3YO Waking up at Night Dont Know Why

Updated on August 15, 2008
A.C. asks from Charleston, WV
18 answers

My daughter is 3 and the past few months she has been waking up at night crying and now she wont go to sleep unless her lights are on (night light was not enough) so we put a small lamp in her room with a 15watt bulb but she is still waking. She cant tell me why shes crying or waking up (she a good talker she just doesnt know why) She's actually waking up more then my 5 month old so between the 2 of them we are getting no sleep. I suspect she might be having nightmares but how do I find out and also figure out the cause and how to help her get back to sleeping all night again.

Well last ngiht she did something she never did before and thats get up and turn on her TV so I took the TV out of her room this morning. WE are putting a small fish tank in her room with a low light and hoping the filter noise will create a "white noise" effect and maybe drown out some of the road noise from outside since we a close to a road. I'm going to put up a baby gate in her door way and just let her whine since I really think she's just spoiled and wanting mommy or a drink or food cause she says sometimes she wants food or drink. I"m leaving water in a sippy in her room. WE have a good night routine so we will stick to that. I love that some suggested saying prayers and telling her God is watching her as we are a christian family BUT I tried that already and she doesnt quite get the concept of God yet and it freaks her out to think someone is watching her even if he is good. She told me she didnt want the "God man looking at her while she is trying to sleep" LOL I'll update if the fish tank works or I'm also gonna try other thing suggested here.

ok the fish tank has been in for 2 nights and both nights she did not wake up. I think the light plus filter noise is helping. Hope this keeps up

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B.C.

answers from Nashville on

You can't regulate a child's sleeping like clockwork. I know it is hard not to get any sleep at night and function the next day, but mother's have been doing it for years. The child may be having nightmares but she can't help it and you can't do anything but soothe her until the phase is over. She is just 3 and this will pass with much patience from her parent.

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V.B.

answers from Louisville on

My daughter started having nightmares right after her 3rd birthday. She also started talking about monsters. I think it is just a developmental stage that they go through, but I know it's hard when everyone is losing sleep. She talked about monsters, so we sprayed water to keep them away. If he's not mentioning monsters though, I wouldn't bring them up. It only lasted a couple of weeks with us, so good luck!

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S.U.

answers from Raleigh on

Two things pop into mind first with me, what are the status of her molars, and is she still taking a nap? Here's a chart on tooth eruption, her molars still may be coming in and causing her pain at night (http://www.webmd.com/oral-health/dental-health-your-child.... My kids all got teeth later than most, so age 3 is potentially when some kids are still cutting or at least finalizing their molars coming in. Also, is she still napping? If she is, I would cut out the naps or lessen their time to see if she'll go all night uninterrupted. Is she getting good physical exercise during the day? Wear her out more, sometimes if my kids sit all or don't get a good outside or physical play in, it disturbs their sleep. HTH and good luck!!

1 mom found this helpful
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A.B.

answers from Nashville on

My son had similar problems at age 4. We finally figured out that he was having "night terrors". He loved to watch the movie Ferngully right before going to bed. We later found out that he was having dreams about the construction trucks coming into his room at night. It took forever to figure it out because he couldn't or wouldn't tell us what was going on. Take notice of whether he watches the same movie, you read him the same book or anything that is common right before you put him to bed.
If I was a psychologist I would say it is the new baby in the house that is causing him to have some security issues that manifest itself at night.
Good luck!

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V.C.

answers from Louisville on

A., give her a sticker (We used a smiley sticker) every night she stays in her bed.. we printed off a calendar
http://www.dltk-cards.com/calendar/ and it has one of her favorite characters on it, princeses, Hello Kitty, animals.. anyway, I got the smilely stickers and explained that I was a tired mommy and since I didnt' get my sleep I was a crabby mommy who was NO fun! The smiley sticker represented that Mommmy and Daddy were happy that we got our sleep and so did she.

After 5 of 7 stickers the first few weeks, she earned $2 to go to the Dollar store to get something SHE wanted or traded them in for Disney Dollars at the Disney Store

We did this 5 out of 7 days the first few then we up'ed it to 6 of 7 days ... we explained to her what the 'scoop' was and praised her for every night she stayed in her bed. (We coslept too till she was 3 1/2, she is now 5... we had to implement this system in May and June this year.

