How Long Did You Cosleep with Your Son?

My son is 8 and he still sleeps with us. My nieces are 7 and 10 and they don't sleep alone either. I'm torn on the subject also. I don't have the heart to tell my son he has to sleep alone but he's getting big and taking up lots of room. Do what you think is best.

Hope this helps!

I only have my 7 yo grandson overnight one night/week but he's still co-sleeping with me. I daughter slept with me when she was 7 and 8. Maybe even 9. It was against the rules for her to do so (she was a foster child then) but she was frightened at night and I was up and down with her and not getting sleep. When she slept with me she slept thru the night.

I've not tried putting my grandson to bed in the separate upstairs bedroom because a part of the fun of staying overnight at my house and falling asleep in my bed after watching a short kids' movie.

I also believe that it's OK for kids to share the bed of an opposite sex parent, grandparent, other relative as long as sex isn't involved. Once my grandson is sexually aware, he'll sleep in his own bed.

I had 4 children each child required a different timeing but to get him to sleep alone at this age is a good idea love him and put him back in his bed good luck A. no hills

Hi C.M.

I co-slept with my daughter until she was 6 (she is now 12). She had slept with me since birth. Actually SHE wanted to start sleeping in her own room/bed right about the time she started 1st grade. She was ready and has slept in her own bed ever since.

My son co-slept with me until just recently actually and he is just turning 5. He also slept with me and my DH from birth.

The transition = With my son I had to start sleeping with him in his bed. In fact I wrote in about this a couple of months ago and the responses I got from the other Moms here were great!

My DS and I had a nightly routine of reading and cuddling until we fell asleep. Sure I didn’t sleep much because he moved around a lot but I didn’t mind the sacrifice knowing it wasn’t forever!

Just about a month ago, I began to just wait for him to fall asleep and then go to my own bed. The first week he would come get me every couple of hours (not crying just calling for me), I would get back in bed with him, cuddle until he fell back to sleep. Then week 2 he came to get me every few hours and so on. Now he sleeps great from about 8:30 p.m. until about 7:00-7:30 in the morning but it took about 2 months to get here! I still read and cuddle with him every night.

Be patient with your DS. You feel the time is right but obviously your son needs that time to transition. You’ve co-slept with him this long, so maybe just give him some time to get accustomed to your “ideal”. =-)

By the way your son is so fortunate that you have co-slept with him for this long! That is awesome. I think it’s the most natural way to bond with your children and I have absolutely no regrets (but I do miss it at times)!

Wow, I braced myself before clicking on your question because I thought there'd be scads of people pouncing, saying parents shouldn't sleep with their kids. Instead, it's quite non-judgmental and practical. I love it. Well, to those who speak in support of co-sleeping/family bed, I thank you for being open. I am a big advocate & my daughter is a very confident, outgoing young person. She's fairly independent, but not 100%. I have to admit to a bit of over-indulgence in other areas in the form of doing too much for her. I do not believe the co-sleeping has anything to do with that.

People may be surprised at her age - she is 11, and we are not pushing her out. She's not ready. And, knowing this is common practice in so many other cultures, we are not worrying about it. I have a friend whose son is 13 & still sleeps with his parents. I have a cousin whose son still slept with them at age 17. Both of these boys are sociable, outgoing, confident, smart kids. They and my daughter are all able to go away from their parents overnight.

I don't post this response to urge others to do the same. I know we've carried this a bit longer than most. I post this for those who aren't feeling such a hurry to end their family bed practice. I hope knowing there are other co-sleeping families out there will help them.

You asked co-sleeping parents when they stopped, you didn't ask for others who never have co-slept for their opinion on whether it was right or wrong. I completely agree with Terra D. Responding to your child's needs & practicing Attachment Parenting does not create a spoiled or clingy child. In fact, it helps children learn their own needs & become MORE independent, not less. And, contrary to media reports, co-sleeping can be very safe if practiced properly. It's not a "bad" habit that needs broken.
Sorry for the soapbox, I'll get down now.

