3Rd Old Won't Listen

This book is never passed around as one of the top sellers , but the method is SOUND and my 3 kids are awesome and happy. Try it if you haven't, preview it on Amazon. Back to Basics Discipline by Janet Campbell Matson. 3 is naturally tough, but you can succeed. I have this basic parenting style to thank for my sweet, mature, confident, happy 5 year old daughter and wonderful, but naturally challenging 3 year old son, and steadily progressing challenging 2 year old. It took work, but that's normal. I take them everywhere with me and enjoy them thoroughly. If you are firm, clear, immediate, and consistent, you can remain calm and patient and perpetuate positivity through good solid boundaries. It seems tougher than most popular books recommend, but discipline will be rare once it clicks, and being firm only works in a loving happy home, of course-which I'm sure you provide.

This is typical of a 3 year old.

Here in our neighborhood we had about 10 girls all only a few months difference in age..

We all used "Molly, listen to my words." or "Molly, look at my eyes and listen to my words." or we would use. "Molly, tell me what I just said. (or asked)"

You pick one for each transaction needed.. Do this enough and she will learn to look and listen and be able to tell you what you said..

She is 3. Life is exciting. She can move in any way she wants. Her mind is concentrating on her own interest.. You just need to get her attention first before speaking, making a request or a demand.

Congratulations on the new baby!

try these tips from child expert Dr. Sears:

25 ways to talk so your child will listen:
http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/discipline-behavior/25-w...

other discipline and anger handling tactics:
http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/discipline-behavior

The 3's are worse than the 2's. I can only assure you that the 4's are magical. Being pregnant (around the same as you) my hormones are raging as well, and my temper is short so I can only imagine!! Wshew, you've got a lot on your plate.
Patience, patience, patience. But consistency.
Time out and finding the right "button" to push with my little man was our key. For me it was taking a toy away for 24 hours & putting it in the garage on a shelf where he could see it but couldn't get to it if he failed to listen to me. No matter how he plead or said he was sorry, he COULD NOT have it back until the next "sunny day". Slowly he learned that he had better listen - Mommy meant business.
Also (and this only took once) I put him in time out once when Grammy was in town and we had a Dancey-Dance party (like on Yo-Gabba-Gabba) WITHOUT him!!! Oh-the HORROR! We danced all over the living room like maniacs & he had to sit there & watch. Of course he wailed at the top of his lungs & my poor mother thought I was torturing him, but it worked. (And secretly behind my back my mom had a dance party with him upstairs later...which I found out about afterwards!)

For me, it was finding his "buttons" and honing in on them. God knows, he has found enough of mine!!

Also, I limited the amount of rules we have in place so he's not overwhelmed by hearing NO all of the time.
We have oh, just a handful of MAJOR rules that'll land you in time out -
No kicking, hitting, spitting & saying NO to an adult in a disrespectful way.
That way he knows if he offends one of those rules he gets an automatic time out - he goes straight to the stairs no questions asked.

To lose a toy he gets warnings first:
First I say "Time to pick up your toys before bed".... "Look at me - time to pick up".... "Last warning, time to pick up or you're going to lose one of the toys" It's at THIS point that one of the toys goes to the garage shelf. And yes, there's ususally a full blown tantrum that follows. And daddy usually TRIES to rescue the toy because honestly, it's easier to appease the child than teach a lesson - especially at bedtime!

Consistency. It's hard, epsecially being pregnant.
It's so much easier to give in.
But in the long run, it gets easier to NOT give in.
And when they turn 4 they suddenly turn into little angels who want to love you and kiss you and tell you how much they adore you. It's amazing.
Good luck with the baby.
And the big baby too!
- C.

Dear T., you say you've read the books, taken advice and now you're asking us. Have you tried to take a "time out" for yourself? It's a well-known fact that each child is an individual and what works like a charm for one child doesn't work for another. Believe it or not, YOU are the foremost expert on your own child! After all, you're the only one who was one with her for 9 months! So, first bit of advice, TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS. Second tip, PICK YOUR BATTLES (eg it really doesn't matter if she wants to wear clothes that don't match. But she can never be allowed to do something which could hurt her or someone else). Third tip, NEVER THREATEN SOMETHING YOU'RE NOT ACTUALLY WILLING TO DO (It's ESSENTIAL that if you threaten a consequence for not listening to you, you carry through with it no matter what). What does your daughter know about your pregnancy? Is she looking forward to being a "big sister"? My kids are also approx 3 yrs apart. The way we avoided sibling rivalry was to make a big fuss about our 3yr old moving to "big boy bed" and also started sending him to a nursery school (even when I was home). Establishing the routine of dad dropping him off and picking him up after school was the best thing we could have done for him! After my daughter was born, we kept sending him to nursery so he'd come home at the same time as his dad and I could give him undivided attention. It's very important that your first-born never gets to feel that the baby is "replacing" her or is more important than her. Keeping to a routine established before the baby is born will help with that. Worst case scenario just breathe deeply and repeat to yourself "this too shall pass" until it does! Believe me, in a blink this will all be a distant memory. Good luck!

Is she not listening or not obeying? for listening get down in her face and make sure you have eye contact and talk quietly. for obeying, try the one two three magic routine, the first time she does something SAy "No you can only run outside" if she continues show her one finger and say ONE. (nothing else-dont repeat yourself dont explain), followed by TWO then three is a time out. Time out for every single problem (it doesnt always have to be three minutes the point is a consequence for every transgression) do not bother with explanations or lectures or long talks. "That's dangerous" is long enough. or "It will break" do not get in the habit or repeating or why should she listen the first time?

