4 1/2 Year Old Sleeping in My Bed

My 5 year old would do the same. It took me 2 years to get her into her own bed and room. It was a long, long process.
It might sound strange, but I would sleep on the floor. That way she would know that I was there if she was scared and she had no reason to come into my room. This kept her in her own bed, but let her know I was there for her. I would move out of the room a little every month and eventally it worked. It was a long, long process that left me with many sleepless nights, but now it was all worth it.
Thank goodness I no longer have to sleep on the floor.

Hi, I am L. and I have a 3 year old who sleeps in my bed also. I have not really put any energy into moving her yet because my 8 year old also went through sleeping with us and now she sleeps in her bed with no problem but i di have suggestions because this is what worked with my friends daughter and this is what my babies doctor told me to do. If your child comes in your room in the middle of the night, no matter what the time, you should wake up and walk her back to her bed, if you have to lay with her in her bed for a while the do so.if she comes in your room again, then do not let her stay, not even for a minute, get up and walk her to her bed, again and again. If you allow her even 5 minutes in your bed it will send a mixed message which is why you should take her back to her room no matter what. Please let me know if you try this and if it works because this summer I have to start this technique as she starts school in september and I need for her to be in her room by then. Thanks and good luck!

my 3 year old does the same thing. he only do it when his father is home. we tried keeping the tv in his room on but he still get up. i complained about the bge bill while his father complained about lack of sleep. i told his father when my 3 year old was a new born to not let him sleep with him whil i was at work(11p-7a)but he didnt listen. history repeating itself. i did the same when i was young. i finally grew out of it.

my 9 yr old son still wants to sleep with me sometimes - he is back and forth between houses which is part of it - mostly he is able to watch things he shouldn't without supervision at his dad's.
To combat this problem I have involved him in solving the problem:
Big Lots - there are 100 piece space sets that glow in the dark for $4.
Black light in his room for the night time
A special toy bought for "protective" qualities - introduce with a special story - say it is one of your own stuffed animals that helped you when you were a child
Creative Visualization - do a thought exercise where they stop the bad guy in their mind - go through the scenerio a few times, so when they close their eyes - this is what they see, give them super powers
Also religious stories also can help.
A sticker chart with a prize for every 5 times they sleep in their own bed.
ANd by all means - use your support system - have others involved to back up that they are a big "girl" now etc. once they have success.
My son is 9 - its quite a different animal at that age. I still always take the time to listen as to why he feels he needs to be with me - and directly address the problem.
These are ideas that have worked for me in the past- the basic thing is to problem solve and stop the source then employ the strategies.

Hi S.!
What worked well for me was that instead of carrying my son back to bed, I started to make him walk back himself (with my help, of course); otherwise he'd be bumping into the doorways & walls! LOL If he came in like right after I put him to bed, then I'd tell him to sleep on the floor - making it VERY uncomfortable for him! He'd fall asleep almost instantly, then I'd make him walk to his comfy bed. After about a week of this, it seemed to work well.

Hope you get lots of great suggestions....I'm new to this site and LOVE IT already!

S. in MA
www.staceyspassions.com

Hi S.,
Just be consistent. As soon as you realize she is in your bed, take her back to her bed. I know how hard it is to get yourself out of bed in the middle of the night, but consistency is the key. If you do it EVERY time, she will soon get the picture that it won't do her any good to get herself out of bed. If she is really scared or upset, tell her she can lie with you for a little bit to calm down, but that you will put her back to bed when falls back asleep. Then a say a little prayer out loud for her to hear about God protecting her and such. Both my sons tried the crawling in bed thing, but after one of us put them back in their bed everytime, they only come in when they are upset or sick. Good luck....
A.

I also have a 4 1/2 year old daughter. My daughter had breathing problems when she was younger and so I have always kept her close by at night. She also is a squirmer and so what I have done now is to have 2 twin beds in her room. one is for her and the other is for me. I will snuggle her when she wakes up or as she is falling asleep, and then go to my "own' bed. This way we are together, but separate. Hope this helps.

I have the same problem with my 4 1/2 year old daughter. I've been telling her if she doesn't sllep in her own bed all night Santa is watching and won't be happy with her. Sometimes if I know she has somewhere to go the next day I tell her you can't go unless you sleep all night in your own bed. If I do hear her I put her back into her own bed but have to be careful that she doesn't wake my 13 month old son. She kicks in bed and all that stuff. I'm hoping that she will grow out of this and yours too.