My daughter will be 4 in Nov. We have been co-sleeping from day one. It has been a VERY slow process & she is now starting the night out in her own bed. If she wants, she comes to us anytime in the middle of the night. She brings her pillow & crawls in the middle. Since she is getting bigger & taller, it does take a little rearranging on my part, but that's what she needs. My son is 7 & really didn't take to co-sleeping, but has on occasion come to us. If that's what he needs, then so be it. I know you asked when people stopped co-sleeping, but since we still are & our children are about the same age, I'd thought I'd post. I hopes this helps even a little.

Okay, contrary to what other posts have said there is nothing at all wrong with co-sleeping. We are actually one of the FEW countries that doesn't co-sleep. It is the biological norm for a human being (and most mammals for that mater) to want to be by mom for safety and comfort. There is absolutely no reason to force them to grow up so quickly and make them sleep on their own. It is just not biologically correct for proper brain and emotional development. I'm sorry but human babies where not biologically designed to sleep on their on in cribs from birth. If you have decided not to sleep with your child for what ever reason fine, but do not get on here and try to make a co-sleeping mother feel bad because she chose to do what is biologically normal and healthy for her and her child. Okay, end rant!

Now, my husband and I still co-sleep with our 10 month old (have since birth) and will sleep off and on with our 4 year old as she needs us. We do always start our 4 year old off in her own bed in her own room. She sleeps in a twin sized bed. If, in the middle of the night she needs us, we go into her room and lay with her in her bed. She doesn't even ask to get into our bed anymore and hasn't for a long time. She is perfectly happy to sleep in her own bed and actually prefers it. It's going to be really had on your little boy to just go cold turkey without you to comfort him. This is also totally normal. I'm sure if you husband suddenly decided he was no longer going to sleep in bed with you it would be very emotional and hard adjustment for you as an adult so think how hard it would be for a 4 year old who has never slept alone and doesn't understand why he no longer can sleep with you. Just be gentle with him and take the transition slow. Start him in his own room, and if he wakes the middle of the night just go in with him. As he gets more comfortable with his room and the idea of sleeping alone you will find that more and more often he will just sleep through the night without needing you. Remember, in the long run this is only a very, very short time in your and his relationship. There will come a day when he is grown and you will miss the special times you spent laying snuggled next to him in bed. Good luck and remember, you are not a bad mother for following your instincts and doing was is biologically normal and good for you and your child.

We moved our boys to their cribs when they stopped nursing at night, my oldest moved to his crib at 9mos, my youngest moved to his crib at 11mos. They were sleeping then from 8/9pm until 6/7am so we went ahead and moved them to their own beds.

Children who co sleep are more firmly attached to their parents, and are therefore MORE independent than a child who is forced to sleep on his own and left to cry it out or fend for himself if he wakes. :)

my 3.5 year old just started sleeping by himself. I still go in and snuggle with him until he falls asleep which is usually half way though one story. Sometimes he will get up and come snuggle w/ us other nights he sleeps all night and when he is sick I don't mind staying in his room all night. He slept in our bed until he was 1 ans 1/2. My oldest co slept until he was about 2 and he came into our bed until he was almost 5. He got too big to be climbing in the kid can spread himself out and take up an entire king sized bed so we kept a sleeping bag in the room after that so if he was sick or scared him come sleep in our room. He only came in a few times after that.
edited: the poster asked for advice from parents that co sleep not to here from those that don't and how bad an unhealthy it is for children when in reality its healthier for them to co sleep. As babies safe co sleeping actually lowers the risk of SIDS. C.M to help with transition you should let your son know that your room is right down the hall (or where ever it happens to be) and that if needs you for anything during the night that he is more then welcome to come get you. I love going to sleep in my own bed but love to wake up with our 3.5 yr old snuggled between us. :) Having them come into your room is much better then trying to sleep on a twin bed with them.

My son wanted his own space until he was 3, and then started piling in with me. Since then he's slept with me off and on for the past 5 years. I don't mind it at all. :) But I also have a king size bed.

When we had houseguests we moved a twin into our room (for kiddo... even though he sleeps with me about 1/2 the time, I didn't want him to HAVE to). He's REALLY fallen in love with the twin in my room, and now sleeps there most nights. But he'll still pile in for snuggles, or sleep in his room as the mood strikes him..

Time flies SO quickly once kids are born, I'm just going to enjoy it while it lasts.

