I have a 4 month old daughter, and I can't put her down. Every time I put her down she screams. I give her toys to keep her entertained but nothing helps! She also will not nap unless I nurse her to sleep, and then if I try to lay her down she wakes right back up. Swaddling used to work, but it doesn't anymore. I am not a fan of CIO. I tried baby wearing, but due to chronic back pain I can't. She uses a binky, and also sucks her thumb (though I try to give her a binky every time I see her sucking). She used to sleep through the night, but the last week or so she is constantly awake. I would say she is only sleeping 8 hours or less in a 24 hour period. I am at my wits end! I also have a 5 year old son, who desperately wants my attention. I feel like every minute of my time is devoted to my daughter. I also live with my in laws, and though my MIL understands me not being able to help around the house, my FIL criticizes my lack of help. I don't know what to do anymore. I am physically and emotionally exhausted, and its also really stressing me out! How can I get her to be ok with playing by herself, and get her to start napping.
*Please no bashing, I have come here for advice, not criticism*
Call your pedi and make sure it's not an ear infection or reflux. Lying flat with these hurts so she would cry a lot.
She is 4 months old. CIO will not work, and she can't "play" with herself. If FIL wants you to help, he can bloody well hold her to help keep her comfortable, or he can shut up.
She needs to learn to self-soothe, doesn't she? Yes, it could be an ear infection or teething (my son got his first tooth at 4 months so it does happen), but you're not helping her by constantly being by her side. She's got to get more sleep because now she's just overly exhausted. She may be very susceptible to outside stimuli, so sometimes you can calm them by providing something that blocks out noises. Infants sometimes respond to one of those heartbeat machines (we had one hidden inside a teddy bear), or you can use a white noise machine or one of those dust filters that provides constant sound. Of course, by the time you figure it out, she'll probably move out of this phase and into another!
And definitely get your husband to deal with his father. That's ridiculous. Or put your FIL in charge of the baby while you help out with some housework. That will shut him up! I'd suggest you take your son and go somewhere for the day, letting someone else deal with the baby and the other nonsense. That will give you a break, give your son some special time with his mom, and someone else can try some strategies with the baby since they think it's so simple.
My only advice is this - hang in there! My daughter didn't sleep anywhere but in my arms for the first 8 months of her life. It was hell. If I put her down she screamed, so I held her. By 12 months she was sleeping 12 hours at night plus 2 naps (2 hours each). Suddenly I was in heaven :)
This baby of mine is now 11 years old. To this day she needs very little sleep. She is almost to the point of going to bed after me, and getting up before me.
One thing that may make you feel better - I have always heard that high strung kids like this are actually very intelligent (but really, who knows?) I can say though, that my daughter is a straight A student and part of the gifted and talented program!
So, none of that really helps you now. Like I said, hang in there. I KNOW how painful it is. Seriously, I remember it like it was yesterday. It won't last forever.
Sounds like an ear infection or sinus infection.
That's the waving red flag, by the by... When they scream bloody myrder when you go to lay them flat.
1) Doctor. She'll need antibiotics.
It can ALSO be a sign of teething. OR other low level pain. Just FINE in the daytime when there's interesting stuff to keep their attention... But when they're tired, they can't sleep, because it hurts.
2) Tylenol
((This was a huge lesson for me; "Tge Tylenol Test". Meaning, if my son CONKED put for 4 hours after Tylenol... Then it was pain keeping him awake. Sometimes the reason for the pain was not immediately apparent. Sometimes it was.. But if Tylenol 'worked' then I needed to find out what was going on. Some things that were happening that weren't obvious wee: Sinus infection, yeast infection, urinary tract infection, dislocated toe. When Tylenol 'works' it almost always means a doctor trip. Teething & diaper rash were the only 2 that didn't))
You are getting great advice! Think about it this way: if someone is holding and cuddling you, you are warm and snuggly with someone who loves you, you wouldn't want to be put down either! She has to learn to sleep on her own, that is why I don't hold or rock any of my daycare babies to sleep, I always put them down while they are at least a little bit awake. You may be trying to not let her cry as much because you are living with the in-laws and don't want to disturb them, it will benefit everyone in the long run to get her trained to self soothe.
Good Luck!
M.
I babysit my granddaughter. I must admit I rock her to sleep and sometimes let her nap in my arms. Her Mom does not mind. However I can put her down without a problem. What I do is keep her toasty warm. Lay her on her fluff.y blanket and the wrap her up. She loves it. And she sleeps well. Now for all that say I should not hold her , I say I know but if her mom and dad need to work then she should get as much love as she can during the day.
