4 Month Old, Pacifier, Swaddler, Frustrated!! This Post Is Ong but Please Help!

Updated on December 08, 2011
S.K. asks from Plano, TX
12 answers

Ok Mommies...I'm at my wit's end. My 4 month old, who is my second, was a great sleeper (he was sleeping from about 10pm to 4am, eating quick, then sleeping till 7:30am). A couple weeks ago everything changed.

He now wakes up every 2-3 hours. I was feeding him each time because he seemed hungry. We had his 4 month checkup this week and the dr said it could be that he needs some solids (he's a big boy) so we're doing oatmeal cereal before the last 2 bottles of the day. He's loving it. She told us that he should be able to go 6-8 hours at this point given his weight and development. So we were hoping that with the addition of the oatmeal he would just start sleeping that long again, but no such luck. He continues to wake every 2-3 hours and he now needs a pacifier to fall and stay asleep. Before, he liked the paci and we used it when he was particularly worked up to soothe him but he was able to stay asleep when it came out or we took it out of his mouth. Not anymore.

The other issue is the swaddler - he doesn't seem to like being swaddled anymore (he squirms and struggles to free his hands/arms), but if we don't swaddle him then he knocks the paci out of his mouth with his hand and then cries until we put it back.

As an example, here's how last night went:
7pm: ate oatmeal from a spoon then had a 4 oz bottle. I swaddled him, gave him paci, and put him down still awake and he fell asleep.
10:45pm: fed him 5 oz bottle. He fell totally asleep eating it so no paci was needed to put him back down at that point, still swaddled. 12:00am: fussing and struggling with swaddler and looking to suck. Put paci back in his mouth, he fell asleep but I didn't notice that he'd nearly worked his hand out of the swaddler so about 20 min later (just after I'd fallen back to sleep), started crying again. I went back, tightened the swaddler, put paci back.
4:15am: I fed him, re-swaddled him, but he was squirmy and restless still as I put him down and after a few min started working his hands out so I gave in and gave him the paci.
6:00am: same thing, had to stick paci back in his mouth. Ugh.

So my questions which are all interrelated:

1. How can I tell if he's ready to self-soothe/be trained including possibly some CIO?
2. Regarding the pacifier, how can I get away from getting up a few times between feedings just to stick it in his mouth?
3. Regarding the swaddler, what should I do about the fact that he doesn't seem to like it but without it the paci doesn't stay put for more than a few seconds? Its crossed my mind that maybe he wants to suck his thumb/fingers/hands and that this could solve the issue of him needing the paci, but so far he just gets more worked up when the paci is out even with his hand there, and plus many people have told me that a paci dependency is better than the thumb since I can take it away at some point.

Help! I need sleep!

What can I do next?

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E.K.

answers from Seattle on

Oh am I in the same boat!! Ok...here's what I'm doing with my 4mo old, and it's working well so far.

1) Swaddler: My DD hated being swaddled, but can't sleep without it. So, we got a "Woombie" and she love it!! (http://woombie.com/) It keeps her arms away from her face, but she can still move her arms around and even stretch out a bit. Try it! It's been a lifesaver.

2) We did a little CIO with DD (in terms of going to sleep), and she's been totally fine. And she's 4.5 months. We do the cry for 5 minutes, go back in to comfort (without picking up), if still crying, wait 10 minutes and repeat. We haven't done that at night when she loses her paci, but I'm about to start trying it. We knew she was ready for a little kind CIO when I knew her cries. I knew she wasn't in pain; I knew she wasn't hungry; etc. Honestly, she was ready and she did great!

All in all, good luck! I'm hoping for more sleep...for both of us! Message me if you need to commiserate!

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T.C.

answers from Minneapolis on

We went through the same thing but ours never liked to be swaddled. Tge only thing we could figure out to do was ride it out. At about 5 months he could put his nuk in his mouth by himself. I would put 3 or 4 in the crib so he could easily find one. I know it sucks!! Good luck

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S.T.

answers from Portland on

Well, I have been there. My oldest woke up every hour every night for the first year. Please don't take this as meaning that I think you will be this sleep deprived for a year it may be another week, another month, but there will be a point where their sleep will get better! My son started off as a good sleeper up to about 3 months. I sadly had bragged about his good sleeping to my fellow new moms. Anyway, I have learned that not all children are the same and no matter what advice I give it may or may not be of any help. It may be that he just needs something or someone to sooth him. This was the case with my son. In retrospect I wish I had co-slept. At the time I thought Co-sleeping was something I was 100 percent sure wasnt for me. I was very focused on getting him into his own bed. I did co-sleep with my second son and he also woke up alot but he always seemed hungry. I did nurse him frequently at night but was able to go back to sleep very quickly. However, Co-sleeping is not for everyone and you shouldn't do it if you don't feel comfortable with it. Now with the question of swadding the information I got and seemed to apply to my situation was once a baby starts to squirm out of a swaddle you should consider no longer swadding. My son was a Houdini and could get out of the tighest swaddle and he managed to get the swaddle up around his head (with his knees folded up of course) so with us it was somewhat of a safety issue.
As for CIO I do believe that 4 months was too young for that. I can't remember if it is 6 or maybe even 9 months before the "experts" recommend you try that.
Good luck to you and please try to hold on to the fact that this will pass and someday you will sleep again.