My daughter just turned 5 and is still bed sharing with me. Personally, I love it because I know once she decides to leave my bed and ask for her privacy - my little girl will be replaced by an independent grade schooler and I'll never get that innocent, loving and snuggly time back.

You may feel YOU are ready to stop bedsharing, but it seems obvious your little boy isn't on the same wavelength as you are. As the adult and Mother, maybe you should put his needs above your own for a little longer. They WILL leave the bed on their own, the WILL start to demand privacy... then that way, your child will not be forced into something he wasn't ready for.

Our oldest was 18 months old when we moved his crib mattress that he never slept in, to the floor next to our bed. He usually ended up in our bed, which was fine. Then, he moved to a twin bed in his own room, and he ended up in our bed every night. At 3.5 years old, we told him that he needed to start sleeping in his own bed since his brother or sister was coming and they needed time with us without anyone else. He was all about things being "fair" at the time, so we said, "It's only fair to the baby, since you've had 3.5 years with us, without sharing." He replied ok, and that was it. (He weaned himself at 16 months.)

Our 2nd son was 16 months (he had just weaned himself, as well) when we started moving him to a crib in his brother's room. He slept better by himself, since he moved ALL night long. He also slept better hearing our older son's breathing at night.

Our daughter was moved her bed at 18 months. She was exclusively breastfed for 18 months and refused to eat any solids or take my milk in a bottle - she'd go 8 hours and not eat a thing, if I was gone. Finally at 18 months, I left for 4 days and she started eating 4 hours into it. She also started sleeping through the night, so , we moved her into her own room. She sometimes wakes up and calls for us, so I'll go and get her and she spends the rest of the night in our bed.

Of course, now that he's almost 8 and our others are 4 and 2, we sometimes get visitors in the middle of the night, but our kids sleep in complete silence and complete darkness. They have no fears of night time scaries. Our boys have a double queen bunk bed, but they usually sleep with each other on the bottom. Our daughter is 2 and she has no problem sleeping alone, but sometimes she needs mom and I'm ok with that.

Our kids are confident and talk to adults as well as they talk to kids. In fact, I own a business in a small shopping center and my 2 boys go to the store together, order sandwiches at the deli, wait for them, pay for them and return to my office.

Every child is different, so you are going to have to appeal to his needs/wants when transitioning him.

I can't imagine forcing my kids to scream when they are scared or need reassurance. Good for you for co-sleeping. I think every parent needs to raise their own kids the way they feel is right....for that individual child.

My daughter is 3 and still comes into bed with me in the middle of the night - anywhere from 1030 - 5am. Her brother (1) has not been a big fan of cosleeping and even when we tried, he wanted to sleep on his belly and wanted his own space. Once my son transitions to a toddler bed, I will put a gate on their door (they share a room and my daughter wants the door open) and I'm sure that will produce some issues unless she just climbs over! My plan is to get her a twin bed and then when she wakes up, go and lay with her until she falls asleep. Or I'm hoping they just crawl into bed together!

I have a friend who's daughter is 9.5 and still wants to sleep with her mom some nights.

Well...i was single mom for 3.5 years and i co slept with my son..he is now 4.5 ..i have a boyfriend so i moved my son into a bed in the room that is adjoined to ours..but if my boyfriend wasn't living with us..i would probably still co sleep..i see no harm in it..i used to use a big body pillow to put in between us so he wouldn't kick and hit me all night..he's an active sleeper..
now he sometimes wakes around 6am and comes in and sleeps in bed with us..
the other morning he was sleeping and he starting whacking me in the head ..flailing his arms..it was nuts..but i feel safer with him near by...i couldn't sleep well when he was in a different room..so i co slept..now he's just a few feet away..
i say go with your gut ..let him fall asleep next to you on the couch sometimes then carry him into his own bed and if he wakes ..let him come sleep with you..i never like to put too much pressure on anything..so that transitions happen more smoothly and my son doesn't feel rejected.

xo

D.

I stopped regularly co sleeping with mine quite a bit younger-by 1 yr with all of them, but always encouraged them to come to me if they needed something during the night. My oldest son stopped coming in during the night when he was about 4, my second son at about 5, my daughter who is almost 7 and my youngest son (almost 4) still come in from time to time. My sister crawled in bed with our parents until she moved out of the house at 19 :) Personally, I wasn't comfortable in their bed after about the age of 10. To each his own, I think.

