L.P.
Hi J.~
Just wanted to tell you that in my experience, this is so normal. I know, that doesn't hslp at all, but might just be slightly comforting... My son, who is going to be 4 in January, was very similar. He was always a very active little guy, and kind of a high needs baby, but in general, had pretty good behavior. We got through the two's, and I thought, "that wasn't so bad!" Then three came. I'll tell ya, it was almost like someone had flipped a switch. I began realizing how arrogant I was to think we had basically sailed through the two's without a hitch! He started tantruming like nobody's business, we butted heads constantly, and like you, there were weeks that I felt like all I did was discipline him... and I hated every minute of it. You do start to question everything, and it is certainly frustrating, even if you are able to keep in proper perspective, which obviously you are.
On the brighter side, as we are on the downslope of the three's, things have returned to much like they were. My son is responding well to verbal requests, rarely needs a time out these days, and seems much more like the sweet boy I remember.
I do think it's a phase that lots of kids go through, and as with any phase, thank heavens, it ends. Now, don't get too excited, because with the end of one phase comes the beginning of another, but hopefully the tougher phases will be intermixed with peaceful ones to give you both a break!
Hang in there. Continue to be consistent with discipline. Try to use humor to diffuse some of her angst. Sometimes laughter is the best medicine for both of you when nothing else seems to be working! Remember it's ok to laugh and in doing so, you're not un-doing everything you taught her. You're just teaching her that sometimes we don't have to be so serious.
Best of luck to you! You aren't alone!