My daughter is also three and she also doesn't listen all of the time. It just depends on her mood, cognitive ability at that moment and how well she's ate and slept (I push the protein. A child with low blood sugar will not be able to handle anything well). My husband gets really frustrated as to why she won't listen and I'll admit there have been some power struggles on my end too. But ultimately, I chalk it up to age. Her job is to explore the world and test boundaries. Mine is to create safe and positive situations where she can explore. A lot of what I find with my daughter is that if she skipped a nap or is over stimulated/bored/ignored she will act out. If these coincide at your lowest point of patience, give yourself a time out and come back to the situation when you can react with more perspective. Children are very reactive to their parents emotional states so if your child sees you upset they will mirror that. As for suggestions, positive discipline works (i.e. glorifies bribery). "If you brush your teeth we can read three books." Not foolproof but the best advice I've found. All the best to you.

For all of my children, 3 was a way harder age than 2 ever was! My random couple of thoughts on the subject...(I know you mentioned you've read books, taken advice...etc, so this may all be stuff you've already heard...feel free to ignore...I'm just throwing it out there :)...)
- Find out what works for you...some things that worked for my daughter, didn't for my son (I know, not very helpful...I'm just saying it because you will read suggestions that feel 'right' and some that just 'don't'. Trust your feelings.)
- Pick your battles...I got to the point where I felt like my son was just hearing 'No' too much...and it just...wasn't good. Now, I try to say 'no' only when it really is necessary...He wants to wear his superman cape to the grocery store...by all means, fly on Superman!
- One of the best pieces of advice I ever got for kids that age...control only what you can control ("Don't break the crayons in half!" vs. "If you can't treat the crayons nicely, I will need to take them away until another day."). Don't try to force them to do something...just state what you will do based on their choices...and follow through!
- Try to think ahead so you have appropriate consequences that promote learning and win-win situations...when I know how I'm going to handle a situation...it doesn't bother me NEAR as much...I just look at is as a learning/teaching tool for my child!
- Don't make food a battle...you control WHAT, WHEN, and WHERE...and let her control how much or whether she wants to eat it.
- That being said...make available good healthy food...I notice a difference in my daughter when nutrition slides...
- I give myself timeouts (in a way that is safe and not neglectful of the kids). If I start to lose it...it's ALL over! I told my husband once that I felt like the kids were sometimes like a dog that senses fear...when they sense you're losing it, they jump in and attack. Nobody enjoys it when Mama totally breaks!
- Lastly, and I'm STILL working on this one - and it's way harder when your pregnant...been there done that...I am REALLY trying to be more pro-active in my parenting...I'm starting to learn what triggers certain things and what prevents them. If I engage the kids in fun activities throughout the day - they do better (maybe mines were making trouble out of boredom?? I don't know...). I try to avoid stimulating activities around nap/bed time. I don't take them to the store tired and hungry. I try to make sure they're always fed...and I try to make sure they have something protein-ish in their snacks...kinda holds them over better. You know what I mean...sometimes It's easier to 'prepare' then 'repair!' I hate feeling like I'm grasping at straws that are slipping through my fingers when it comes to discipline...trying to be more 'pro-active' instead of 're-active'...has helped that.

I know how you feel...there are still a lot of times when I feel like I'm trying sooo hard...being consistent...disciplining...etc...and they STILL have bad days. Finding another mom that you can go hang out at the park with while the kids play...really helps. I don't know that I've ever had a problem with one of my kids that I haven't had another mom tell me, "Been there!"

Good luck!

(K, I just posted it and looked at it...talk about long winded. Geesh. But now I'm too lazy to go through and edit it to make it shorter :p).

Your question isn't specific, but my only comment is that sometimes I think people's expectations of 3 year olds are too high.

My son is about to turn 3, but he started going through the terrible 3s about a month ago. Although he does have a hard time following directions sometimes, he has become so much better because of the way I have been handling it.

We have a splash pad/water area downtown, and there is a large fountain and another area where the water runs that are both a bit of a distance from the main area. He has always run off to those other areas without telling me, and then I have to go chase him down. So I make it clear to him, "if you want to go to the fountain or the smaller fountains, come and tell me, and we will go together." When we are in the car, I tell him the same thing, when we get there, I tell him again, and point out where I don't want him to pass without coming to get me, and it has been working! It could also be the twenty or so past times I have had to tell him he needs to tell me (when he just runs off by himself), but I think repeating multiple times has been really working. This has been working in other instances as well, even a brand new place, and if he needs a little reminder of something, he is much more receptive when he already knows what I expect of him. Start out with one rule at a time, the most important one that she really needs to listen to. And try not to yell if she messes up, that just sets you back, since they shut down. Just get her doing the right thing again, and repeat your message.

Hello, I was just talking to my mom about this kind of behavior. My granddaughter has days where she just doesn't seem to hear. She just had a hearing test and guess what? She can hear just fine. She is going to be three in a couple of weeks. She got through her two year old stage pretty well, but now she just has selective hearing occasionally. I try to get right down by her to get her attention and that seems to help. This grandchild has Down Syndrome and we are always wondering, "Is this part of that or is she just showing us that she is in control?" As far as the discipline I have always believed that you have to have a plan. When you set a consequence you have to stick with it. The child has to know that EVERY time they do a certain behavior this will happen. It makes it much easier to get results. If you have many different consequences it is too confusing. My mom was complaining about my niece's two and six year olds and how they don't behave at all. They come to her place and just go crazy. She says the mom is just sitting on the couch holding the baby and yelling and threatening and they just keep on. Then she just gives up and says they are like this at home all of the time. Well.......
Good luck with your precious family.
K. K.