Anway, by week 3 she was in her room all the time.

I also gave her a T-shirt as she said, it smelled like me although it was clean...??? but this is what she uses and more so I work overnight on weekends and she stays in her bed.

Try the reward and praise for the time she stays in her room... and follow through with the calendar and stickers first thing in the morning. My DD always looked forward to it.

I too would get some books about dreams/nightmares etc... on a child's level from your local library and read them together.

One thing we also do in our family is to pray, and I remind her that our faith believes we never have to be afraid as God is ALWAYS with her.

Good Luck and remember to do what is best for you and your family.

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V.C.

answers from Wheeling on

You need to recognize whether it's actual nightmares or 'night terrors' (NT's, for short). Our kids and my niece had the NT's sometimes when they were extremely tired and/or if a lot of stress was going on in the family (going on trips, having lots of company, etc).

With NT's, they wake up crying but their eyes are not focused and they don't even seem to realize that you're there talking to them (like they're still asleep but with their eyes open, scared and crying - usually HARD, more like screaming). You could look it up online and learn more about it, I'm sure. Try to talk to her during the daytime and find out what she remembers. If she can't tell you what the 'dreams' were, they're probably the NT's.

I don't think lights help much (and if kids sleep with lights on consistently, it can cause nearsightedness), so only use what's necessary to get through the room if she does get up.

Anyway, use patience, TLC, prayer . . . the same tactics you use with all parenting dilemmas!

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Y.O.

answers from Asheville on

I think this is a very interesting topic. It's hard on moms and also we just worry because we want the best for our children. A couple years ago I read an article about child development and sleep and learned that babies and young children will experience night waking at different stages for many different reasons. Around three years old dreams begin to appear as pictures in their brains! That just might be a hard thing to explain for a 3yo!

One bit of advice I heard years ago: "This too shall pass!"
Good luck.

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K.S.

answers from Raleigh on

I think she may be reacting to the new baby and the big change. See if you can really tire her out for the next week, and break the awakening habit she is stuck in. Maybe a new very soft stuffed toy to sleep with, or a beautiful light that shines on the ceiling, maybe a sound machine with a bubbling brook sound. See what you can do to make some little changes. Good luck. My oldest had night terrors about that age, and we just took him in our bed.

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T.H.

answers from Louisville on

Hello,
My 3 year old has been doing the same thing for almost a year. She has what is called night-terrors. She seems to be awake when she is screaming and crying, however she is not. She has also ran thru the house screaming and crying while totally asleep. Very scary for my husband and I. I have talked with her pediatrician about it. They said that it could be caused from over exhaustion. In our case I believe this is true. She is trying to stop naps in the day. So on the days she doesn't have a nap we know we're going to have a rough night. Also we have found that most of the time her bladder is full and putting her on the potty during this eposode has helped our child. There are multiple other reasons as well. They also said that if it comes at a routine time (ex. 3:00 am) Just to try and wake them up about 15 minutes before the normal eposode happens. If you do this for a few days it will break the cycle and should fix the problem. Hope this helps. T.

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B.B.

answers from Nashville on

My three year old does the exact same thing only she complains that her feet are hurting. I think she is having growing pains. Maybe your daughter is experiencing the same thing? I just give her some tylenol and put her back to bed.

Good luck.

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M.P.

answers from Raleigh on

Is she in a crib or bed? As long as you know she isn't hurt/sick I think you need to take a stand here or it will only get worse. Since she is verbal and can understand you , you have to sit her down and tell her mommy wants her to sleep like a big girl, with a night light only or she will keep pushing the envelope and it will be something different she is needing all the time. Have a strict routine at night for the next couple weeks. Maybe drink, bath, story, sleep. Don't give in, keep putting her back to bed with just the night light and leaving the room. After a couple nights she will get the hint. M., Durham

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L.E.

answers from Nashville on

My daughter has done the same thing once or twice. She was not really awake, so she could not tell us what was wrong. I have heard that at this age they start having night tremors or nightmares. This should pass. They are starting to have a better memory of what went on during their day and dreaming about them at night. The other thing could be growing pains also. I think my daughter went through that also. I did try tylenol when I just did not know what to else to do. Ask your ped. if there is anything else that might be going on at this age (nightmare, teeth, growing pains, etc..). Good Luck.