Hi
I had this problem when my daughter was about that age -- she is now 20!! She would sneak into bed with me and sometimes I didn't notice until she either wet the bed or kicked. What I did was each time I noticed her there -- I would pick her up and bring her to her room and tell her she was a big girl and needed to sleep in her big bed and that mommy was right next door. I got a big teddy bear -- some nights I had to do this about 10 times and yes I got NO sleep!! It took about a month of doing this every night and being consistant before the times of her coming to my bed started decreasing!! It was a long tireing haul, but we got thru it!!

Hi S.,

I know this will sound tough, but if you really are serious about not having your daughter sleep with you every night, this idea will probably work.

I read somewhere that everytime your child climbs into bed with you, you have to walk/carry them back to their room and place them in their own bed. Minimize lights, talking, or any other interaction, because you don't want to reward her with attention for coming into your room. You may have to do it several times the first few nights, and you will be very tired and frustrated, but it will work. It may take 7-10 nights of this, but each night will get better, and you will ultimately be sleeping alone again.

If that seems to rough, then maybe you could just buy one of those doorknob covers to put on the outside of your door, so that she can't open it. My parents did that with me because I had a habit of crawling into bed with them in the middle of the night, and sure I was mad, but it worked. I also found out quickly that if I banged on their door or threw a fit, I would be losing some privelages in the morning.

Hope this helps. Good luck to you!!!

Read this article, and it should answer your request...

Here is an article on Sleeping Through the Night/Middle of the Night Feeding:

Getting Baby to Sleep Through the Night: All babies will fall asleep eventually. Some just need a little more help than others.
By Barbara Solomon

Pulling Baby out of the Crib
Up to the time he was 10 months old, my son David had always been a good sleeper. Then my family moved into a new house, and all of a sudden, all bets were off. He began waking two, sometimes three times a night. I was sure he was just unsettled by the change and would return to his old ways soon. But after we tried every trick in the book only to suffer more sleepless nights, we caved in. One night when he called out, I scooped him up and brought him into our bed. We all slept soundly, and I was feeling pretty good -- until I spoke with a friend later that morning.

"Don't you know that you've opened a can of worms?" she scolded. "Now you'll never get him back into his crib!"

Picturing endless sleepless nights ahead, I panicked, and it's no wonder. Getting a baby to sleep consistently through the night can seem like the ultimate unattainable goal. But after I spent just a few nights leaving my son in his crib when he cried for me and gently encouraging him -- "You're okay, David, just go back to sleep!" -- from the hallway, he quickly resumed his old sleep habits. And experts say that with some patience and effort, most parents will be able to solve their child's sleeping problems, too.

The Impossible Dream
During the first weeks of life, you can't expect a baby to sleep through the night. In fact, there is no typical sleeping pattern for newborns; the only thing you can count on is that they sleep around the clock for varying periods, ranging from a few minutes to a few hours. So why can't they sleep consistently for long periods? Blame it all on biology. An immature brain is the primary reason.

"People have a genetic timing mechanism in their brain that controls sleep, and it takes time for that mechanism to develop," explains Marc Weissbluth, MD, professor of clinical pediatrics at Northwestern University's Feinberg School of Medicine, in Chicago, and author of Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child (Ballantine, 1999). "Think of it like eye color: Babies are born with a genetic predisposition to a certain eye color, but it takes time for that color to be expressed."

A need to feed is another factor. Many experts believe that newborn babies have to eat frequently, particularly breastfed babies: There's no way to tell how much a breastfed baby is eating at each feeding, so breastfeeding mothers may be more likely to fully awaken a stirring baby to feed.

Bottlefed babies, on the other hand, may sleep for longer periods because formula takes longer to digest and leaves baby feeling fuller longer. "But babies who have birth defects and are fed continuously by tube for the first several weeks of life show the same process of sleep maturation as other babies," notes Dr. Weissbluth. He believes that ultimately, "Sleep comes from the brain, not the stomach."

Regardless of studies and experts, until she is at least 6 weeks old, a newborn baby will undoubtedly wake several times during the night. Around the 6-week mark, many babies show subtle signs of organizing their sleep. They may get drowsy at 6 or 7 p.m. and may sleep at night for consecutive blocks of four hours or more.

At about 3 months, most can adhere to a sleep schedule that includes a morning nap, an afternoon nap, and two or more longer blocks of sleep at night. According to a poll of primary caregivers by the National Sleep Foundation (NSF), a nonprofit organization, by 9 months some 70 to 80 percent of babies are sleeping a straight 9 to 12 hours every night.

