Peeing Her Pants Again

O-kay M., I'm a mother of one(of my own,Companion of 10 years has Boy-26,-Boy-17,my son is 21!) wow, I'm 43! and for the first time I can truly say, "I LOVE LIFE?" I was in daycare for 16years total, ask me anything about kids!!!! "T"

She is old enough to know money then... my child was a "wetter" we gave a dime a day for each day we had a dry bed. Within a couple of weeks, she no longer wet the bed and thus the dime a day was phased out. When she had a wet bed, she had to give a dime back. Use the reward system for whatever works for her.

What are you waiting for???? Get the diapers out and put one on her! She's probably seeking attention it sounds like!

Hope your baby improves this, because I know it can cause trouble. I don't know how old she is but:

I am thinking that if you have a busy, long time away from home schedules it can be complicated but here are some things I did:

Wake her up early (earlier than regular wake-up time), just to have her pee. Maybe she'll be upset, but have her drink something. If you think it's better, you can get her up late at night (maybe if you go to bed after the kids do) and do the same thing.
I think it's very important that you have them pee right after they drank anything, make them used to going.

I think this is something you should do (when able) with every meal, and try for her not to drink (unlesss she's very thirsty) in between, so she gets some type of schedule, drink-pee every two hours, or three, or every hour if you need to.

Good luck.

You are a saint. Be nice to yourself. It looks like a control issue. Looks like she can talk and tell you if something is bothering her. The defiance of not caring, shows that it probably isn't medical. If medical, I would say no soda pop etc, maybe cranberry juice (causes to pee more, but if physical could help). No bubble bath, as that can cause irritation.

Makes it hard to ignore, since it is all over everything. Going back to a diaper would be my solution if nothing else worked. Show as little concern for it as possible. I had pretty silky with lace panties could wear when dry and those ugly terry panties for not so dry times. So I agree about the no pretty clothes if peeing.

At a dry time, ask her questions. Calmly. If she knows when she is peeing. If she just isn't making it to the bathroom, or if she just don't want to go. She might not be able to explain it so ask a lot of questions...without quilt or anger.

You know your child's emotional makeup, so you know what type of questions to ask.

mainly, be nice to yourself. Younger children may be getting more attention and it is an attention getter.
Be calm... and take a bath by yourself... smile

I had my daughter potty trained at 2 1/2 things were going along great, then at 3 1/2 she started having accidents 3 and 4 times a day. It was at different times of the day no rhyme or reason that I could figure out. I tryed all the things that you did. Then I realized that they were just accidents, I stopped trying to figure it out. Stopped discipling her for her accidents, and eventually she stopped on her own. It wasn't anything she did immediately but I realized she wasn't doing it on purpose. She just turned 5 this week and I cannot remember the last time she had an accident. I am glad I stopped trying to figure it out, I just hated how she seemed humiliated for having the accident and I was making it worse when I disciplened her for something she really couldnt help. She felt bad enough herself. I didnt want to make her feel worse about herself.

Sometimes it's difficult for a three-year old to control her bladder. I have a three-year old son who is just starting to potty train. He was doing really well at not going in his pants, now he has started again. It's just a cycle with kids. It does not good to take things away or punish. Their bodies have not fully developed yet so that they always have bladder control. Sometimes it may be intentional. Sometimes it may be accidental. My older son was not fully potty trained until he was four. I learned I just have to let them go at their own pace.

K.

I wouldn't make a big deal out of it. I have 3 kids, 9,7 and 4. With the first child I made a big deal out of potty training and it was such a pain. She got in trouble for peeing in her pants all the stuff that you think is right. Really they are just accidents..unless of course you are my 4 year old boy who "claims" he just can't make it up the stairs and has to pee in the drain...but that is a whole other story. The best thing I did when potty training is just to let nature take its course. I am guessing that she is 3 since you said you have 3 children under 3. If she has been potty training for 6 months that great but she still in kind of young. They say that when they go in the potty you should just be like...thats were the peepee goes but nohting dramatic. She maybe liking the attention she is getting even though it is negative when she pees in her pants. I would just leave her alone and you may find that she just does it on her own because she isn't getting any attention from you when she pees in her pants. When she does have accidents I would make sure that she takes care of changing her clothes herself, cleaning herself up and putting the dirty clothes where ever they need to go.
Goodluck
N.