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J.S.

answers from Chattanooga on

We found a connection with my son waking up and having milk just before he went to bed. When we cut that out, he quit. I think he may have been waking from a slight reflux type feeling.

Also with his nightmares we told him to use his favorite superhero (in his case Harry Poter) to scare the nightmares and scare monsters away. He will do a spell to make them go away. We also gave him a flashlight he could have in the bed with him.

Good Luck...those are just two things that made a difference for my son.
J.

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S.J.

answers from Charlotte on

I have gone through this same thing with my Daughter (4yo)when she was 3. She did not actually wake up in her frantic crying and screaming she could never tell me why, or what was wrong (bad dreams-she told me NO) she would talk to me clearly but had no idea why she was acting that way--sometimes she would get up and walk into our room then walk back out Like sleep-walking I would try to talk to her and she would respond with random things and in the morning she didn't remember anything that happened. we would say our prayers b4 bed and I told her that God sent a special Angel to to watch over her--also when this would come up I would sit in her room and pray and there would be a calm that would come over her and she would fall fast asleep and saty asleep since she turned 4 she hasn't done it---Is your daughter actually awake when this is going on? or do you think she is awake? Next time it happens look carefully to see if she is wake--but hopefully she will grow out of this.
Good luck I know it is rough with 2.

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V.S.

answers from Charlotte on

I think most of the responses you've received are correct... Night Terrors may be it... But my daughter is 2.5yrs old and when she would wake up screaming it was normally because she was thirsty she didn't know how else to get our attention (she sleeps with her door closed and wont come out without us coming in, we've told her its ok but she wont :::shrugs:::) so i started leaving her a cup w/ water on her nightstand... I don't believe we'll have the "monster" trouble because shes the monster lol... she comes up and goes RAWR and we laugh so she thinks their funny lol... try different things to soothe her as others suggested here it may take a bit but you'll figure it out

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J.M.

answers from Memphis on

My son started this around 3. I assumed nightmares too. I'd try to ask him without planting ideas but never could tell me anything. He would agree it was bad dreams but couldn't tell me about them. I started telling him to be sure to think of something good before falling asleep and we'd try to pick something that he wanted to dream about. This at least made him not afraid to fall asleep. He also has an old Blues Clues video (with Steve not Joe) where Steve helps a "girl" change her scarry dream into a happy dream. I think the video might be Blues Pajama Party. This helped give him confidence and again helped him not be afraid to go back to sleep. When he'd wake up I remind him of all this and he was willing to go back to sleep. I didn't stay with him, just repeated our bedtime routine. He still wakes sometimes but usually not crying. He has always listened to music to fall asleep and now he has a cd player next to his bed. When he wakes now he turns his music on and is usually back asleep in minutes. He doesn't even call out usually.

Something that worked for me as a kid though was to have "guardians". I'd line my bed with stuffed animals and sleep in the middle surrounded by them. Because bad dreams couldn't get past them.

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V.W.

answers from Wheeling on

Our children have such tender emotions. Has she seen or heard of thing that could be upsetting her? Give her calm music to listen to. Watch what is around her that might be putting fear in her. Television can imput thought in ones mind. Hold her and continue to say to her that you and Daddy love her. Reasure her with hugs and warm kisses. And always pray to our Heavenly Father for his strong arms of protection.
I hope I have helped.

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A.H.

answers from Wilmington on

A.,

Most kids are afraid of the dark starting at 3 years old. When my son who is now 4 turned 3 and became aware of the dark, he expressed his fears as well. I am a praying woman. Every night I pray with him in regard to his fear of the dark and scary things. It puts him at ease. Small children can sense things we can't always sense in the atmosphere. They can also find things scary from tv, etc. When I pray for him, I pray like this. "Jesus, please protect Bryce while he is sleeping. Put angels all around his bed. Fear, go in the name of Jesus. I speak rest, peace and sweet dreams over Bryce in Jesus Name." I have him repeat it line by line with me. Then he is actually taking authority over the fear himself. It does the trick. He has yet to wake up ever from a bad dream. I believe in the power of prayer. It works. I've seen prayer work in my life, and it's working in my son's life as well.

A.

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