3 Yr Old Won't Poop on Potty

My luck was w/M&M's and a lot of patience, I seriously thought it was never going to happen! We also would ask that she stay on the potty for 5 min (timed w/a timer.) Had to @ least try! We also have books and used dvd player, music, etc, to help distract how long it takes her...

Do your three year olds have their own potty chairs? Do they read their books while waiting to relax to poop? Do you sit on a stool near them and talk and read with them? Sometimes they feel rushed and try so hard to "go" that they inhibit themselves and cause the opposite. I think that it is fine to have it a social time when they don't feel rushed so it would help to have them together to share the experience with each other and with you...rewards do not really fit in. Becoming in control and being appropriate with one's own bodily functions are rewards in themselves. N.

Don't stress is what I would say. My 3 year old did not want to poop on the potty, so I totally laid off that part (he would pee on the potty) for about two months. During that time, he would poop in his diaper either at nap time or bedtime on a regular basis. Clearly, she is still not feeling ready to do it, so no amount of cajoling on your part will probably help. Wait for a few weeks or a few months and then approach her again. She will eventually feel more comfortable about it. I waited for two months and then tried with the promise of jelly beans and it worked like magic. Maybe she just needs more time and a little less pressure. Good luck!

Hi E.,

I know it is frustrating, because we have been through that twice already and still have another one that needs to go through this stage. I highly believe in letting the kids take their time. If you promise them things they might feel that they really need to do it now. We tried that and it didn't work. What really worked was put them on the toilet and if they couldn't do it then we put a diaper on them until they did it. Next time we tried again and after about 1-2 weeks they finally did it by themselves in the toilet. When we started applauding and giving them praise they were so proud that they did it each time after that.
I think it is really a big step for a child to go on the toilet and difficult to overcome.
Good luck... ;o)

My daughter also wouldn't poop on the potty. She would poo every night in her diaper. I didn't really stress about it, since she was my 4th thru potty learning, and I guessed she would figure it out eventually. I asked her why she loved to pee on the potty, but wanted to poo in her diaper. She said she didn't want it to fall out of her, (she actually looked kind of freaked out about it falling away). I asked her if she would use the potty if I put a diaper into it to catch the poo. She wasn't really enthusiastic, but a day or two later she did poo in the potty. I kept putting in clean diapers for a few weeks, and then switched to TP.

I totally understand and wouldn't worry too much about it. For the longest time, my daughter would sneak in to the closet, put a pull up on, and poop. I asked her why and she said it was because she didn't want to do it on the toilet alone. So I started being there with her and she did it on her own fairly quickly. I didn't use stool softeners or flax seed - maybe prunes, but that was it.

My daughter did not poop in the potty/toilet until she was quite a bit older than your daughter actually. It was a bit stressful, but I tried not to worry too much about it or pressure her too much about it. Her problem was also constipation. She would only poop 1-2 times a week. I believe what ended up working for us were two things. She helped us set a goal date (she also did that with her pacifier) and gradually getting used to pooping in the toilet. The latter was done by having her poop in her pull up in the bathroom, then standing in front of the potty or on a stool in front of the toilet while pooping in the pull up, then sitting on the potty or toilet with pull up, and then finally pooping without the pull up in the potty/toilet. Once she started pooping regularly in the toilet, her poops also became more regular. Good luck!

You could just wait awhile until she is more ready. Or you could use a favorite stuffed animal/doll and have this animal/doll go through the toileting routine (having the feeling of having to go poop, going to the bathroom,taking down pants, going potty, flushing, etc. Try to figure out what she is apprehensive/scared of by acting it out with the doll (does it hurt?/Will she get poop on her clothes?/is the toilet too loud?/are there monsters in the toilet? Have the doll master her anxiety and successfully use the toilet. Most of all be patient, non-punitive, non-shaming etc. She will eventually learn. Good luck.

A little about me: I'm a child psychiatrist with two kids 18 (who had toilet training issues) and an 11 yo.