That's great news -- unless yours is one of the 20 to 30 percent of babies who don't sleep so well. "My son was a horrible sleeper!" recalls Lisa Henahan of Peachtree City, Georgia. "Until he was 15 months, he would sleep for an hour and a half and then wake for an hour -- all night long!"

If your nights sound similar, rest assured, these tips can help parents solve a range of stubborn sleep problems.

Sleep Tight, Baby
To exhausted parents it seems that there are as many sleep issues as there are children. But most babies fall into the following categories:

"My 2-month-old son sleeps all day and is up all night."
A common phenomenon during the early weeks of life, day-night reversals often clear up with a little time and a lot of daylight. Try exposing your baby to bright light or sunshine in the morning hours and keep the lights dim in the evening. It also helps to move your baby to a busy part of the house throughout the day, play with him during the daytime, and wake him for daytime feedings.

Then, keep your interactions with him quiet and subdued at night. As babies approach the age of 6 weeks, they begin to respond more to environmental cues, so it helps to have a bedtime routine such as a bath and a song. It may take several weeks, and a baby this young still probably won't sleep through the night, but he may consolidate his sleep into two large blocks at night.

"My 7-month-old daughter won't sleep through the night. Why?"
From around 6 months on, a baby should be able to make it through the night without a middle-of-the-night feeding and without waking his parents. But that doesn't mean he's sleeping all those hours. The term "sleeping through the night" is misleading, points out Lawrence Balter, PhD, professor of applied psychology at New York University, in New York, and editor of Parenthood in America: An Encyclopedia (ABC-CLIO, 2000). "All people -- including babies -- wake and put themselves back to sleep several times a night without realizing it," he says. "That's something babies need to learn to do."

Some kids learn on their own; others need a little help. There are several ways to teach your baby to soothe himself to sleep. Most of them involve listening to some crying. So how do you stay focused amid the tears? Remember that crying isn't going to harm your baby. And the reward -- a good night's sleep for all -- is worth a few teary nights.

The Ferber Method
"My neighbor has recommended the Ferber method to help my 6-month-old sleep through the night. What is it?"
This method was developed by pediatric sleep expert Richard Ferber, MD, author of Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems (Simon & Schuster, 1986). He advises parents to check periodically on their baby when she awakens at night. Here's a sketch of how it works: On the first night, when you hear your baby cry, you go in, give her a reassuring pat, and then leave. If she's crying 5 minutes later, you repeat the process, but this time you wait 10 minutes before going in, increasing the time in five-minute increments. The second night, you start at 10 minutes. Dr. Ferber's system has worked for many families.

"We're trying the Ferber method for my 7-month-old, but I can't stand the crying. Is there another, less drastic way to sleep-train my baby?"
There are also ways of making gradual changes within the routine you already have, notes Jodi Mindell, PhD, associate director of the Sleep Disorders Center at The Children's Hospital of Philadelphia and author of Sleeping Through the Night (HarperCollins, 1997). If you've been putting your baby to sleep by rocking her in a chair, for example, start by just sitting in the chair together. "Then choose the next step -- putting your baby in his crib and holding his hand.

"A few days later, you can sit three feet away from your child's bed," Mindell says. Within a few weeks, you should be able to work yourself out of the bedroom.

"We've tried the Ferber method. My 6-month-old becomes enraged every time we go in to soothe him. Any suggestions?"
Some children respond better to a cold-turkey approach. If your baby cries, you don't go in her room (some parents call reassuringly from the hall). This is not for the faint of heart, and, as Balter points out, is better for younger babies. An 8-month-old may be able to sit or stand in her crib, which makes it hard for her to settle down if her calls aren't answered.

More Sleep Issues
"My 9-month-old insists on a 3 a.m. feeding. How can I get her to give it up?"
For many parents, a final obstacle to an uninterrupted night is that middle-of-the-night feeding. If your baby no longer needs to be fed at night (check with your pediatrician to be sure), simply stop giving him the bottle or breast when he calls for it. Alternatively, you can use a sequence of progressive steps, which might include offering him diluted formula or breast milk for a few nights and then gradually replacing it with water. He may not find it as appealing as milk, and, subsequently, won't cry for it.

"My 10-month-old son used to sleep through the night, but lately he's been waking up all the time."
Chances are, there's been some change, however subtle, in your child's routine. Everything from a vacation to an illness to an overnight guest can disrupt a young child's sleep schedule and cause her to awaken and need comforting. Some parents report that developmental milestones, such as learning to walk or use the potty, can also upset sleep patterns.