On the weekend she sleeps in her crib without a problem too. So I love holding her and she loves it. No harm done. Have to admit though she is a very easy going, flexible six month old. Not all babies are like her. Do what works best for you.
If this just started, you may want to check that it's not an ear infection. My daughter would cry every time I put her down when she had one, the change in pressure to laying down hurt her little ears.
Have you considered co-sleeping? It was when my oldest was about 4 months old that I tried it. I was desperate for sleep and didn't feel like nursing him sitting up in the middle of the night, so I just put him next to me and nursed him lying down. I fell right back to sleep. When I woke up, he was next to me in bed sound asleep. Wow!!!
After that, I began doing it each night. Oh my gosh, I finally got some sleep. At nap time I would place him in the center of our bed, nurse him to sleep and sloooowly role away.
We did this until he was about 16 months (I didn't nurse him that long, but we did let him sleep in our bed), we put him in his own bed. He would often wake in the middle of the night and join us. We were ok with that. By the time he was 2 years old, he was done with that as well (his decision). Just wanted to let you know that if you do decide to try it, you won't be stuck with her in your bed forever!
Try it! If you need to make a change when she's a little older, you'll be able to transition her. But in the mean time, you'll finally get some sleep ... and some housework done!
Get the book HEALTHY SLEEP HABITS HAPPY CHILD!!! Your child needs to learn to soothe herself to sleep and that is going to take some tears - don't think of it as crying because she is hurt/sick, think of it as more of a tantrum/protest. She WANTS to be held and you are GIVING IN to her want. She NEEDS to learn to sleep by herself...Think of it like a tantrum in the grocery store line...Your daughter wants candy (aka to be held always). She is going to scream and cry until she gets it. You give it to her (aka you hold her) she is going to keep fighting to get her way. If you ride it out, she will eventually learn how to help herself sleep. THEN, when she wakes in the middle of the night, she is able to soothe herself back to sleep rather than cry for you to help her fall back asleep.
I didn't like the cry it out method either, but then I read the book (recommended by a friend) and was AMAZED at the results. My son is 2.5 and I still turn to the book for help and advice when my son hits a new stage. :-) Good luck!!
this is not criticism - honest. the fact is either she cries, or you keep holding her. i'm sorry but that's the god's honest truth. babies have no other way to tell you they are ticked. and that's all it would be- she's mad because it's not what she's used to. so, again. either she cries, or you continue to hold her. that is, barring any health issues like the ladies have already suggested.
Oh my goodness, you sound like you have the same situation that I did! Actually, still do lol my daughter is 6 months old and if you read any of my previous posts, they are about her sleeping habits and or crying. She cries EVERYTIME I put her down and when she was your daughters age 2 months ago, sleep was NOT in her book. I felt like she NEVER slept lol I admit, I do give in and hold her a lot however there are some things I have changed. The reason I've always held her is because we live with my dad right now so I dont want to disturb him with her crying. BUT, I've been told by her doctor and my friends that in the long run it will work out better if I change things NOW. I have let her cry in her excersaucer or jumper or whatever if I know she's fed, changed, etc. I won't let her carry on for hours, but I do feel that I show her she's okay not to be held all the time. I have a 5 and 6 year old that need my attention, too so if she's taken care of, I spend time with them even if she doesn't like it. May sound mean, but I am the parent and I am the one who deals with this daily. Also, as far as sleeping goes, I was at my wits ends when she was about 4 months and while I wasn't a fan of crying it out, I had no other option. I let her CIO and now at 6 months, she is sooooo much easier to lay down AND she actually NAPS during the day. She did NOT nap before. I just keep telling myself this too shall pass lol it won't be like this forever...but right now it IS hard and I'm glad this was our last child lol :) hugs to you! If you want to message me, you can...I will not bash you in any way, only support.
Google wonder weeks
I agree with others in taking her to the doctor and have her checked for medical causes. If all those are cleared, I would recommend just hanging in there. I know it's hard, but she really won't do this much longer. It sounds like she has a great, strong attachment to you - which is a GOOD thing! As for your 5 year old, I would put her in a carrier (while sitting down - so less strain on your back) and then play with him. You can even hold them both while you read him a story. Or just carry her with one arm while you play with him. I know it's hard, but you can give them both the attention they need at the same time. Good luck and it really won't be like this for long. She'll outgrow it soon enough. :)
I agree with the ladies, take her the ped and check for anything obvious that may be off. I was in the same position however, with a non-sleeping infant and a five year old. It was so tough. I just got her to sleep at two years old. I WISH I had done that sooner... i always assumed something was wrong, but it was really that I always gave her a bottle and then laid down with her and then I would give her bottles though out the night just to get her back to sleep bc I was so desperate.
