3 Year Old Toddler Won't Stay in Bed

I think you both agreed to a mistake. Letting her crawl into bed with you "after 6 am" only confuses the issue. YOU know it's after 6, but do you really think SHE understands there is any difference. Not likely. What SHE understands is that eventually, if she gets up enough times, eventually she gets to stay. She gets the payoff at the end that makes all the other attempts worth it.

Walk her back to her room/bed EVERY time. Even at 6 am. If you don't want to walk her back at that time, then it is time to get up for the day.

Just my opinion. Take it or leave it.

You just have to keep putting her back. My younger two went through that and god I was sleep deprived for a couple weeks. Well worth it now since we all get a good nights sleep.

We lock our 3yr old in. He got the message quickly that bedtime means time for sleep.

Lots of people out here will tell you that that's cruel, I think one person was kind enough to call me lazy...but it works for us. My son wasn't getting with the program, and a many people I know just reveresed the locks on their kid's doors. It took a night or two of crying (more like, tantrum throwing), but it worked wonders.
We'd lock the door, and when he started to cry at it, we'd put him back in bed. Let him cry a little longer, etc...
We never just locked it and let him scream. He got the message in a couple of nights, and now it's just standard protocol.

This is a very late response, sorry! I believe that the responses that are encouaging you to be more firm, are very right. You do need to stick to what you tell her, no matter how hard it is, and believe me I know how hard that can be. Another thing that could be going on is...she may be afraid that you, or her father are going to leave her. You are already not living together, and her little 3 year old mind, she may be afraid that you will leave her. This is a tough time for her. They can not understand why their parents are no longer living together. Explain it the best you can, but in the end, all they want is for mom and dad to be together. I am very happy to hear that you plan on moving back together again. "Staying together", is the best thing that you can do for your child!

The problem here is that you caved. I have the perfect solution for you, but if she knows you will give in, it will never work. The technique was developed by Dr Ferber. Leave the child's door open with maybe a dim light in the hall, and no light in her room. Tell her the door stays open as long as she stays in bed. If she gets out, you will have to close the door for ao few minutes. When she comes out the first time, you give a warning, then the next time, you hold the door closed for 30 seconds. It is dark and she might cry. You open the door after the time period. "Do you want the door open?" She says yes! "Then you must stay in bed." This is of course after brushing teeth, potty, drink of water, etc. Give her no reason to get out. I only had to do this with each of my boys ONE TIME. That is it. They got it right away. If she was to do it repeatedly, the times that you hold the door closed get a little longer, but I doubt you will have to do this. For early morning waking, I think after 6 is fine. If she knows this rule, great! She can cuddle for a few, then make sure you get up instead of both going back to sleep. That would send the wrong message. Tell your husband about the idea if you want to try. If you both do it, it will work the best! I wish you luck! When I went through this, I thought I would lose my mind! My husband tried the gate, and he threw up over it after crying so hard. The door closing worked like magic!

You haven't done tough love if you've caved when she does an octopus tantrum. She's learned that how she gets her way. That should have been disciplined. With our 3, the kids knew they were not allowed to get out of bed. They got returned back to bed once nicely with a firm warning that if they got out again there would be a consequence. They knew this was true by the age they did it, so they didn't push it and never got in the habit. You need to be firm with her when she gets out of bed after you've told her not to.

Not to be rude or disrespectful, but maybe is not her....it's you and your husband!!! Just because she is 3 does not mean she does not understand or know that something is not "normal" between mom and dad and this is her way of "dealing with it." Talk to her and ask her why she acts that way at bedtime, or ask her how do she feel about mommy and daddy sleeping is to rooms. Ask her about her feelings and give time, room and space to tell you what she feels. You never know she may tell you a thing or two.

My boys have a nightlight in their room & they each have a night buddy (a hard plastic led colored night light) in bed with them (it doesn't produce enough light to make shadows. They also have a noise machine (it can make white noise, rain, bird sounds). They also have numerous stuffed animals in bed with them. And if they want to bring a book to bed with them, I let them. Instead of a regular door we have a screen door (bought at home depot) on their room. We did this b/c of heating issues but it has worked nicely for us. We lock it from the outside. This was very useful when we were training the boys to stay in their room. The first few nights when my oldest first switched to his bed, he started the night by laying on the floor & crying by the door. We went up once told him it was time to go to bed & left (we did not open the door. About 10 mins later it was quiet. When we went up to check on him he was asleep in his bed. I think he did that 2 more times & then the problem was over. My second son did pretty much the same thing. Now they wait in bed for us. When they wake up, they yell for us & wait in bed until we get there. (I did have to teach them to yell once & wait for me to get to their room.)
That's not to say we don't have any bed time problems. Occasionally they run around the room or talk to each other. I ignore this & they are usually asleep in an hour. Sometimes they wake up during the night & come & sleep with us. This does not usually turn into a repetitive problem. Once, we did have a prob w/son 1when he was 3. One night I explained to him that I was exhausted b/c he kept waking me up & he was taking up too much space in our bed, so he couldn't come into our bed any more. I told him that not sleeping was making me grumpy & that if he wanted a happy mommy, he needed to sleep all night & let me rest. He said ok. He went to bed that night without complaint. He talked to himself for about an hour. When my hubby went in to kiss him good night (after he got home from work) he told daddy that he was going to sleep good tonight to make mommy happy. He slept all night. When he woke in the morning he asked me if he slept good. We had the same conversation the next 2 nights & he's slept great ever since then.
One other thing we have done occasionally, with mixed success, is to allow him to fall asleep in our bed (by himself) & then move him to his bed when we go to bed.

We had the same problem with my son about that age we got one of those night lights at walmart that the child can take in bed with them like a flash light. It has 2 light settings and 2 timer settings so it goes off after a 15 mins we taught him how to turn it back on to the timer so he would have longer. He loved it and it helped a little. But what really helped was persistence. I would sit with him for a while till he fell asleep again, then he wasn't in my bed so he learned to go back to sleep in his own bed. slowly I spent less time in there and now he goes back to sleep on his own. Good luck it will get better!!