I Need Your Help Mama's!!!!!!

Updated on July 28, 2011
T.P. asks from Windham, NH
18 answers

My daughter is 26 months old. She refuses to sleep in her bed!! This started 7 months ago. I'm at a loss with what to do. She sleeps in between my husband and I every night. Then when she falls asleep, my husband transfers her to her toddler bed. She usually wakes uo between 2:00 or 3:00 am crying because she's realized that she's not in our bed any longer. Sooooo, my husband goes to get her and brings her back to our room to sleep! I don't know what to do or how to get her to sleep in her bed! We converted her crib into a toddler bed yesterday with hopes she'd get excited about a new bed.... Well, that didn't happen!!! How do I start the process of making her sleep in her own bed? I'm also 3 months pregnant and I'm expecting my second child in January. I need to get this crazy situation under control before then!!! Please help!!!

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S.T.

answers from Kansas City on

lay her down in HER bed when she goes to bed. put a baby gate up in front of her door so that she doesnt go wandering the house is she wakes up at night. let her CIO, though she is pretty old for having to do this. bedtime is bedtime, lay her down adn tell her to go to bed. make her understand it isnt a game, so dont play it with her.

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J.K.

answers from Phoenix on

Talk to her before you put her to bed and explain that she is going to stay in her bed. Then when she gets up, go in there and comfort her and explain again how she is going to sleep in her own bed. Then after that, go in there and make her lay down and stay in bed without saying anything. She'll get used to it. Just stay consistent and calm... Good luck!!

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M.P.

answers from Pittsburgh on

To get it to stop you are going to need to tell her that she is to sleep in her own bed now. Do not let her start out in your bed and then transfer her-worst thing you can do. She now needs you guys when she sleeps so of course she is going to seed you out when she wakes up. I won't lie-this is not going to be an easy process. this kind of thing is difficult to undo-but so worth it. Every time she comes into you you will need to get up and walk her back into her room.

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H.F.

answers from Pocatello on

You could have a little pallet made up for her on the floor in your room, then she is near mom and dad but not IN the bed with you. She is a little young for a sticker chart, but you could try making her one, and giving her a sticker for every night that she stays out of your bed all night long.

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M.M.

answers from Tampa on

What's wrong with co-sleeping? Majority of babies & children prefer it - some need this recharging and assurance from their parents to thrive.

I am a co-sleeping advocate and lovingly bed shared with my first born for the last 5.5 years. #2 will be born soon (he'd better be!!) and she will be moving to her own bed and the newborn will be with me and husband. If we had a bigger bed, she'd be allowed to stay.

We never had issues with sleep deprivation and my daughter is definitely NOT a dependent personality.

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E.B.

answers from Beaumont on

Did something scare her? Seems like it all happened pretty abruptly.

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L.M.

answers from New York on

Put her in her bed and stay with her until she falls asleep. You may want to consider putting her back into the crib.

Once you allow a child to sleep in your bed on a regular basis, it is extremely difficult to break the cycle.

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E.S.

answers from Dayton on

We transitioned our DD out of our bed onto the crib mattress on the floor next to our bed.
It still took effort to keep her there, but eventually she stayed.
She had a glow bear, a special blankie, and I made the mattress softer w/ some king sized pillows.

I would start w/ baby steps.

It would be awfully scary to go from the comfort of mommy and daddy's bed into a room all alone.

HTH!

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L.D.

answers from Boston on

She's telling you she's not ready for this drastic change in sleeping. Put a crib, with the side down, pushed up against the bed and tell her that's her own space to sleep in. She still wants the closeness and there is nothing wrong with that. Check out askdrsears.com for more helpful advice about nighttime parenting. Good luck!

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S.H.

answers from Spokane on

Can you start by putting her toddler bed in your room? Is your room big enough for that?
What about if one of you laid down with her in her room at night until she fell asleep?
Have you tried just comforting her in her room at 2 or 3 am when she wakes up until she falls back asleep?
Just a few thoughts :)
Good luck!

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G.H.

answers from Chicago on

you need to go 'supernanny' on her.......

put her in her bed, hug & kiss her & you sit on the floor & do not look at her or talk to her....when she gets up, you get up & put her back in her bed & do not say anything at all......stay till she falls asleep...and each night you move closer to the door

hope this makes sense otherwise get the book from the library

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D.S.

answers from San Francisco on

first...do what works for your family. If you want to co-sleep, then continue doing it. If you wish for your daughter to be in her own bed then start the process and bare n grin sleepless nights and several wake ups from her. Its ultimately your choice where to begin. Think long and hard the pros and cons of each.

I have slept with my son since he was a new born. Also my residences created me to continue sharing a bed with him (very small 1br apt all i could afford to rent). However, co-sleeping allowed my son to sleep throughout the night. Which means mom slept well too.

When I introduced my son to his own full sized bed at 7 months, he woke up 3 times a night. He would crawl out of his bed (it was on the floor with no box spring) and crawl to mine crying! he would be rocked back to sleep and immediately put back to his bed.

My son is 3 now and in his own bed. He sleeps in the same room as I do as I rent a 1brd. he goes through waves where he will wake up a few times a night wishing to be in bed with me. Other times he sleeps throughout the night.