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H.M.

answers from Denver on

He might be a thumb sucker - my daughter started fighting the swaddle around the same time and discovered her thumb - the rest is history.

As for his sleeping - it doesn't sound that off/bad to me - he seems to be sleeping for a good stretch before waking. Perhaps it is a growth spurt...

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S.W.

answers from Minneapolis on

Well, I've never heard of a baby following a formula for sleep (age x weight / oz of cereal = hours of sleep??) ;-) Your son sounds pretty normal to me, and this is probably just a transition phase in his sleep patterns.

I would try leaving off the swaddle, and I might try helping him find his thumb. No one goes to college sucking their thumb, and it might help him let you sleep.

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M.G.

answers from Chicago on

I've read that CIO shouldn't be used until a baby is six months or older. This gives the baby plenty of time to develop trust in you which, in turn, creates higher self esteem. It could be that your baby is going through a growth spurt. Our little girl just went through something very similar at four months (also a very big baby right now). We waited it out and at 4.5 months she began sleeping through the night again. The doctor said it was the growth spurt that typically comes between 6-9 months, but for some reason she hit it early.

Your son should start rolling over soon, so the swaddle won't last much longer. Two of my three kids are thumb suckers. Yes, you can ditch the pacifier at some point, but I've never had to walk back in their rooms to put it back in either of their mouths. One of my kids took the pacifier until three months. I hated having to go back in. If it were me, I would try breaking the pacifier and swaddler all at once.

Try a sound machine. My daughter is five months, and when we put on the white noise she is out almost instantly. If not, she starts sucking her thumb and quickly falls asleep. Good luck!

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❤.M.

answers from Los Angeles on

-I think he's too young to CIO.

-He may be ready to not be swaddled (my son stopped @ 5 1/2 mos). Just make sure he has on some warm pj's. (Not sure if he should have a thin blanket?)

-I don' think he's too young to be abel to find his paci himself while trying to sleep.

-Some kids don't suck their thumb.

-He's too young to sleep through the night (some people will tell you that their kids did which is great but most do not at this age).

-His ped said it was ok to give him cereal already (not too young)?

-Thumb vs. paci vs. blankie vs. favorite stuffed animal. It's all the same. Every baby has something. Just like us adults: do we have a favorite place to park at Target, a favorite blanket to put on the bed, our favorite shoes because they are comfy?

-May be waking because he's hungry. Try feeding him more formula or breast milk when he's waking up instead of just giving him back his paci (they usually feed every 2-3 hrs 2 this age).

Feed him more often (2-3 hrs instead of the paci), make sure his diaper is changed, he's warm, he has a blankie or warm Pj's (again make sure abt the age for a blanket).

At that age my son, woke up every 3 hrs for a diaper change & a bottle of 3 oz at a time, fell back asleep in my arms usually then I would lay him back down to sleep.
If you can at least sleep when he does, that will help!
Hang in there! It does get better!

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L.D.

answers from Dallas on

Well... I just suffered through it and kept getting up with my kids - neither took a paci, but I would nurse them and then put them back in bed. Eventually, they started dropping the night time feedings by themselves but it took a LONG TIME to get to a full night sleep. My daughter, now almost two, still sometimes gets up @ 3:00.

However, my pediatrician was very disapproving of this method (They dont need all that food! They are learning bad sleep habits!). He told me at about 4 months (or maybe even younger?) that I could put them to bed @ 10:00 and shut the door, and not go back in again until 6:00. Just let them cry. Eventually, they would learn to sleep all night.

Will your baby go to sleep when you put him down awake? But then just cant stay asleep? Does he ever go to sleep without the swaddle and paci?

I think I would try, starting at naps, to put him down with no paci and/or swaddle. Let him fuss and cry but not to the point that he is absolutely hysterical. He will probably adapt pretty quickly to no paci and swaddle.

Good luck!

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L.C.

answers from Dallas on

What happened two months ago? Did he get his shots and then this happened? This same thing happened to us and it was a reaction to the vaccines. The doctors will tell you that is not it but I witnessed it (among thousands of other moms)!
Lc

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D.B.

answers from Dallas on

I've read some of the responses, and have to respectfully submit a different opinion. As the mother of 8 children (yep, 8 babies from 8 pregnancies all with the same mother/father) and a Neurodevelopmental Specialist, I see these things through the long-term perspective.

First--sucking is a reflex (official name Babkin Palmomental Reflex) and while it does integrate, it NEVER goes away or becomes habit. It is the basis for chewing and swallowing and the foundation of speech.

Please let your baby out of the straight jacket, uh oh, I mean swaddler. Before your child was born you and your doctor would have been ALARMED if your child didn't move. Movement is a sign of health. Please don't inhibit his movement---movement in sleep precedes movement in the waking hours. Movement = brain organization. Very important.

You may want to check out www.babywhisperer.com . They have a forum where some very reasonable, experienced folks can help.

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D.B.

answers from Charlotte on

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M.M.

answers from Chicago on

He's ready to be sleep trained. And he's figured out that if he yells, you come.
Whatever method you choose, just be vigilant with it. When you sleep train, you won't need to worry about giving him the paci or swaddling him. He'll learn to soothe on his own.

If you do full on CIO, it will work the fastest. 2 days-week/. Depends on how stubborn he is. He's NOT too young for this. Most peds I know (and friends that have done it) did it at 12 weeks. He's plenty old. If you choose other methods, they will work, just not as quickly.
Good luck!

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