3 Yr Old W/ a Major Attitude Problem...HELP

Terrible TWOs was a dirty lie. We had horrible THREEs! I fully expected it at 2 and it never came until 3. Let it ride, it will pass. She is testing her boundaries and this is the time to get her to (gently) understand that you are in charge, not her. She is a member of the household, no matter what age and she has her responsibilities. This too shall pass! Best of luck!

totally normal! My daughter was the same way. She was pretty good most of her twos but when she turned three, it was a different story. I called it the terrible threes, it was same as terrible twos but a little late. I started the time-outs, I watched the One-two-three Magic video I got from the library (under parenting nonfiction), it was a huge help, it tells you the theory and just how to apply the time-out style of discipline, it will help you because you can crack down on this behavior now, and reinforce your authority with her, minimizing the battles, and without feeding in to the negativity.

I have read the other responses and I agree with them. My son was WONDERFUL at 2, no problems with the "terrible twos", but when he turned 3, it was like he became a totally different person. He was no longer the sweet, agreeable lil person. But as time went on, it fazed out for the most part. Not that he always agrees with me now, but I have changed tatics and now use "positive reinforcement" I have a sticker chart and reward him with a sticker when he does things I ask or things that are his "jobs", such as picking up all his toys in his room and around the house at the end of the day. Brushing his teeth use to be a battle, now he earns a sticker for brushing his teeth. He can also loose stickers though for unwanted behavior, such as me having to ask him over and over to do something, then I cross a sticker off. For each sticker he earns, he earns 10 mins. of video game time. (You could use another incentive for whatever your daughter really likes.) He has all week to earn stickers as we do not let him play vid. games on school days. By the weekend, he'll have earned plenty of game time to reward all his effort. I have his max. video game time on weeknds at 2 hrs per day. We still have issues from time to time, but this has dramatically reduced my frustrations and our friction. He has come to think of all sorts of positive things he could do to "earn stickers", some are a little too easy and expected and I explain that to him. But this has really helped in our house. I use to think sticker charts are just a pain in the butt, but it really has worked for us.

A.

I also have a three year old daughter and she definitely has an attitude similiar to yours. I have found though that it gets much better if you reward her for the positive rather than focus on the negative. I hung a calendar in her bedroom and every day before bedtime we talk about the day and whether she was good or bad. If we decide it was a good day she gets to put a special sticker on the day and at the end of the week if she has at least six stickers on her calendar she gets to pick out a treat like movie night(going and renting any new movie she wants, making popcorn and watching it together), or going out for ice cream, or going to the dollar store and letting her pick out 2 or 3 things, or walking to the used bookstore near our house and getting a new book. All little stuff but when she feels like she has earned them they really mean a lot to her. Then during the day when she acts up I remind her about how she won't be earning a sticker on her calendar and it usually straightens her right out.

Good Luck!

P.S. I just wanted to add in lieu of other responses that for my daughter personally, taking away her favorite night time blankie would be absolutely cruel. Taking away their comfort and secuirty at night because they are acting out is not an answer. Just focus on positives reinforcement rather than negative reinforcement. Sticker charts, games allowances(one quarter a day for doing simple chores is a toy from the dollar store every week. Small price to pay for help around the house and peace of mind).

You just described my 3 year old perfectly. We had the same issue with her around the time she turned 3. She is now 3 1/2 and seems to have returned to her sweet self. We tried to remain strict with her and not let her get away with her tantrums, sassyness and disrespect. Part of her problem was she still needed a nap. I thought she was done with that since my son stopped taking one when he was 3 but she seems to still need one. It has helped tremendously with her major attitude problem. She will outgrow this, just keep smiling and she will too !