This is where it changed for me. I never believed in the cry it out either, yet when I realized her lack of sleep not only impacted me, but both my kids, then I stayed with her and let her cry herself to sleep and then let her cr in the middle of the night when she didn't get a bottle. I sleep with her, so this made sense to me to stay with her. Worked in 2.5 days. I know your little on is much younger, but just to keep in mind in the coming months. I started to get so easily agitated and had little patience. It got to a point where I would rather be at work than come him to my kids. That is terrible! I was so sleep deprived, it was sick. I was up bw 4-7 times a night and having to do all of the seven year old homework and routine on top of that.
So, the point to my rambling is that once i ruled out any health issues for the non-sleeping, i realized that I had totally created that and just happened to have the child that never slept naturally anyway (if there is such a thing). My son didn't sleep until he was five, yet it's easier when there is on of them. I know this is tough...but look up a few gentle sleep methods for a younger infant and see if there is anything that fits just outside of your comfort level. Unfortunately, our comfort levels are what keeps us in certain situations that aren't healthy for anyone. Good luck!!!
People are saying hang in there, but I don't think they are responding to you from an empathetic view point. It's easy to say, but when you are the one who is exhausted and ready to break emotionally and mentally, hang in there doesn't really help.
Truly, the only way I can see getting her out of the habit of being held all the time is to put her down and let her cry. There is no magic pill or anything else that's going to stop it right now. It's going to be a process.
I would try to help out your MIL by putting the baby in a baby seat, car seat or swing in the same room you are working in and then just talk to her while you work. She will probably cry, but she will be able to see you and if you speak/sing to her in a softer voice, she may quiet down so she can hear you.
Good luck.
Have her checked for an ear infection.
our son started doing this around three months. he would scream if we put him down. finally we realized he had ear infections. we had to get tubes in his ears at 10 months old due to the multiple ear infections. about a year ago i was informed ear infections in infants might be cured with a criopractor! we could smell his infection in his ear before a fever would come. it smelled like an infection or a foul body smell.
Make sure she is warm enough... put her in a couple of layers, if necessary. Use an undershirt or thin sleeper, then put a thicker (fleece) sleeper over that..... I did that with you kids when you were little, also, and it did help. (I used an undershirt, thin sleeper, and blanket sleeper, and it really helped you kids sleep better in the winter.
Can you use large safety pins to help keep the blanket wrapped/swaddled tightly? I can also sew some velcro straps on the flannel blankets to help keep them wrapped tighter around her.
Come down Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday, and Gavin will get some extra attention from Kay before she goes back to Korea, and G.G. before she goes back to Nevada..... We'll help out that way, anyway......
If it's only been the last week or so, then yes I agree maybe she's got an ear infection or something. I would check it out. Other than that, it's possible she could be teething, although it's a little early, but not out of the question.
As far as the in law situation, I would get your husband to talk to them for you and stick up for you when/if your FIL makes comments.
I do feel like 4 months is a transition time for sure though. My kids sort of went from happy-go-lucky, sleeping anywhere babies to needing more structure, napping in their quiet cribs and setting a more consistent routine at this age. So, maybe it's just time to move into the next realm.
As far as your son, it's so hard. I would try to involve him as much as you can with the baby stuff, have him be your special helper, etc. Then find things you can do with him while holding the baby like maybe playing a game, coloring, taking him to the park, or even snuggling him while watching a show on TV.
Hang in there!
My son is almost 4 months, and a couple of weeks ago we went through something similar. He always plays by himself (he's just an independent baby, been that way since he was born!), and typically he sleeps wonderfully, but we had a span of about 11 days where he wouldn't fall asleep, wouldn't stay asleep, etc. I *think* it was part of a growth spurt that just worked itself out. I also went to the Baby Sleep Site (babysleepsite.com) and read a lot of the stuff on there, particularly about 4 month sleep regression. Maybe some of the info there can help you. Just wanted to share that my baby went through this without any health concerns, so please don't jump to the worst possible conclusion! I hope she gets back into a good sleep pattern like my baby did, and you all can get some rest!!
