My 4-year old daughter is having a very hard time when I drop her off at preschool. She cries and clings to me, not wanting me to go. She is the oldest of three kids. She goes to a home daycare two days a week and we have gone to early childhood family ed classes together since she was a baby. When I pick her up she is happy. The teachers say she does calm down. Any ideas on how to help her have a smoother dropoff? I have heard about the book The Kissing Hand so would like to get that. TIA!
Short and sweet goodbye, I will be back to get you, I love you, have a great day! It takes about 20 days to get use to it. It's hard for her because she is part time. Possibly daddy can drop her off? Thanks for the book reference, nice tittle.
Our elementary school gave us "The Kissing Hand" to read to our kindergarteners. It was very cute, and might help her a lot. Before you know it, she'll be over her anxieties about leaving you. To quote Darius Rucker, "It won't be like this for long!"
I have gone through this 1.5 times (in the midst of it with my second : ). It is a phase, and it's good she's happy when you pick her up. As much as you can, keep calm during the drop off. Be loving, take your time, but don't hesitate. Have a routine, i.e. put away backpack, kiss, hug, tell her you love her and go.... it's hard, but it let's them know you love them and they know what to expect. My older one, now in Kindergarten... will somedays walk into the room and wave to me (without turning around)!!! Good luck - I know it wrenches at your heart : )
The lovely little book How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Faber and Mazlish, shows how real-life parents have successfully handled all sorts of classic parenting issues, including the clinging child. I think you'll find this book to be an amazing resource that you'll reach for repeadedly. I've been a fan since I started using their techniques with my grandson almost 3 years ago. Brilliant book; it will teach you how to help your daughter become a problem-solver, too.
Maybe do some role-playing. Play dollhouse with her and set up the preschool drop off scenario and be the kid that doesn't cry at drop off, and has a great time at school. Or teach her a mantra, like my DD's is " I am brave, I am smart, I am loved " and she repeats it over and over when she gets nervous. It was actually " I am brave, I am safe, I am loved " when I suggested it to her, but she changed it to smart. ha! When she was going potty in a porta-potty a few days after I taught it to her, I could hear her repeating it over and over under her breath.
Been there. I have a newbie in preschool now. We did end up getting some books: preschool day hurray, bye bye time, my first day of nursery school, and the night before preschool.
In addition to reading those several times, I started talking with her and asked her if she can help the kids who are crying. I'd say, "do you know how to be a good friend? If you see kids who are crying because they are sad or they want their mom, can you talk to them and tell them that 'it's okay, your mom will be back to get you pretty soon'". Then I tell her how she'll be such a good helper if she can do this.
Usually we don't see any kids crying, but I remind her of this on our way to preschool.
I also keep the goodbyes really short & calm. "bye! I'll be back in a little bit!". In fact, the first couple times when it was difficult I had to tell her that I'll just be out waiting in the car. (of course I wasn't, but in her mind it calmed her down thinking I was just outside in the car).
So far it's been going well. I wish you the best!
the kissing hand is a great book. I say yes get it. However that said keep your goodbyes short and do not let her cling. Firmly tell her you love her, mommy has to go & will pick her up after school & then leave. If you let her cling you are just reinforcing the behavior. Over time the clingyness will subside (although there will still be times when it will pop back up). As soon as you are gone she will be fine, she is just looking for a reaction from you.
As a preschool teacher who has seen it from the other side, I want to assure you that she probably calms down pretty quickly, and that the crying/sadness doesn't stay with her all day. So from that perspective, you should know that this is normal behavior for some kids, that it doesn't mean that anything really wrong is happening, and that it will end soon. I hope that relieves your worries.
The one thing you can do is *not worry* about it; any stress you are feeling she will pick up on, and it will magnify the intensity of her reaction. You being really calm and confident (and not staying for long to prolong the crying) will help a TON.
I know it's hard, but everything will be fine, really soon. Hang in there.
At that age my son did much better if I hung out quietly until he became engaged in an activity. When we would arrive he would show me a couple things, then I would tell him that I will stay and watch for a short time off to the side. As soon as he would engage in an activity he didn't care any more if I left. But if I tried to say goodbye at the door he would cling and resist. You know your child best so figure out what will work for her to make a smooth transition. One solution does not work for every kid.
Try giving her a key or something special so she knows you'll be back to pick her up. I was able to leave for the first time ever by just talking it over with her the week before, night before, day of, then just telling her, "I'm going to work now and daddy will be here at circle time to pick you up, okay?" she said okay and kissed me and I left! Giving them a clue when you'll be back or the exact time will help, and playdates with other classmates outside of school will help them feel more comfortable being around those people when you're gone.
