4 Year Old Biting at Preschool

I second the trip to the pediatrician. Do you think there is some overall stress with the preschool that is contributing. I know preschools are supposed to be play based but if its a pretty academic or fast paced program that is too hard for him added to the stress of a big life change maybe he is having difficulty coping.
You mention the other kid is about at the same level developmentally. Are there other developmental concerns that could be impacting him? I just ask because maybe there are some services you could access to help prepare him for kindergarten. Sometimes some language delays can really increase frustration which increases poor behavior.

I am not surprised that the teacher hasn't had an incident of biting in that age group - it is very unusual for kids of this age to bite. Even more so, to bite hard enough to break the skin.

I would at a minimum schedule an appointment with your child's pediatrician. If for no other reason, to show the preschool that you are taking this very seriously. With this being your little guy's first introduction to preschool, it might simply be because of everything being so new and exciting. However, there is a possibility of an underlying issue and the best time to address it is before kindergarten. You do mention that he has had some anger issues that you have worked on and improved on, but you are working with him in a controlled environment - your home, and those skills may be difficult for him to transfer to a new environment.

When you meet with the school, letting them know that you have scheduled a peds apt will be a big help, but I would also ask them what kind of consequences are they giving for this behavior, are they always consistent even with different staff? Are they consistent with what you are doing at home (I realize he really isn't biting at home, but just generally for undesirable behaviors).

Good luck! I know it is super frustrating and scary that your child could be asked to leave, but hopefully between you, the pediatrician, and the school, some really good ideas will come out.

Our kid's daycare used to assign a shadow to the biter and to the bitee for a week or longer as needed. The shadow would stay in close proximity and in the case of the biter and bitee, praise them for using their words, and keep them from getting too close to another kid.

Best,
F. B.

Honestly I've rarely heard about a kid who bit hard enough to break skin.
That is really hard biting - and if it was my kid being bit - I'd be pretty upset.
What you have here are two kids who are great together up to a point and then escalation of small troubles quickly goes ballistic.
How big is the class room?
How many kids per adult ratio?
What I'm thinking needs to happen at school is the kids need to be closely monitored - and they need to be split up before the kicking and biting start up.
Yeah it's a pain for the adults to listen to tattling, whining and complaints but in a preschool class it kind of comes with the job.

Your son is getting better and maturing slowly but surely.
Our son went through biting briefly (he bit me - only me - and he never broke skin) but he was about 2 and he was well over it by 4.

From what I understand, biting is a last resort and a sign of major frustration for a kid. So if he's biting, he must be REALLY upset, especially if he doesn't do it at home.

Try to use the "how would you feel if... " in conversations. It's a bridge to empathy and can be helpful in explaining why not to do something.

My sister used to be a biter. Once after she bit me, my mom bit her to show her what it felt like. She never bit again.

Obviously he is incredibly frustrated when he is not getting his way and feels his friend is being unfair. And he is unable to handle his feelings properly. I would go over scenarios with stuffed animals with him and practice how he can handle it when he is very angry. I would also have a serious talk with him about how he is NEVER to bite another child and that if he does this ever ever again he is going to get in big trouble when he gets home and xxx will be the consequence from mom and dad. Pick something that he will really really dislike. Also, make him apologize to his friend...perhaps make a "I'm sorry" card with him and have him draw on it and then deliver it at school. Send it with a note to the parents saying how very sorry you are and that you are working with your son to make sure this does not happen again.

He's not old enough to "choose" to mind and not bite. It's a reflex action. So it's not something he thinks out. Like...I'm pissed so I'll just go bite that sucker. He doesn't have that cognitive ability.

Find out if the child care center has any experience in chew therapy. If they are a quality child care center then they should be aware of it. BUT since your child is in an older class and not the toddler class these teachers might not have any knowledge of it.

Otherwise they need to shadow him and work through his learning how to be around other kids.

Wow! I'm sorry for your pain and for your son's.

What you can do immediately is make any adjustments that will take pressure off your son. So that means a predictable schedule at home, meal times, early bedtime, lots of fluids (school can be dehydrating), very little time in the presence of electronics. Insert calming activities in the schedule (time to talk during every meal with your full attention), book time, etc. Make time in that schedule for whole body activities daily, even a walk with a parent after dinner.

Since you have been working on behaviors on your own, I'd like to suggest that you consider speaking to a therapist about what else you can do.

All my best.

I would listen to them and also work with your son at home on his emotional regulation. For starters, play him the Yo Gabba Gabba song about how you don't bite your friends. Then maybe follow up with the Emotional ABCs, a program you can buy online.

How are you working on it? What is your discipline for aggressive behavior?Not knowing what you've already done it's hard to say.

I would be absolutely furious if my child was bitten that hard. My kids were all firmly disciplined at their first attempts at hitting, biting, etc after a warning at age 2-ish and knew they would never get away with that unscathed. The parents of aggressive kids who were gentle about it really annoyed me. A kid was repeatedly hitting and pushing my son in daycare when he was little and I coached my son to hit back. The kid quit picking on my son when my son knocked him down but moved on and hurt another child before FINALLY (3 chances is too many) being kicked out.

Usually biting's over by around age 3 because kids have the words to express their frustration.

So I would do as you're doing - work on getting him to express his feelings through words.

I would also ask the teachers to separate the boys as much as possible. They can still play together (supervised) but at activity tables for example, get one painting and one doing something else. Your son may find preschool a bit much - maybe ask them to let him have some quiet time (reading corner?) and see if his frustration subsides a bit. If they are proactive in separating them before they tire of each other, that would be best. The other boy is kicking him - so it's both ways. Bites just are nastier.

If it doesn't get any better then talk to your pediatrician. Sometimes biting along with anger issues can be addressed through therapy, etc. if they continue. Your pediatrician would be able to advise.

I would just repeat to your son too that if he continues to bite, it means he'll be asked to stop going to preschool and won't be invited back. And then just praise him when he does use other ways to deal with his frustration. And have the teachers do the same.

Good luck :)