3 Year Old Will Not Sleep in His Own Bed

I would just let him sleep with us, and enjoy it, not resent it. He's only little once! He'll grow out of it, but in the meantime, M. & Dada loved and cherished him all they possibly could!

I know this is not what you asked for, but I used to feel just like you and sort of changed my mind, so here are my thoughts, for what they're worth. Please disregard if you know this won't work for you! I have two boys, 5.5 and 3. Both know that 1.) they have to go to bed in their own bed 2.) they have to stay in bed and go to sleep, and 3.) if they wake up in the early morning and want to crawl in our bed for awhile they can. Rationale (since, as I said, I used to be one of those staunch "children belong in their own beds" people, mostly before I had kids!): The most practical reason that they have to go to bed in their own beds is because we stay up a lot later than they do. I also want them to have a healthy sense of separateness and not rely on my being right there to go to sleep. They have to go to sleep in their beds and not come out a million times because those evening hours give me and my husband time to get things done and be together without kids. I even took the advice of another mamasource mom recently and started issuing "coupons" for getting out of bed to go potty, get a drink, etc. just to limit the interruptions. The reasons we don't make a big deal about them coming in in the middle of the night are: we have a king size bed, so my husband and I still have plenty of room. We're long-since asleep, so the kids are not interrupting our talk time or intimacy. Since we don't make a big deal out of it, it's not a big deal to them. If one wakes up, he might come in our room, or he might not. Sometimes, with other stuff, I've created more of a problem by making it a power struggle. My little one (3) is much more consistent about coming in. He'll go for weeks at a time coming in every night. But my 5 year old used to be more like that, and now he hardly ever comes in. If he does, it's just occasionally, and we don't even say anything to him. I think the 3-year-old will grow out of it when he's ready. Finally, emotionally, it works for our family. For some reason, on some nights, they just feel better laying down with us. And I would never make them sleep with me or directly encourage them to do so, but when they do, I enjoy the chance to give them an extra hug and whisper i love you. I think the thing that finally changed my mind was the realization that in just a couple of years they will never want to crawl in bed to be near mommy and daddy again, and truth-be-told, I'll probably miss it. There is also as much research suggesting that sleeping with parents facilitates security and independence as there is research suggesting that "co-sleeping" is somehow harmful or developmentally inappropriate for a young child.

So I guess I would try "encouraging" him to stay in bed by explaining that if he falls asleep and then wakes up in the middle of the night while everyone's sleeping, he can come crawl in your bed for awhile, as long as he's very quiet and still. And it all hinges on whether you (& hubby) can be okay with him coming in. If you're going stress and stew over it every time he takes you up on your offer, and you get no sleep...well, an exhausted mom or a big mom/dad fight isn't good for anybody!

Like I said, probably not what you were after, but maybe something else to try? I hope you guys figure it out!

Hi G.!
I understand how hard it is for you to deal with your son. My friends son has this same problem and she gave him "Bad Dream Sprinkles" and "Serenite Jr." to help him sleep through the night. It worked great for them. You can find that products at www.zoneofnaturalremedies.com. I wish you good luck with your son-W.

Your not alone. My son will be 3 in January is doing the same thing. My husband travels a lot so I let him sleep in our bed about a month ago when he got strep throat. Ever since he ends up in our bed in the middle of the night. I have an 8 month old daughter who now wants me to sleep with her because she was sick this weekend and slept with me.
With the 3 year old I just have to be consistent and when he gets up in the middle of the night, bring him back to his room immediately then if you have to sit on the floor by the door in his room until he falls asleep. I usually have to do this about 3 nights in a row and then it's back to business as usual.
I feel your pain...I want my bed back!!!

Try a gradual process to get him out of your bed. You might start by putting his mattress on the floor in your room. That way he can get the reassurance of your presence without being in your bed. Then you can work up to a "graduation" day when he moves back into his own room. You might also start (if you don't already do this) some traditions of special one-on-one cuddle times that aren't in your bed so he feels like he is getting the affection he needs without having to climb into bed with you.

How safe and wonderful it is to be in the parent bed. It is warm and even fun with so much bouncy, under cover adventures.

My son is six and he is so happy to be invited into the king bed. He glows with happiness. He is getting too big for overnights now but he can come in and crawl under the covers for Mythbusters.

My hubby said he even remembers some of the most happiest times of his childhood was crawling between his parents in their bed and snuggling in.