M.,

Sorry to say, Kristi's advice is on the money. At three it is very hard to be consistent. My daughter has been slow to potty train as well. When she had set backs all we did was just tell her that she was not ready for big girl panties and that we would try again when she thought she could handle it. We let her set the pace some days she wanted a pull up the others she said she wanted panties. Try and go with the flow. When an accident happens my advice it to be sympathetic and say I'm sorry you wet yourself you must be very uncomfortable. Then clean up the mess, change clothes, and put her in a pull up for the rest of that day.

If she argues that pull up are for babies then point out that she just had an accident and you don't want her to feel bad, make a mess, or ruin her favorite dresses. Then set goals for her to meet. We let out daughter have her panties back when she was able to stay dry two days in a row. Then we made sure that she went to the bathroom every two hours no matter where we were.

Try praising her when she does stay dry or asks to go to the bathroom. When you get home from dance or some other event point out how well she did. Our daughter puffs up like a peacock when we tell her we are proud of her. With three very young children and a full time job this just may be an extreme way to get your undivided attention.

Most importantly, you are not alone in this. Potty training is a huge undertaking for the whole family. I don't know of any family that has not struggled with this a some point.

Best wishes,

J. N.

My daughter did this right after she turned 3, also. It's easy to get frustrated because you know she can it already. Since you have 3 kids so young, I assume you have another you baby and maybe even a toddler, too? If so, she might just be regressing to cope with the stress and lack of attention that is natural when you have to devote time to a newborn or a newly active toddler. The thing that really helped my daughter was her friends at school being potty trained and she wanted to do what they do. Maybe you motivate her that way with lots of positive reinforcement, not punishment- I know it's easy to be kind of irritable about this! I actually just put her back in pull ups for a while just so it wasn't a battle between us anymore. She got over it! Good luck!

Have patience I had a couple of kids do that and I just got in the habit of making sure they go more often did you just have a baby sometimes they do that just ask everybody to take her to potty more often

Alot of times children will pee their pants when there has been a significant change in their life. My son started peeing his pants at 4 years old. Finally, I figured out that it was because I was working so much and by the time I got home, I was too tired to do anything with him. So I changed jobs and had more time for him and the peeing in the pants thing stopped. I am not saying that you are not doing a good job as a mother, I am just letting you know what happened in our home.

Hi,
I don't have a daughter and have not had this happen to me personally, but wonder after you said you had three children under 3, if your daughter is needing extra attention. She is now the big girl going off to preschool and two siblings are left at home with mom. She may be feeling jealous or craving more attention and in her mind, if she acts like a baby, maybe she will get the attention she is craving. Try spending (if possible) an extra 10 to 15 minutes a day with just her without the younger two. She may all of a sudden be confused or decided she doesn't want to be a big girl. How are things at school? Does she like her teacher? I hope this may help.

My niece went thru this, but it wasn't a control thing, it was a neurological thing. Her brain wasn't telling her when it was time to go and she would wet her pants. At first her parents thought it was a control thing with her and the fact that her mom was pregnant again. (She was potty trained for almost a year when this started happening.) But it wasn't. Check with a pediatric urologist and have her checked. Especially if she is going that much and not in the potty. Better to be safe than sorry. My niece is now 11 and is finally getting "control", but only after medications and therapy. Good luck and God bless.

Your daughter is potty trained, it is NORMAL for a child to have accidents, partially because they are so busy learning and playing that when they feel the urge to urinate it is almost to late for her to make it there. The other aspect is that she is growing and the nerves that control the bladder need to grow with her as well. You may be punishing your daughter for something SHE HAS NO CONTROL over, and if she does your punishment will only make this worse.