The key thing here is consistency! Baby steps first...slowly working into bigger things. For example:

Start bed time an hour earlier then normal. I recommend a toddler bed. You start off in her room, in her new bed. Giving her choices to bring a favorite toy or blanket with her. Read a book. Sing songs, play music, laugh. Make the experience of being in her own bed fun! When her normal bed time comes near, 15mins before hand tell her when she falls asleep, mommy and daddy will be in the next room. Also communicate with her that if she needs mommy and daddy, she is welcome to come into your room, but not your bed. Then stay in the room with her until she falls asleep.

If she wakes up in the middle of the night (usually 12:30, 2:30 or 3:30a) and you can make it into her room before she gets out of bed, then reassure her everything is okay. Encourage her to stay in bed. Tell her she is a big girl. Positive reinforcement. If she cries, stay with her til she settles down. Then help her lay down. Give her a kiss, say good night and you love her. Walk out, turn around, blow a kiss and say see you in the morning (if she reacts in crying again, go back in and settler her down). You will have to do this for a bit...slowly working your way out of the room before she finally goes to sleep (I usually walk out of the room 10mins before my son actual bed time).

I found the best results with this. In the beginning they need reassurance you will be there for them. its scary for them at first. All they know is the comfort and security of mom and dad being beside them when they open their eyes. Its like abandonment.

Make sure anyone who cares for your daughter follows this ritual you have set. As any break in it can send her back. Remember too, there will be waves of time where she will wake up several times a night crying for you. this is normal. Teach her to self sooth or call you from her room and not get out of bed, to also use her words, not cry.

Again, do what works for your family. But remember, if you allow her in bed ONE time with you due to lack of sleep, she WON. Then you have to start ALL OVER again. I learned the hard way and set myself back a dozen times. Sleep was more important haahaa...but over time my patience wore thin of dealing with waking up 3 times a night dealing with my son to b in my bed.

Lastly, i never believe in the cry out method, not even when it came to training my son to stay in his bed and go to sleep in a toddler bed. Get a favorite toy and keep reminding your daughter that toy is there for her when she gets scared. To hold it tight.

That helped my son. He has a few stuff animals who he sleeps with plus a few toys of his choice, a star/moon light turtle, a space rocket (shows the plantes, moon, earth) and music playing in the background. Anything to make bed time enjoyable and easy to make him fall asleep on his own.

This did not happen over night!!! It takes time...a minimum of 2-3 months...if not longer depending on the child and parents.

Good luck!!! take naps if you can due to the lack of sleep...lol

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B.C.

answers from Los Angeles on

Let her fall asleep in her own bed, not yours. That is the first mistake. It may take some time, week, two weeks who knows. When she wakes up and you find her in your bed, take her back to hers. I would not suggest staying there until she falls asleep because you will just be creating another habit. Read a story, tuck her in, hugs kisses and goodnight.

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S.S.

answers from Chicago on

put her in her bed. and then put her into her bed again. you may have a couple nights where she cries but do it anyway. she needs her sleep and you need yours also if she keeps getting up put a gate across her room. get her used to sleeping before the new baby gets here or then you will have 2 babies
trying to get in your bed

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A.H.

answers from Omaha on

I would suggest you or your husband going into her room and staying with her until she falls asleep. Read books, listen to soft music, even have a soft light to keep on overnight, so she doesn't get scared of the dark. It might be hardcore for awhile and you may even try a modified version of CIO. It will probably be hard for awhile, but you will want to get this under control before your second baby arrives. We do this with my son and daughter. My son will get up in the night and we have to go back to his room until he falls asleep again. What we have been doing is if he has slept in his bed for most of the night, then we will allow him to make up a bed on our floor too. It has been a good way to transition him to stay in his bed all night. Good luck!
A.

C.O.

answers from Washington DC on

DO NOT LET HER COME INTO YOUR BED...

Put her to sleep in her bed...stay with her until she falls asleep...if she wakes up - then attend to her but DO NOT take her to your bed....each night you can move further and further back to the door..

I would ensure that she has what she needs in her bed - a blanket or a stuffed animal...at 26 months - she should be sleeping in her own bed and the night through.

You need to stand tough and firm...i know it makes your heart break - but instead of falling for the manipulation, don't give in and follow the put her in HER bed and do NOT let her sleep with you..

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D.P.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Put a gate at the door. My son ended up sleeping on the floor ("like a dooooog" according to my mother) for many months.
I think people move kids out of cribs too early--too late for me I heard the "crib til 3 unless they are climbing out" advice--possibly too late for you...any chance of converting back to the crib? That's the best bet until she's older and can grasp the bigger picture.

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A.E.

answers from Hartford on

Our son did this at the same age. We tried a reward system - a small piece (ie one m & m ) or one jelly bean when he would stay in bed the whole night. We then upped the reward, if he could stay in his bed three nights in a row he could get scooter. It took months and months but he finally earned the scooter and now stays in his bed. It also helped when we moved him into a different bedroom. For some reason he was afraid of his room, and moving closer to mommy and daddy made a big difference, even though the room he moved into is TINY

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