3 Yo Refusing to Help Clean Himself

My kids didn't really wipe themselves at that age either, but they also were very regular with their BM habits and tended not to go while at school. I don't think my guys had mastered the task until they were closer to five.

I think he's still very young and it's hard to maneuver the toilet paper (or wipes) if he doesn't really know his anatomy well enough to know if he's in the right place. And if he's been drilled at his program about hand washing (which is, of course, important), he may be freaked out by all the talk of germs and cleanliness. So he doesn't want to give it a try.

I find it problematic that their "rules" say they cannot help a child. Yes, it prevents a staff person from being in a bathroom alone with a half-naked child, and perhaps it promotes independence, but more likely it's creating dirty underwear once a week (as you have seen).

Frankly, I'd keep helping him - or let him try and then you finish the job. We found that toilet paper shredded or he used so much that it tended to clog the toilet. So we switched to wipes (and if he thinks he's graduating from baby wipes to adult wipes, that's fine). Teach him how to reach up into the rectal area and how to check the wipe/paper to be sure he's clean. I also carried some of those wipes in individual packets in my purse (I think Cottonelle makes them, maybe others as well) for when we are out.

My son was not potty trained until 4, so the wiping came much later. He was at a friend's house (the friend was the 3rd child) and my son called the mom for help. She said, "Don't you know how to wipe yourself?" He said "Not really" and she said "Today's the day you learn!" Sometimes they learn from others faster than they do from us.

That said, I think it's important to note that kids learn different tasks in different orders. So the child who is "slow" to learn to wipe himself may be way ahead at sleeping through the night or talking in full sentences or brushing teeth or tying shoes. So noticing (and rejoicing at) the things they CAN do well sometimes eases the frustration with what they can't do. If they can add a new skill maybe once a month, that's progress.

And by the way, I don't think you have to apologize with a "TMI" comment on this site - we're talking about potty training and menstrual periods and yeast infections, so it's clear in your title what you're talking about. The faint of heart don't have to read the question if they don't want to!

You are right. Your husband is wrong.
You gotta "bat clean up" for awhile still--especially if you want him to be clean.

He is only three. He will need help to effectively clean himself for quite a while to come. I have never heard of a program that didn't help the kids wipe when they were that age. My son potty trained soon after he turned two. He did not wipe completely effectively (better with wipes than tp) until the mid fours. He was in daycare, then an unrelated pre-school and Montessori program. Every single one provided the kids whatever degree of help toileting that they needed.

This is very normal for kids this age. Keep reminding him and even go help him with wipes every now and then. He needs to learn how to do it the right way.

So, my advice would be to expect skidmarks for quite a while. Even with kids who do a fairly good job, these things just happen.

My guess is that the 'rules' for helping kids in the potty is to protect staff. It's not an unusual rule.

Most kids start to really get themselves 'clean' around age five.

do you have wet wipes for him?
i would come in at the end of the toilet session and stand by him, refusing to take over but making encouraging noises. also saying 'nope' if he tries to up-trou without cleaning his hiney.
skid marks are not really uncommon. he's only 3. he's not going to be really good at this yet. but yes, he should be making an effort, and if you are firm yet cheerful about it, he will.
khairete
S.

I don't bother teaching my kids to wipe until 4. They just can't do it. Around 5 they can start to kind of be trusted on their own, but three is too young, if you ask me.

my girl was independent at wiping at 3 my boy is not independent a 7and he still comes home from school with skid marks .. and if I don't clean his bum or give him a bath daily.. he then has a red painful rash on his hiney .. I am not sure when boys are independent on this.. but it is not 3..

My daughter is 3 1/2 and her little arms/hands barely reach her butt. I wouldn't even want her to try for fear that it would be all over her hands or fingers.
I have two older boys and they both finally were wiping around 5.
My daughter is heading off to preschool while I go to school (eeek) and I have a feeling that she will continue to only poop at home.
L.

Brown brown tan tan tan white.
teach him to keep wiping till the toilet tissue is white.
teach him to wipe gently.
tell him that if he doesn't wipe effectively his bottom will be sore.

My kid is a decent wiper. What he doesn't do consistently is give his face a scrub in the bath. He'll even lie about it. I ask, did you wash your face? He will answer that he did even though it's totally dry. I'll say, maybe you should wash it again, so that you don't get any sores on your face. He'll say that's a good idea, and give it a scrub.

Maybe a bit of instruction. Then total independence, with this kind of Q&A, and being sent back to the bathroom to do it correctly himself, will work for your kid.

Good luck.
F. B.