Boy, am I glad to see your question! I'm currently going through the same thing. My daughter will be 4 at the end of October. She's co-slept in our bed since she was an infant. Yes, I know it's dangerous. But, I'm a very light sleeper who barely shifts in sleep, plus I wake up repeatedly throughout the night. It just worked for us. But, now that's she almost 4, I think it's time for her to sleep in her own bed. She's a problem-sleeper like me, so I'm dreading the process. My husband thinks she should have been in her own bed years ago, but he wasn't the one up every couple of hours caring for her. Also, they're this age for such a short amount of time. Why not enjoy it as long as possible?

I have friends who co-slept with their children til they were older than my daughter. Two friends co-slept until the age of 5. Another until the age of 8. My 8-year-old niece still has her nanny share her room.

Good luck to you!

When my kids were that young, our doctor fully supported our decision to co-sleep.
We transitioned them to their own rooms and beds around age 3yo. Our youngest, now 8, finally stopped coming into our room iun the middle of the night about a month ago.

Updated

When my kids were that young, our doctor fully supported our decision to co-sleep.
We transitioned them to their own rooms and beds around age 3yo. Our youngest, now 8, finally stopped coming into our room iun the middle of the night about a month ago.

my so would still sleep with me if I let him and he is 8!, I will sometimes let him sleep with me for half and hour until his dad comes to bed, he has always been very attached so maybe your son is the same.

most of the time now he sleeps in his bed, but I have a "special" bed which is a foam fold up chair bed which he is allowed to come in and sleep on if he wakes up scared in the night - as long as he doesn't wake us up.
he is in our bedroom at least twice a week - I guess he will grow out of it in time, it doesn't bother me having him in my room - having him in my BED is another story, I call him fidget features because he turns and flips and kicks in his sleep, plus he likes to snuggle up right next to you, and I am hot natured and can't sleep like that, plus I sleep nude and I am not comfortable with him in bed with me nude.

Hi

We are not a typical cosleeping family but we have done it on occasion. I never coslept when they were past 3 months bc they were sleeping thru the night. I did not enjoy cosleeping....I could get no sleep! However I have always allowed tthem into my bed when they were sick, scared or during thunderstorms. If they are sick I will sleep in their room.....thats a given. No sick child should sleep alone. Now we allow them to camp out In our bedroom on sleeping bags one day in the weekend. They love the closeness and we enjoy waking up together. This is also a treat for them so they do not take it for granted. But they sleep most nights in their own beds in their own rooms.

My kids/us are like Riley J.
Except instead of a twin bed in our room, we have a futon in our room... so our kids can sleep there if/when they want to, or if they are sick. Its fine with us.

We don't 'battle' about sleep.
Never have, never do.
Our kids sleep fine in our room or in their room.

When I was that age and older... I used to wake up, creep down our LONG dark scary hallway, go to my parents room, squeeze in between them and sleep. They let me. I grew out of it one day. I simply missed my parents and was scared/lonely by myself in my room.
It is... one of my FONDEST childhood memories, of my parents, of when I was a child, that age. I am glad, they let me do that.

all the best,
Susan

Well, our co-sleeping situation is a little different in that our kids slept in our bed, not in their own with me in with them. Actually they still do in a modified way. My 3yo usually wakes up after Daddy has left for work (hubby leaves at 4:30, LO comes in sometime between 5:30 and 6am usually) and then he crawls in bed with me to finish out sleepy time. Sometimes I even wake up to find my 8yo son in with us (me and younger son).. lol! Just depends! I like it this way. My hubby and I have all of the privacy we need, but my boys are comfortable enough to snuggle up with mom for the last couple of hours. I don't think it's going to last much longer with my older son, but I'll enjoy it while it lasts. I'm sure that once he really hits the "tween" stage he won't be snuggling up with mom any more! :(

Anyways, I know that's not much help with your situation. If I were co-sleeping in my child's room I would be anxious to get back to my own bed too! I totally don't blame you for being done with it after 4 years. He should be old enough that you can explain it to him now. Keep it simple, but let him know that it's time he started sleeping by himself. Take him to the store and let him pick out a stuffed animal that can be his sleep buddy then make sure that you put him to bed, tuck him and his sleep buddy in, say good night and tell him that you'll see him in the morning. Be firm and consistent and it should be resolved soon.