Have you tried giving her a doll or teddy bear and having her teach the doll how we go "potty"?? Sounds crazy but research and statistics show that it works and she gets to call the shots. I have to agree with the other Moms, is your daughter in all of these activities (gymnastics and dance) because you want her in them?? Extra activities are a great thing, at the appropriate age. She is WAY to young to be in all of these activities, she is stressed out. Try backing off from her, give her the doll, and let her be a 3 year old. What other time in your life do you get to run around with no responsibilies in life (and your behind hanging out of your pants, LOL)??? Hope you have a great time in Florida, and pull-ups are a wonderful thing, we kept some around (just in case) until our daughter was 3 or 4.........

Sometimes we forget we are busy and sometimes too busy to pay attention to our growinglittle ones needs. When she was sick she was being coddled. Now she's looking for attention but she's only getting negative attention by having things taken away when she does bad. Try the opposite. Positive rewards for being a BIG girl and try and take 5-10 minutes to just talk read a short story or a big HUG and kiss for mommy's big girl can do wonders. My daughter regressed they all do, but be patient it will be okay. If this is the worse thing your dealing with than it's not that bad. Good luck!!

If your Dr. is sure there is nothing wrong (like a bladder infection or weak muscle control) than I would say just go ahead and put her back in pull-ups. Don't make it a punishment, just tell nicely that when she is ready she can go back to underpants. Since your life sounds very busy, it could just be her way of getting some attention. If you think she is capable, you could have her change her own pull-ups when they are wet (again, not as a punisment, just as a matter of fact way of taking care of things).
I think once she realizes that the problem is now her's and not your's, she will go back to underpants on her own.

Good Luck

I went thru something very similar with my daughter when we had a change in caregiver. I too took her to the doctor to make sure she did not have a bladdr in fection or UTI- she was fine-- I think just adjusting to change-- it lasted about 6 weeks and then she went back to her normal routine-- She was just 3 years old when she regressed

I have to disagree with the other posts. I am sorry if this is going to sound harsh.....She is potty trained. What it sounds like to me is that MAYBE she is overwhelmed with all the activities you have her in (dance, gymnastics, and preschool) and not enough quality time with Mom. I do agree with preschool. But with the other two activities, maybe you should just be a mom and wait a couple years to do those other things. Do things with her at home. Her peeing her pants is a way to rebel against structure. If you have TOO much structure at such a young age they don't learn to be who they are. With 3 kids under the age of 3, and being a working mom, what she probably wants is time WITH MOM in HER environment (ie home) where she can be in control. Again, I am sorry if this sounds harsh, but this is how I see it.

Do not punish her! Sometimes kids will do this is they are under stress they do not even relise. No fluids for 2 hours prior to bed and wake her up in the night once to pee. If it happens do not make it a big deal it will stop. If not you might want to see a specialist to make sure there is no UTI.

My daugter was potting trained at 18 months. She is now 5 years old and we are having accidents. I have just been more aware to take her myself than to rely on her judgement. That has helped tremendously!!

I have heard from other parents when that happens, that they maybe stressed over something? Did you start her in something new? Is she not liking something she has to do etc.

Good luck,
A.

Hi M.~
First of all, God bless you!! Three kids under three and you work outside the home, my gosh! I read your problem and just wanted to tell you it's going to be o.k. It is a phase she's going through right now and I promise it will pass, but maybe not as fast as you'd like it to. Obviously, she won't be doing this in High School.

I'm wondering if there's been a change in your household, big or small? Kids tend to revert back to babyhood when something changes or they've gone through something tramatic. I have 3 girls (15, 11 & 8) My middle daughter was on the right track with potty training, but when we had our 3rd daughter, she went backwards for awhile.

I know how you feel! It feels like it will never end! My suggestion would be to ignore that it's a problem. Put a pull up on her and be on your way. It may be that she's needing some extra attention from you even though you are giving her enough, I'm sure. If she pees, she's getting what she wants, even though it's negative. I would try making a couple hours a week just devoted to her. I'm sure with your schedule, that's easier said than done. Even if you sit down and play a game with her by yourselves or do finger paints, etc. for even 10 minutes an evening and give it a special name for the time spent together. It will make her feel special and take away from what's going on at the moment.

If it continues for 6 months, I would get a second opinion from a Dr. There are medical conditions that cause that to happen.