What we did - weekends are for sleep overs and during the week - momma and daddy need their rest. You could offer a story, prayer, and that is it besides a huggable toy.

If he does not have to get up early for daycare, you might allow him a little time with a low light for book picture reading and play until he tires. His room is his safe place.

I did not do this with my first and found that sleeping with mom seemed to create a loss of respect - an equal level and confuses child as to who is boss. Not sure why this is so but it seems it is what you are experiencing now with the refusal to sleep in his own bed and making you lie with him - he is now in control.

Also - who wants to sleep alone! I loved having my son with me when daddy worked nights. I felt more secure being able to know exactly where my child was with my husband gone.

If you do that, you could always wait until he fell asleep then bring him to your bed for the rest of the night. That way he has the same routine, and you have your sanity and both have your security. :)

Happy Holidays, C.

Maybe you could try a night light. He could even pick it out. I would put him to bed and read him a story and let him know that mom is just in the other room. If he wants a little more time with you I would sit on his bed and talk about what he would like to talk about. I would reassure him that I love him and then go. When he gets up in middle of the night you need to get up immediately and put him back in his bed and tuck him back in. You need to do this as many times as it takes. It might mean a few less sleeping moments for a few nights but then you will have your bed back. My youngest son would get into bed with us as well. After a few nights of getting right up and putting him back in his bed he didn't do that anymore. Good luck, and remember persistence is the key.

reverse lock his bedroom door. get an empty aerosol can and place a piece of paper around it with the statement monsters be gone. "spray" this every night before he goes to sleep. stand your ground...

Why do we get married??? To not sleep alone! Yet, we require it of a small, helpless, innocent child. It is not human nature, or any other animal's, to sleep alone. This western cultural idea of each child being alone in his own room is not common to the rest of the world. Just as Christy said, we do require our son to start out in his own bed, for those same reasons. However, he shows up with us by morning. I've just trained him to enter quietly so as not to wake me up.

I have the same issue, only my husband is the one who created the monster. :) She went from the easiest child in the world to put to bed (even babysitters commented on it), to really difficult. (And yes, I have expressed my [ahem] dissatisfaction with his undoing my careful sleep training.)

All I can say is that it truly will pass. Just last week, my 4-year-old daughter wanted to go to bed in her own bed at night, but because she had been really ill with a high fever, we wanted her in bed with us so we could check on her constantly during the night!

Your son will outgrow this and love being a big kid, I promise. In the meantime, some of the suggestions the other ladies offered sound useful. Good luck to you.

I had this problem with my daughter. When I remarried, my husband was the one to put a stop to it. I did lay with her each night but I set a timer for ten minutes then left. Then I basically had to let her scream. It only took her a few days to stop. It was a hard couple of days for Mommy too. There were nights I had to stand outside her bedroom door and hang onto the doorknob for dear life to keep her in her room. She'd beat on the door.

At the time it was all awful. But in the end, I am so glad I did it.

She too decided she'd just "sneak" in bed. We bought a motion detecter that went off is she entered the room. It was about $10 at Garden Ridge. We'd simply put her back to bed.

We missed a lot of sleep those first few nights but it reall didn't last. I agree with the very first poster... you need to decide who is in charge. I firmly believe in picking your battles wisely with children - for instance is it REALLY a big deal if they wear a superman cape everyday to preschool? LOL But you need to set the boundries. Decide if he can or cannot sleep with you. If he cannot, you need to enforce it.

I feel your pain, I have a 3 y/o girl and she does the same thing, we have consistently tried putting her back to bed when she comes in our room, but after about 3-4 times of this and getting up in the middle of the night 3-4 times was crazy especially when you have to go to work the next morning. We have been only sitting by her bed at first, but now we will stand outside the door and this has reduced the amount to times of getting up to 1-2 times, but it is still a work in progress, but I do understand and know that it does get easier.

Good Luck, let me know what you find out because I have the same problem and my daughter is 4 1/2 now. I go through the same thing you do every night.

you "have" to lie down with him and you want to "encourage" him to sleep in his own bed? that's your problem right there, he's in charge, not you. put him to bed, don't lay down with him, and don't let him come in your room - the sooner you end it, the easier - it's only gonna get harder if it continues. he's not gonna be happy the first few nights, just remember, he's not in pain or danger - he just needs to relearn how to go to bed.