HTH

Well I have four children.
With number one we didn't cosleep all night but he did come in in the middle of the night at times.
Number two we slept with unitl she was sleeping through the night, about 4 moonths, She was then skipping two feedings, I think, it's been 15 years. She has never been one to crawl in with us.
Number three slept with us and mostly me, Daddy was deployed, until 3.
Number 4, is still in my bed at times and he is 9. But Daddy has been to Iraq and Afghanistan and has lived away from us as he retired and took a new job in a new state. So there have been some stressors the others did't have to deal with. Plus he is a bit more sensitive.
He is normal, happy, friendly, outgoing. I put him in his bed and at times, now not as often, he ends up with us.
In 9 years he will be gone, to the Navy he says, and this will all be a nonissue. He already refuses to hold my hand or show me any affection in public. Can't have mom kissing me goodbye at CubScouts ya know.

Our doctor also told us never to let baby sleep in bed with us, so he's pretty much always been in his own bed.

I think that it is important for a child to sleep by himself at night for several reasons:
1) It's their alone time. They need to figure out how to feel asleep on their own without someone else.
2) Independence.
3) Privacy. It's good for him to learn that having privacy at bedtime is okay.

Just an idea for you:
When it was obvious that my son wanted me to stay in the room and rock him to sleep, this is what I did. I would lay him down to bed, tell him I love him and say goodnight, then I would sit in a chair right next to his bed. At first, I would sit there until he fell asleep. After a couple of days, I would stay there for awhile, but leave before he fell asleep. I just kept decreasing the time I was in there, and now I don't have to sit in there after I lay him down at all. I just say my goodnights, and shut the door, and he falls asleep on his own.
Maybe something like that would work with your son?

It'll probably be hard when you first decide to stop cosleeping with him, but know that in the long run, it will be best for all. The sooner you start this transition with him, the better.

Both of my kids stopped co sleeping with me at around 2 months old when they were sleeping though the night. I BF both of them so it was easier to have them in bed with me for night feedings but when they slept all night I moved them to their own beds. But both of them (my 10yr old doesn't any more though) would come into bed with me in the middle of the night if they woke to go potty or what not. But that isn't an every night thing either. My 4yr old went potty around midnight last night and then crawled into bed with hubby and I. First he has been in our bed for a few weeks. I prefer it this way and I've never understood how parents can have their children sleep with them all the time every night.

I think no matter what age you decide to have your son sleep in his own bed is going to be a battle from his side.

Good luck
S.

my son is 11 months and has slept with me since birth. He has slept in his crib, bassinet, pack n play, etc from time to time but I got comfortable with him next to me. I breast feed and it was easier in the beginning to have him with me to not get up and down, and also, I just worried if he was away from me. I tried at 6 months to put him in crib overnight, and it worked a bit, but if he'd wake up and cry, hubby would get him. So I just have him with me. Hoping at a year to strart back with the crib. I want to sleep well with him in a separate room but it is difficult and I miss him, lol. Or he misses me. But I do not want to create a dependent child so at a year we will have to wean from one another a bit. I will also wean from breast feeding. He doesn't nurse at night anyway, so hopefully will sleep through the night.

Not judging because I understand co sleeping but I think 4 is too old, only because it can create dependency, etc. But only you know your child and the impact it is having.

My daughter is 2 1/2 & she just started sleeping in her toddler bed a month ago. She is still in my room but at least in her own bed. She clims in my bed sometimes and I let her fall back to sleep then put her back if I am still awake. From what I've seen from watching Supernanny it's might be a challenge but stick to your guns.

We were told when i had my children to never put our baby's in bed with us. So many bad habits are being created in the lives of many children today, Children need to learn independance, and adults sleeping with children have never sounded right, boy have times changed. Connie

My son is almost 3.5 years old and still sleeps with me. He sleeps with me because we have only two bedrooms and my husband SNORES so loud neither one of us can get any sleep. We close both doors and he turns on two fans hoping to drown out the constant noise. Basically we co-sleep out of necessity. I think he'd LOVE to have his own bed with cute sheets but he's stuck with old mom because dad refuses to accept that he DOES snore LOUDLY.