Keep us posted!

Good luck to you!
J.

When she pees her pants does she want them clean?? With my daughter I would make her sit in the peed pullup and she would be so upset and I would make sure that she knew how much better her pants felt when she was dry

Is the constipation resolved? How severe was it? I was curious since Miralax seems to be something doctors like to use long term. I would hope it wouldn't be the first thing to use for constipation either. There is a whole yahoo group on that. It doesn't always work right away either.

After a bout of constipation, kids can develop an aversion to going to the toilet. The original constipation contributes to this. Children begin to associate the pain of constipation with going potty. As a result they refuse to sit on the potty and they begun to withhold or have accidents - making everything worse. They might start to go regularly again only to have a hard poop - setting them back. My son only withheld his poop not pee. However, my friend has had her daughter withhold pee and have accidents after a bout of constipation. If this is the case I would be really low key and not push it. Pushing it will only make it worse. They are really reacting to the pain. You can't reason with their anticipation of pain.

With my son many times I thought he was better with his constipation only to have another setback. It was a long cycle that lasted over a year. Even though his constipation has been resolved for almost a year. I still am afraid every time he says that it hurts. I think that we will relapse into the cycle of withholding, accidents, etc.

I have no great psychological advice, but I suggest you buy a package of pull-ups and go to Florida and relax and take the potty training out of the equation for awhile. I had a similar thing happen with my oldest daughter. The more I made it obvious that her relapses were a source of frustration and a very big deal for me, the more accidents she had. So if it suddenly becomes no big deal to you, she might just as suddenly decide that she is a "big girl" and has had enough of this (on to some other struggle!). I know this is all very difficult with school and dance, etc., but if you have a trip coming up, let it be a non-issue during the break and just enjoy being together.

My mom tells me that they took a trip to Colorado when I was being toilet-trained. I had a grand time making them stop the car every time I said I had to "go." There were plenty of episodes with me wetting my pants or somehow not having to go once the potty chair was set up on the roadside, but when we got home I was miraculously trained. I'm in my 40's now, but that story got retold every time Mom was training any of my brothers or we were training our kids. The point is to relax and take the control issue out of the picture for awhile and see what happens.

One other thing--when my daughter was 4 we made a major move overseas and there was a lot of transitioning during that summer. We met lots of new people and she seemed to have a great time with all the fun activities that were planned for us. She also wet her bed every night--something she hadn't done in over a year. So if there are some major changes in your daughter's life, even if she's handling them well she might also be affected by them.

Hello M., Sorry to hear, that is tuff. I had that with one of my sons and the Dr first said too , sign of Independence... nothing to worry..... but that was not the case, we went after someone told me to have him checked on a bladderinfection and that was the case... Some kids just dont tell you, that it hurts when they pee or with an infection it comes so fast they really dont realize it and it just happened, they are actually embarresed than... It's worth a try. And i hope it is such an easy solution... good luck K.

The doc. is right. This is a fairly normal stage. I don't think it so much has to do with control, but with kids being too lazy to stop what they are doing to use the restroom, or overestimating their abilities to "hold it".

The best way I have found to nip this in the bud with my kids in daycare is to make them change themselves as much as they are physically capable. It isn't fair to expect them to tie their shoes or whatever, but they can certainly remove their soiled clothing, wipe themselves, and somewhat dress themselves while you supervise. It takes a LONG time and they usually HATE IT, but it works! Also be sure to point out how much more time they would have had to play instead of spending all this time in the bathroom getting clean clothes.
Good luck!

Hi M.,

Sounds so familiar. My second boy is three 1/2 now and we had a heck of a time potty training him. I finally gave up the treats for using the toilet, discipline, scolding, becoming upset, etc. Once I gave up, left the bathroom, and let him do his thing, it was a whole new world! He has trained himself. Once in awhile an accident at night, but he is more upset than I am.

So my advice is to back off a little and let her do her thing. Sounds like she is an independent one like mine.

I know this is not the advice you wanted to hear. It wasn't the advice I wanted to hear either. But it worked for us.

Hang in there! Sending hugs!! ((())))

Best Wishes,

J. H.