My boyfriend has a 3 year old (we'll call her E)who just recently started peeing her pants. Her parents have been separated since she was one and I have been with her father for almost 2 years. I know her mom has had a few different boyfriends since they split, and all of them have basically lived with her. I don't want to blame her mom for this, but that's really the only inconsistency in her life we can think of.
We've tried positive reinforcement...didn't work. We've tried negative reinforcement...didn't work. We honestly don't know what else to do and we are so frustrated with it. This isn't an occasional wetting of the pants either...yesterday alone, E peed in her pants 7 times. We've tried telling her what is going to happen if she keeps wetting; she won't be able to go to school, and other kids won't want to be her friend because she is stinky. I know that is kind of mean, but it's the truth! She got really mad a couple of weeks ago because she got a diaper rash and we told her it was because she peed her pants too much...that helped for the rest of the day, but that's it. It would also help us more if her mother wasn't known for lying. We ask her if E pees her pants at her house, and she says no, but given her past, we have no idea if she is telling us the truth or not. Please HELP!!!!
Thank you for all of your wonderful advise! E has been wet pant free for about 2 weeks now! I actually sent her a "invite" letter in the mail from the "leader of the Big Girl Club" inviting her to be in the Big Girl Club...but in order to be in the club, she couldn't pee her pants anymore...it totally worked! We are actually planning a party with a few of our friends and their "big girls" so she can feel like she really is in the Big Girls Club...lol.
Most 3 year olds I know are still wearing diapers. My son wasn't fully trained until he was 4.
(and everything Nancy B. said.)
3 isn't old enough to have a good record, but if she's regressing, something may have changed. All you can do is handle what happens at your house (unless you suspect some type of funny business with a boyfriend,which can cause regression, and needs investigation). PLEASE stop scolding, punishing, or criticizing. Have her wash herself, put wet panties in the laundry, put clean panties on, and clean up the puddle, period. Be calm and nonjudgemental, but supervise her . If she poops her pants, do the same thing. Make it her responsibility, not yours. You can't make her do it until she wants to.
Please stop telling her she won't have any friends if she continues to have accidents,
'Shaming' her will not solve the problem, and it will cause long term self-esteem problems.
Sudden inability to control urine is often the sign of a UTI or orther renal problems. The best place to start is at the drs office.
With a kind trustworthy approach, ASK her why she suddenly has accidents.
Most little ones who are 'potty trained' will actually go through a relapse or two before it's all over.
Bring her to the potty frequently, say' I gotta go pee, come with me!' Pee yourself, then give her a chance to do it.
Sometimes they 'heard' something that makes them be afraid all the sudden, like something getting flushed down the toilet.
Sometimes they go through discovery phases where they are just SO VERY involved with whatever they are doing they don't feel it coming.
Worse come to worse, put a pull up on the poor kid and stop talking about the whole business for awhile.
It sounds like your little girl - she IS your little girl given you have been a mother figure to her for the past two years (and it sounds like she has a less than stable mother) - E needs a lot of loving and positive reinforcement from YOU. I recommend you think of her as your blood daughter, take her to the Dr to rule out any medical issues, go to therapy as a family with your boyfriend and figure out how to give that little girl as much support as possible.
No child WANTS to have 7 accidents in a day, it feels awful on their body and in their precious little brain......something is wrong, it could be so many things, like: she's not ready to be potty trained (many kids aren't potty trained til 4 and even 5), she's having a psychological issue, she's physically not able to hold her bladder, she's not being asked 100 times in day if she needs to use the potty, she's developed a fear of the toilet, she's had something bad happen when she uses the potty so she'd rather wet herself, etc.
Good luck with little E and your family!
I totally agree with Theresa N. and Kelli M.'s suggestion about taking her to a doctor would be in order. 3 year old little girls are able to be potty trained easily. A doctor could rule out or discover a UTI. If she has a UTI, that may be a sign or symptom of monkey business with one of the mother's boyfriends.
Be more loving, tender and kind. It is hard enough for this little one to have to go from here to there and respond to the various rules and disciplines coming from the different houses. She is only 3 and real love covers a multitude of sins. I wouldn't hesitate any further to get her to a doctor.
She might have an infection. I went through a nightmare of a year with my daughter between 3.5 and 4.5 years old. We thought she was doing it on purpose. We tried everything. Went to every doctor. Tried every test...we finally got some answers.
I must ask, is she completely peeing them or just "dribbling" in them? There is a huge difference.
Either way, I strongly URGE you to treat it as if she can't help it, even if she can. It can be sooo tramatizing to them, especially if you find out later that it wasn't her fault...trust me. I have been there. Its not fun. Send me a privite message if you want more information.
My daughter wasn't fully potty trained until she was 4. I did pull-ups from age 3-4. But once we 'bribed' her when she was very close to 4yrs old, she was potty trained FULLY in a week.
Not all kids 'get it' until near Kindergarten.
take her to a doctor
It's really typical for a three year old to have accidents, I've heard of people who dont bother to START potty training until 3 and a half. any upset can cause a trained child to regress, has she been spending more time with her mother or mother's current boyfriend? make sure there isn't a physical issue, that she hasnt been abused, that she doesnt have an infection, but most likely its just typical toddler behavior and you really shouldnt over react.