"When a child takes a developmental leap forward, neurons are firing and there are probably connections being made in the brain," says Mindell. "It's no wonder their sleep is disrupted." Most babies are also keen on practicing their new skills; when they wake in the night, sleep takes second place to getting up on all fours or babbling.

At times like this, you may need to repeat old steps, such as sitting in your baby's room for a few nights and gradually working your way back out. But don't despair; experts say children with established good sleep patterns will return to them pretty quickly.

"How can I get my 8-month-old to go to sleep at the same time every night?"
If your baby isn't sleepy at the same time every night, her daytime sleep routine may need tweaking. "Make sure to wake her at the same time each morning, keep naptimes consistent, and avoid letting baby nap after 4 p.m. A reasonable bedtime for a baby this age is around 7 or 7:30 p.m. If she wakes from a nap at 5:30, she's not going to be sleepy enough to go to bed then," says Mindell.

One strategy to avoid, however, is shortening her naps in the hope that this will make her sleepier at night. The fact is, overtired children have a hard time falling asleep. And evidence shows that babies aren't getting enough sleep as it is. Many experts recommend that infants ages 3 to 11 months get 14 to 15 hours of sleep daily, but according to the NSF poll, most babies get fewer than 13 hours.

Even if you've succeeded in creating a great sleeper, remember that every child occasionally has wakeful periods. When this happens, reassure yourself that you're not going to be sleepless forever. Says Peggy Nona, a Rochester, Minnesota, mother with two school-age girls, "I used to worry about getting them to bed at night; now I worry about getting them out in the morning!"

Barbara Solomon is a mother of three and a writer in Scarsdale, New York.

Originally published in American Baby magazine, July 2004.

In addition to that....

A local parenting coach wrote this:

I know that Dr. Ferber is less strict than he used to be about getting kids to sleep. However, his techniques are still very useful for kids that have actually taught themselves to stay up and/or to demand/expect a parent to be with them until they actually fall asleep. Also watch one of the Nanny TV shows for examples of being firm yet loving with setting limits.

Briefly, the basic idea is that you (1) stop paying any attention to your child after their bedtime--no hugs, kisses, stories and no yelling either. Just make believe they are little critters that you are putting back where they belong. and then, if necessary (2) let them cry themselves to sleep. Also, and actually first, develop a bedtime routine and STICK TO IT! Letting them cry is very hard, and against some people's principles. What we did when my daughter was little (she is now 21) was put her to bed with the musical mobile playing. If she was still crying when the music stopped (less than 5 minutes) we would go in to her. This happened very rarely. I felt that a short period of crying was not a trauma and having her go to sleep on her own was a learned response. It worked and we had very few bedtime hassles.

Good luck,

Marion
Coach and parent
Marion C. Bloch, Psy. D.
____@____.com
www.mayaresources.com

My 3 year old started doing this when my baby was born and I thought my husband and I would divorce over it! In my sleep deprived state, I would throw a fit while my husband was happy to snuggle. Anyway,we sat down and talked about how important it is that mommy and daddy get sleep and that we all sleep better in our own beds and told her that daily if she woke at night she would not be allowed to watch her favorite show, and if she did stay in bed all night she got to print her favorite picture. You could substitute punishments and award appropriate for your child. It did not work right away, but in time when she saaw we meant it, she did better and better and now rarely gets up

This is probably going to sound harsh, but can you lock your door? It might be better if you go sit with her in her bed when she gets scared. That is what my parents always did for us. We were never allowed in there bed unless it was Christmas or Easter morning and they didn't want to get up yet. She needs to know that you are there for her, but she also needs to know that your bed is yours. So, if you are able to lock your door, she is probably going to make enough noise to wake you up, so that you can comfort her in her own bed, instead of waiting until she is comfortable in your bed (and making you uncomfortable). It will probably be really hard at first, but it won't be life scarring as long as she is still getting some sort of comfort. It sounds like she is getting a lot of love from you already, but for you to get some peace at night, it just might need to be given in a different place.

I have a 2 1/2 year old and we are getting ready to take down the crib rail and turn his crib into a toddler bed. I am nervous about how he will react, and I hope I can follow my own advice. He sleeps in a room with his 1 year old sister and I certainly don't want him to wake her up, but a few rough nights I think will be worth it in the end, when he sleeps in a big boy bed without bothering us. *crossing fingers*

Good luck