My son's preschool started at age 2 and did not require kids be potty trained at that age, so I saw many kids go through this stage. The majority seemed scared to poop in the toilet or potty. Each kid seemed to get through this a little differently. What worked for our son (took about a month or so) was explaining, in very simple and brief terms, that waiting too long to poop gives you a tummy ache. It also can make it hurt when you do poop. (As an older baby, he had started witholding because of pain.) Then we took the process step by step. At the point we focused on pooping in the potty, our son was not in a diaper during the day and stayed dry at night. However, we put a diaper on him at night so as not to put too much pressure on him -- he didn't understand that he was already staying dry at night. Ineveitably, he would poop within about 30 minutes of our putting on his bedtime diaper. We had him help us get the poop into the toilet, and he flushed the toilet. This was not at all done to shame him or anything like that. We just let him know he was big enough to be responsible for helping with this process. We didn't tell him it was bad that he only pooped in his diaper. We also let him in the loo while one of us pooped, and we showed him the end result, and he could see that we were just fine. We read "Everybody Poops," too, of course. He was already on Miralax for reflux/constipation issues, so then we upped the Miralax a bit, looked for signs of needing to go, and put him on his potty. We explained that often it takes a while to poop. He was confused that he didn't poop right away and thought he didn't have to go. We did have success with sticker charts, and whenever he pooped in the potty, he received a special sticker. After a few weeks, we moved to the toilet. For our son, having s step stool to put his feet on helped a ton. Pooping with his legs dangling down just didn't work. Once he had pooped in the potty a few times, he no longer seemed aprehensive about trying. After a couple of months, he no longer cared about the stickers and just pooped when he needed to. Other people I know took whatever "prize" was promised and placed it out of reach but within eyeshot of the child when he/she was on the toilet. That seemed to help for them. My cousin took a more drastic step with her son that her son's pediatrician recommended. After a day or so without pooping, she gave her son a Baby Fleet glycerin enema. I had to give these to my son once in a blue moon when he was a baby because of his tummy problems. Before doing so, I gave myself an adult one so that I would know what I was doing to my child. It causes some weird feeling, but not painful, cramping (though I would imagine a kid would perceive the discomfort as pain given his/her more limited vocabulary and experience set). And then you go. Resistance would be impossible. My cousin used this with her son and then gave him a special cookie that he only got after pooping in the toilet (for the record, I am completely against rewarding with food or making any food special -- I'm just explaining the process she used). She didn't have to use the Fleet more than a couple of times. Another suggestion is to praise your daughter the first time she poops in the potty/toilet, but don't go overboard. After the first time, keep praise low-key because she needs to understand that pooping in the toilet is expected, not a special event. There are many reasons that kids don't want to poop in the potty -- wanting to control something that their parents cannot control but really want (so don't show how much you want it --take a break for a couple of months if you've already shown your cards on this), feeling like they are parting with a body part, having difficulty with balance and pushing without a step stool, etc. Lots of us have kids who did the same thing. I promise you will get through this!

Do not push it. No one likes to be pushed into something that is scary or something they don't want to do. A lot of kids are poop shy; whether it is a fear of the potty or something else, is individually dependent.

Give her time. Let her go at her pace. You can play poop games (mimicking potty habits and positive results) with her toys if she isn't put off by it. There are potty books out there (I found one at Kmart that had a flush button with the sound of the toilet and giggles) but don't push the books on her if she is put off by them or it will feel like nagging. Pooping under pressure, like any other performance, can be daunting.

Live by example. "Mommy has to go poop now. I will see you in a minute" do your business and then look happy about it when done.

Keep it positive, keep it light. When she is ready, she too will feel more comfortable pooping in the potty.

My son held his stools for up to 9 days - i would suggest using flax seed oil - 2 tsps daily - versus a stool softener -or maybe along side it. As long as she isn't becoming impacted she can go a long time. And with flax seed oil, it coats the inside of the colon - making the stool not only soft but the passage way slippery so that the stool will slide out very easily. Nutritionally, it helps too whereas cod liver oil (the old standby) is awful.

I would rush my son to the potty every time I could see he needed to go - hoping to console him that everything was ok. I had read somewhere that kids who don't do this are really viewing the whole activity as a piece of their body going away forever. At any rate, after about a year I told my husband I couldn't do it anymore - it was emotionally exhausting - he asked me what I did with urinating training part - I said that I let him have an accident once and that was all it took - It dawned on me - let him have an accident - see what happens - and after 9 days boy did it happen - he was across the street at the time, I made him walk home in the uncomfortable mess, cut off his pants and hosed him down in the yard - it was so unbearable for him that he said he was never going to have an accident again and you know what? he never did. I personally am not a fan of awarding kids stickers or candy or whatever for learning to go potty - this is their first major "responsibility" for themselves and they just need to learn to embrace that - in addition, it often becomes a manipulative thing - i.e. they can use it to get what they want. I want candy today therefore I'll use the potty today. I'm mad at Mom for not giving me candy - so I'm going to have an accident today. Good Luck!

E.
Follow your physician's directions and use the stool softner to make the stool so soft that she can't hold it. Once she get over the the 'fear' of using the potty it's going to be a breeze, so be patient! Follow up with your pediatrician and your daughter will soon be using the potty!

A.

For #2 we had a more difficult time. My son would hold it until I put pull-ups on him, and then he would go 2-3 times in a half hour, so we know he had to go, he just was “scared” to on the potty. I ended up calling “Diego” (my dad, and brother) and said he wanted him
to go like he did on the potty. I was totally surprised, but it actually worked. If she has a
favorite character, give it a try. I told my friends, and 3 of them have done it now with success.