like her/you/that hair....We ask him how would he feel if some one said I dont like you I dont like your ugly hair? Usually you can tell he is thinking about it but is sad and wont answer we dont wait for an answer but tell him. Even if you dont like it or think it looks nice its not something your suppose to say as it will hurt others feelings. Recently I posted a question about our son calling "black" people chocolate!!! He totally was saying it in a harsh way. I got a couple good responces on how to deal with that. He understands were all the same on the inside he just is pointing out others "differnces:" and not in a nice way. The kleenex thing sounds more like a loving moment shared with mom and son not so much as he has boogers perhaps you can gradualy switch from the whiping to kisses or hugs. I personaly would act like I was going to wipe his nose then steal it away at the last second and wipe my own nose being very silly. Then start to wipe the noses of his animals and him and wipe crazy like. Or you could act like you were going to wipe his nose then give him silly kisses all over his face. I do this with my son and say kiss me you fool and he really thinks its funny. Then calm down and begin to wipe his nose and do it all over again. Eventualy omit the kleenex from the routine. I think its more of a controll thing at this age. Nothing actually ocd or wrong with him just testing boundarys and seeing if he can be in control. My son does the same things. Lots of people tell me he is smart. I have nothing to compair him too so I dont know. But he is very social and knows lots of information. Daycare and other professionals let me know he was advaned for his age. Not that I am letting it go to our heads. Sounds normal to me...if you find out its not let me know because mine is doing the same exact thing.

Your son is very normal 3yo! Don't let anyone tell you different. I have 3 boys and my middle one was EXACTLY like yours.

For the music, see if your CD player has a repeat function. If not, get one that does. It will keep the music going all night!

For personal communications, you just have to tell him what is socially acceptable. He may change, and he may not. Mine DID grow out of it. But 5 he was a perfectly pleasant little guy.

Since you don't mention his clothes not fitting well, my guess would be that he is not OCD :)

When my middle one was that age, he would line up his Nemo toys (he had ALL the characters) just so. DH or his brother would mess with him and get one out of order. He would scream! He grew out of this about age 7 or so.

But, as you said, just go with the flow. He should grow out of it.

Hate to tell you this, but you DO need to be more firm! He is manipulating you to get what he wants. Maybe not intentionally at his age, but you said yourself that you have learned either to do what he wants or suffer the consequences. And he has learned that that is how you react. So tell him no sometimes and let him throw a fit. He needs to learn he can't always get what he wants and also that some things are not a big deal! My daughter overreacts to small things, too, but we tell her no plenty of times and do not allow her to get out of control over small issues. I know it will be hard, believe me, but you have to tough it out. As he gets older, this manipulation will probably come up in situations where it could affect his safety, and there should be no compromise there. My daughter, who is 5, thinks she is fast enough to outrun cars, so she doesn't always have to look before crossing the street, and that she is stronger than an adult who might try to take her, so she thinks she can go out in our front yard alone. Guess who gets a spanking if that happens. Remember who should be in charge in the relationship!

Some of it is just a phase, I agree. Three is a "great" age... I have found that giving them choices sometimes helps. They get to feel like they have some control and independence. So give him choices throughout the day...small ones that don't matter a ton to you. For example, do you want to have water or milk to drink? Or are you going to wear your blue or green shirt today. Suggestion fo the kleenex. Let him pick out a box he likes (have cute ones) for his room. Then HE can get his kleenex when he needs to. The music seems challenging for you as he's not sleeping through the night. Can you get a CD player with auto replay... . see if that helps or he still wakes. Good luck.... hang in there...

It doesn't sound like autism to me, it sounds more like aspergers or OCD. I doubt it will be something he will grow out of, you may just need to learn to live with these quirks, however if you know what type of issues it is that is the cause then it will make things easier for you in the future. For the music CD, invest in a cd player that has loop so that the CD will replay al night on it's own.

I think you are doing the exact right thing, keeping things in order and heading off any meltdowns. You may want to have him evaluated by a child psychiatrist. A psychiatrist is an MD for behavioral issues and once experienced with child issues would be the one you want to see! I can recommend Daniela White I believe she is in the Memorial City area. We live out past Missouri City and it wasn't a bad commute to her office, believe me she is worth traveling!

I think this is normal, kids like their routines and my oldest used to do stuff like this but sicne has outgrown most of it. She liked her animals on her bed a certain way, the seams on her socks were always bothersome, she liked a certain cup or would throw a fit...she does not have Autisim, it was just a faze.