My 33 month old daughter has entered the "I don't like you" phase. It's usually aimed at me. Daddy is her favorite now. It hurts my feelings, but I try to keep my mood even and just reassure her Mommy loves her and give her some space. I am chalking it up to toddlerhood and a growing and developing sense of independence and emotional growth - and a phase that will pass. Please share any experience or thoughts you have - much appreciated!
Even though my girls are now teenagers and once in while I even get an "I HATE you!" I always still say "that's OK because I DON'T like what you are doing but I will ALWAYS LOVE YOU!"
You know, I appreciate this is the developing age and she may be trying it on, but much like swearing it's a rude thing to say, and I think it's ok to gently teach her that. I would probably put my child in time out for that, and/or require an apology. Explain to her that it hurts you when she says that and that it is not nice to hurt people. They say kids sometimes don't know that hurting hits other people, I think maybe it's the same with phrases.
I agree with you! It's very likely she picked the phrase up somewhere and finds it interesting. Possibly one reason it's interesting is that it gets a rise out of the people she says it to. That's a great feeling of power for a two-year-old.
She may not be relating the phrase to real liking and disliking - she just likes what happens when she says the words.
I think it will pass - and the more you can ignore it, the better - or else keep answering, "I don't like you" with "I love you!" Keep your sense of humor. Remember that you're the grownup and she isn't.
Eventually you daughter will find something else more interesting. Whether you'll like it better I can't say, but it'll be different!
When she's older she'll understand more about how feelings can be hurt. Right now she probably doesn't understand any feelings but her own, and she doesn't understand those much, either.
Ah, toddlerhood... gotta love it.
Everytime one of my children told me they didn't like me, it just hurt so much! All four of them had a turn of going through that "phase" at one time or another. Usually it came at around 2 1/2 years of age, and stopped around 3 1/2 years. It just about broke my heart having them tell me that. I would just answer them back that I LOVED them, even though they didn't think they liked me. I DID tell them it hurt my feelings that they would say that to me. Soon it would pass, and we were over it.....until the teen years. THAT TOO PASSED! Two of my children have children of their own, and they have BEGGED me to forgive them!!! LOL LOL
I am just waiting for the other two to become parents...I will finally have justice!!! LOL LOL
Keep smiling, and try not to let it hurt you too much...this to will pass.
Of course children are going to experiment and see what they can get away with, but if you let her get away with saying disrespectful and mean things to you then you are teaching her a horrible lesson: that she can be mean and hurtful to people and they will just have to put up with it. I understand your desire to reassure your child that you still love her no matter what, but allowing her to speak to you that way is unacceptable. I would suggest that whenever she says something like this to you, then you tell her "That's too bad, because I love you, BUT you don't get to talk to mommy like that. Trying to hurt people's feelings isn't okay, and you need to have a time-out until you are willing to apologize." Or let her know that you love her, but that she needs to spend time in her room because you don't want to be near her if she's going to be mean, and no one else will want to be near her either. There's only so much that you can "chalk up to toddlerhood." At this point she is developing her character and you don't want her to learn that she can have a mean-spirited character.
There is definitely that "phase", but I agree that you should address the hurtful comments before they get out of hand. Your husband should also be instilling this. (It might work better if she is looking to him, and he is doing the reprimanding.) You may also want to ask her who she wants to do certain things with her. This way she has the control to make the choice, and let her know that her choice isn't hurtful (even if it is a little), but that her mean words are. That by asking for one of you to do something rather than badmouthing the other, that that is the respectful way to make decisions. Good luck. I don't look forward to this "phase" myself.
I feel your pain! My son is doing the same thing. I was hurt at first, but now I just smother him with kisses when he does stuff like that. Then I tickle and play with him to make him laugh. :) It helps! Goodluck.
My three year old does this too. If I do anything he doesn't like then he says "I don't like you" or "your mean". He would NEVER say this to his beloved daddy! Just let it roll off, if you give it energy then they will keep doing it. They love the reaction, and YES it is just a stage. Good luck.
When my now 5 year old was 18 months til about 2 1/2, she didn't like me either. It really hurt my feelings. She was my first born and I thought we would always have a connection. I worked at the time and she liked everyone BUT me. Well after her sister was born and I stayed home she started loving me again. Just know that it's a stage and maybe its a preview for when they are teenagers. I remember not liking my mom from about 13-17. She died when I was 38, (5 days before my first was born) but I can safely say that she was my best friend for that last years of her life and I have no regrets with regards to my relationship with her. So I know that I will continue the example my mom gave me with my girls. Good luck and she will love you again, I promise.
Funny, that although we know as moms that this is a stage where our children are learning their own independence and are realizing that they have a mind of their own, decisions of their own, choices of their own - and LOVE to exercise that power - it STILL hurts our feelings.
I shake my head after my daughter (just turned 3) and I have a fun and happy day together, and as soon as Daddy walks in the door she turns on me - I can't pick her up, can't help her, can't give her things, can't bathe her, she doesn't want me to read her books or put her to bed - crazy!
This has been going on for a while now, but it isn't that drastic every day - but there ARE days when I can do nothing for her. I know there are some moms out there who smile and say that I can take a "day off" from it all, but somehow, it still gets to me sometimes.
I try to keep in mind, in the simplest of terms, that my daughter just wants what she wants, and though she and I have great days together, she misses her Daddy during the day, and the two of them have a wonderful relationship, and ultimately - she knows she can get a lot more from her Daddy than me (he is a bit more permissive than I am).
I know she loves me - and when I am out and it's just Daddy and her, I hear reports that she misses Mommy. So... I try to let it roll off my back when she's so strongly attached to Daddy and know that perhaps someday, it will fade and all will be balanced. :)
Hang in there - I know exactly how you feel.