I have a five year old boy and he went through that same faze at about the age of three. We have dealt with it off and on, to varying degrees, ever since then. Consistency is definitely the key. I have found that a combination of positive reinforcement and consequences works. For my son (only child, spoiled with too many toys), taking away his favorite toy and putting it on top of the refridgerator was a good motivator. He also goes to time out and then we have a quick talk about the incident. When he has been good for a day, then he gets to pick one of the toys from the the top of the refridge to take back. We also use a sticker chart with four objectives on it. He gets a small sticker on the chart for each item, so four stickers each day. If he didn't earn the sticker, then I write an X in that spot. Every few days, we review the chart to see how many stickers verses X's he has been getting. It's a good visual to help him see how he has been behaving. We haven't fixed a prize to the chart (like movie night and popcorn as one other person suggested) but I don't think that it would be a bad idea. Some days, the refridge is loaded with toys. Other days, it is bare and remains bare for days. It works for us. Perhaps you can figure out what your daughter would miss the most (without it being an absolute comfort item, don't be too harsh) and remove that for a while. Make it physical. Then, come up with your own way to chart her progress over time so that she can see and be rewarded by your attention for the good things that she does. Good luck. I know how frustrating this can be.

Welcome to the club! My daughter is 3 1/2 and is EXACTLY the same...my mother-in-law refers to them as the "feisty fours" come early. I find that her attitude gets worse if she is tired, hungry or otherwise off-schedule, so look to see if that is at work with her. What works with my daughter more or less is the statement "If you don't stop doing X, you won't get Y"...and lately for her "Y" is an ice pop or ice cream. We also praise her when she does something good. However you decide to deal with her behavior, be consistent!

Your daughter sounds much like how my wonderfully darling 3yr. old niece has been acting sometimes lately. She loves everyone and everyone loves her, but when she gives my sister a hard time, all my sister does is say to her calmly; "Gee, Honey, you're acting like you need a nap..... I guess I should put you down for a nap now." Of course this is answered with "No, I don't need a nap!" to which my sister responds: "But you are acting like you need a nap... if you stop acting like you need a nap, then I won't have to put you in for one." It works like a charm every time! Yes, it actually does work! I've seen it and also have heard it over the phone. LOL! Good luck.
D. N.

I've learned that more complete attention and understanding often works when my son is acting like this - the more angry I get, the more angry he gets...but if I just stop, give him a hug and be calm, he tends to calm down and then we can work through it. He's a little over two right now - but I found this happening when he was "stressed" so maybe your daughter is stressed about something right now...

aaahhhhhh.....consistency and the gift of time seems to FINALLY be helping me out. My 3 1/2 year old has been that way for almost a year. COMPLETE opposite of his older brother. The only thing that worked for me after trying virtually everything is taking away his favorite night-night (blanket) or DVD. Nothing else would work. THis technique plus the added help of time (all beit a year) has finally started to work. Also try a sticker chart and reward system. Be consistent in whatever works for you!

It sounds like you are gone often for work. Especially because you are a single mom, could it be that she is getting older and realizing how much you are gone and acting out in hopes you won't be gone so much?

Sounds a little to me that she is crying out for some attention from you and may be starting to feel left out or having some separation anxiety. I have read a book called "a new kid by friday" and he suggested things like this. If you (mom) don't get A (respect, obedience) she doesn't get B (going to friends house, cookies, or something that she gets when she wants it) It might feel like you are being a meany but after you stick to your guns she will get the hint. You could take away something that she normally gets. Exapmle that was given was a child was rude in the car coming home from school. He always got cookies and milk when he came home. Mom didn't put them out. He asked where they were and she said "I did not like the way you talked to me in the car so you aren't going to get them" SHe then turned and walked away to make dinner or whatever. He then followed her and started with Mommy i'm sorry. SHe turned around and forgave, loved and hugged but still DID NOT give cookies and milk. When she was asked why again she explained that even though you apologized you still were disrespectful and therefor lost out. Tomorrow when you act respectful you will get cookies and milk. You can take away things. Like if she refuses to pick up toys. Get out a black bag put them all in it and leave one. Say when you put that one away when asked you will be able to pick out another and keep doing that.
Nip it in the bud now and it will be easier in the long run! God bless! Keep it up you are doing a great job loving your daughter!

I feel like I could have written this myself except that I have a son. My little guy used to be very sweet and helpful as well and all of a sudden is a terror! Tantrums, attitude, slamming doors, throwing things, talking back. I am at my wits end! Sorry I do not have advice but wanted to share that you are not alone and I hope to learn something from the responses you get :)